“I just have to talk to you about something,” I truthfully admitted.
“What is it darlin’,” she drawled.
“I don’t think I can work here anymore. I am moving to Seattle for some family stuff going on.” I tried to lie while gritting through my teeth.
“You lyin’. What’s goin’ on girl?” Rita asked completely reading through my lie.
“I just have to move.”
“Well you ain’t!
” she commanded with force, almost scaring me.
“I have to move Rita,
” I repeated trying not to talk about the situation with Ryder.
“Girl, you tell me right now what happened with that boy other
wise I’ll be callin’ him myself,” she said while shoving her fist on the counter.
“Nothing happened. It just turned out he isn’t who he said he was.”
“Now why you say that?” she asked.
“Because he already has someone else. I saw them in together a
nd they were kissing each other,” I hurriedly admitted not knowing what was coming out of my mouth and unable to stop from vomiting the words out.
“Oh girl. There could be a hundred reasons why he was doing that. You ever think you should stop reacting to the moment and take a look around at the situation?”
“What do you even mean?” I questioned.
“Was he kissing her too or was it just her kissing him? Did you ask him what was going on instead of jumping the gun and just assuming something was happening? That could be his damn sister of all we know.”
“They were kissing…on the lips. I highly doubt it was his sister,” I mocked.
“It could be anything girl, don’t take everything for granted right now. You run away from all your fears Harper and you never face them. If you’ll let me be blunt right now I’m about t
o teach you a lesson,” she said matter of fact not letting me even respond, but continuing anyway.
“You run away too fast girl without looking at the road your t
raveling on. Instead of running, open your eyes and look around you. You’re surrounded by friends and a man who I never seen look at anyone since I saw John looking at me years ago. You need to pull up that chin and take a look around because sometimes the grass ain’t much greener on the other side, like they say. Your grass is plenty green here Harper Mae,” she nodded at me and winked, “you’re going to stay here.”
It took me a second to digest what Rita was saying. I did always run away. I knew that about myself, but I don’t know how to face my problems. My problems are too painful to deal with, it’s
just too hard.
“It
’s hard Rita, you don’t understand. It’s really hard to deal with myself.” My head hung low and I thumbed with a piece of paper that was sitting on the counter.
“Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest obstacles to overcome. Go out and beat that obstacle Harper.”
I hesitated for a moment, but once everything sunk in, I actually smiled. An unconscious act, that paralyzed me for a second while realizing what I was doing. I get it now. Life isn’t about the moments that people take away from us; it’s about the moments we make for ourselves.
I could go to Seattle and leave Skye, Rita and the rest of my life here. That is something that would be the easier road to travel, but sometimes making that tough choice is worth all the sacrifices. I want to see Skye get married and plan her wedding with her.
“There are plenty of fish in the sea,” Rita said as if she read my thoughts.
“You
’re right,” I exclaimed, “ I can’t leave Rita. I don’t want to leave. It would be unfair to myself, to Skye and to everything I worked for here.”
“Exactly,” s
he said enveloping me in a hug. “You go talk to that boy Harper, he don’t mean no harm to you. I think he may even love you,” she said with a wink.
If we are doing this whole take the hard road, it was only fair that I gave Ryder a chance to just talk. If nothing came out of the situation, there was closure knowing he was really an ass. Closure from letting myself go with someone and then getting hurt again. There was always going to be someone who will hurt you, it’s more about how you get up and move on from that pain.
What I was doing wasn’t moving on, it was ignoring the pain suffering from irreparable numbness. A solution that wasn’t solving any answers to my problem, but rather just increasing the problems I was creating for myself.
“Okay, I will.”
“What are you waiting for?” she asked.
I looked around the store, not sure if that was a trick question or not.
“The end of the day?” I wondered out loud.
“You go now! Come back tomorrow with the details. A
nd girl, you better come back,” she said ushering me out the door and locking it behind her.
I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Ryder telling him to meet me at my place so we could talk.
As I drove down the interstate, I imagined so many different scenarios for this, but nothing that was happening right now. This was a new Harper--changed Harper--a change that was made for the better.
As I pulled into my apartment complex, I saw Ryder’s car in the visitors spot. I was surprised
he beat me there; I lived rather close to Rita’s shop. I pulled my car into my assigned spot and slowly walked towards him.
Before I reached him, I smoothed out my top and made sure my jeans were properly fastened and zipped. I sighed, knowing that this conversation could make or break how I felt. This whole being brave thing was new to me and I wasn’t sure if I was completely ready for it.
I spotted Ryder standing in front of my door in a pair of dark denim jeans and a v-neck black t-shirt. His hands were forced into his front pockets and he was pacing outside my door, stopping to tap on it every few seconds.
I sighed, knowing this was just an act he was displaying because his real truth was covered up in the woman in the coffee shop.
As I approached and he saw me, his face was broken down and his eyes were large with deep black bags under them. His hair was unwashed and unkempt which was out of the ordinary from his normally slicked back black hair. He looked awful and his aqua blue eyes were tinged darker with a heavy sadness. It looked like he had been crying for most of the night. I didn’t understand why he would care this much if he already was involved in another woman?
“Harper, shit Harper, I am so happy you’re here and you texted me. I can explain I swear…” I cut him off sending my pointer finger to his lips, barely touching his chapped lips with my finger and sending him the universal sign to be quiet.
I shuffled the keys on my key chain and found the one for my apartment as I opened it up and let him in.
