Singing Heart (19 page)

“
I’ll find you someday!” he shouted from the buckboard.

Tears burned the corners of her eyelids. She waved until they were only dust in the distance. Traveling alone was a daunting prospect. The place she was headed was only forty miles away due west. She was adept with a gun. Her faith would carry her the distance somehow. 'You’re never alone as long as God is with you' she could hear her mother’s voice reminding her and, 'What don't kill you, will only make you stronger'. Squaring slight shoulders she began loading up the wagon leaving behind the things that weren’t absolute necessities.

*****

He had watched Sweetbriar turn into a ghost town a piece at a time. He knew it was only matter of time before the stubborn little woman was forced to move on as well. She didn’t know how to survive without others or how to live off of this land. He would have to teach her or he would lose her. She would travel far away to be with her own kind.

He had moved his hut to holy ground. No white men knew of its existence and no Indian would dare step foot on it. It was his land. He was the medicine man to his tribe. She would be unharmed there. His people hated whites. He hated them too. Yet she was white and he didn’t hate her. She was different. He’d have to declare her to be his wife or he would lose his people’s respect for bringing her to his village and she would never be safe even with his presence there to protect her. As long as he lived and they believed him to be her husband she would come to no harm.

He rode against the wind long braids whipping across a bronzed chest. All was in readiness. But when he reached her house it was empty. He saw the marks of her wheels in the road. Faint tracks but he could follow them easily. She had only left today. Heart pounding with anticipation he headed the direction she’d taken to catch up.

She was in a sound sleep in back of the wagon when he found her. She hadn’t bothered to set up camp and had evidently made do with bread and water for her evening meal. She looked so young. Like a child in repose. She was at least a decade younger than he was. She had been through so much. It had changed her. He remembered the curious little child who had glowed with a radiant smile and tried to give him a flower to win his friendship. Then the unabashedly curious young girl who had watched in wonder as he courted Morning Dew.

He had never seen her in her own world. But the times she had been ill or in pain he had felt her. She had projected her spirit into his world and he had tried to heal her. He knew she had married and that her husband had abused her to the point she feared all men. Jaskarra had tried to see in to her world. Her magic was greater than his. She could come to him but he couldn’t come to her. He came now the only way he could. He frowned. If he had been her enemy she would be dead now. He must teach her better than that.

“
Little woman,” he whispered trying not to startle her.

She woke instantly eyes huge with bewilderment. It took a moment to grasp where she was and that he was real not a projection from the dream world. She relaxed yawning involuntarily patting a dainty hand across rosy lips. She looked groggy still too sleepy to function.

“
I want you to come with me to my home for the winter.” he stated simply.

She was too stunned to respond. The idea of living in his world was so extrinsic she couldn’t even comprehend it. The fact that he invited her was even more astounding. She wasn’t sure what the proposal included. Did he want her as a friend or a woman? By now he knew how she felt about all men. Did he hope to change her mind? She had to ask the questions and doing so brought a rich red hue to her delicate cheeks. She couldn’t look him in the eye for embarrassment. He tossed back his head and laughed.

“
You? You’re only a child. I am only interested in helping you survive and discovering why our minds have linked together in our dreams for so many moons.”

She was relieved and simultaneously a little miffed. Even though she didn’t want his masculine interest it hurt a bit to know he didn’t even consider her to be a woman. Tenaciously she decided then and there not to go. She would be better off in Angel City with her own kind. She had money. She could buy anything she needed to live. She looked him square in the eyes.

“
No I would prefer to take my own chances alone.”

He hadn’t expected that. It took him off guard. He thought she would be grateful for him to offer his assistance. He knew she was a stranger to his land. He was for a full minute at a loss for words. Finally he decided to appeal to the part of her that he’d always known.

“
Aren’t you curious to know what it would be like to live like an Indian. My people have lived on this land forever. We know everything the white man doesn’t. If you are going to stay here shouldn’t you know how to survive?”

She thought about the home she had left behind because she had been dependent on the town to live. About her home in England and how foreign it would have been if Jaskarra had went there and tried to live without understanding the customs or the ways that people lived. She had to admit at least to herself that she was a little intrigued by his way of life. But she was even more frightened to be at his mercy if he betrayed her trust once he had her in his territory. He felt her waver understanding her hesitancy. He had piqued her curiosity. Sparked her desire to explore. He knew that was the strongest part of her nature. She wanted to know everything in the world. It was what had driven her to come to his land so young and alone. He reached in the wagon laying his muscular hand on her shoulder comforting her. She shrank back nervously. He grinned. So she was just afraid. He had to convince her he wouldn’t force himself upon her.

“
Do you remember when we bathed together?”

Guilty color suffused her cheeks. He continued. I could have had you then but I didn’t. You didn’t understand but all I wanted was your mind. To understand this bond between us. When two are close without barriers then you can join as one. I do not want your body against your will. I want you. What is inside.”

His eyes darkened seriously. The last of her qualms were erased. She nodded with acceptance. He slept beside the wagon tethering his horse to the wheel so it wouldn’t wander off in the night. It was a long time before either of them could sleep. Both of them were anxious about the repercussions of their decision.

*****

“
Jaskarra?” she whispered in the darkness.

His even breathing changed with awareness.

“
What is wrong little woman?”

The fire encircled with large stones blazed brightly illuminating the inside of the teepee and separated them. She was lonely. Excited by her new surroundings. Too enlivened to slumber yet. Typically male Jaskarra didn’t take kindly to being awoken by a chattering woman no matter how interesting she might be.

“
Go to sleep.” He bellowed tiredly.

