Shifting Gears (Crossroads Series Book 2) (28 page)

“Do you have any Easy Ride?” Rod tensed up at Landon’s voice from behind him.

“No. It’s been recalled. They discovered that whoever used it became an unruly bastard.”

“At least I now have an excuse for my behavior,” Landon said and Rod sighed.

He hadn’t expected this. He’d wanted Landon to come back, but hadn’t expected it. “In a way, you do. Your dad coming back is life changing. I get that.”
So why couldn’t you let me in?

“I don’t have an excuse for the way I treated you.”

He closed his eyes, let the words seep into him. He’d needed to hear that. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, but it was true.

Rod turned to look at him—at his dark hair and painful eyes. The downward curve of his lips and his strong jaw. He was so damned beautiful it hurt.

“I know I was too big an asshole to deserve this, but I’m asking for it from you anyway. Talk to me. Let me explain.” He held up a pizza box. It was then that Rod noticed the cast on his right hand. “I brought you dinner. It’s cold. I’ve been waiting in the car until your employee let me know you’d be going to dinner. I didn’t want to miss you.”

What the hell? “You called and spied on me?”

“I did. I told her I was an asshole, but an asshole who was in love with you. That I wanted to talk to you and asked that she let me know when it was your dinnertime. Don’t be mad at her. It was my fault.”

“I know,” Rod told him. Landon’s eyes dimmed, the frown deepened. “Let’s go.”

He led Landon to his office, closing the door behind him. “What did you do to your hand?” he asked. He wanted to kiss it, to make sure Landon was okay.

“Punched a wall. I don’t recommend it.” He set the pizza down. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for walking away from you. For not understanding the position you were in. Jesus, that had to be a struggle for you, but I was so damn angry at him. So scared and confused. When he came back, I felt like my world was crumbling and all I could think of was you, that I needed you to put it back together again. I need you to hold me together.”

Rod started, “I—”

“No, please let me finish. I needed you because I love you. When I realized you knew, I shut down, because I’m a fake. I’ve told you how many fucking times to let me in? To give us a chance? But really the whole time I think I was waiting for it to fall apart too. I was waiting to become them. Waiting for us to become those people who hurt each other over and over, so I did it the first chance I got. I became them and I walked away and I’m so fucking sorry for that.”

The tremble in Landon’s voice echoed in Rod’s head. He was open and honest in his raw pain. “Your world had just been tipped on its axis. I understood that. It was eating me alive to keep that from you, but I didn’t know what to do, Landon. I don’t always have the answers. None of us do. Sometimes we just have to do our best and hope like hell it’s the right thing.”

Landon nodded. “I needed you. I just wanted you to hold me. To tell me it would be okay, but you couldn’t. All you said was you knew this would happen. I didn’t know what to do with that. I still don’t.”

Rod sighed, fighting every single fiber of his being that wanted him to go to Landon, to hold him. To forget everything that happened. “I believed that. Maybe a part of me still does, but I’m trying not to. We’re going to learn as we go. We’re doing something we’ve never done. We’re opening ourselves up. It’s not going to be perfect.”

Landon opened his mouth to speak, but Rod held up his hand. It was his turn to get out what he needed to say. “I went out. I was out almost every night you were gone—drinking and clubbing.”

Landon leaned against Rod’s desk, gripping the edge with his good hand. Fire blazed in his eyes, but he just nodded, waiting for Rod to continue.

“I told myself I was going to party, fuck who I wanted, when I wanted. I’d show you I didn’t want you. I’d show you I didn’t need you. I’d go back to being alone and not needing anyone, but I couldn’t do it. I realized I didn’t want anyone but you, so I just got drunk every fucking night. And then I got angry at you, because I didn’t deserve to hurt like that. Neither of us did. But Jesus, that’s life isn’t it? It’s like you said, all we can do is ride it out, live it and see what happens. I realized I want to do that living with you, because I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be loved. The question is, did you realize you deserve the same thing?”

“I did. Christ, I fucking did. Come here.” Landon grabbed Rod and pulled him close. Landon’s ass rested on the edge of the desk, Rod between his legs as they held each other. “I felt like I was in neutral without you. I could pull the throttle, but I couldn’t take off.”

Rod smiled. “Oh, motorcycle talk. I like it. We can do it together. We’ll get a feel for the clutch just like you said. We’re just shifting gears. That’s it.”

“Jesus, that was hot. I didn’t know I’d like motorcycle speak on you, too.”

“Baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet. I printed out a whole list of motorcycle terms. Studied for the test too. I was going to show you what you were missin’ if I saw you again.”

Landon laughed, but his typical happiness wasn’t there. He buried his face in Rod’s neck. “Will you go with me? When I go to talk to my dad for the first time, will you go? I…I need you there.”

Maybe a part of Rod needed to be there as well. Needing someone didn’t always mean you’d get hurt. Sometimes, it built you up, too. “Yeah…yeah, I will. I think it’s important, Landon. I wish I had the chance to see my dad, to prove him wrong about who I am. To show him that someone could love me.” But he would never get that chance. He just had to work through it all himself…with Landon by his side.

“I know. You’re right. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Rod leaned back. He grabbed Landon’s broken hand, kissing each of his fingers. “I know. We’ll be okay. I love you.”

Landon’s arms encircled him, the cast rubbing against his back. “I love you too. I missed you. I almost lost my mind when you said you’d gone out. I can’t handle the thought of anyone touching you but me.”

Rod smiled. “Nope. I had to do all the touching while you were gone. It’s not the same anymore. You’ve ruined self-enjoyment for me. I don’t know if I can forgive you for that,” he teased.

He pulled back enough that he could look down at Landon, who rolled his eyes at him. “I’ll make it up to you. I can’t wait to go home with you. I’m going to hold you all fucking night.”

