Shadows of St. Louis (9 page)

Indecent Proposal

Henry absentmindedly pushed potatoes around his plate at dinner. He did his best to suppress his happiness over his feelings for Emma.  Happiness was not a common emotion in the Miller family and it would have been an obvious giveaway as to his predicament. He also tried to ignore the penetrating glares from his brother John. He hoped that his brother believed his deception. Henry had assured him repeatedly that he would not pursue Emma Lynn. He hoped it was enough.

"So can you bring someone with you to this dinner on Saturday night?" John asked suddenly.

Henry looked up and stared at his brother weighing his question. What did he mean 'bring someone?' Did John want to come as well? Or was he referring to someone as in a female?

"What do you mean?" Henry asked.

John cleared his throat as he said, "Margaret from next door is about your age. I'm sure she would love to accompany you."

Now it was Henry's turn to glare at his brother. "It's really short notice. I'm sure Margaret has plans."

Mrs. Miller stared back and forth between her two youngest sons. She must have noticed the iciness of Henry's response. "What is the matter with you two? Did you have a fight?"

"I don't know, Henry. Did we?"

Henry didn't respond.

"I just think it's about time our Henry started showing an interest in women," John said to his mother.
"So how about it Henry?
Are there any young ladies that have caught your eye?"

Never in his life had Henry wanted to hurt his brother as much as he did in that second. What was he supposed to say? He couldn't tell his family the truth and he wasn't very skilled at lying.

Thankfully, he didn't need to respond as the sound of the doorbell caught everyone's attention.

"I'll get it!" Willie called, running to the door. The rest of the Miller family followed, all curious to know who would be calling during dinner.

When Willie opened the door, Henry's heart almost stopped. "Rebecca Jane? What are you doing here?"

Mrs. Miller pinched her son. "
Henry, that
is no way to speak to a guest. Rebecca Jane, do come in," she said, adding a hint of an accent, which was her best imitation of a rich person.

"I'm so sorry for interrupting your dinner," Rebecca Jane said upon entering. "I was wondering if I could speak to Henry for a moment."

Rebecca Jane stood in the middle of the small living room surrounded by Henry's three brothers and his parents. All were stunned into silence as to why Rebecca Jane Goodwin would want to speak to him.

Henry felt slightly victorious over John. His parents already thought he was interested in Rebecca Jane due to the dinner invitation. With this visit, they might actually believe the feelings were returned.

After the confused silence in the room became embarrassingly long, Rebecca Jane finally said, "Maybe we could go for a walk?"

"Oh, yes, of course," Henry said, grabbing his hat off the couch.

***

"I don't believe we've ever had a real conversation before," Rebecca Jane began as they made a left onto Duncan Ave.

"We spoke once.
Last month when you wanted to change the milk order."

"Right.
Exactly.
I don't exactly want to talk about milk right now," she said.

Henry nodded, knowing exactly want she wanted to talk about.

"I know you've spoken with Charles and that you now know the truth of our ... heritage," she said carefully.

Henry stopped walking. "I'm not going to tell anyone. I promise. I wouldn't do that."

After stopping as well, Rebecca Jane put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I know that Henry. I know you are an upstanding young man. My ... sister would not have fallen in love with you otherwise."

Henry's heart swelled at just the mention of Emma Lynn's feelings for him.

Rebecca Jane slid her arm through Henry's and continued to walk.

"You must think me a monster for what I've done to her."

"I think you and Charles had very difficult decisions to make."

"That is very generous of you, Henry. I'm inclined to think otherwise. I've treated my own sister like a slave for her entire life. She is going to hate me when she learns the truth."

"When are you going to tell her?" Henry asked, knowing that it would cause his Emma a lot of pain. He wanted to be there for her when the time came.

Instead of answering, Rebecca Jane took a deep breath and said," Do you have a plan for the future? Have you thought about how you and
Emmie
will make a life together?"

"I ... um ... we haven't thought that far in advance."

"I didn't think so."

They walked in silence for a few moments more. Henry could tell Rebecca Jane was trying to decide how to say something.

"I'm in love as well," she said finally. "His name is Clarence. When I'm with him, the world seems to cease." Rebecca Jane had a wistful look in her eyes. He thought she might begin to cry. He knew how she felt. Henry did wonder who this Clarence person was and why he had never heard of him. And why did everyone in town expect Rebecca Jane to marry Frank when she was actually in love with someone named Clarence? Her next words cleared up everything for him. "Clarence is Negro," she said.

