Shattered Dreams (16 page)

“
I love you,” I say, trying
to put his sweet face to memory.
 

“
I love you, always and
forever?” he smiles.
 

“
Forever and always,” I
correct
. 

I wake up from my dream and I touch my face
as I remember his touch. A tear slides down my cheek and I close my
eyes. I miss him, terribly. I pull the covers up to my chin and
fall back to sleep.  

When I wake up again, it is
to the sound of James’ train in his room. The sound of giggles
echoes through the otherwise quiet house. I throw on a robe and I
watch the boys from the bedroom door before making some coffee and
breakfast. I look out the window and watch Brooke walk across the
yard in her robe and a coffee mug in hand.
Just like old times,
I think to
myself.  

I open the door with a smile plastered to my
face. 

“
Why are you so happy?” she
grumbles. 

“
Because this is just like
old times. You do know that I have coffee here, so you don’t have
to bring your own coffee cup?” 

“
I know, but I need coffee
first thing in the morning and I don’t remember having to walk
through wet grass before,” she says, smiling. 

“
The walk is a little
different, but the outcome is just as wonderful.” 

“
You’re right, this does
feel like old times. What are your plans today?” 

“
James and I are having
dinner with his grandparents. We are eating out. It’s mine and
Max’s anniversary today. You guys should come.” 

Brooke pulls out a card from
her robe pocket and hands it to me. “Happy
6
^th
anniversary.” 

“
Thank you, you
remembered!” 

“
Of course, I did. October
11
^th
.
I’ll also remember all the times you would repeat that date to Max,
hoping he’d remember it.” 

“
Max loved me, but he was
terrible at remembering dates.”  

“
Where’s
dinner?” 

“
It’s James’ year to pick,
so it’ll probably be at Chuck E. Cheese or at Jump and Fun. You
guys definitely should come. It’ll be more like a birthday party
celebration when James gets done with it. There’ll be a cake and
some balloons.” 

“
Since you put it that way,
we wouldn’t want to miss out on all the fun.” 

The next week at work, Brea pops in and out
throughout the week. She is stressing about her wedding and trying
to get the baby weight off. Angel fills in when Brea is absent.
Work surprisingly is a very relaxed atmosphere. We work hard and
talk freely in our downtime. I finally tell them that I am a widow.
They knew I was a single mom, and I never mentioned that it wasn’t
by choice. People look so sad when they find out my husband is
dead, and they rarely know what to say. It makes them very
uncomfortable. I don’t want that. There isn’t anything anyone can
do or say. ‘I’m sorry’ is usually the best thing to say in the
event of a death.  

On Wednesday a food delivery arrives from
Fast and Fresh Deli that Angel’s boyfriend, Mason, sent for all of
us. I am shocked; Sara tells me not to be: This happens a few times
a month. She adds that they have great boyfriends who obviously are
trying to fatten them up. 

Sara says, “I think it’s obvious that our
boyfriends like big butts.” 

On Saturday, Brooke walks over alone with her
robe on and coffee mug in hand. I see her and smile. I open the
door and wait for her to reach the porch. “Alone this morning, I
see.” 

“
It’s Brice’s turn to make
breakfast. Being a housewife is exhausting.”  

I close the door behind her and we both
laugh. “I’m sure it is. What are your plans today?” 

“
We are taking the boys to
Hunsader Pumpkin Patch today. We want to see if James wants to go.
It won’t be until later because of the heat. Who knew Florida was
so hot?” 

James jumps up and down and says, “Pumpkin,
pumpkin.” 

“
Well, I guess that’s a
yes.” 

“
The boys are over at the
house, James, if you want to go over.” 

“
Yay. May I,
momma?” 

“
Yes, you may. Be nice while
you are over there.” 

“
Yes,
momma.” 

I watch as James runs across our adjoining
yards and walks into Brooke and Brice’s house. 

“
What are your plans
today?” 

“
I have a wedding to go to
tonight. One of the girls who own the insurance company I work at
is getting married.” 