She lay wounded by his abrupt rudeness. Silently fuming. He tossed and turned in misery for several minutes before he spoke more gently wide awake now.

“
I shouldn’t have yelled. You are in a strange place. You cannot sleep. You feel alone. Do you want to sleep with my back? Are you afraid?”

She wasn’t sure if she understood the question. Afraid of him? Or the sounds of the night? Or the strange people in the middle of nowhere that hated her because she was white and would have killed her if not for his presence? Maybe all of the above. She sighed.

“
It wouldn’t be lady-like to sleep with a man who wasn’t my husband.”

He turned over on his left side peering at her small form in the glow of the firelight.

“
You are in another world now. Your people aren’t here. They won’t ever know what you did while you’re here. If you are afraid you may have my back. If you want to stay awake all night please do so silently I need to sleep.”

She digested that with a hard gulp. He was so matter-of-fact about everything. She couldn’t believe how he seemed to be untroubled by the hang ups her society dictated. Worse she couldn’t believe she was actually considering crawling into his bed with him. She felt terrified of the unknown. She had heard wolves baying at the moon and the sounds of the night didn’t really bother her. But the blood thirsty savages that had stared at her with unadorned hatred in their faces as she passed through their village was almost as terrifying as the night the wagon train had been attacked by an army of them.

She knew he was a powerful man in his tribe by the way he was treated. That he would insulate her. But it was the same feeling you got when you knew the wolf was after the sheep and all it took was the shepherd taking a nap for one to be stolen. She was the sheep. And there was more than one wolf. Her fear of being attacked by his people was greater than her sense of propriety. He had held her many times in her dreams and that time in the canyons. What would it really matter if she spooned with him to ease the tension she felt so she could rest?

She had worn a voluminous white grannie gown that chastely covered her lithe form. She was allergic to the fur blankets he slept on. She had put her quilts on top and used them for warmth and padding against the cold hard ground. She didn’t know how she would sleep without them if she did move over to his bed. As usual he read her thoughts. Groaning in agitation he stood up tawny and massive in the flickering light that divided them. He threw the deer hide over her quilts to add heat and without further ado joined her stiff body pulling her unceremoniously into the crook of his arm planting her little head firmly under his chin. Within a few moments he was snoring lightly. Expelling a nervous breathe she hadn’t been aware of holding Xzan leaned back and relaxed enjoying for the first time in her adult life the sensation of being held.

In the days that followed her life altered so drastically she felt like a changed person. Reborn into a new world full of wonder. She took to the Indian culture with sincere reverence for their customs and admiration of their beautiful spiritual awareness. For the first time she was attuned to nature with a purpose. Even her concept of God deepened and became more meaningful.

The teepee had been a shock. With its dirt floor and the fire that kept burning day and night in the middle of the room there was just enough room to accommodate them both. It was claustrophobic at first but as time passed it became a cozy haven she looked forward to returning to each day. Winter was making itself known. The days were shorter the nights were colder and even with his body heat to warm her against the chill in the air, her nose stayed frozen outside the covers.

She learned the true meaning of Medicine Man and how valuable Jaskarra was to his tribe. He had her help him gather the herbs and roots for his medicine that would be used in the frosty months ahead. Once the snow came everything would die until the spring gave rebirth to the plant and animal life. It was imperative he preserve what he would need to last until then. He taught her where to find what was needed describing it’s uses and showing her how he stored it. He usually used deer hide pouches for dried herbs so she was pleased when he took her suggestion and allowed her to put them into small canning jars she had brought with her. She hadn’t unpacked her wagon because there was nowhere to put everything. He had covered the top of the wagon with buffalo hides to keep her possessions from being ruined. But almost every day she needed something from her stash and more and more her things were becoming incorporated with his.

He was perturbed by her obvious allergies to buffalo skins and the other furs that he used to keep them warm. She would have a violent sneezing fit every time he nose made contact with one. Using her quilts as a buffer between the furs seemed to work all right but he was cold used to the warmth of the fur directly on his skin. After she was with him for a week and had finally calmed down feeling safer in her strange surroundings Xzan began sleeping alone so he wouldn’t have to be so uncomfortable.

She had gotten used to his large presence cuddling her at night and evidently he had too for he tossed and turned moaning in his sleep that first night alone and woke up grumpy the next day. She didn’t fare much better not to mention she nearly froze to death. He had stayed warm. But it peeved him to realize he had grown used to sleeping with the little woman so fast and missed her slender form the moment she wasn’t close. He did not like weakness. This was not a good sign. He knew better than to become dependent on anyone. It had taken him many moons to stop missing Morning Dew beside him.

He had brought her here to learn survival and to took time to get to know each other as real people. To understand how it was that they met in the spirit world and why the Great Spirit allowed this union. Jaskarra believed there was a purpose that involved them both and he was a warrior who honed his skills for any battle. He was determined to bring her as close as possible to hone her for the same battle once he figured out what that might be. He had taught her to start a fire by rubbing two sticks together. She shared her matches and tinderbox with him. Some days he wasn’t sure who was teaching whom. He was as captivated by her as she was of him. A friendship based on mutual respect and admiration grew as well as an unexpected bond of devotion. His face weathered by exposure to the sun, scarred by fierce battles became dearer to her than anyone else’s ever had been.

He went to his people when they needed him. Doctored them and sat in council giving them his advice. But her never left her alone more than a few hours at a time. Even though she was relatively safe from humans in this place there were still ferocious animals that could harm her. He was teaching her to fish and hunt for food the Indian way. He had fashioned her a squaw’s knife, a bow and arrows and even a slingshot. She owned a handgun and ammunition that she practiced with frequently as well. She was getting more adept with all her weapons as time passed.