Authors: Ariana Hawkes
“Let’s see it,” Christian said. She gave him a withering look, as if he’d asked an inappropriate question. In reality, she was too shy of her body to show it to them, which was a shame, because it was a beautiful tattoo.
“Let’s see yours,” she countered.
“Maybe I don’t have any,” Christian said, flashing her a wicked grin. It was a sexy grin, more accurately. She gave an involuntary shudder. It was a good thing they were just friends. In another lifetime, she’d be turning to Jell-O right now.
“The next round of drinks says you have at least two each,” she said, looking from one to the other, a challenge in her eyes.
Christian was the first to lift up his shirt, and she had to clench her jaw to stop her mouth from falling open. His abs were even more incredible than in the photos he’d showed her earlier that day, and she had an obscure urge to run her fingers along them.
Say something, idiot
, she told herself.
Or he’s going to notice your reaction.
“Been pumping some iron, Christian?” she said, and immediately cringed.
You could have said anything but that!
“Ha! Nope. It’s all natural. Cultivated from many hours spent hunting in the woods and building houses for clan members.”
“Oh,” was the only thing she was capable of saying.
That went well. I can’t even comfort myself that his muscle tone is all about vanity.
She felt worse than ever about her lack of passion for exercise. And then he lifted his shirt up higher, revealing his pecs, with a large tattoo covering the right one.
“Wow,” she said, making out that it was the tattoo that had startled her. Well, in a way it had. It was beautiful. She frowned. It hadn’t been there in the photos. “Why a phoenix?” she said, aware that her mouth was more than a little dry.
“I only had it done a month ago, at a little place in Hope Valley. I wanted something that would symbolize rebirth, and the tattooist suggested a phoenix – a mythical bird that rises from the ashes.” Now that they were talking about it, Jessica allowed herself to stare unashamedly at his pecs. The bird’s tail curled around his flat brown nipple, in a way that seemed suggestive, at least to her eyes. She wondered how his nipple would feel under her tongue, and then she mentally slapped herself.
Oh my gosh.
What wrong, perverted thought just fizzled in my brain?
She took a slug of her beer.
He has nice nipples, that’s all. They’re objectively appealing to me.
She could even say that she had a thing for men’s nipples. Her last boyfriend didn’t have nice nipples – too pink and hairy – and it had been a long time since she’d seen ones she liked.
“Where’s your other one?” she said quickly.
“It’s right on my bicep, but I can’t show you right now unless I pull my shirt off.” He gazed around the bar, as if wondering if that would be inappropriate.
“I’ll take your word for it. You can show me at a later date,” she said, flustered enough already without Christian revealing his torso in its entirety. She turned to Lucas, aware that she’d been ignoring him for the past few minutes, and was shocked to see a flash of jealousy in his eyes.
Did he notice my – purely physical – reaction to Christian’s physique
? she wondered. If so, she should make it up to him. She hated the thought of there being any tension between the three of them.
“Let’s see yours,” she said. Lucas didn’t worry about social niceties. He pulled his t-shirt right over his head and turned to face the opposite direction. His entire back was covered in a beautiful, complex design, consisting of lots of different, yet harmonious elements, a lot like her ribcage tattoo.
“It’s kind of a work in progress,” he said, over his shoulder. “I keep adding to it every time I have a significant experience.”
“It’s really cool,” she murmured, picking out some of the individual elements. “Do you have any more?” He turned back to face her.
“Maybe,” he said with a grin. “But I can’t show you right now.” He picked up his t-shirt and put it back on. Jessica glanced at the people sitting at tables nearby, but no-one seemed to think it was odd that a guy had just taken off his shirt in the middle of a bar.
“Your turn, Jess. Lucas has practically stripped for you. It’s the least you can do,” Christian said. His voice was harsher than usual, and she blinked at him, startled. She took a deep breath.
What does it matter if they think I’m too curvy? We’re just friends
, she told herself.
“Ok, but you’d better pay attention, because I’m not going to show you for long. Ready?” They both nodded, wearing identical expressions of intense concentration. She straightened her body as much as possible, to minimize the softness of her waist, took hold of the bottom of her shirt, and pulled up the left side of it, before dropping it back down again just as quickly.
“Beautiful,” they both said in unison.
“I love the unicorn and the mermaid, and the little trail of stars at the bottom,” Lucas said.
“The buffalo skull with the roses and the dragonfly are really cool too,” Christian said. “And the frangipani. That’s your favorite flower, right?” She gasped.
