Sidewinder 01 Shock & Awe (11 page)

Nick rested his chin on Kelly’s head, his hands grasping at Kelly’s back. “You could never be weak. You carry the whole team with you.”

Kelly groaned mournfully. The phone on the kitchen counter began to ring again.

“It’s Ty,” Nick said. “He was probably trying to warn us.”

Kelly took a deep breath, trying to calm himself, trying to accept the crushing realization that everyone he loved was being called to war and he wasn’t capable of going with them. “How long do you have?”

“Forty-eight hours,” Nick said.

Kelly closed his eyes, holding his breath until he was almost light-headed. He finally let it out and met Nick’s eyes. Nick took Kelly’s face in both hands. They stood in silence, staring into each other’s eyes as both their cell phones rang and rang inside.

They converged in Charlotte, everyone flying in from around the country so they could report together as a team. They all knew it might be the last thing they did as a team, because there was no guarantee they’d be kept together once they were deployed.

Nick and Kelly sat together in one of the airport lounge areas, waiting for the others to arrive and join them. These would be their last moments alone together, the last chance they had to say what needed to be said. Nick couldn’t think of a word that seemed adequate.

Kelly finally flopped his arm over Nick’s shoulders. “When you’re over there,” he said, his voice pitched low. “I want you to remember you have unfinished business here, okay?”

Nick glanced at him, his heart in his throat when their eyes met.

Kelly’s smile wavered, giving Nick a glimpse of the pain Kelly was trying to hide. “There’s so much I want to say to you,” Kelly whispered.

Nick’s words were barely audible. “I know.”

“I thought we’d have more time to figure this out, but . . . I’ll wait for you to get back.”

“Kels, you shouldn’t do that.”

Kelly smiled sadly. “I don’t have anyone better to do,” he drawled, echoing Nick’s own words. Nick huffed, and Kelly leaned closer to press his forehead to Nick’s temple. Nick patted his cheek. He turned his head and their lips found each other. It was almost physically painful to share that last kiss. When it ended, Nick couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t speak. He turned his head so they were once again leaning against each other, and he kept his hand on Kelly’s cheek after he closed his eyes.

They sat that way in silence. Unmoving. Barely breathing. Nick’s mind churned. He was nearly ill by the time someone touched him on the shoulder. He opened his eyes to find Ty and Zane standing in front of them, both looking as worn out and heartsick as Nick felt.

“Hey,” Nick grunted.

Kelly looked up when he spoke. He stood and wrapped Ty up in a hug, holding on to him with the same kind of anguish he’d held on to Nick with last night. Nick met Zane’s eyes, nodding at him. There really wasn’t anything they could say. Nick stood to shake his hand, though, but Zane surprised him by stepping closer to hug him.

“Please bring him back alive,” Zane whispered as he clung to Nick.

Nick nodded jerkily. “I promise.”

Zane released him and sat next to him, his jaw tight and his shoulders rigid. He leaned forward, his head lowered and his fingers twined together. Nick could imagine what was going through Zane’s mind. Nick had never had to leave someone he cared for behind, not until now. He understood what the heartbreak felt like.

Ty finally managed to extricate himself from Kelly’s hug, and he and planted himself on the floor at Zane’s feet, sitting with his seabag behind him as a backrest.

“What happened to your neck?” Ty asked Kelly, pointing to the fingerprints still left under Kelly’s chin.

“Nick got carried away during rough sex,” Kelly answered, deadpan. Nick muffled a laugh and glanced at Kelly, who winked in return.

Ty rolled his eyes. “Whatever. What time are we expecting Johns and Digger?”

“I’ll check the arrivals again,” Kelly told them, patting Nick on the shoulder before he walked off, moving slowly and holding his hand to his side. He had grown increasingly restless now that he was on the mend, wanting to push himself more and more.

Nick watched him go, filled with anger and regret that they were here at all and not back in Colorado on Kelly’s deck, looking at the stars. That wasn’t the only regret on his mind, though. He didn’t like having secrets, and though he and Kelly had decided it was best to let this one stay quiet until they returned home and figured things out themselves, it wasn’t the only secret Nick was harboring right now.

“What’s going on, Irish?” Ty asked as soon as Kelly was out of earshot.

Nick shook his head.

“You look guilty. What have you done?”

Nick glanced at Zane, then back at Ty with a nod. There was no point in trying to hide it once Ty had called him on it. The airport bustled around them, but Nick barely took notice of any of it. He took a deep breath, steeling himself. “I really fucked up this time.”

“I’m going to go get some . . . coffee,” Zane said as he made to stand.

Nick waved a hand. He sat forward, rubbing his eyes. “It’s okay, Garrett. Stay.”

“What happened?” Ty asked.

Nick checked to make certain Kelly wasn’t on his way back before he took a deep breath. “At the hospital in New Orleans, the day they were releasing the Doc,” he said, beginning to tremble as he thought about what Kelly’s reaction would be to his admission. “I was getting coffee as we waited for the papers. I saw two sailors at the front desk, getting information.”

“Sailors?” Ty asked. “They were there for Doc?”

Nick shrugged. “I don’t know. I thought they were. I went back upstairs, found his doctor, and . . .” Nick pushed at the back of his teeth with his tongue, trying to work up the nerve to finish. “I bribed him to say Kelly was no longer fit for service.”

Ty sat up straighter, eyes wide. “You what?”

Nick rubbed at his chin, lowering his head.

“Jesus Christ, Nick,” Ty whispered he glanced over his shoulder. “Does he know?”

Nick shook his head.

“He can barely walk; there’s no way he’d have been called back, regardless,” Zane pointed out. “Right?”

“I have to tell him,” Nick said.

Ty put his hand on Nick’s knee to draw his attention back. “You can’t do that, man.”

