Authors: Olivia Besse
“Do
not
listen to her,” Liz firmly said, grabbing the phone from Audrey’s death grip and tossing it into Riley’s lap. “It’s
Max
. You don’t need to play stupid games with him.”
“Who said it’s stupid?” Audrey huffily protested. “I read about it in
Cosmo
!”
As Liz’s insistence, Riley begrudgingly picked up her phone and typed out the carefully curated reply. When the phone vibrated a mere ten seconds later, Liz smirked knowingly at Riley before grabbing Audrey, who was practically shivering in anticipation, by the shoulders.
“I’m going to take
Cosmo
Girl here and go get us some coffee,” she began, leading a very resistant Audrey in the direction of the front door. “You need to figure this out on your own, my friend.”
Nodding ever so slightly in agreement, Riley looked down at the brightly lit screen with a nervous, clawing feeling in her chest.
––––––––
M
ax Fletcher
lol i just woke up
––––––––
T
aking a deep breath, she attempted to settle her nerves before typing out her attempt at a clever reply.
––––––––
y
ou could sleep through the apocalypse
––––––––
N
ot more than a few seconds had passed before he had countered with his own snarky response.
––––––––
y
ou could be a spy
i bet you could escape from enemy grounds undetected
––––––––
S
miling to herself, Riley shook every last silly thought out of her head. Liz was right. This was Max! What the hell was she so freaked out about? It wasn’t like they’d both magically transformed into two completely different people overnight.
So something
different
had happened. What did it matter? They were still best friends. The only difference was that they were now best friends who just so happened to have slept with each other.
Just think of it as some new hobby that you two picked up together,
she breezily told herself.
Like rock climbing, or something. No biggie.
After exchanging a few more lazy, pointless texts, just as they always had, the two arranged to meet for a late lunch at the nearby sports bar they normally frequented whenever they were hungover.
If it’s not a big deal, then why is it taking you so long to pick out an outfit?
the annoying voice inside her head demanded as Riley entered her fourth solid minute of staring blankly into her closet.
Hm?
I don’t have to justify that with an answer
, Riley grumbled to herself before grabbing for a pair of jeans and an oversized button up.
But, if you
must
know, dressing up when I’m hungover just makes me
feel
better.
Stop talking to yourself, Benson
, she silently instructed in frustration as she waltzed out her front door.
You are
not
a crazy person. You are simply a normal girl going to a normal lunch with her normal friend. Completely and perfectly normal.
Max was already waiting for her when she arrived, sitting at one of the outdoor tables with a beer in his hand and sunglasses adorning his miserably frowning face.
Normal, Benson
, she reminded herself as she approached him.
No big deal.
“Hey,” he said, the corner of his lip twitching upward as he rose from his seat and stood shiftily in front of her, as if he was unsure of if he should go in for a hug.
Riley clumsily reciprocated, leaning forward slightly before gawkily drawing back. “Hi,” she squeaked, her pulse suddenly racing as their awkward dance of sorts continued for what seemed like eternity.
Okay, this is the complete opposite of normal
, she thought, quickly planting her ass in the chair beside her in a desperate attempt to get a grip on her sanity.
Who did you think you were kidding? What happened last night was
so
not rock climbing.
“So,” Max began, grinning at her uncomfortably.
“So,” Riley repeated with an equally uneasy smile, though neither of them bothered to finish their sentences.
Oh my God
, she groaned inwardly, resisting the urge to claw at her face in agony.
Why did you even agree to come? Great, we’ve effectively ruined our entire relationship! Good job, you big fucking idiot. You are officially
forbidden
from even
sniffing
a single drop of tequila in the future. You just lost one of your best friends! You better be fucking nice to Liz and Audrey from now on, or else you won’t have
anybody
left at the rate you’re going. Oh God, what will Mom say when she finds out that Max and I are strangers now? She’ll probably
—
“Okay, can we stop being weird?” Max asked with a laugh. “You’re still you and I’m still me. Let’s not make a big thing out of it. Deal?”