“How did you guys see all that in one second?” she said. Lucas gave a deep, rumbly laugh.
“Because we’re bears. We don’t just see the surface of things, we see different layers. So when we see an image, it’s like having a photograph instantly stored in our brains.”
“I forgot that you shifters have super-human abilities,” she said with a groan.
So much for giving them a quick glimpse
.
“Yup. And while we already have heightened vision and sense of smell compared to humans, but when we’re in our bear form, they’re off the scale,” Christian said.
“That’s enough to make a girl feel uncomfortable,” she said.
“Why?” they said, brows furrowed in incomprehension.
“Don’t the girls you date get freaked out that there’s no hiding anything from you?” They looked at each other.
“The humans we’ve dated haven’t known that we’re shifters,” Lucas said.
“Oh, of course. You can’t tell them unless you discover that they’re your mate, right?”
“Right. That’s why we signed up to Shiftr. We want to date girls who already know about shifters. It was the only way we could date humans while keeping our promise to our families.”
“Have you completed your profiles yet?”
“No,” they both said, looking sheepish, and she saw Christian flash Lucas a surprised glance.
“Come on, that’s the best bit. If you knew how many hours I’ve put into constructing the algorithm to help show you guys the best possible matches –”
“I know. I’ll do it first thing. I just got waylaid this afternoon,” Lucas said.
“Same here,” Christian said. “Are you on the app, Jess?”
“No!” she said with a laugh.
“Why not?” She opened her mouth and closed it again.
“I don’t – it’s just for clients,” she stammered.
“Are you saying you don’t want to be with a shifter?” Lucas said, bumping her with his shoulder.
“I hadn’t thought about it,” she admitted.
“But how is that possible when you work with shifters all day?” he said, but in a light tone, so she knew he wasn’t being serious.
“Don’t like the thought of being with an animal?” Christian said in a growly voice. “Are we too much for you?” She blushed.
“Stop! I don’t know. I haven’t been here long, and I think I’ve just been too obsessed with making a good impression and building the best app I can that I haven’t had time to think about dating.” The guys nodded.
“Well, I think it’s time to fix that right now, Jessica Schmidt,” Christian said.
“Unless it’s something to do with your family?” Lucas cut in. She shook her head.
“No. Deep down, my family are a good bunch. But we’re different enough that I’d put my own needs ahead of what they expect from me. It’s got nothing to do with me not wanting to be with a shifter, and everything to do with me being busy and a little overawed at moving somewhere different. But I’ll ask Tamika if I can sign up tomorrow, I promise.”
“That’s the spirit,” Christian said in a quaint English accent, making everyone laugh. “Now, isn’t it your turn to get the drinks in, old chap?” he slapped Lucas on the knee.
“Going,” Lucas replied, getting to his feet.
When he returned soon afterwards with a tray of shots, the other two groaned.
“Turns out it’s happy hour, two for one,” he said.
After that, things became a little blurry, and the last thing Jessica remembered was the guys bundling her into a taxi and walking off into the night.
The following evening, Christian returned from the fire station where he’d been doing training drills all day with the other new recruits. He was beat. He loved the feeling of being physically tired, his muscles aching and worn out from a full day’s work. The other guys were shifters too, so they’d been able to put maximum effort into their exercises, instead of working at 50% of their full capacity to prevent humans from noticing their incredible strength. It was difficult pretending to be less strong than you were. He’d dealt with it ever since he was a small kid, and his parents had lectured him about the dangers of revealing his nature to humans, but it never got any easier. He lay down on his bed, groaning as the firm mattress received his tired body. He still had a slight headache from the night before. Damn Lucas and the two rounds of shots he’d bought half way through the night. And damn Jess for buying another round of beers on top of it. It had been worth it though, he thought, massaging his temples. It was so much fun to see Jessica again and catch up on their lives. She hadn’t changed much; she was still the same lovely, smart, funny girl she’d always been. Generally, Christian described himself as a guy’s guy. He didn’t have too many female friends, but Jessica was different. He’d always had the sense that she completed him, and it was only last night that he understood how much of himself had been missing over the last ten years.
At the thought of her, his bear let off a drawn-out purr, which twisted his belly into a knot of discomfort. He shouldn’t be thinking about her like that. But he couldn’t help it. She’d gotten even prettier over the years, her long bangs perfectly setting off those huge brown eyes. Her lips had become redder and fuller, and her adorable teenage chubbiness had matured into dangerous curves, that had looked so tempting in that low-cut shirt she was wearing last night.
