SHIVER: 13 Sexy Tales of Humor and Horror (14 page)

I glare at Morgan. “I told you—I bought the right size!”

“Sure you did,” she says with just a bit of sarcasm.

Billie waves her hands in the air to motion me off the bed. “Whatever. Let’s get this shit done. I haven’t even started on the Kryptonite margarita mix yet.”

I waddle myself off the bed like a beached sea lion. When I’m finally upright Billie shakes her head as she bites her lip. “Well, that’s attractive.”

“Gives new meaning to muffin top, right?” Morgan says to her.

“Would you friggin’ cut it with the muffin top stuff! If we can just get this thing up higher it won’t be an issue.”

“Calm down Princess,” Billie says. “We’ve got this.”

She instructs Morgan to get on one side and she gets on the other before addressing me. “Okay, I’m going to count to three and then you suck it in as hard as you can, and Morgan you yank up with everything you’ve got.”

I nod, and Morgan spreads her legs planting her feet like a weightlifter about to lift oversized barbells.

They dig their fingers under the fabric and curl their fingers tightly around it. I’m pretty sure I’ll have bruises tomorrow in those exact spots. I take short quick breaths to work through the pain.

“One, two…three!” Billie booms.

I suck in my tummy so hard I’m pretty sure my belly button makes contact with my spine. The girls both grunt and snap their arms up like champs. We all stumble back from the effort.

I look down to study the miracle. The muffin top is gone, replaced by a sleek slope of spandex creating flat planes in places that previously had rolling hills. The effect of such body misplacement is that my breasts are now up under my chin. That’s okay. I can work with overly perky breasts. That’s expected in female Superheroes anyway.

“Whoa,” says Morgan, apparently admiring her handiwork’s effect.

Billie purses her lips. “You look like an android. I like you better curvy.”

I step over to the mirror and barely recognize my body. I have a moment where I’m inclined to agree with Billie but then I remember my mission. “Well, at least I’ll fit into my costume now.”

Billie heads back to the kitchen while Morgan helps me get the actual costume on. That part is easy with the only challenge getting my tits to stay in Wonder Woman’s bustier. They seem determined to be set free, but it’s nothing a little double-sided foam tape can’t take care of.

When we head out to the hallway Nathan’s waiting for me. A smile breaks out on his face like he’s just seen the sun after a storm. He steps up to me and puts his hands on my now narrow waist. “Oh Brooke. You did it! You’re my Wonder Woman.”

“A smaller version of her,” I say with a grin.

His hands slide down to my hips. “Well, honestly, I miss
your
hips. But you do look dreamy.”

Morgan punches him in the arm. “Good thing you like it, Nathan. Cause you’ll be the one taking it off later.” She gives him a wicked grin before moving on.

As Nathan and I walk to the front of the house I lean in close to him. “And how’s your costume situation working out?”

He looks down and adjusts the waist of his red panties. “So far so good. Obviously not using the tucking technique makes a huge difference, but just going up one size with the spandex thing helps too. Now I’m just dealing with compression, not elimination.”

He puts his hand on his hip and the other he waves towards his crotch. “What do you think?”

I nod. “That works. Your true Superhero skills are our secret. And if you don’t mind me saying so, you make a super hot Superman.”

He grins and pulls me forward. “Thanks Wonder Woman…and now it’s time to party.”

The DJ Nathan
hired is set-up on the edge of the Batcave. To create the cave Nathan spent many of his free hours over the past six weeks sponge-painting and crumpling rolls of granite textured paper then stapling them to every surface in the garage. Tonight it’s up-lit with purple and blue lights. The glass case with Batman’s uniform and mission control board light up too. I’ve got to hand it to Nathan… this Batcave is really cool.

When we get to the kitchen, Curtis, who’s dressed as the Joker, is harassing Billie at the bar.

“Don’t wimp out on the punch, Harley! It needs a lot more vodka if it’s really going to be radioactive.”

She smirks at him and tips the bottle so that it guzzles into the mysterious lime green concoction.

Meanwhile Nick slams his camping lantern with the green bulb down on the counter and turns to Nathan. “Hey, why does Curtis get to be a cool villain in a sharp suit while the rest of us look like idiots in our spandex tights? I thought we
had
to dress as Superheroes.”

Dani sidles up to him, “But baby I think you’re hot in your tights and your Green Lantern costume shows off your amazing body.”

Thank you,
I mouth to Dani while Nathan responds. “Sorry Nick. He said it was the only way he’d come.”

“Damn straight,” Curtis agrees. “Hey Dani, who are you supposed to be?”

“The Invisible Woman, and no jokes please about how you can still see me. I’ve heard it a few too many times already.”

“Well, then why’d you pick her?” Billie asks.

Dani shrugs. “Cause I loved her outfit. Teal is my best color.”

Billie narrows her eyes and turns back to the bar. “Amateur,” she huffs.

Joel and Laura join us in the kitchen looking sharp as Captain America and Supergirl. They immediately head over to the punch bowl.

“Ack! Laura squeals. “There’s a spider on my glass!”

Billie rolls her eyes dramatically while holding up an empty glass and flicking the spider with her finger. “They’re glued on
super girly
.”

“Why would you glue a spider to a glass?”

“It’s a Spiderman reference, sweetheart,” Joel explains patiently. “The whole party is themed with Superhero stuff, not just our costumes.”

Her cheeks turn pink and Joel gives us a warning look not to make fun of her. We sometimes forget she works in a dental office and is not from our world.

“Speaking of which, thanks for the cupcakes Laura! I’ve already had one and they’re yummy.”

She smiles warmly at me. “You’re welcome.”

“You. Ate. A. Cupcake?” Billie asks me as she folds her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, do you have a problem with that?” I challenge her.

