Shhh...Mack's Side (25 page)

“I’m s
orry, Mack,” Gia sincerely apologized, smiling weakly. 

“Me
, too, Gia. Me, too. Where is Mr. Nichols? What are we supposed to say?”

“Nothing. Not one word. We don’t remember.”

“And you think that’s going to work? They’re going to question him. We’ve been missing for weeks.”

“Who said we were missing? Nobody reported me missing. Did they you?”

That made me sad. I disappeared for almost a month, and nobody missed me. “They’re going to go right to him, Gia. We need a better story. Where have we been for weeks? We look like we’ve been to hell and back.”

“We have. Look, don’t read more into it than it needs to be, Mack. I called you up for help. You’re my friend. You wanted to help me. You didn’t want me to kill myself drinking. We set out with a tent, away from civilization and alcohol. The GPS stopped working when we got
off main roads. I was trying to detox. No biggie. It’s none of their business.
We don’t have to answer anything. We’re just two friends who took on more than they could chew. The alcohol you brought kept me going until the last week when you ran out. You got hurt, trying to get me help. Simple. In one paragraph,” Gia explained. She’d thought this through.

“Damn, girl. That’s good. Even coming from you,” I teased. She was right. Nobody reported us missing. We were in Charlotte
, North Carolina. These people didn’t know we were the two girls raped by their teacher almost nine years ago. It was just a simple trip between two friends. I felt a little silly, freaking out about it. Hoping I hadn’t made us look suspicious, I tried to hear what Gia was saying.

“Oh my god! It wasn’t a dream. She’s here. She’s alive,” I finally remembered. Cara was there. Only she wasn’t Cara. What was it Gia called her?
What was her name? “Mom? Oh my god, Mom,” I said, walking to her. “Dad. You’re here,” I affirmed. They both embraced me. It was them. They were really there. I tried to relish them, promising to never take them for granted again, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my little girl. Gia knew. She ran right up to Gia. Kyle had her. Kyle had my baby this whole time.

“McKenzie. What happened to you?”

“I was trying to help Gia. She’s sick.”

“When? How? I didn’t think you talked to her anymore.”

“I don’t much. Mom. I may need some help.”

“Of course.
Are you on drugs, sweetie?”

I laughed and then I cried. My emotions were all over the place. My hysterical laughter turned in
to sobs. It was unfathomable. She was alive and I loved her so much. I knew from their prospective I had to look like I was losing it. I was and I wasn’t. My brain was only trying to keep up. My baby was alive. I saw her. I saw Kyle. Why? Why didn’t Gia tell me?

I must have passed out when I saw them walk into Gianna’s room. Kyle. He was right there. He had our baby girl. It was real. I knew it was.

“No! I’m fine,” I screamed, realizing what was going on. I didn’t feel crazy. This wasn’t about crazy. “No, I need to be awake,” I fought. I fought hard, kicking and screaming for my life. With everything in me, I fought. I felt the sting in my hip, my limbs go limp, and my body being maneuvered back to my bed. The last thing I saw was my parents, embracing each other. My mom stared at me with hurt and confusion while tears streaked her eyes. Black tears of mascara ran down her face. I’m sorry, Mom.

My throat hurt when I woke from my
medically induced coma. It was dark and the only lights were coming from the parking lot below and the dimmed one above my head. “Can I have a drink?” I asked the nurse. She checked my vitals while I sipped the water.

“How are you feeling, better?”

“Yes, thank you,” I raspingly replied, clearing my throat. She left me and I turned my head, staring out at the dark night. Where did I go from here? What did I do now? I’d seen movies where mothers got their kids back after abandoning them. I wouldn’t take her from Kyle, but I wanted her, too. Melanie might be a problem. The anger that instantly surged my blood, thinking about my baby calling her mommy, was overwhelming. I wouldn’t allow that. I didn’t care that she may be the only mother she’s ever known. She was mine. Not Melanie’s.

“She reminds me a lot of you.”

“Kyle?” I asked, sitting up. Three in the morning was the first thing I noticed when I looked at his silhouette. Fluorescent lights, reflected behind him, creating a halo effect.

“How you doing?”

“Humph, I have no idea. You went for her. How did you know?”

“Gia called me.”

I sat up, frowning and straightening my posture. “Gia?” Oh my god. If she knew about my baby and let me go all these years without telling me she was okay, I was going to be pissed all over again. That was just cruel.

“AJ
Fleming called her.”

“Why?”
I didn’t get it. AJ called Gia?

