Sinful Ever After (Sinful Serenade Book 5) (39 page)

"No. Of course not."

Every muscle in my body, save the one, relaxes.

Her brows screw together. "Did you think I wanted to?"

"Haven't got a clue what you're thinking, besides that you want me naked."

She laughs. "You should take off the suit."

"Should I?"

She motions to her rosy lips and cheeks. "Don't want to ruin it."

"You sure you can keep your hands off me?"

"I'll do my best, but I can't make any promises." She smiles, but there's something missing.

Still, I strip to my boxers.

She chews on her bottom lip as her gaze goes to the ground. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll blurt it out."

"Okay."

She looks up at me. "Do you want kids?"

Huh?

That's not what I expected. Not sure what I expected, but it wasn't that.

Four months living together, and neither of us broached the subject. All the talk about Kara being pregnant and Drew needing to take time off from the band, and neither of us broached the subject.

I run my fingers over her cheek. "No, I don't. Do you?"

She sighs with relief. "You don't?"

I nod. "I don't."

It's not something I think about.

There have only been a few things I've wanted in my life. I wanted my dad to respect me. When I realized that was a lost cause, I wanted to make music. Wanted Ophelia to be healthy. Wanted someone to call at the end of the night.

Now, I want Jess. Fuck, how I want Jess. I want every inch of her, every thought in her head. I want to make every one of her hopes and dreams come true.

I hope I'm reading her right. She's smiling. Her shoulders are relaxing.

"Do you?" I ask again.

"No. I don't. I thought... well, we never talked about it. I thought maybe you... I don't know. That you figured you'd get your way. Or that you assumed I wanted kids."

"The way your ex thought you'd give up everything for him?"

She bites her lip. "It's not that I think you're like him-"

"I know, baby. You don't have to tip-toe around my feelings. Guess we should have had this conversation before we planned a wedding."

She laughs. "Yeah. I guess I never think about it."

"Me either."

"We both like to work."

"Yeah." I'm not under any illusions about how many hours she'll work after school. I hope she's not under any illusions about how much time I'll devote to music. Only two things make sense to me— taking care of her and playing the bass. Not willing to give up either. "I want a lot of you, Jess. But I want you to soar too. I like that you're ambitious. I'm never going to get in the way of that."

"What if I work 100 hours a week?"

"Might ask you to cut back to 80." I slide my arms around her round hips and pull her body against mine. "I'll promise to make good use of the other 20."

She lets out another sigh of pleasure. "Do you think Sinful Serenade will be like the Rolling Stones? Are you going to keep touring until you're 70?"

"Trying to suggest I won't be dead sexy at 70?"

She shakes her head. Her blue eyes brighten. "I was terrified I'd lose you." She blinks and there's a tear in her eye. "Fuck. Sorry. This wedding stuff is exhausting."

"Don't have to apologize for your feelings."

She nods. "You're right. I'm not sorry. But I am out of emotional energy." She buries her head in my chest.

I wrap my hands around her and I hold her until her muscles relax. "You need a break?"

She nods. "You don't think it's bad that I don't want to have kids? That it's selfish?"

"No. But I wouldn't care if it was. I want all your love."

She laughs. "What if one of us changes our minds?"

"You think you will?"

"No. But stranger things have happened."

"You're the sun in my fucking sky, baby. I know you don't think I'm the most compromising guy, but I'm going to do what it takes to make you happy."

"You're too sweet. Sometimes, I don't think I deserve you."

"You do."

"Yeah?"

"I never feel as whole as I do when I'm with you." I run my fingers through the hair hanging over her shoulders. "You deserve every inch of me."

Her cheeks flush. "Do you mean-"

For once, I don't mean it sexually. "No." I take her hand and press it to my chest, over my heart. "You're my home, Jess. You're everything."

She nods. "You're my home too." She presses her forehead to my chin, drags her fingers over my chest. "I was terrified. I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'll never be without me." I bring my fingers to her chin and pull her into a kiss.

Need pours into me as she kisses back.

