Shattered Rose (15 page)

My pace slowed back down to a reasonable jog, and I could feel the tension start to evaporate off my shoulders. I was going to have a great day and was not going to give Jake one more thought.  

The time in the lab went by pretty quickly, mostly because I kept thinking about Parker. After weeks of feeling hopeless and lost, I was starting to feel there might be a future. I could see my path in front of me again, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Parker had anything to with it. I dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come knowing it was absurd when I had just met him.

The buzzer dinged on the last sample, and I went through the testing steps again, thinking of how cumbersome this thesis must be for Dr. Davis’ student. I guess I’d be irritable all the time too if this were my life.

I logged out in the book and headed to the library, trying to psych myself into wanting to study for Thermo. I knew I couldn’t recover from my grade, but I figured the more I learned this semester, the better I’d be for next term.

I found my favorite table in the corner, got each of my books and papers set up exactly how I liked them
, and sat down. For some reason, though, I couldn’t concentrate. Maybe my brain needed a break. I did just spend the last four hours studying in the lab. I grabbed my backpack, leaving my books set up at the table. No one in his or her right mind would take that Thermo book.

I started walking around the library, not sure what I was looking for until I realized I had gone up to the third floor where all the medical references were located. I convinced myself that I was seeking out Sheila, eager to meet the woman Parker so admired, but deep down I knew I was hoping to run into him.

I looked around the room and saw him there, leaning over the counter talking with someone. He looked exactly the same: jeans, a black t-shirt and his typical smile that made the whole world seem right. My reaction to him was so different. I didn’t feel nervous or lose all control of my mind and body. Instead, I felt a comfort in his consistency and strangely self-assured.

He caught a glimpse of me and waved me over. He seemed genuinely glad to see me as he gave me a sideways hug when I walked up.

“What a wonderful surprise! Avery, this is Sheila,” he said proudly as if to validate everything he had told me about her. I smiled and shook her hand. She was a pretty woman in her mid thirties who had dark skin and was fairly petite. Her face was full of character in such a way that you knew she had been through a lot in her life.

“It
’s nice to meet you,” I replied. “Parker here is your biggest fan.”

She smiled warmly at him and waved her hand a
s if to bat away the compliment. “He’s not so bad either, although I get nothing done when he’s here.  This one’s a talker, let me tell you.” Parker pretended to be hurt, and we all laughed, knowing she was exactly right. We said our goodbyes, and Parker walked me over to his table.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I interjected, suddenly feeling unsure about being so bold in seeking him out.

“Are you kidding? You’re the best thing I’ve seen all day. Anatomy is about to suck the life out of my brain.” I looked at his table and saw papers everywhere. It was a stark difference to my perfectly organized study setup.

“How can you even study in this mess?” I asked as we sat down, humor apparent in my voice.

“I have a method to my madness, I promise. You just can’t see it with the naked eye.” His eyes had a little sparkle in them as if he was enjoying our bantering, and I wondered to myself how I’d never noticed how special his eyes were before. They were a dark midnight blue making a dramatic contrast with the white of his eyes.

“Really?” I continued playfully. “So, where I can I pick up the super
spidey glasses that make sense of all this riffraff?

“Are you calling my notes riffraff? I am violently offended. Just for that, you are forced to stay here with me as I muddle through this mess.”

I thought it was cute how he asked me to stay in such an clever way. His easy mannerism and humor always had a way of making me feel special and wanted.

“Well sir, my books are downstairs, so I will have to get a pass
in order to retrieve them.”

“I guess that is a valid reason, but since you are a flight risk, I insist on escorting you to the area. Agreed?”

I laughed and stood, acting resigned to my punishment. We walked downstairs, continuing to banter as I grabbed my things. As I suspected, no one had gone near my book.

“I must warn you, though, Thermo as been known to put me in a very bad mood.” There was definitely truth to that comment.

He leaned into to me as we were walking and whispered in my ear. “Then I’ll just have to be extra charming today.” I smiled up at him, thinking I’d never seen him be anything but charming since we met.

We made our way back to his study table
, and he cleared a space for me by moving all of his notes into a pile. I had to look away from the chaos, focusing instead on getting my system set up again. Parker was watching me with fascination.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. It’s just you are so careful about where you set everything. It’s interesting.”

“It’s obsessive, but it’s the only way I can do it. Must be my control
freak self coming out to play.  You’ve met her before. She’s the one who always seems to lose her mind when she feels powerless in a situation.” My voice was full of sarcasm, but Parker still picked up on the truth of it.  I always seemed to say too much with him.

“Like at dinner the other night?” he offered, the mood suddenly shifting from fun to serious.

“Yeah, like at dinner the other night,” I agreed quietly, using my pen to draw a perfectly square box on my notebook.

“So you and Jake, did you date?”

I could tell he was being careful with his questions, trying to gage the situation without looking too nosey. I figured we were going to have this conversation eventually, so I may as well get it over with. “Date may be a strong word for it. We went out for a while, off and on. Things just didn’t work out.” I knew I was being cryptic and not fully honest, but I didn’t really feel like telling him the extent of my feelings for Jake.

“How long was it ‘off and on’ for?”

“Not long, really, just this semester. It’s really not a big deal. We just haven’t found our way back to being ‘just friends’ again.”