“She was sick. She needed a blood transfusion.
AJ wasn’t a match. He wasn’t a match to even be her father. He called Gia, desperate to find you. Gia went. She saved her. Her little body rejected everything they tried, everything but Gia’s blood.”

“Gia did that?”

“Yes, but, I’d like for her to talk to you about that. It’s not really my story to tell.”

“She’s okay?”

“She’s doing magnificent. Doesn’t even need the other surgery they were anticipating when she’s four. She’s great, Mack.”

“What’s her name, Kyle?”

“Abigail Kinley Edwards.”

“Did you name her?”

“Nah, you did. Remember when you and Gia were six and you had that dumb birthday party with the dolls? You named your baby Abigail.”

“We were seven. It took me a week to name her. Gia named hers Trixie after a puppy we played with at the park,” I smiled, remembering. “I name
d her Abigail because it meant—”

“A father’s joy.”

“You remember that?”

“Yes. I remember,” he softly spoke, picking my hand up and placing it in his.

I couldn’t help it. The tears slid down my face. Both cheeks were flooded with years of longing for something that was there all along. Kyle sat on the side of my bed and embraced me. God he felt good. Homey. That’s how he felt. Like a comfort I’d never ever find again.

“I’m sorry. I just. I thought she
was...”

“Shhh, she’s not. She’s happy and healthy and so smart. She’s just like you, McKenzie. She is so stinking smart. Too smart sometimes,” he chuckled. I snorted
, too.

“Do you have pictures?”

“Are you kidding? She’s a little ham. She’s always posing. Look at this. This was this morning. She lifts her foot in the air and says, ‘Take my picture, Daddy.’ That’s her new thing. I have pictures of teddy bears, blocks, books, and a gazillion of her. She’s a performer.”

“I don’t want her to be a performer,” I admitted. I didn’t want her to compete in anything. I snorted again, seeing the picture of
Abigail, laying on the floor on her belly with her arms straight out, forming fish lips with her mouth.

“She was swimming,” Kyle explained, tucking my hair behind my ear. I felt him watching as I took my time, soaking in every picture on his phone. She was the prettiest little thing I’d ever seen.

“We make pretty kids.”

“Why didn’t you come to me, Mack?”

“Things were complicated, Kyle. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to come between you and Melanie any more than I already had.”

“I would have been there.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” I admitted, smiling at the little honeybee Halloween costume.

“Is she with Melanie now?” I asked, handing his phone back.

Kyle removed his wallet and handed me a wallet sized photo. Abigail was holding an American flag, dressed in a red, white, and blue sundress. She was smiling a very toothy grin.

“That’s the best we could get. That’s her fake smile when you tell her to smile. Look familiar?” he teased. My mother had the same photos of me.
I could never just naturally smile. I was fine as long as I wasn’t told to smile, but as soon as I was told to smile, it turned to plastic.

“Thanks, Kyle,” I said, holding the photo that I already cherished. She was so cute. I could look at her for hours.

“You’re welcome, Mack.”

He knew I was thanking him for going after her not the photo. “Is Melanie good to her? I mean
, I can imagine how hard this is for her.”

“Mel is fine with it. She left us two years ago.”

“She did?”

“She tried. She really did. I have to give her credit. She just couldn’t love her the way I wanted her to. The way I needed her to.”

Wow. Kyle and Melanie got a divorce. I caused that, too. Gia must really hate me.

“Gia?”

“Gia is great with her. She doesn’t see her as much as I’d like for her to, but when she does, she’s awesome with her. Look at her. Who couldn’t fall in love with her?”

“True. She’s contagious. I want to see her, Kyle. I need to see her. I need her in my life.”

“Okay, Mack. We’ll work on it. Let’s make sure you’re okay first. Baby steps.”

“When can I see her?”

“You have to tell your parents first, McKenzie. They have a right to know.”

“You have death wish?” I asked, knowing he was
right. I had to tell my parents that they were grandparents and Kyle Edwards was the father. I wondered if I could pay Mr. Nichols to take me back. How was I supposed to do that? Tell my mom? Dr. Longhand…. I need another shot. One that last for a few years.

“You tell your parents in the morning, and
if you’re not dead by afternoon, I’ll bring her in.”

“I’m being released in the morning.” How did I know that? I didn’t remember anyone telling me. Oh. It was after they thought I was losing my mind. I was fading when I heard
the Dr. with the long hand tell my mother to let me rest a few hours. If everything checked out in the morning, he’d release me to my parents. “Kyle where do you live?” I didn’t know where to go from here. I couldn’t go to New York. Not if Abigail wasn’t there.