I let my voice drop to something seductive. "Of course, you can have every inch of me." I drag my fingers over her shoulders. I need our bodies connecting again.

Her voice drops to something low and needy. "Don't tease me."

"Who's teasing?" Fuck knows, I'd like to take her against the wall. Now.

That
makes sense. No matter how hard I try, nothing makes more sense than Jess groaning my name as she comes.

"Let's finish this conversation first." She looks up at me. "I only started imagining my future the last six months. I was thinking on the ride here. I know what I want. I want to come home to you. If that's only six months out of the year, that's okay. But it would be nice to know how long you think you'll be doing the rock star thing."

"Doing the rock star thing?" I cock a brow.

"You know what I mean. How long do you think the band will be touring?"

"Another ten, fifteen years. Maybe less. Maybe more. We're gonna have some breaks, some long ones. Drew should be home with the baby. And Tom and Willow want to adopt in a few years."

She smiles. "Okay."

"Try not to gloat about it."

"No, I'm not! I want you to soar too." She reaches up to run her hand through my hair.

No one has ever cared this much about my success, no one but Mom. It means the fucking world to me, how much she wants my happiness.

Jess's eyes fix on mine. "Of course, there's not as much room to fly higher when you're already a millionaire rock star. But I know that playing music means everything to you. You can't give that up."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

Damn, she's fighting for me.

I fucking melt. "In some way, shape, or form, I'll always play."

She presses her lips to my neck. "Good."

The proximity of her body makes it difficult to focus on conversation. I want that tiny tank top gone. I want her breasts in my hands, her lips parting with a sigh of pleasure.

"You could become a DJ," she teases.

"If you want to hurt me, there's a better way."

She looks up at me. Her expression is bright, determined. "It would keep you in town."

"You baiting me?"

She feigns innocence. "No. I really think you'd excel at the clubs."

"Baby, you're being cruel."

She smiles. "I guess I better make it up to you." She drags her fingers over my stomach.

Her touch sets me on fire. Her fingers drift lower. She traces the waist of my boxers.

She rises to her tiptoes and presses her lips to mine. Always feels amazing kissing Jess—like I could consume her—but there's more to this kiss. I can feel her relief. I can feel how much she needs me.

My shoulders relax as I slide my hands under her tank top. Part of me was worried I'd lose her.

Part of me was fucking terrified I'd lose her.

I unhook her bra. I push it, and her tank top, off her shoulders. She groans into my mouth as I palm her breasts.

She rubs me over my boxers. Damn, that feels good. Good enough that I'm not gonna last long.

She breaks from our kiss. Her eyes fix on mine. They're determined. "I want to suck you off."

I let out a grunt of approval.

She drags her soft lips over my neck. Her palm presses against my hip. She guides me until my back is against the wall.

Jess lowers herself onto her knees. She looks up at me with a hungry expression, wetting her lips with her tongue as she pulls my boxers to my knees.

My hand goes to the back of her head. I tug at her hair until it spills over her shoulders. My cock pulses.

The woman is perfection. And she's mine. She's gonna be my fucking wife.

Jess lets out a soft groan as she brushes her lips over my cock. Sensation overwhelms me. My hands beg me to spur her on. She's looking at me like she wants to devour me.

No way I'm rushing this.

I dig my hands through her hair as she teases me. She does it again and again. Until I'm shaking.

She stares into my eyes as she takes me into her mouth.

Fuck.

She's still wearing her fucking glasses.

She encompasses me with her soft, wet mouth. Her eyelids press together for a moment. Then they're open and she's focused on me.

God damn.

I tug at her hair as pleasure spreads through my body.

"Fuck, Jess." My gaze goes to the mirror. I watch her work. But that isn't enough.

I need her feeling good too.

I slide my hands down her chest, playing with her nipples. She groans against my cock, sucking harder, taking me deeper.

My last conscious thought slips away. My hand slides to the back of her head, guiding her deeper. Deeper.

She sucks harder. Flicks her tongue against my tip again and again.

Her eyes fix on mine, this look that fucking commands me.

