Shopaholic to the Stars (51 page)

I’m here! I’m one of the in-crowd! I’m in a top seat at a premiere! I have Nenita Dietz’s card and an invitation to call her!

So … why do I feel so hollow? What’s wrong?

My leather seat seems chilly and the air conditioning is making me shiver. As music starts blasting through the speakers, I jump. This should be the biggest treat ever, I keep telling myself. Suze’s voice is ringing in my ears:
I hope you have the time of your life
– and my own defiant reply,
I will
.

But the truth is: I’m not. I’m sitting in a cold, dark room full of strangers, about to watch a movie I don’t want to see, without any friends or family to share it with. I’m not famous. Everyone was calling me Betty. I’m not Betty, I’m
Becky
.

I finger Nenita’s card to reassure myself. But even that feels toxic in my fingers. Do I want to work with that scary witch? Do I want to be her? I feel as though I’ve reached the oasis mirage in the desert. I’m scooping up sand and I’m telling myself it’s fresh and pure water … but it’s not.

I’m breathing harder and harder; my thoughts are whirling around my head; I’m gripping the armrests of my seat until my fingers hurt. And suddenly I’ve had enough. I can’t stay here. I don’t want to be here. I have other, far more important things in my life than a red carpet and celebrities. I have my family and my friends, and a problem to sort out, and a husband to win back, and a best friend to help.
That’s
what I have. And I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to see that.

I have to leave. Right now.

Muttering apologies to the people around me, I get up and make my way to the side of the auditorium. The seats are full by now and a man in a dinner jacket has just started making a speech at the front, and all the attendants are giving me odd looks … but I don’t care. I need to get out. I need to talk to Suze as soon as I can. She probably hates me. I don’t blame her. I hate me, too.

Nenita is still standing in the lobby with Aran and a few others, and as I look at her anew, I feel a sudden revulsion. No, worse: outrage. How dare she try to curse me? How dare she diss Danny? As she’s turning away to enter the auditorium, I tap her on the shoulder.

‘Excuse me, Nenita,’ I say, my voice shaking slightly, ‘I’d just like to rebut a couple of things you said. Maybe I shouldn’t have betrayed Lois – but you should know, she isn’t exactly the girl you think she is. Second, I reckon people who try to give other people bad karma get bad karma
themselves
. Third, my dress is not dated. Danny Kovitz is a very talented designer and all the young fashion bloggers are going wild over it, so maybe if you don’t like it,
you’re
the one who’s dated.’

I hear a couple of gasps from Nenita’s acolytes. But I don’t care. I’m on a roll.

‘As for us being similar …’ I hesitate. ‘You’re right. When I know what I want in life, I go after it.’ I look around at the PR girls, the cameras, the rows of glossy
Big Top
goodie bags with striped handles, waiting to be collected. I would have gone wild about those goodie bags, once upon a time. But now it feels as though they’re somehow contaminated. ‘And the truth is … I don’t want this.’

‘Becky!’ says Aran, with a laugh.

‘I don’t want it, Aran.’ I look him square in the eye. ‘I don’t want the fame and I don’t want the heat.’

‘Sweetheart, don’t overreact!’ He puts a hand on my arm. ‘Nenita was joking about your dress.’

Is that all he thinks I care about? My
dress
?

But then … why wouldn’t he?

Suddenly I can see myself as everyone else has seen me over the last few weeks. And it’s not a great sight. I have a horrible thickness in my throat, and I can feel tears rising. But there’s no way I’m losing it in front of Nenita Dietz.

‘It’s not just about my dress,’ I say, as calmly as I can, and shake off his arm. ‘Bye, Aran.’

A bunch of black-suited girls are gossiping in a clutch by the doors, and as I approach, one springs to life.

‘Did you leave the movie already? Are you OK?’

‘I’m fine.’ I attempt a smile. ‘But I need to go. It’s an emergency. I’m going to call my driver.’

I fumble for my phone and text a message to Jeff:

Can we go now? Thx love Becky x

I stand awkwardly by the doors for a while, wondering where Jeff will pull up – and then I can’t stand waiting any longer. I’ll go out and see if I can spot the car.