“Oh, I don’t know. I just can’t imagine where you put it with that spandex bondage situation you had me helping with…”

I cut her off as she starts gesturing toward my bodysuit. “Is the punch really ready?”

“Spandex bondage?” Curtis asks wagging his tongue.

“Keep your shorts on, Joker. It’s not the kind of bondage you like.”

Curtis huffs. “Well then never mind.”

I quickly exit the kitchen before any more is said about my situation. As the house fills I stop paying attention to the shape of people’s bodies in spandex and instead focus on the creativity of their costumes. Andy is the Hulk, or at least a short, soft version of the massive Marvel character. He got Dani to do his green makeup and it’s quite impressive.

“I made him wax his torso first,” she assures me.

“Ouch! I can’t believe he agreed to do that.”

“How else was I going to paint on those fake abs? It’s bad enough he has a big, soft belly, but hair too? I don’t think so. I’m not a Rembrandt with body paint.”

I’m happy to see that the food is a hit. People plow through my Mojo Jojo monkey munch and my lightning bolt-shaped Flash fries. The Professor’s Lab with wide mouth beakers labeled Chemical X, Y and Z of avocado dip, onion dip and salsa is a popular hang-out place. Nathan looks so proud as people compliment us on our efforts.

Once the party is in full swing we insist that everyone model, and explain their costume for our costume contest. Some people have worn pre-made costumes, most the higher-end kinds from serious fan websites but there are people that went all out to create something unique.

Kevin is initially a standout as The Thing with his cracked rock texture over his entire body. He explains to us that he cut up Styrofoam into pieces, glued each surface with a dirt and sand combination, and then adhered it in pieces to his bodysuit.

The effect is impressive, especially considering the amount of time he put into the costume, but as the party goes on I start finding pieces of him all over the house. I’m pretty sure I’ll be vacuuming up dirt and sand for weeks.

Nathan’s inker, Hugh, is equally impressive as Wolverine but those finger blades make me nervous. I end up following him around to make sure he doesn’t scratch up the furniture. He makes a big show of offering to cut the pizza up with his claws but then mutilates one of the Two-Face pizzas into a big mess. He’s banned from the kitchen after that.

But there’s no question when first prize goes to Andy’s buddy, Vladimir, who spent weeks constructing an impressive costume for Napoleon, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The turtle shell strapped to his back is sculpted out of dense prop foam and intricately painted to achieve the most realism. He also applied a weird green coating to all his exposed skin to complete the turtle effect. These comic book guys don’t mess around.

***

“Why is Superman
on your roof?” Genna asks me when she joins the party.

I look at her startled, and then realize she must be talking about the Superman doll circling the Daily Globe. “Oh, you must mean the flying doll?”

“Well, if that’s a doll it’s a life size one with impressive automaton abilities.”

My mouth drops open. “What the heck!” I rush out the front door and down the driveway before spinning around and looking up to the roof. My fear is confirmed.

“Nathan!”

He’s crouched by the Daily Planet globe and when he hears my cry he stands up and scans the yard until he sees me waving my arm. He misinterprets my gesture and waves back. “Hi Brooke!”

I step closer and half yell up at him, “Are you crazy? What are you doing up on the roof in the middle of our party?”

He holds up the Superman doll with a look of despair. “He was dangling by the edge of his cape. Thank goodness I got to him in time.”

“Before he flew away?” I ask with an arched brow.

“Brooke! This is serious. Who knows what would’ve happened to him.”

“What about what’s going to happen to you if you fall? It’s dark out here and this is dangerous!”

He doesn’t respond to me and instead turns back to the Daily Globe and starts fiddling with the wire contraption.

“We have a house full of people with no host. Get off the damn roof, Nathan!”

“Almost done, sweetheart!”

My blood’s boiling. “Do I need to come up and get you?”

He stands back up tall and turns toward me, just then a breeze blows and his cape flutters dramatically behind him. The full moon almost looks like it’s resting on his right shoulder. He puts his fists on his hips and nods. In this moment he really does look like Superman. It makes me wish I were Lois Lane. All she had to wear was a business suit.

“Done!” he says with a grin. He turns and slowly works his way back down the ladder. When he’s back on flat ground he pulls me under his arm. “You’re so sexy when you’re mad.”

“Nathan Evans!” I say with a mock fury. How can I stay mad at him when he’s so charming?

He gets a devilish look in his eyes. “Who is this Nathan of whom you speak, Wonder Woman? I’m Superman!”

When we walk back into the house Nick turns to Nathan. “Did you get him wired up again?”

Nathan nods, makes a fist and straightens his arm into the air. “Superman flies again!”

There’s applause and a few whoops and hollers, before he grins and gives me a big kiss on the cheek.

***

Several hours and
punch bowls later we all end up in the Batcave with everyone just standing around in a drunken stupor while the DJ tries every kind of music to see if he can get people dancing. In the corner two of the Batmans are comparing their utility belts, and the girl from accounting that’s dressed like a Powerpuff Girl is taking selfies at the mission control desk.

Billie decides to take charge and after talking to the DJ she swaggers over to Laura aka Supergirl and grabs her. Next thing I know, Brickhouse is blasting on the speakers with a base beat so throbbing I can feel it all the way down to my spandex tightened toes. I glance over to Nathan, a little alarmed about what the neighbors might do but he shrugs so I focus back on Billie who is now doing a semi-erotic dance with our demure little Supergirl.

Dani steps up next to me and shakes her head. “Nothing Billie does surprises me, but I gotta say, give that Laura a few glasses of radioactive punch and she really gets going.”

“It’s always the ones with the conservative jobs that have a wild streak,” I say.

“Oh my God, did Billie just grab her boob?”

“Probably. If you give her a chance I bet she’ll grab yours too.”