Haven’t you always wanted to be more than friends though?
he asked himself.
He sighed. His Big Secret wasn’t the only thing he’d never told Lucas. There was something else. He knew the truth about why he and Lucas had been taken away from England. They had to leave because his parents had noticed that he was getting too close to Jessica. He hoped that Lucas would never find out. He felt so guilty. His feelings had betrayed both Lucas’ and her friendship – and that was the last thing he wanted to do to the two best friends he’d ever had. He remembered overhearing his parents talking a week before they’d left for the US. His mother was telling his father how much time they were spending together, and he was saying that he didn’t like it one bit.
“The next thing we know, we’re going to be standing in one of those human churches, watching and clapping while he walks her down the aisle, all dressed up in white lace,”
he remembered his father saying in disgust.
“Over my dead body. There’s no way he’s going to be married, like just another feckless human man. I’m going to take him away and make sure he grows up like the shifter he is, and doesn’t forget his responsibilities.”
“But where are we going to go?”
his mother said, her voice full of tension.
“To the US. To Wynter Hollow. I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now, and this is just the ammunition I needed to make it happen.”
His mother had fallen silent. She was a strong woman, but she never disobeyed his father, who was an overbearing, authoritarian character. Christian’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he thought his parents were going to hear it from the next room.
Go to the US? Permanently? Leave Jessica behind?
It couldn’t happen.
“We should call the McCoys, see if they want to come too. Joseph has been saying for a long time now that he doesn’t want to bring his kids up around humans. And I know that Lucas is also close with Jessica. Who knows what they’re getting up to when we’re not around.”
“Gregory, are you sure they’re not all just good friends? I’ve never seen anything inappropriate going on,” his mother said. Christian’s stomach churned. He could hardly believe what he was hearing. He held his breath and crossed his fingers and toes while he waited for his father to speak again.
“I know it’s more than just friendship, Rowan. I’ve seen the way Christian looks at her. I’ve been keeping a close eye on them ever since they were kids because they’ve always been so close, and she’s an attractive girl – for a human, anyway. I can’t take the risk of them getting together and ruining Christian’s chances of a successful meeting with another shifter from a good family. And that’s that. We leave next week. Call Lucas’s family, and let’s start getting our things packed up.” There was a repressed gasp from his mother. Christian knew that she’d be clamping her hand over her mouth to prevent herself from venting the emotions she was feeling. He pressed his hand over his own mouth to stifle a sob as he felt his whole world collapsing around him. How could this be happening? London, his life, his friends. Jessica! All the things he cared about were going to be taken away from him. And there was nothing he could do about it, because he was just a kid. He wanted to punch the wall, to storm into the room and shake his father, explain how much he’d be damaging him by taking them away from London. He wanted to shake his mother too, force her to stand up to his father. How could they do this to him? How could they deprive him of all of his friends, of Jessica, after what he’s been through when Jay died? He wanted to scream, and shout, and run away.
But he did none of those things. When his father had made up his mind, that was it. He was nothing if not resolute. Christian went up to his room, sat on the bed, and thought hard. But he couldn’t think; he was bursting with all these feelings. He was panicking. He had to tell Lucas and Jessica. And he didn’t know which of them he should tell first. At last, he climbed down the drain pipe outside his window, and sprinted all the way to Jessica’s house to give her the news.
But when he arrived at her place and looked up at her window, he stopped. He couldn’t tell her he was leaving, because he’d have to explain that he was a shifter. And, even worse than that, he’d have to explain exactly why his parents were taking him away. Jessica could never find out how he felt about her. He looked up at her window and wanted to howl with grief. How could his parents be so cruel? So pragmatic? He’d long since come to terms with the fact that she was off limits as a girlfriend, because Lucas meant too much to him to jeopardize their friendship, and he was content to have her as a friend. But as a friend she couldn’t have been more precious to him. She was the brightest part of his life, her sunny personality warming everybody she came into contact with. The thought of life without her seemed too dull to contemplate. Should he tell Lucas now? He already felt bad that he’d chosen to tell Jessica first, when Lucas was also in danger of being dragged away from London. But he hadn’t been able to help himself. Jessica was the first person he thought of, morning, noon and night. What would he even tell Lucas? Not the truth, because he could never admit how he felt about Jessica.
While he was thinking and gazing absently up at Jessica’s window, she suddenly appeared. She didn’t see him right away, but looked out at the view dreamily, her chin propped up on her elbows. He could have watched her like that for hours. She had such a beautiful, inquisitive soul, and he loved to observe her while she was in the process of thinking.