I push the doors open and head back out on to the red carpet. It’s empty now, littered with a couple of discarded programmes and a Coke can and a cardigan that someone must have put down. I can see some white beads from Sage’s dress still glimmering on the red pile. I don’t know
how
I’m going to explain that to Danny. It was hand-sewn. It must have taken ages to make. All ruined in an instant.

And as I look at the beads, my spirits plunge further. I feel like
everything
has been ruined tonight. My stupid Hollywood dreams, my plan to be a celebrity, my friendship with Suze … I feel a fresh crush of pain and take a deep, shaky breath. I need to hold it together. I need to find Jeff. I need to …

Wait.

I gulp, and stare, unable to move. I can’t believe it.

Coming up the red carpet – the empty red carpet – is Luke. He’s walking steadily but purposefully, and his eyes are fixed on mine. He’s wearing his dark Armani overcoat, and I can see that underneath he’s in black tie.

As he gets near I start to tremble. His face is taut and stern, giving nothing away. There are tiny shadows under his eyes and as he reaches me, he doesn’t smile. For one awful moment I think he’s come here to divorce me.

‘I thought you went to New York,’ I falter, my voice barely above a whisper.

‘I did.’ He nods gravely. ‘I did. And then I turned straight round and came back again. Becky, I behaved atrociously. I’m sorry. To you and to my mother. It was unforgivable behaviour.’

‘It wasn’t!’ I say at once, flooded with relief.

‘You have every right to be angry with me.’

‘I’m not. Honestly, I’m not.’ I gulp. ‘I’m just … I’m so pleased to see you.’

I reach for his hand and clasp it tight. I never expected to see Luke here. Not in a million years. His hand is warm and firm and feels like it’s anchoring me. I never want to let it go.

‘Why aren’t you inside?’ He jerks his head towards the auditorium. ‘Has the evening been a success?’

Part of me longs to say, ‘Yes! It’s been brilliant!’ and regale him with my triumph. But there’s a bigger part of me that can’t lie. Not to Luke. Not when he’s standing here. Not when he flew back from New York. Not when he’s the only person at this premiere who actually cares about me.

‘It’s not what I thought,’ I say at last. ‘Nothing’s what I expected.’

‘Mm.’ He nods, as though he can read my mind.

‘Maybe …’ I swallow. ‘Maybe you were right. Maybe I am a bit lost.’

For a moment Luke doesn’t say anything. Those intense, dark eyes of his meet mine and it’s as though we don’t have to talk. He can sense it all.

‘I was brooding about that all the way to New York,’ he says finally, his voice deep and gravelly. ‘And then it hit me. I’m your husband. If you’re lost, it’s up to me to come and find you.’

With no warning, tears start to my eyes. After everything I did to annoy and upset him. He came to find me.

‘Well … here I am,’ I manage, a lump suddenly in my throat, and Luke sweeps me into his arms.

‘Come here,’ he says against my wet cheek. ‘No one should have to go to a premiere on their own. I’m sorry, my darling girl.’

‘
I’m
sorry,’ I mumble back, sniffling against his white collar. ‘I think I lost the plot a bit.’

Luke offers me his handkerchief, and I blow my nose and try to repair my eye make-up a little while he waits patiently.

‘All the interviewers called me Betty,’ I tell him. ‘
Betty
.’

He raises his eyebrows. ‘Betty? No, I can’t see it.’ He glances at his watch. ‘Now, what shall we do? You want to go back inside?’

‘No,’ I say with resolve. ‘I want to find my dad. I want to make up with Suze. I want to hug Minnie. I want to do anything
but
go inside.’

‘Really?’ He meets my eyes … and I can see he’s asking me a bigger question. The same question he was asking me before. It seems so long ago, now.

‘Really.’ I nod. ‘It’s … it’s over.’

‘OK then.’ His eyes soften. ‘OK.’ He takes my hand, and slowly we start to walk back down the empty red carpet.

They talk about rose-tinted spectacles. Well, I think I’ve had red-carpet-tinted spectacles. I mean, this red carpet is actually quite tatty, now it’s empty of celebrities. As Luke and I walk along, hand in hand, there are cameras still banked along the barriers, but we have the carpet to ourselves. It reminds me of strolling along the Walk of Fame, weeks ago, when we were new to LA and it was a big adventure ahead of us. I can’t believe how much has happened since then.

‘I need to build bridges with my mother,’ says Luke.