“Pittsburg, but don’t worry about that. We’ll work something out. We’re only about two hours from your parents.”

Two hours. That was too far. I wanted to be closer. Pittsburg was a big city. I’d get a job with a local newspaper or something. I wasn’t living two hours away from her. Breathing in long, deep breaths, I tried to calm myself. I had to stay grounded. It wasn’t a choice anymore. It was a necessity.

“I can’t leave here without seeing her. I need to see her, Kyle. Where is she?”

“She’s sleeping in the waiting room.”

“She is? Oh my god, Kyle. Are you married again? Is she with her?”

Kyle snickered and took my hand. I pulled it away. I couldn’t take that. Not now. No way. I would crack. “She’s with the nurse.”

“You left our daughter with a total stranger?” Even I wasn’t that dumb.

“She’s really not a stranger. She’s been talking their ears off for hours. They’ve been great with her. I told you everyone loves her. They have even been taking turns helping her go to the bathroom. One of the nurses was reading to her when she conked out. She insisted that I go get coffee and walk around.”

“And you came to see me? Kyle?”

“Yeah?”

“You could have gotten in touch with me
, too. You could have told me she was okay.”

“I was furious with you. You had our baby without telling me, and then you left her. I didn’t think you deserved her.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know.”

“There’s a lot that I do know. Let’s not worry about that right now. Let’s get you and Gia better before we throw fuel on the fire.”

I studied his face. He looked away with a knowing look. “When did you know?”

“
The second month of the trial,” Kyle admitted.

My eyebrows rose. “Why didn’t you stop us?”

“It was too late. A wildfire burning out of control. I loved you, and I loved Gia. I couldn’t.”

“How did you know?”

“You had just gotten off the stand. You were crying, shaking all over. You stormed out of the courtroom and ran into the bathroom. I followed you. You clung to me like your life depended on it. You remember that, Mack? You cried over and over that you didn’t mean it. You didn’t mean for it to get this far. Your mom knocked on the door and you told her to leave you alone. I held you in my arms and slid down the wall, trying to hold you together. I would have done anything for you, Mack. I just didn’t know how.”

Wow. There were so many dark secrets. Secrets that everyone had a reason to keep.

“You did enough. You went after our baby. I could never thank you enough for that.”

“You don’t have to thank me for her. I love her so much, McKenzie.”

“That makes me extremely happy.”

“Just one question
, though.”

“Hmm?”

“Did you really think AJ wasn’t going to figure out that she was as white as you?”

I smiled on that one. “I thought I had three more months to break it to him.”

He nodded but didn’t say anything.

“Kyle?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know what this is all for, what’s the purpose, where do I even fit, where does any of us fit? I don’t kn
ow—”

“McKenzie. Stop. Don’t think, just rest and get better. We’ll talk in a few hours. Don’t
do this to yourself. You don’t have to decide anything right this second. Try to get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow.”

I tried to rest. I couldn’t.
That’s the one thing I couldn’t get people to understand, I never could. I didn’t think. I felt. I was feeling too much that I was trying to keep a hold on and I couldn’t stop staring at the photo. I loved her so much and the guilt that incased my entire being was overwhelming. I left her. I left her alone in that hospital.

“I can give you something to sleep if you want,” a nurse offered.

“Huh? Oh, no thank you. I’m okay.”

“You haven’t eaten much. Would you like a snack?”

“What am I on?”

“Excuse me?”

“I mean meds. What are you giving me?”

“Do you feel like you need something?”

“No. No. That’s why I’m asking. I feel clearer than I have in weeks.”

The nurse smiled and patted my hand after checking my pulse. “You’re on the same meds your doctor had you
on in New York. She talked to Dr. Longhand. You’re okay now.”

Lila? I wanted to talk to Lila. “Did anyone find my cell
phone?” I asked, hopeful.

“Hmm, let’s see,” the nurse opened my closet, retrieving my dead phone.
Mr. Nichols must have made sure I had it. “I have a charger at the nurses’ station. I’ll bring it to you.”

Powering on my phone
, the nurse left me alone. I checked the messages that I didn’t have. There was only two from my mother and two back to her from Mr. Nichols.

“Thank you for calling the Reason Clinic. Our regular off
ice hours—”

Click

It was late. I shouldn’t call her at home, but she always told me that I could. I could just let it ring twice and hang up. Sitting up straighter, I strolled through my contacts. My contacts of New York. My career that anyone would be proud of, except me.