Rod cocked a brow at him. “I hope that’s not the only thing you plan on doing with me.”

With a smile tilting his lips, Landon shrugged. “Guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

Rod crossed his arms, feigning annoyance, but really, he couldn’t fucking wait for this and everything else the future held for them.

His dad and Justin had been renting a small, one-bedroom house. They’d needed a home base when Landon’s dad had decided to come back for Landon and Shanen.

His brother, Christ that was still weird to say, slept on the sofa in the living room.

From what Landon’s mom told him, his dad was okay for now. The chemo gave him the time he needed to get his affairs in order and apparently getting to know Shanen and Landon was part of that.

It wouldn’t work forever. They weren’t sure how much longer his quality of life would be as good as it was now. Soon, he would likely stop treatments, which would make him feel better in the time he had left.

Jesus. How fucking fair was that? He’d just gotten his father back, but it wouldn’t be for long.

He was still angry at him. Still hurting. He didn’t know if he could forgive him, but he needed to try. He needed to try for himself, and in a roundabout way, for Rod, because it wasn’t something he could ever do. Landon thought a part of Rod might need Landon to fix his relationship with his father, since he never could.

“This is it, right? This is the address Joy gave us?” Rod asked him as they pulled up in front of the small complex. He’d spoken to his mom and they made their peace. He didn’t agree with her decision to keep Justin and his dad away from him, but he’d gotten over it. Sometimes you just had to force yourself to get over shit in your life, or it would rot away inside you until you couldn’t be saved.

He did worry that she’d forgiven him so easily, and was so involved with helping take care of him, because of her fear of being alone, but he’d told her how he felt, and that’s all he could do. She had to decide what was best for her.

“Yeah,” Landon answered him. “This is it.”

Rod parked and they got out of the car. Landon took a few deep breaths, trying to prepare himself for this. It helped when Rod grabbed his hand.

Justin stood at the door waiting for them. He nodded at Landon and then walked away, leaving him alone with their father.

No, not alone. He had Rod.

“You can do this,” Rod whispered, and he could. He knew he could.

They walked into the apartment to see his dad sitting on a chair. He had an oxygen tank, and somehow looked even skinnier than the last time Landon had seen him.

“Thank you for coming,” he said.

“Why?” That was all Landon needed to know. Why?

He looked like his bones couldn’t even hold him up, the sadness weighed him down. “I don’t know. I was young, and stupid. I thought I had forever. The longer I stayed away, the harder it became to think about coming back. Eventually, I told myself it was too late, and that you were better off without me. It’s all bullshit. I fucked up. I was wrong. I was a coward, and I will die knowing that. I will regret walking away from you and your sister every day of my life.”

Somehow…that was enough. No, Landon didn’t forgive him. He didn’t know how close they would ever be, but it was his answer, and he wouldn’t let himself dwell on the past forever. He wouldn’t let himself rot from the inside out. He wouldn’t have the same regrets his dad did. “I don’t know if I can forgive you. I don’t know how much of myself I can give…but I’ll try. I accept what you said, because there’s no changing the past, and I’ll try. Is that enough for you?”

His dad nodded. A tear leaked from his eye and rolled down his cheek. “I’ll take whatever you can give me.”

He returned the nod and damned if he wasn’t crying too.

Landon pulled Rod closer. “I’d like to formally introduce you to my partner, Rod. Rod, this is Larry.” He wasn’t ready to call him his father yet.

Rod stepped forward, and they shook hands. “It’s nice to meet you again, Larry.”

“You as well. Thank you for being there for my boy.” He nodded at the table. “Would you like to sit down? Maybe we can get to know each other a little bit. Can you tell me about your bikes, Landon?”

That he could do. He and Rod sat at the yellow, square table with the man he never thought he would see again.

“I have an R1 and a Switchback. We bought Rod an 883. He’s just learning to ride.” Landon paused, unsure. It wasn’t until Rod reached over and put his hand on Landon’s that he found the courage to continue. “What about you? Did you still ride after you left?”

It wasn’t perfect, but it was a start. That’s all you could do sometimes, jump in and start somewhere. The pieces would fall together, or they wouldn’t. Life was funny that way. The only thing you could do is keep going because as short as it was, life was also pretty fucking incredible.

No matter what happened, as long as he had Rod by his side, he knew everything would be okay. 

THE END

KEEP READING FOR BONUS CONTENT

Dear Reader,

Considering Rod’s job and that fact that he’s a self-proclaimed lover of toys, I’d originally planned to have a scene in the book where they got to play around with a few things. I thought it would work for both Rod and Landon, but as I wrote their book, it just didn’t fit anywhere inside their story. There was never a good time for another love scene, and the extra play didn’t really fit into their current scenes.

I’m a huge fan of a good love scene just like the next person, but it’s also important to me not to throw random sex within the content of the story, just to have another sex scene.

So, I decided to add a little bonus content in. I hope you don’t mind. LOL.

That way those who want to read it, can, and those who are content without it, won’t be missing a vital part of the story if they don’t read.

Here’s a little fun between Rod and Landon! It takes place after the end of the book.

***

It wasn’t a secret that Rod liked ass play, and today, he was in the mood to play.

He’d faked a need for pizza flavored chips and chocolate milk, and while Landon groaned and complained about it, his guy had still gotten up to go for him.

The second Landon was out the door, Rod jetted for the en suite and got ready as quickly as possible. He finished off by adding black eyeliner to his eyes, before racing back to the bedroom. As he laid out everything he wanted to use for them to play, he heard the front door open. “Shit, shit, shit,” he mumbled to himself, before lying naked on their bed.

“I have your stuff, you weirdo!” Landon called from the living room, laughter in his voice.