“Deal,” Riley reluctantly agreed, letting out a small sigh as she allowed her shoulders to relax.
“Yea, it’s just something that we... did. Completely normal,” he continued, seemingly reading her mind.
“Like rock climbing!” Riley blurted out with a relieved grin.
“What?”
“Anyway, you’re totally right,” she quickly added, mentally kicking herself for her stupid comment. “We shouldn’t make a big thing out of it.”
“But, I mean,” he began with a shrug of his shoulders. “We should still make a
thing
out of it. Right?”
“A thing?” Riley repeated, shifting her gaze to the menu so as to avoid his eyes.
“Do you remember what I said last night?” Max slowly asked, his face scrunching up in embarrassment.
“Um, yea,” she said, sheepishly glancing up at him.
Thank God we’re wearing sunglasses, or else I’d probably burst into flames and die.
“Yea, I do.”
“And...?”
“I think... I don’t think
badly
of it.”
Max was grinning from ear to ear as the server came and took their orders, unable to tear his eyes away from the blushing girl seated across from him. Once the waitress had left, the two shared another shy smile, neither of them sure of how to proceed.
“So,” Max began after making a show of clearing his throat. “Do you... do you want to try this out?”
“Try what out?” she cautiously asked, not wanting to jump to conclusions and humiliate herself accordingly.
“Us,” Max said with a smirk.
Riley felt a fluttering sensation in her stomach as she turned her gaze away once again. "I mean, I guess it’d be the
practical
thing to do."
The
practical
thing to do? What the fuck? Who says that?
“Totally,” Max replied, letting out a snort of laughter as the tips of her ears turned bright red.
“Definitely,” Riley mumbled, suddenly feeling very lightheaded.
“You better not fuck this up,” Max teased, lightly kicking her foot under the table.
Riley pulled a face, attempting to play it cool as she willed her cheeks to stop burning. “Only if you don’t manage to first.”
“I bet I’ll be better at it than you.”
“Yea right,” she said with a theatrical scoff. “I could date circles around you.”
Wait, what?
“Should we bet on it then?”
“What would the loser have to do?” she asked, frowning slightly as she thought of the possibilities. After all, most of their past bets had resulted in insufferable punishments such as serving as the other’s slave or having to remain silent for the entire day, being allowed the luxury of making only animal noises and hand gestures instead.
Fuck, would he make her wear a Justin Bieber tee shirt around for a whole week, just as he had done sophomore year?
“Loser has to take the winner out on a real date,” Max simply replied.
Don’t turn red, don’t turn red,
Riley screamed at herself, giggling awkwardly as he smirked at her nervous reaction.
Fuck, what did I just say? Stop turning red! And why are you sweating? Are you kidding me? It’s not even that warm right now!
Great, now I’m
profusely
sweating. I think I’m going to faint. Where the hell is the waitress with the water? I think I just felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of my face. Oh God, can he see it? No way, his sunglasses are super dark, so I’m sure he
—
“You’re sweating,” Max commented, bursting out into laughter. “Is it making you
that
nervous?”
“What? No! I just, er, I’m really dehydrated,” she immediately blurted out. “By the way, you’re not supposed to
point
that out, you know. You shouldn’t even be acknowledging the fact that girls sweat! Or poo.”
Poo...?
“I guess I’m just terrible at all of this then,” he mused before leaning forward slightly and whispering, “I lose.”
“H...huh?”
“Thursday night,” he began, sliding a napkin over to her with a grin. “Does that work for you?”
Wait, what? He’s really going to take me out on a... a date? I’m going to go out on a date with
Max?
Riley slowly nodded her head, pushing up her sunglasses that were sliding down her nose and making it a point to ignore the napkin. “Sure.”
“So it’s a date?”
Oh God, don’t faint
.
“It’s a date.”
––––––––
“N
o. No, no, no, no, no!”
“What happened?” Liz yelled out, running into the bathroom with a concerned look on her face.
“Look!” Riley cried, her face scrunched in misery. “Look at my chin!”
“What?”
