Shattered Dreams (12 page)

1. 
Go to Disney World and stay to watch the
fireworks.
 

2. Have a picnic at
Myakka Park and watch the alligators swim.
 

3. Stand under that
kissing statue and see if she is wearing panties. (I always wanted
to, but was too embarrassed to.)
 

4. Take a dinner
cruise at sunset.
 

5. Drink beer at
Epcot.
 

6. Lie outside in our
yard and star gaze.
 

7. Build the biggest
and best sand castle on Siesta Key Beach, ever.
 

8. Learn to sail
(without James).
 

9. Go to Halloween
Horror Nights and ride the roller coasters at night, drunk (again,
without James). 
 

10. Have a huge party
with the platoon and celebrate our
freedom. 
 

11. Live each and
every day like it’s your last.
 

12. I want my wife to
always be loved, to always be happy and to always be treated the
way she deserves. 
 

I miss you and I love you,
always and forever.
 

P.S. Kiss our son and tell
him, each and every day, how much I love him. I’ll be home soon.
Max.
 

We both sniffle and I wipe the tears away.
“What do you think?” 

“
About the
letter?” 

“
Do you want to go to Disney
World tomorrow and watch the fireworks?” 

“
I’m on vacation. I’ll do
whatever you want to do.” 

“
Disney World it is. James
will be excited.” 

I open a few more letters
and read them before I come across one for James. I hold it up for
Brooke to see. “It’s for James. It says on the back to open on his
18
^th
birthday. This sounds like Max knew he wasn’t going to make it
out of there alive.” 

“
I know that Max said he was
bored over there, but the stories the guys told when they returned
tell what Max left out. Brice said they had long periods of down
time with intervals of chaos.” 

“
I’m sure they did. Max
would never want me to worry. The letter with the list of things he
wants to do in Florida
.
I think it’s his bucket
list.”  

“
You know, if Max didn’t go
into that building alone, none of our troops would have come home
alive. Max really is a hero. Brice still has nightmares about being
over there. He wanted so many times to talk to you, to call you,
but he has so much guilt. He doesn’t know what to
say.” 

I watch her through blurred vision from my
tears. She sniffles and I know she is crying, too.  

“
Is that why no one has
stayed in touch with me?” My nose tingles and tears continue to
stream down my face, and I can’t stop them. I grab a few tissues
for me and hand the box over to Brooke.  

“
I can’t speak for them, but
I know they all suffer from survivors’ guilt. Brice wishes he would
or could have done something to save Max. He would do anything to
change the events of that dreadful day.” 

“
Brooke, it not his fault,
or anyone’s fault, that Max lost his life
,
except the person who set the booby
trap.” I close the box and stack it back in the corner of the room.
“It’s sad, and no one can change that. James and I are moving on
and everyone else needs to as well. Max would want that. Do you
still keep in touch with everyone?” 

“
Brice does, for sure.
Why?” 

“
Just asking, it looks like
I need to get everyone together and throw a
party.” 

“
Let me know when; we can
plan a party like no other. Oh, you should do it on July
4
^th
. No
better time to celebrate our freedom than on Independence
Day.” 

“
Brooke? That is a great
idea. It would be easier if you lived closer.” We both laugh at the
ridiculousness of her living right beside me again. “Hey, if we go
to Disney World tomorrow, we’ll need some Mickey Mouse
shirts.” 

“
All I need is a Mickey
Mouse bikini,” Brooks says, laughing. 

“
You are not getting a
Mickey Mouse bikini.” 

“
If I want Mickey’s ears to
cover my boobs, I can. I’m on vacation and I can do whatever I
want. I’ll look like a tourist.” 

“
Come on, vacation girl.
Let’s get James from school and go shopping for some Mickey Mouse
gear. And tourists
do not
dress like that!” 

Brooke

“
James, guess what I found
today?” Emma asks, excitedly. 

“
My rock? Did you find my
lost rock?” 

“
I did. I found it in my
purse. I also found something else.” 

“
My car?” 

 “
No, but, I did find a
box of letters from your daddy.” 

“
You did?” 

“
I did, and I found a letter
he wrote for you.” 

“
Will you read it to
me?” 

“
I would, but daddy wants
you to wait until you’re older to read it.” 

“
I have to put it with my
other letters from daddy.” 

“
I already
did.” 

“
Other letters?” I
ask. 

“
Once the letters started
coming in from Max, Max would write me and he would also write to
James. Some of James’ letters he wanted opened up on milestone
dates, such as his birthday or holidays.”  

“
Momma and I call them
‘letters from heaven,’ huh, Momma?” 

“
We sure do,
James.” 

Later that night, Emma gets a blanket and we
lie in the backyard star gazing. Emma points out to James some of
the star constellations. James points out a group of stars that
looks like a doggie and we all laugh. I see a shooting star and
tell James to make a wish. I explain shooting stars are supposed to
bring good luck. He closes his eyes tightly and opens them when he
is done. 

James points out the brightest star in the
sky and says he thinks that’s his daddy watching down on us. I
swear I get goose bumps because I believe our loved ones who have
passed before us, can and do look after us.  

Emma smiles, “James, I think you are right.
Daddy is an angel and he is probably the brightest star in the
sky.” 

The next day we get up early and go to Disney
World wearing our matching Mickey Mouse shirts. James wanted
everyone to wear matching shirts. We have a great time and ride
every ride James can and wants to ride. Emma splurges and makes
sure this is a day James will remember. She laughs and is
carefree. 