“You didn’t see the way he reacted when they came for me and not him. I can’t leave him behind thinking he wasn’t good enough to come with us.”

“That is your guilt talking and making you sound like an idiot,” Ty hissed. “He’s not physically able to go back. We know that. He knows that. He’s not stupid. No matter what you did, Doc wouldn’t be coming with us. Nothing you can tell him is going to make him feel better about that.”

Nick closed his eyes. Damn Ty and his unscrupulous ability to make sense out of lying. When he glanced up again, he saw Kelly working his way across the crowded terminal with Owen in tow.

Ty tapped Nick’s knee. “Do you really want him left behind knowing you did this? It can wait until we get back.”

“Just stop talking, Beaumont,” Nick grunted. “You’re like the Bermuda Triangle of morals.”

Zane snorted and covered it with a cough.

“Fine, be that way,” Ty said. “Go be a goddamn white knight.”

“Will he even be angry at all?” Zane asked quietly. “Is Kelly capable of being angry?”

Nick was silent, watching Kelly. He really only had two options. He could man the fuck up and tell Kelly what he’d done, risking his anger here at the eleventh hour. Or he could keep it to himself, working on the logic that Kelly legitimately wouldn’t have been recalled anyway. Nick’s actions probably had nothing to do with it. But he’d go off to war with the nagging feeling that he was a coward and a horrible friend.

He pushed to his feet before he could talk himself out of it, striding to meet Kelly and Owen as they approached the lounge area. Owen greeted him with a sedate hug. Nick took Kelly’s arm and held on as Owen headed for Ty and Zane.

“You okay?” Kelly asked when Nick didn’t let go of him.

“I have something I need to tell you.”

Kelly glanced at the others and Nick did the same. Owen shook Zane’s hand before settling onto the floor beside Ty. Nick found it harder to breathe, but he took Kelly by both shoulders and turned him to face him to make him focus.

“Just be quiet until I finish saying this.”

“If this is your way of professing your undying love for me, you need some work on your technique,” Kelly drawled.

“I’m the reason you didn’t get recalled with us,” Nick said in a quiet rush.

Kelly’s smile fell and he straightened. “What?”

Nick told him what he’d done in New Orleans, and why he’d done it. “I saw a chance to keep one of us from going back over there, and I took it. I was trying to . . . save you.”

Kelly gaped, finally tearing his eyes away from Nick to glance at the others, who were now watching them. He took a step back, jerking out of Nick’s grasp.

“Kels, I—”

“How the hell could you do this?” Kelly shouted. He shoved at Nick’s shoulder and almost immediately grabbed for his chest, hunching with the pain he’d obviously forgotten would come.

Nick reached to steady him. Kelly swatted at his hand again but Nick gripped his elbow hard and held on, refusing to be pushed away. “I’m sorry,” he said, repeating it again and again as Kelly tried to shove him away.

A hand landed on Nick’s shoulder, and Owen and Ty were there with them, pulling them apart. Ty gripped Nick’s elbows, restraining him. Owen held Kelly’s waist to keep him upright, thinking he’d overworked himself and was about to collapse. But Kelly growled and lashed out, catching Nick’s chin with his fist before Owen could pull him away.

Nick and Ty both tumbled to the ground.

“Jesus Christ,” Ty grunted. He released Nick immediately, giving him the chance to defend himself. Nick didn’t move, though.

Kelly stood with his hands on his knees, breathing hard and hanging his head. Owen hovered beside him, a hand on Kelly’s back, looking supremely confused.

“What the fuck is going on?” Digger shouted. He stood a few feet away, his seabag on his shoulder.

“Jesus Christ, that really hurt,” Kelly gasped. He straightened carefully, holding his chest. “I feel better now.”

Digger dropped his bag and helped Ty and Nick to their feet.

“Did that hurt?” Kelly asked Nick.

Nick rubbed his jaw, nodding. “Little bit, yeah.”

“Good,” Kelly huffed.

He grabbed for Nick’s shoulder, catching the material of his shirt and pulling him closer with it. Relief washed through Nick as Kelly hugged him. He rested his chin on Kelly’s shoulder and held him tight.

“You did it out of love,” Kelly whispered. He patted Nick’s shoulder. “And I’d still be stuck here no matter what you did, so . . . you did it out of love. It’s okay.”

“What the hell happened?” Digger asked again. “And what happened to Doc’s neck?”

Kelly snorted in Nick’s ear and they both began to laugh.

“You two have spent too much time in Doc’s weed,” Owen said, walking away now that the drama had passed. The others trailed after him, leaving Nick and Kelly to their embrace.

They sat in a sedate group as the minutes ticked down. Their flight to Jacksonville, North Carolina, was leaving soon, and the last hours felt too heavy to fill with anything meaningful. Nothing would be special enough, so they spent the time telling stories and laughing.

Kelly still hadn’t quite come to terms with the fact that he wouldn’t be going with them. What the hell was he supposed to do? He kept glancing at Nick. He couldn’t even be upset by what Nick had told him. He knew Nick always acted on an almost desperate instinct to protect the people he loved.

Kelly had been joking when he’d guessed Nick was about to profess his undying love, but he hadn’t been too far off the mark. Nick’s technique was pretty damn good, if not subtle as hell.

They were listening to the story of how Ty had pulled a Rhett Butler on Zane in the middle of the Baltimore FBI field office when they heard the boarding announcement for the flight that would take the boys away.

Kelly’s heart jumped into his throat.

Everyone was silent and stoic as they gathered their seabags and walked as a group toward the nearby gate. They gathered at the boarding lanes, trying to figure out how to say good-bye, trying to decide which gestures would last for a lifetime of memories if someone didn’t come home.