His face appeared skeptical, but he dropped it all the same, opting instead to make a joke about something he had to memorize for class. I watched him as he studied and wondered how he learned anything. He was constantly fidgeting or messing with his papers. About every fifteen minutes, he would come up with something to ask me or would start telling me something interesting about what he was learning.

I looked at him, feigning exasperation. “I’m not going to get anything done like this!”

“Sorry. I’m a loud studier. I’m done. Not another word.” He made the motion like he was locking his mouth and throwing away the key. I shook my head affectionately and then returned to my books, starting again in chapter one. Back to the basics, I had decided.

I was on my fifth problem in the chapter when Parker leaned over and drew a little smiley face on my paper with the word “hi” underneath it. I looked up, and he was looking at me expectantly, almost like a lost little puppy.

“I’ve never seen anyone with such concentration. That was the longest half hour of my life.”  I couldn’t help but laugh. I had a whole new appreciation for what Shelia was talking about.

“Let’s get some air,” he offered.

Parker and I always seemed to do our best talking outside.
The fresh air seemed to rejuvenate both of us. The quad was normally packed with students, but today the entire place belonged to only us.

“So, any big plans for Thanksgiving?” he asked as we found a nice spot on the grass and sat down.

“Well, I’ve been suckered into going to Issy’s house to be a buffer between her and her dad. I’m not especially looking forward to it.” I didn’t mention the fact that Jake would be there as well, not wanting to revisit our earlier conversation.

“It
’s nice of you to go, though. I get the sense that Issy is lonely.”

I
looked at him like he was crazy. “Issy? The girl literally has a phone call or text every second, and I’m not exaggerating. She is anything but lonely.”

“Huh. Maybe
your’re right. I just got that vibe the other day. Of course, popularity doesn’t necessarily equate to friendships. It just means you know lots of people.”

I pondered that thought for a minute and then dismissed it, remembering how easily she had dumped Danny the minute she had no more use for him. There was no way that
Issy was lonely. Thinking of Danny reminded me of how easily Jake had discarded me, and I decided I wanted to change the subject. “What about you? Are you going home?” 

“Oh yeah, or the wrath of my mom would overtake me! Actually, I really do love Thanksgiving…almost as much as Christmas, but not quite.” He had a sparkle in his eyes like he was reliving fun, family memories.  “We usually have lots of family over and watch football. We also have our annual football game in the afternoon, which can get pretty intense.”

“How so?”

“Well, my mom has two brothers, so between all of us, there are eight testosterone filled guys on the field, and it can get competitive. My first broken bone came from one of those games…I was twelve.”

“You’re kidding! What did you break?”

“My finger.” I started laughing at him. “Ok, so it wasn’t a major injury, but it hurt all the same.” He bumped me with his shoulder and
laid back on the grass, covering his eyes to shield from the sun.

“This is one of my favorite things to do. Just lay here in the quad and soak up the heat,” he explained. I followed suit and
laid down next to him. I had seen students do this a lot, but never took the time myself to come out here. I always had somewhere I needed to be or something on my mind that I needed to do. Truth was, it was really hard for me to just be still.

The sun felt warm on my face
, and I could feel the grass through the back of my shirt. It smelled like summer, even though it was cold. The scent of the fresh grass took me back to being a kid, when life was so full of promise and excitement, and part of me wanted to stay there forever.

“I can see why you like it. Do you do this a lot?” I was curious about his thought process. He was so different from anyone I knew.

“I don’t know. It seems to come and go in waves. I enjoy just being still and letting the world stop around me for a moment. It brings me clarity and focus.”

“Is there something you need clarity on now?” I asked.

He rolled over to his side in response and rested on his elbow. I followed suit and faced him so he would know I was listening.

“Well, there’s this girl I met that I can’t seem to get out of my head.” His voice was playful, but I got the sense he was being serious, and my pulse started to pick up.

“Really?” I teased. “And why can’t you get her out of your head?”

He inched himself closer to me, and looked at me deep in my eyes. His look wasn’t intense or sensual, just appreciative. “You see, she’s spectacular, and even more amazing, she doesn’t know it yet.” He leaned in slowly as he spoke and kissed me. It was soft and careful, and only lasted a few seconds, but I felt my stomach flutter when he pulled back and smiled at me. His eyes were full of care and concern, and I felt goose bumps cover my entire body. 

“You’re not so bad yourself,” I whispered, returning his smile. We continued to lay on our backs and Parker’s hand moved over to mine to hold it.  Parker was right; there was something very calming about sitting still and even more so about his presence. The comfort level I had with him seemed impossible, and yet here I was, feeling a serenity that surpassed my wildest expectations.

“Lord, I pray your strength be upon her and that you will rescue her when she needs it from the mouth of the lion. I pray she is able to stand firm and put her hope in your unfailing love.”

11. thanksgiving

Today was Thursday. I sat up in bed, dread covering me like a blanket and realized that I would have to be especially on guard today.  The last few days were like a nice dream. I would run in the morning, work in the lab, and then meet Parker at the library to study. We would talk about our families and what we wanted for the future. I learned that the Air Force was paying for his school, and that they were also sending him to Medical School after graduation. Since Winsor didn’t have an active unit at the school, he would drive to Charlotte once a month and meet with a unit there.

I smiled as I thought about how careful Parker always was with me, whether it was holding my hand or stealing a kiss now and then, he always did so with such consideration. He made me feel precious and valued, like his world revolved around making sure I knew how special I was to him.