Just before dark we wait near the fence for
the fireworks to begin.  

“
Momma, did you see that
great big firework?” 

“
I did, it was
beautiful.” 

“
Daddy would like
this.” 

“
Yes, James, I think he
would, too. He told me to bring you here in one of his letters he
wrote.” 

“
Daddy loves me, huh,
momma?” 

“
He sure does, forever and
always.” 

After the fireworks we take turns carrying a
sleeping James to the ferry boat and then to the car. Once we are
in the car, Emma looks over and smiles. “That was fun.” 

“
It sure
was.” 

She looks up at the sky and mouths, “Thank
you,” before pulling out into traffic.  

Once we are on the highway heading home, I
look over at Emma and ask, “Do you like living in
Florida?” 

“
I do. I love it here,
why?” 

“
Just asking. What do you
like about it?” 

“
Well, for one, my family is
here. The weather is beautiful year round, and we always have
something to do. James is surrounded by people who love
him.” 

“
What about
friends?” 

“
Well, since Max’s death,
our friends have been scarce.” 

“
Really?” 

“
I’m afraid so, I think
people feel bad and aren’t quite sure what to say to us and it’s
hard to make friends as an adult.” 

Once we are home, I go outside and call
Brice. I talk to him and check on my boys several times a day.
Tonight, I feel the need to talk to him.  

“
Brooke, is everything all
right?” 

“
It’s fine. I just wanted to
talk to you.” 

“
We miss
you.” 

“
Me, too, how are the
boys?” 

“
Good, they’re at grandma’s
because I have work in the morning. How’s your
visit?” 

“
Good, Emma finally bought a
house. It’s perfect for her and James. Max told her to take James
to Disney World to see the fireworks, so we did that today. We
actually just got home.” 

“
Wait? What? Max told
her?” 

“
It’s the oddest thing. We
were going through some of Max’s things and there was a box of
unopened letters from Max. She opened some of them and one was
almost like a bucket list of 11 or 12 things he wanted to do with
her. Max even wrote James letters with instructions of when he is
supposed to open them.” 

“
That son of a
gun.” 

“
What?” 

“
When we were in the Middle
East, I told him I didn’t think we would make it out alive and he
kept smiling and laughing, saying this was child’s play. All along
he knew we may not make it.”  

“
That sounds just like
him.” 

“
Yes, Brooke. It sure does.
So on the list was to spend the day at Disney World,
huh?” 

“
Yeah, and to stay and watch
the fireworks. How are you and work?” 

“
It’s fine, dad still wants
to retire and have me take over the business. His best friend,
Jack, also wants to take it over. I’m not even sure this is the
business I want to be in. Brooke, I’m not even sure this is the
best place for us. Other than our family, there isn’t much here for
us.” 

“
I know what you mean. We’ll
have to talk about this when I get home. Don’t worry, we’ll figure
something out.
I need to get back in there
with Emma.” 

“
I love you; have fun and
hurry home.” 

“
Good night, Boo. I love
you.” 

Chapter Four: Moving Forward

Emma

While Brooke is outside on
her phone, I take the box of mail into my bedroom to begin to sort
through it. It’s been four years, and I had no idea these letters
were even here. I know the first year I lived in a blur: a fog.
Everyone in Max’s platoon sent letters of condolence, some
mentioned happy memories of Max and some mentioned memories of the
way Max led the squad and always inspired them
.
The next two years I spent going
back to school full-time and this past year I spent trying to
decide the best road for James and me. Thankfully Max left us money
and we also get survivors benefits; James and I will get a monthly
check.
I lived with my parents so money
wasn’t an issue. 

A knock sounds at my door before it opens
slowly. “May I come in?” 

“
Come on, you don’t have to
ask.” 

Brooke slowly walks into the room and sits at
the foot of the bed. 

“
Everything all right at
home?” 

“
Fine, what are you
doing?” 

“
Just walking down memory
lane.” 

“
How is
it?” 

“
Full of memories,” I
giggle. “Did you pack these away, too? I don’t know how I didn’t
know these were here, until now.” 

“
After the memorial service
and you moved out, there was a large mail delivery for you and I
just mailed it with some other items that was left behind to the
forwarding address your mom gave me.” 

“
Look at this stack of
letters for James.” 

Brooke picks up the 12 or 15 letters and
smiles. “He wants them all opened on different birthdays. It’s like
he knew he wasn’t coming home.” 

“
I know. It gives me chills,
thinking about it. There are even some letters for me from his
platoon.” 

Brooke looks through the opened stack of
letters and finds one from Brice. “May I?” 

I look at the letter she is holding up.
“Please.” 

She removes the letter from the envelope and
carefully unfolds it.  

Emma and James, Words
cannot express my heartfelt sadness at Max’s passing. To know I was
there with him and couldn’t do anything for him will forever haunt
me. Emma, he was my hero and the noblest man I knew. He kept the
morale up when we were at our lowest. To know him makes me a better
person. He spoke of you and James daily and talked of the wonderful
life he had planned for you both when he returned home. Max died
saving his entire platoon. He walked into a booby-trapped building
to check for its safety. He must have triggered a wire and that’s
when the bomb detonated. Emma, I owe him my life. If you need
anything, anything at all, please let me know. I loved him like my
brother and I love you and James like family.
Brice.