She looked down, as if she’d felt his eyes on her.
“Hey!” he called, his voice unnaturally chipper. She looked happy to see him, a broad grin lighting her pretty features.
“Hey, yourself. Want to come up and play Superball X with me?” she called. He scaled the ivy and was in her room a moment later. Unusually, she’d changed out of her school uniform and was wearing a light summer dress.
“You look nice,” he said.
“Ugh. I’ve got a wedding to attend and I was trying out some options, but I got bored half way through, and started composing song lyrics instead. Why are you standing there like that?” Christian jerked out of his frozen position. He’d been fighting an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her hair. Instead, he scrubbed his knuckles on her head.
“Because I’m preparing myself to kick your ass, squirt!” he said, and plunked himself down on a beanbag in front of her video game console.
They stayed together long into the night, playing, talking, laughing. He felt so happy in her presence, so complete and understood, and the thought that he was going to leave all of this behind, never see Jessica again, was killing him. Half of him was light with euphoria, and the other half was screaming in pain and frustration. The truth was that Jessica was the only other person in the world, besides Jay, with whom he had felt such a strong and profound connection. The person who could hear his words even when he wasn’t speaking; the person who inspired him to be a better person. He had never spoken to her about Jay’s death, but he knew that she understood, and just having her in his life made him feel that his pain was shared. She gave him the strength to cope with his loss, to not fall apart, for his parents’ sake. Lucas was his best friend, too, but their connection was different. There were things he could never share with Lucas, things he knew Jessica understood and felt as well. And there he was, having one of the last nights in his life with the single most important person in the world for him. He wanted to hug her and tell her how much she meant to him. But no, he couldn’t. He couldn’t tell her he was leaving. He’d break her heart. He had to be strong again. For her.
And so he didn’t tell Jessica, or Lucas. Luckily, the way his parents snatched him away in the middle of the night was so shocking and miserable that he didn’t have to fake being traumatized when he met the emotional and freaked-out Lucas on the plane.
Christian rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He still felt guilty at keeping a secret from his best friends, but he’d been so confused by his attraction for Jessica that it had seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
It’s all in the past now,
he reminded himself.
And we’re all back together.
It was funny. They’d been apart for so long, but last night it felt like no time had passed at all. They were having fun and teasing each other exactly like they used to.
Even as a teenager, he’d known that what they’d had together was special, and as an adult, having had many more friendships in the meantime, it was even more so. And that was why he needed to put all inappropriate thoughts of Jessica aside and find his mate as fast as possible.
The app opened, displaying the thumbnails again. His bear purred encouragement, and before he knew it, he was tapping and scrolling again.
Then he stopped. He needed to be systematic about this; he needed to start by answering all the questions, as Jessica had directed him to. Right on cue, an alert popped up saying, ‘Are you ready to reveal all?’ His chest clenched. He was never a fan of revealing all his secrets. He had to make sure that the people he confided in were people who could understand him. He took a deep breath.
Okay, here goes
. And then he laughed.
Early bird or night owl?
was the first question. As he worked through each question, a grin kept pulling at his lips. He’d expected to be asked a lot of dry questions, but they were mostly fun, quirky and teasing. He felt Jessica’s presence in quite a few of them. She’d said that she’d invented some of the questions, explaining that people’s answers were less important than the way that they tallied with the answers of their potential matches.
“Describe your ideal match in five words,”
one of the questions said. He smirked. He only needed one: Jessica. She would be the best mate ever. If only she wasn’t a human, and basically his sister.
He took his time getting to the end. Like everything else in life, he thought there was no point doing something unless you gave it your all.
When he was finished half an hour later, and the app was busy calculating his matches, he rested his phone on his chest and gazed up at the ceiling feeling relaxed. He felt more like he’d been having a chat with Jessica, like they used to have in their teens, when their talk was all about their hopes and dreams for the future, than being clinically analyzed. The phone vibrated and he picked it up.
Welcome to your matches!
It announced perkily. An unexpected burst of excitement fluttered in his chest. He was looking forward to this. He scrolled to the thumbnails on his home screen. When he saw that the top one was accompanied by a little green badge that said ‘100% compatibility rating’, his heart sped up. The girl in the photo was turned away from the camera, her face three-quarters hidden by a sweep of long dark hair. He clicked on the thumbnail, impatient to see the other photos of his 100% match.