"Oh." Henry grabbed his hat off of his head and twisted it around in his hands. He was happy he had gotten it back from Emma Lynn. He actually wanted to sniff it to see if it still smelled like her.

Yes, he knew exactly how Rebecca Jane felt. One second, you felt an uninhibited bliss just thinking about the person you loved and then the next second you felt a profound emptiness because you knew you could never be with that person.

"But I think I've found the solution for both of us," she said. "Marry me."

"What?" Henry said, stopping on the sidewalk again.

"Think about it, Henry. It's perfect. I'll marry you, Emma Lynn marries Clarence. Then we all live together in one home. Only what goes on inside that home is our business."

"You want to create two false marriages just to protect your social position?"

"No, Henry, no.
That's not why. I don't care about social status. I care about Clarence and this is the only way I can have him. My mother is going to force me to marry Frank. I know it. I know how she operates. I can't marry Frank. I hate him. You know what he did to Emma Lynn."

Henry placed his hat back on his head and rubbed his neck in thought. He suddenly felt responsible for both Emma Lynn and Rebecca Jane. After what Frank had done to Emma Lynn, Henry knew what kind of cruel husband Frank would make for Rebecca Jane. He didn't want her to have to live like that. But, on the other hand, this facade would be cruel to his Emma. It would be more lies.  He didn't want to have to live a lie with her. She had been
lied
to her entire life. Why couldn't she just have his true, honest, open love?

"Why can't we just run away and marry who we intend to marry? I thought maybe Emma Lynn and I could go to college," Henry said.

"How would you even afford that?" Rebecca Jane asked. "I have money.
Lots of it.
I’ve been saving every Christmas gift and birthday present for years waiting for my chance to get out of this place. And for the past two years, I’ve been singing with Clarence and making extra money. I can help you if you help me." Rebecca Jane paced the sidewalk for a moment then said, "I've thought about running away. I have.
Dozens of time.
But Clarence is a successful musician here. He is making
an excellent
money for a Negro. He doesn't want to leave the area entirely. I also know that a marriage between the two of us will not be accepted in this town. It will hurt both of us. I don't want to hurt Clarence."

He knew there were other ways of making this marriage work. Running off to college was a possibility that he wasn't going to neglect to consider, but staying in East St. Louis could be even better in some ways. He could be close to his parents and his brothers. He could take another apprenticeship with Dr. Thompson, especially if Rebecca Jane had enough money to pay their bills for a while.

He closed his eyes and let himself imagine coming home every day to his Emma. Being able to hold her, caress her,
love
her. His skin tingled. Something deep inside him came to life. It felt a little like … hope. Rebecca Jane’s proposal was too much of an exciting temptation. He couldn't write off the possibility completely.

"Hypothetically," he said after reveling in his daydream for a moment. "If I were to agree to this, when would you want to do it?"

"Hypothetically, soon.
Very soon.
As soon as possible actually.
If my mother even hints to the idea of marriage to Frank Gibson, I will elope with Clarence before she can finish her sentence."

"I think I should discuss this with Emma," he said.

Rebecca Jane's eyes widened in excitement.
"Really?
You mean you'll consider it?"

He nodded. "If she's willing, then I'll do it."

After taking a deep breath, Rebecca Jane said, "Agreed.
Excellent.
Just not yet.
Don't speak to her about it yet. Charles and I want to be the ones to tell her about her parentage first. Then you can discuss the possible marriage arrangement with her."

Henry let himself feel a flutter of anticipation. Would he actually be able to propose marriage to her? Could he be that brave? "How are you going to tell her?"

Sighing she said, "We may not even have to. As soon as she meets Jesse, she'll know."

Mary Anna

"George, get down here, dear," Elizabeth Goodwin called up the stairs. "Mary Anna and Samuel are here. And they wish to speak with us."

Elizabeth didn't know why her son-in-law insisted on speaking with them so soon. He and Mary Anne had just arrived back in town and hadn't even unpacked. But Samuel was adamant that their conversation take place immediately. A nervous knot grew in Elizabeth's belly. What if he had found out something? What if Mary Anna had let the family secret slip? No, that wasn't possible. Mary Anna had her faults, but she enjoyed her privileged lifestyle. There was no way she would endanger it.