“
Want me to keep
James?” 

“
Mom said she would, but he
might like to stay with the boys.” 

“
James can hang out with us
after we return from the pumpkin patch. Maybe we’ll even watch the
stars tonight.” 

I return from Brea and Vincent’s wedding to
find the boys, Brooke and Brice, lying in the front yard on a
blanket star gazing. I get out of the car, carrying the bride’s
bouquet of flowers that I caught. 

“
I guess I don’t have to ask
who is getting married next.” Brooke laughs.  

“
Ha ha, very funny.” I
remove my heels and join them on the blanket. “Did you find
anything interesting in the sky tonight?” 

“
Yep, it’s a full moon,”
James says, pointing at the moon.  

“
And there’s a puppy dog
right over there,” Braden says, pointing to the right of the
sky. 

“
Ah, I see it. Very
good.” 

“
Did you find the brightest
star?” I ask. “Actually, it’s not a star — it's the planet
Venus.” 

“
It’s over there.” James
points. 

“
How was the wedding?”
Brice
asks and tilts his head back to see
me. 

“
It was wonderful. They had
it at the Sarasota Botanical Gardens. It was so
beautiful.” 

We lie there and watch the stars in the sky.
I find the Big and Little Dipper and James says he sees a cat. We
all stand and I pick up the blanket and shake it. “Thank you for
watching him. I appreciate it.” 

“
No problem, we were glad to
help. Goodnight, Boo, I love you.” 

“
I love you, too. Forever
and always.” 

James and I get up and meet both sets of
grandparents for breakfast. Since I moved out of my parents’ home,
they claim they don’t see him enough. I am very fortunate that my
parents and Max’s parents get along.  

I tell them, “James and I are going to Lowes
and buy some fruit trees to plant in the yard when we are
done.” 

“
Oh, that’ll be good for
him. What kind are you planning on getting?” 

“
Oranges for sure and maybe
a lemon and a grapefruit tree, too. I want fruit that we can
use.” 

“
That’s a wonderful idea.
Call me and I’ll be over to plant them for you,” my dad
says. 

“
Call me, too, I’ve been
wanting to cut those tree limbs back some. They are hanging too low
in your driveway,” Danny says, reaching for his cell
phone. 

“
I noticed that, too,” dad
says.  

“
Are you guys spying on me?”
I ask. 

“
Spying? No, I wouldn’t call
it spying. Would you call it spying, Gene?” 

“
No, Danny, I wouldn’t call
it spying either. More like looking after your and James’
wellbeing.” My dad smiles.  

“
Yes, that’s it.” Danny
laughs. 

“
Thank you both, but James
and I are fine. We are both taking taekwondo
together.” 

“
You are? Since
when?” 

“
Since last
week.” 

“
We’re ninjas, grandma,”
James says, seriously. 

“
I can see that.” Mom
smiles.  

“
Brooke’s two boys take it
and James seems to like it. It’s good exercise, so I thought I
would try it.” 

“
Good for you, my daughter
and grandson, the ninjas,” Mom jokes and James
smiles. 

“
We need to go and pick out
some fruit trees.” 

We all stand from the table and walk out of
Peaches Restaurant together. We all kiss and hug and once James is
fastened into his booster seat we head to Lowes.  

After carefully selecting the perfect trees,
we head home. Dad and Danny are in the yard, cutting the grass and
trimming trees and bushes. I pull into the driveway and the tree
limbs that usually scrape the top of my car are
gone.  

When dad and Danny see me, they shut off the
lawn mower and power hedgers. James and I get the tall fruit trees
out of the trunk of the car, and Dad greets us first by taking the
tree from me.  

“
Here, let me get
that.” 

Danny comes up and removes the other two
trees from the trunk. James takes my hand and I close the trunk of
the car. 

“
We can get that,” I
state. 

“
I know you can; get the
shovel and we’ll meet you in the backyard,” Danny says, following
my dad to the backyard. 