“Do you not see this monstrous piece of shit glaring right back at you?”
“Your pimple?” Liz asked with a frown.
“Yes, my pimple!” Riley shrieked. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
“Relax, it’s just a bump,” Liz said, rolling her eyes dismissively. “I barely even noticed it until you pointed it out.”
“I’m going on my date with Max today! Our first legit date! I can’t have a fucking
pimple
on my chin!”
“He was there for puberty, Riley,” Liz flatly replied. “He knows what you look like with acne.”
“He knew that his
friend,
Riley, got pimples. Not his
date
, Riley!” she snapped back, staring at her reflection in the mirror with a pained expression. “Girls that guys are
friends
with can have all sorts of skin conditions, but the girls that they
date
have to be perfect!”
“Really?” Liz groaned out, slapping at Riley’s hands as the frenzied girl began to poke and prod at the bright red spot. “He probably won’t even notice it.”
“Of course he’ll notice it!” Riley moaned as Liz dragged her out into the living room, away from any reflective surfaces. “Look at it! It’s huge!”
“It’s not
that
big,” Audrey squeaked out once she took a look, nodding her head reassuredly.
“Just cover it up. Or decorate it, I don’t know. Draw a smiley face on it,” Liz suggested, laughing good-naturedly as she did. “I’m sure he’ll think its hilarious.”
“A smiley face,” Riley repeated, her upper lip curling into a snarl. “A SMILEY FACE?”
“Calm down, dude.”
“I’m going to cancel,” she muttered, pulling out her phone and tapping out an excuse. “There’s no way I can go out in public like this!”
“You went to the store to stock up on SpaghettiOs and Diet Coke in your wrinkled pajamas and unwashed hair just last week,” Liz reminded her with a smirk. “I’m sure you’ll be fine.”
“That was when I was single and miserable and had no shame!” Riley protested, dramatically collapsing onto the couch and holding a hand to her forehead. “I’m a properly dating woman now!”
“Wow.”
“Do you think this is a sign?” Riley asked, letting out another theatrical sign. “Is the universe trying to tell me something?”
“Probably that you shouldn’t eat so much garbage?” Liz replied in a sickly sweet voice.
“It’s honestly not that bad,” Audrey said as she pursed her lips and observed the inflamed bump once more. “What did you tell him, anyway?”
“That I’m too sick to go out. That I’m bedridden with the flu.”
“Is it even flu season anymore?” Liz wondered aloud, furrowing her brow in thought.
“Who cares?” Riley wailed, peering down her nose to see if she could still spot her pimple from that angle. “I
am
too sick to go out! Sickened by my own reflection!”
“Dramatic much?”
“You could put a banana peel on it!” Audrey suggested, pattering off in the direction of the kitchen. “It should help it go down a lot faster!”
“A banana peel?” Liz asked with a skeptical frown.
Audrey fervently nodded as she proceeded to peel said banana and took a bite. “I saw it on Pinterest!”
“Hand it over,” Riley called out, to which Audrey happily obliged, tossing the limp peel in her miserable friend’s direction.
“You should see yourself right now,” Liz said as she let out a snort of laughter.
“I’d rather not.”
“Why are you freaking out so much, anyway? It’s just Max. You guys have been out on hundreds of non-date dates before.”
“It’s not just because of Max!” Riley defensively cried out, her stomach churning as his name escaped from her mouth. “I just care about how I present myself to members of the opposite sex, that’s all!”
“Uh-huh.”
“I’ve always cared!” Riley continued after letting out a scoff. “I refused to see Noah for an entire week that time I had that allergic reaction after we got our upper lips waxed! Remember? ”
“To be fair, you actually
did
look really gross after that,” Audrey reminded her.
“And that was with
Noah
,” Liz pointed out. “He’s an uptight dick. Even
I
wouldn’t want him to see me with so much as a tiny piece of spinach stuck in my teeth.”
“He’s basically Henry 2.0,” Audrey agreed with a nod, prompting Liz to throw a menacing glare in her direction for even mentioning her good-for-nothing ex’s name in her presence.