I keep my eyes glued to hers as I race towards an orgasm. My legs shake enough I can barely stay standing. I press my back into the wall. I tug at that gorgeous hair. I squeeze her nipple.

"I'm gonna come in your mouth, baby."

She groans, sucking harder, taking me deeper.

Then I'm there. I groan, my cock pulsing as I fill her mouth. I feel the orgasm all the way in my fucking toes.

Fuck.

My brain is mush. My hands fall to my sides.

She pushes herself up and gets back in her bra and tank top.

Then her lips are on mine. She sighs with pleasure and need between kisses. Her tongue slides into my mouth. Her hands dig into my hair.

She looks up at me. "We should go before we get arrested."

I nod.

I'm putty. Whatever she wants.

––––––––

J
ess

Thank God for room service. We spend the entire night and most of the next day in bed. If it weren't for the little matter of me needing to be present to pick up my dress—the tailor has to make sure all the alterations fit right—I'd stay pressed against him until the last possible minute.

The dress is perfect, like a dream. I lose half an hour staring in the mirror, imaging what it will feel like walking down the aisle, imagining the look in Pete's eyes when he sees me.

This is really happening.

It's really happening tomorrow.

The rest of my errands blur together. Madison does most of it. She helps me pick out a short ivory dress and matching shoes for the rehearsal dinner.

She's taking care of the dress, the agenda, and tonight's rehearsal dinner-slash-bachelorette party.

Wait, bachelorette party?

***

Madison stays mum about party details all afternoon.

Even on the way to dinner, in a much too fast yellow cab with our lives flashing before our eyes, she stays silent about the debauchery she has planned.

The event isn't quite a rehearsal dinner. It's not quite a Christmas Eve gathering. It's a combination of the two.

The cab drops us off at the Excalibur, the hotel that looks like a cartoon version of a Medieval castle. Madison leads the way through the casino. We're at one of the restaurants, in a private room.

The sand-beige walls are covered in red tinsel and tiny white string lights. There's a massive Christmas tree in the corner, adorned with white and gold ornaments.

And everyone is here, at one long table.

It's overwhelming how packed the room feels. With friends. With family. With love.

Dad gets up first. Thanksgiving was only a month ago, but he already looks much stronger. There's more color in his face. He's put on some weight. His clothes fit better.

He looks healthy. Tired, but healthy.

There's some awkwardness as he moves toward me. It's going to be a long time before this scar fades. Right now, I'm not worried about his recovery or how lying for him, for years, hurt me.

Right now, I'm happy my dad is here for Christmas. And for my wedding.

I throw my arms around him and squeeze tightly. "How was your flight?"

"Long." He steps backward. "You look beautiful, Jessie. I can't believe you're this grown up."

I blink back a tear. I can hardly believe it either. "I'm glad you're here." I wipe my eyes. Thank God for waterproof makeup. I'm going to be bawling on and off for the next twenty-four hours. "We're having a dry reception."

He nods.

"Will you... will you walk me down the aisle?"

His expression fills with a mix of relief and joy. "Of course, Jessie. I never thought you'd ask." He smiles. "I have something for you." He reaches for something on the table, a small wrapped box. "This was your mother's. It's something old and something borrowed." He hands me the box.

I look to Pete. He's at the front of the table. He's leaning against his chair, his eyes fixed on me.

"I thought we said no presents," I say.

"Afraid no one listened." He nods to a stack of presents under the tree.

"Those are for us?" I ask.

He nods.

I look around the room. Everyone is smiling. They're happy for us. And they're waiting for me to open this.

Okay, I can do that. I peel off the wrapping and open the lid. It's a necklace, a beautiful silver chain with a diamond pendant. I can remember Mom wearing it a few times. It was for special occasions.

"Thank you." I wipe a tear from my eyes. I always figured Mom took this with her. I hug Dad again for good measure.

He steps out of the way.

Then Madison takes her turn hugging me. "I should have given you this earlier. You don't need to open it now. But it's something new and something blue." She leans in to whisper in my ear. "It's a blue thong that says
I do
in crystals. You can wear it tomorrow if you want."