“
Um, I don’t have a shovel,”
I say.  

“
We know, come on,” dad says
and they both laugh. “You can watch.” 

James and I follow them to
the backyard and then we decide on the perfect location for the
fruit trees. Danny digs a hole and explains to James that it needs
to be deep enough and wide enough for the tree to grow. Dad
explains about the tree roots needing room to
grow. 

After the trees are all planted and they
finish cutting the grass, we have iced tea on the lanai. James and
I bought trees that were already bearing fruit so we wouldn’t have
to wait years to harvest it. James shows his grandfathers what he
is learning in taekwondo — especially the correct way to
kick.  

Alec

I watch Emma get into her car and pull off
before Raelynn and I leave.  

I tell Raelynn, “My little girl advanced
today, congratulations.” 

“
Thank you, daddy,” she
says, scooting her little body back into the
seat.  

I reach over and make sure her seatbelt is
secure before fastening mine. “How about we go out for dinner and
dessert to celebrate.” 

“
Yay, can we have ice
cream?” 

“
Since it’s a special
occasion, we can have whatever you want,
Raelynn.”  

After dinner, dessert, and bath, I kneel with
Raelynn beside her bed for her nightly prayers. She always ends her
prayers with ‘God Bless Mommy and Daddy.’ I swear every time I hear
those words I get choked up. I tuck her in bed and hug her as
tightly as I can without hurting her. Raelynn is my pride and joy.
“Sweet dreams,” I say, standing up from her bed. 

“
Sweet dreams, daddy,” she
says rolling over and pulling the covers up to her
chin.  

I turn off her bedroom light
and leave her door slightly ajar. I shower and then have a beer
before heading to bed. Thinking back on the day, Emma comes to
mind. I asked Karen, who works the front desk, what James’ last
name was. Now I have my laptop opened as I sit on the lanai.
Is it spying if I look up her husband?
I already know he was killed in action. I drum my
fingers across the table before typing “Max Greyson US Army” in the
search engine. Several newspaper articles come up in the results. I
scroll through until I decide to click on one. I read one before I
click on another article, then another. I see some photos of
Sergeant Maxwell Greyson, and some photos of his memorial service.
I see a picture of Emma dressed in all black holding an infant
child.
James.
 

I shut down the computer and
decide I need another beer. James was a baby when his father died.
He has no memory of his father — Emma was widowed very young. It
must have been devastating for her. I lock up and kiss Raelynn
before heading to bed. I pick up the picture of Molly and me and
stare at her beautiful face.
Happier
times.
What I wouldn’t do to be at that
place again in my life.  

It’s Thanksgiving before I know it. Since
it’s just Raelynn and me, I dread the holidays. Molly’s mom and dad
and I are still on good terms. I make sure they see Raelynn and get
her on holidays. She’ll go to Molly’s mom and dad’s first for
Thanksgiving, then we’ll go over to my parents for Thanksgiving
dinner, later.  

I go to work and work a few hours while
Raelynn visits her grandparents. It’s a holiday and thankfully it’s
slow. Dr. Saturday wanted to have dinner with his son, since he was
home from college, so I offered to fill in for him. Sadly, I didn’t
have anything better to do. I shower at work after my shift, then
head over to pick up Raelynn.  

We arrive at my parents’ house, which is full
of people.  

“
Daddy, I’m going to go play
with the kids,” Raelynn announces excitedly. 

“
Rae, say hi to everyone
first. Ok?” 

“
Ok,
daddy.” 

I have two brothers and a sister and they all
have kids, or are expecting one. I walk further into the house and
the guys are all sitting on the overstuffed furniture watching
football. My brother, Dakota, is holding his son Noah. Once I greet
my brothers, Blake and Dakota, and my brother-in-law, Ian, I walk
into the kitchen where I know dad and the girls will be. My dad is
always where the food is. After dinner you can find my dad watching
the game. When it’s time for cleanup, he’ll disappear. It’s a
tradition he is firm in keeping.