‘Yes, you do.’ I nod. ‘And you will. It’ll be wonderful. Luke, you should see your mum with Minnie. They’re amazing! They’re actually very similar.’

‘I can imagine.’ He shoots me a wry smile, and I have a sudden vision of sitting with Luke and Elinor and Minnie, a happy family around the tea table. It’ll happen, I tell myself. Soon. Everything will change.

‘Buy her a jigsaw,’ I suggest. ‘She loves jigsaws.’

‘OK.’ Luke smiles. ‘I’ll do that. Or maybe I should buy her a hundred. I have a lot to put right.’

‘Oh God, so do I.’ I wince, as all my troubles flood back into my brain. Suze … Tarquin … My dad … ‘I had this big row with Suze.’ I wring his hand. ‘It was awful. She’s really angry with me—’

‘Becky.’ He cuts me off gently. ‘Listen. I have to tell you something. Suze is here.’

‘What?’ I turn my head, puzzled. ‘What do you mean? Where?’

‘I left the car a few streets away. She’s parked there right now. She wants to drive into the desert after your father and she wants you to come too.’

‘What?’ I stare at him. ‘Are you serious?’

‘Absolutely. When I told her where I was going, she begged to come along with me. If I didn’t succeed, she was going to come and drag you out of the premiere herself.’

‘But …’ I can’t process this. ‘Into the
desert?
’

Luke sighs. ‘Suzie is in a real state. We think your father and Tarquin are heading to Las Vegas. Suze is worried about Tarquin, and, to be fair, I think she has good reason to be.’

‘Right.’ My head is spinning. ‘So … where are the children?’

‘Mitchell is babysitting right now. Obviously we’ll have to decide what the best plan is. We need to get home, work out what we know, put together a route … And you need to think hard, Becky. I mean, he’s your father. If anyone can figure out where he’s gone …’

‘I’ve got that old map of my dad’s.’ My mind starts to whir. ‘We might be able to work out something from that, maybe?’

‘Becky!’ A voice hails us, and I whip round to see Jeff a few yards away, leaning out of the driver’s window and waving. ‘I can’t get any closer!’

‘Jeff!’ I hurry towards his friendly face. Within a minute, both Luke and I are in the back seat of the SUV, and Luke is instructing him on where to go.

‘Movie finished early?’ says Jeff, as he manoeuvres the car out.

‘I just decided I’d had enough.’

‘Smart.’ Jeff nods.

‘I did everything I needed to. Except … wait.’ I turn to Luke, stricken. ‘The autographs! I never got any!’

‘Becky, it doesn’t matter—’

‘It does! I promised Dad I’d get him some autographs, and I haven’t got a single one.’ I stare at Luke miserably. ‘I’m so
crap
.’

‘Sweetheart, it’s not the priority right now—’

‘But I promised. And I let him down
again
.’ Remorse is pouring through me. ‘He wanted Dix Donahue’s autograph, and I never got it, and now I’ve forgotten again, and—’

‘You want some signatures? I’ll fill your dad’s book.’ Jeff’s voice comes from the front of the car, and I blink in astonishment.

‘
You
will?’ I say, stupidly.

‘You name a celebrity, I’ve worked for them. They all owe me one. I’ll get your autographs.’

‘Really?’ I say, agog. ‘Like who?’

‘Name a celebrity,’ repeats Jeff.

‘John Travolta.’

‘I couldn’t say.’

‘Brad Pitt!’

‘I couldn’t say.’

His face is blank but his eyes are twinkling in the rear-view mirror. I think I love Jeff.

‘That would be amazing. Thank you so much.’ I carefully take out Dad’s precious autograph book and put it on the front passenger seat. What seems like thirty seconds later, Jeff is pulling up in a side street and Luke is saying, ‘We’re parked just here. Thank you, Jeff.’

‘Bye, Jeff.’ I lean over and give him a hug. ‘You’ve been so wonderful.’

‘You’re a nice family,’ says Jeff gruffly. ‘I’ll see you again with those autographs.’

We get out of the SUV and a breeze ruffles my dress. I glance at my reflection in the car window, and my own eyes stare back at me, huge and over-made-up, and a bit wired. I suddenly feel really nervous at the idea of seeing Suze. I feel as if I’ve been in some other, alternate universe. But I can’t run. I can’t dodge this. The car door is opening and she’s getting out.