“Now you can explain,
” I said motioning to the couch to sit down, wanting to sound as formal as I possibly can so he can’t detect any weakness in my voice.
“Harper,” his voice was weak and desperate as he shifted nervously in the chair trying to clamor to where I was on the other side of the couch, “I swear to you I never meant to hurt you.”
“I told you this would happen. I am only here because of Rita I might add.”
“Bless her right now because I have so much to explain to you.” His voice reeked of solid desperation and his body continued to shift painfully in his seat.
“Start by explaining why you did everything you said you wouldn’t.. Explain why you let me open up to you, listening to my story, then proceeded to fuck me and make me think you actually cared. Then you left the next morning with no note or anything.”
“I didn’t mean to, I was sitting there and heard my phone buzzing and I had to get it. Evelyn was in the hospital and I had to go to her. You are my everything Harper Mae, but Evelyn is my heart and soul. She is my family.”
“That fucking blonde sitting at the café? If it was so important with her why were you both sitting at the coffee shop?!” I screamed at him, my blood boiling into spilling out of my body and I felt like I was about to snap at him.
“I was going to call you after work Harper. The woman you saw wasn’t Evelyn. I know what you saw is bad, really bad but I didn’t kiss her back. I promise you this Harper; I am in love with you. I love the way you look at me with those beautiful brown eyes with passion ignited. I love the way you
r smile sending me chills through the deepest parts of my body and down my spine. I love the way you look so nervous when you first see me, but the moment I come around it’s like your heart visually melts around you and you open up. It’s like seeing a new world around me when I’m with you Harper.” His voice was breathless and almost silent but lilted with anguish.
My body froze in place as if I was stuck in some sort of ice block for years. I had never heard anyone confess something so powerful to me, but I was confused. If he felt like this, why didn’t he show it? I was distressed unsure of what I should be feeling or doing at this moment. No one has ever told me they loved me before, not even Tye. We both sort of assumed it or said it casually in conversation, but never confessed it to each other in an intimate moment like this.
How did I feel about him? That was the most confused part of this whole thing. I was in love with Ryder Andrew Kent. I wanted him to engulf my heart. I wanted him to love me every way possible for every second of my remaining life. I was totally and completely head over heels in love with Ryder.
I echoed Rita in the back of my head. This was one of those crossroads I was forced to be put in and maybe I put myself in it, but I wanted to get answers. I could take the easy road and just throw Ryder out right here and right now vowing never to see him again and ignoring him. Or, I could take the harder road and work through this problem and listen to him explain who Evelyn
is and what happened with that blonde woman. After briefly weighing the pros and cons, it didn’t seem to be a tough decision.
“You h
ave to tell me everything Ryder,” I said as stoic as possible, but letting some weakness seep through the words.
“I will, I swear to you I will do anything possible,” he cried, “can I please come sit next to you and I’ll tell you everything.”
It was secretly kind of adorable to see him this nervous around me, not wanting to even come close to me. I felt like a horrible person, but I sort of liked when he begged; it was kind of sexy.
“Sure,
” I said as he moved closer towards me on the couch. Barely centimeters away from me, I felt the heat grow in my core as his arm slowly touched the top of my knees. I looked up and was greeted by his ocean blue eyes, which was much better than the deeper blue from earlier.
“Before you interrupt me or say anything, let me get this all out. It’s difficult for me to explain and I couldn’t tell you any of this earlier because I wanted you to get to know me for who I am and not for what I have done.”
“Okay…” I declared waiting for him to continue.
He took a couple deep breaths in and looked visually nervous as he circled his thumbs tightly around my knees. His hands braced on my skin
roughly, clinging to me as if I was going to run away from him. His heart was racing which was clear from his frantic tapping of his foot.
“I have to start
at the beginning, is that okay?” he asked hesitantly. He appeared almost as nervous as I was the night before, if not more when I was telling my story of my past. We both had deep secrets and finally when they were coming to surface it felt like an exhilarating nervous fear.
“Go ahead. I am right here,
” I prompted urging him to continue trying to provide support for him.
“Remember how I told you I kind of liked to sleep around when I was in college? I did, but I never told you that I had a girlfriend
all those years. I was a horrible boyfriend to her I know now. She was someone I had known from home and our parents were good friends. It was kind of like we were meant to be together and our future marriage was already planned when we were only two years old. Her family came from old money as well and had made money off the hotel business.”
I interrupted, even though I was told not to, but I wanted to know her name desperately.
“What was her name?” I asked.
“Kylee. I did love her, but I was never in love with her. I wanted other people and other things. I felt like I was on top of the world where my career was just starting. A career that
was always in the limelight with people and I sort of loved it. When I decided to choose football, she sided with my parents, telling me that it was a waste of time. She told me I would surmount to nothing in life.” His voice was bitter and he paused remembering the time where his parents chose their reputation and lives over the happiness of their own son. I felt terrible for him and wanted to hold him, forgetting about the instances of earlier. I let him continue, baring his soul to me, opening up like I opened up to him.
“Kylee let me cheat on her, telling me it was just getting my willies out for when we were married and I never understood that. The fucked up part is that Kylee and I would sleep together too. She was a beautiful woman and will always be in my life in one way or another, but I was never in love with her, Harper. I didn’t know what love felt like until I met you that day at the coffee shop.” His eyes started to water and tears threatened to fall. His hand moved from my knee and fell on my holding my hands with tightness, sending a shiver through my spine at this agonizing act.