Samuel Edwards had just finished law school when he started taking an interest in Mary Anna. At first the feelings were anything but mutual. Samuel was scrawny, pale, and a bit on the boring side. But when Mary Anna found out that Samuel's father planned on giving him twenty thousand dollars in order to start his own practice, things changed instantly. Mary Anna looked forward to being the rich wife of a lawyer. More importantly, she looked forward to spending Samuel's money.

"What is this about?" George asked upon entering the sitting room.

"We have an announcement to make, Mr. and Mrs. Goodwin. Please have a seat," Samuel said, clasping both hands behind his back. Then he paced the floor several times.

"Well, what is it?" Mrs. Goodwin asked.

"Mother, Samuel has been practicing this speech for two weeks. Please just let him proceed as he wishes." Mary Anna leaned back in her seat as if she was already bored of the conversation. She took one of her long ringlets of hair and wrapped it around her finger. Elizabeth knew from experience that those ringlets took five hours to attain in her daughter's long black hair. On many occasions, Elizabeth had made the sacrifice and curled her daughter’s hair so that she could look her best. Nothing was too much for her precious Mary Anna. Elizabeth had always wished that Mary Anna had come out blond like Charles, but her hair was so long and straight, it was almost just as good. It was close enough to a white woman’s hair texture.

"Very well.
Carry on."

Samuel cleared his throat. "The Bible says that children are an inheritance from God. Well, Mary Anna and I are proud to announce that God has blessed us with such an inheritance."

"What are you saying?" Mrs. Goodwin said.

"My beautiful wife Mary Anna is with child." Samuel reached for his wife's hand and she brushed him away like an annoying fly.

Elizabeth's body went rigid. Her mouth suddenly dry she was unable to speak.

"Are you unhappy about this?" Samuel asked after several moments.

George glanced at his wife, shocked and immobile. "Of course, we are happy for you, son. We only feel you are rather young for having children."

Samuel seemed confused. "I'm twenty-three. Mary Anna is nineteen. Why, when Mrs. Goodwin was the same age she had two children.”

"Samuel, you idiot.
You never discuss a woman's age," Mary Anna said.

"Sorry, my love."

George looked as his wife again. She was still unable to speak. "Samuel, son, why don't we go for a walk?" he offered. "I'm sure the women want to discuss ... women things."

Even after the men left the room, Elizabeth was unable to gather the composure to speak.

"Mother, don't be so dramatic. Just say something."

Elizabeth stood and walked over to her daughter. She reached out and slapped her.

"Mother, what —"

"How could you?" Anger raged within her. Mary Anna had potentially ruined everything. Never in her life did she want to strangle another human being so much. "How many times did I warn you? You can't have children."

"Well, obviously I
can
have children. I'm pregnant Mother."

"Don't sass talk me, girl. You need to remember who you are."

"Oh, I do remember exactly who I am.  I am what you made me.
A dirty Negro."

"Then why would you risk everything by getting pregnant? What happens if the child comes out Negro like Emma Lynn? I taught you how to count the days on your calendar to insure you didn't conceive. Why didn't you listen to me?"

"Oh, mother, you know I was never good with numbers." Mary Anna stood and went to the liquor cabinet.

"Do you think this is some sort of joke? Do you know how serious this is?"

"It is not that serious. I'm mostly white; Samuel is all white. There is no way our child will come out anything but white."

Elizabeth gasped.
"Oh my God.
You don't know about Jesse, do you?"

"Jesse?" Mary Anna asked taking a sip of the drink she had just poured.

"We should have just told you. I don't know why we didn't. Maybe then you would realize how serious this is. You would know what position you're in and in what danger you've put this entire family."

"Who is this Jesse person and what do they have to do with me?"

Suddenly flushed, Elizabeth took an ice cube from the chest on top of the liquor cabinet and held it to her head. "You have to have an abortion," Elizabeth said more to herself than to her daughter. "It's the only way. We'll tell Samuel there was an accident and you lost the baby. We have to get rid of this baby."

"Absolutely not, Mother.
Samuel's parents are overjoyed at the prospect of this child. Do you know they're buying us a bigger house? Oh, it's going to be fabulous. I'll let you help me decorate it, okay?"

Elizabeth knocked the glass out of Mary Anna's hand then grabbed both her shoulders. "You are not having this baby. You are having an abortion and that is final."

"But mother —"

"This conversation is over."