Singing Heart (21 page)

She heard the alarm bells going off and started to rise but he reached up to hold her buttocks pulling her back down. She could feel his desire and she felt too vulnerable in that unladylike position. She whimpered but he began fondling her breast deepening the kiss she had begun. His free hand crept around to the front of her skirt then under it and he groaned involuntarily when he felt how wet she was. He worked in circles rubbing her most private places until she was throbbing and squirming to get away. He continued silencing her with his lips and darting to taste her sweetness with his tongue. Exploring the inside of her mouth he teased her tongue with the same circular motion. She began moaning and stopped fighting altogether. Xzan began moving against his fingers in ecstasy soaring towards her climax. She writhed uncontrollably until she was completely spent then slumped against his chest while he held her stroking her hair and hugging her to him. Xzan’s face was flushed and her eyes glazed full of wonder when she finally lifted her dark head to peer up at him.

“
Is this what it’s like for you?”

His eyes twinkled. “I can’t remember…it’s been too long. I’ve forgotten.”

It broke the tension. She giggled pretending to beat his chest and this time he did let her get up. As much as he wanted her he had to take this one interesting step at a time. She was at a loss as he dug his way out of the teepee. Felt guilty that he had pleasured her and it hadn't been reciprocated. If he felt irritated however he didn’t show it a few minutes later when he returned with firewood. They spent the rest of the evening in companionable silence while she read by the fire and he played his strange wind instrument. Every now and then they would look at each other and smile. They both knew now it was only a matter of time.

******

Jaskarra had been gone for two days. He had promised to only be out a few hours. She couldn’t feel him and he didn’t respond in his thoughts. Xzan was fearful that something had happened to him. He’d went out looking for fresh meat. A deer or rabbit. She couldn’t wait any longer. Despite his dire warnings about wild animals or getting turned around in the snow and going over a cliff she had to do something. His parting words burned in her ears.

“
Promise me that you will not look for me if I don’t return for some reason. You would freeze to death out there or die trying to find me. I don’t want both of us to expire.”

Then he hugged her tiny form close forcing her too look deeply into his serious black eyes. “If I don’t return at the first thaw when you can travel leave this place. It is not safe for a white woman here. I am the only protection you have. Promise me you will not hesitate. Just follow the morning sun and it will take you back the way we came.”

She nodded optimistically.

“
I promise. But you’ll be back. You’re meaner than any old wolf out there. And you could find your way through these canyons if you were blind. Just leave so you can hurry up and be back. It’s spooky here with the wind howling like this. I don’t want to be alone very long.”

She rose on tiptoe to graze the side of his cheek teasingly. He turned his full lips into the peck and turned it into a heart-stopping kiss that left her slightly dizzy and more than a little shaken.

If he was unconscious he could die. Freeze to death. If he were hurt he’d need help. She refused to think about the other reason he couldn’t hear her calling him. She dressed as warmly as possible in the Moccasin boots and leg wrappings they had made together during their earlier hunting jaunts together. Her head and hands were wrapped in beaver pelts. She pulled on the buffalo skins he had fashioned as a cloak for her from and as an afterthought tied the herbs he used for poultices and the knife he had made to fit her hand around her waist. She stoked the fire sneezing violently reacting allergically to the fur and the smoke in the teepee. Then fastening the flap securely against the wind and curious animals that might seek warmth she headed in the direction she had last seen him walking in.

The snow was blindingly white. The illusion that it was all flat land was murder on her ankles when she would step in a pothole or climb up a rock unexpectedly. She had to take it slowly as the snow came up to her waist in some places. She memorized landmarks the way he had taught her to breaking a tree branch here and there to mark the path. It was bitingly cold despite her warm raiment. She tugged the beaver fur up over her nose which had started running and rubbed her hands to circulate the blood and heat them up.

Searching methodically desperately looking for some clue she knew he had to be here in the snow. Called him with her mind. All was silent. Frantic with worry but still trying to remain unruffled she was almost to the point that she would be forced to go back or freeze to death herself when she closed her eyes and willed Jaskarra to reveal himself to her. Then without knowing how, it was as if her feet had a mind of their own, she followed her instincts still marking the path along the way suddenly sure that she was headed towards him. The temperature dropped dramatically as the last rays of the sun sank and darkness crept over the land. She was chilled to the bone. Almost blind seeing spots from staring too long into the snow. When she tripped over a large mound falling involuntarily to her knees she gasped in wonder recognizing the still form beside her.

Heart beating frantically she sobbed in relief and fear that it might be too late as she brushed the snow from his gray features feeling hopefully for his pulse. It was still there. Strong and steady. He was covered in blood but she couldn’t see his injuries. Xzan didn’t know how long he had lain there. It seemed inconceivable that he was still alive. Lying in the freezing cold bleeding. It was a miracle that he hadn’t departed naturally or worse been eaten alive by hungry animals who were always scavenging for food in the barren winter months.

She laughed and cried simultaneously holding him close, calling his name and trying to wake him up. He lay limp. Oblivious to her. She didn’t know what to do. She needed him to wake up so she could get him back to the teepee. It became obvious that just wasn’t going to happen and after a few minutes she began looking for an alternative. She had to figure out a way to transport him. She spied some low hanging tree branches that looked sturdy enough. A plan formulated instantly and she ran to cut them down chopping at them loose with her knife. Then fastening her cloak between them she used the smaller vines along with her belt and the thongs that held her gloves in place to wrap the ends securely in place. It was like a mobile hammock.

Laying it beside his still form she mustered up all her strength using sheer will to roll him over on top of it. With teeth chattering from the cold she lifted the branches ignoring her stinging fingers that were now exposed to the icy wind and began inching her way back to camp praying that she would be able to see the trail she had marked in the dark. God was with her throughout her arduous task. Jaskarra lay prone oblivious to the jarring. She nearly froze without her gloves and cloak. Afraid to stop even for a moment to rest lest they both die every muscle stretched to the limit as she trudged purposefully forward.

The journey took nearly an hour. By the time she got him to the teepee then half dragged and half carried him by the shoulders inside she couldn’t feel her face or hands anymore. The warmth of the tent sent prickling sensations throughout her body. She took off their wet clothes cutting his from his massive body rolling him over on his side to slide the bloody garments away. The monstrously hug claw marks that began at the base of his neck and stopped just short of his navel spoke volumes. He’d put up one hell of a fight but the bear had won. What puzzled her was why the beast hadn’t devoured its prey afterward. All the animals were hungry this time of the year and wilder than ever when searching for sustenance.

She didn’t have time to ponder it. Xzan mixed up herbs creating a poultice. Then she gently cleaned and doctored his wounds using strips of the petticoats she seldom wore to bandage him the best she could. Fortunately it didn’t appear that he had lost too much blood. He wasn’t overly pale now that he was getting warm. The cold had probably stanched the flow. She had seen men use snow to slow the bleeding when they had accidentally been wounded. But he did have a fever which meant an infection had set in. She bathed him in water knowing that the cleaner his body was the faster it would heal. Then she covered him with all the quilts and furs to burn it out. Her fingers were useless. She had forced herself to work with them but they hung there like useless little knobs with no sensation. For the first time she felt scared for herself. What if she had frostbite? She might never play the piano again. Or be able to do anything else with her hands. It was a sobering thought.

Exhausted she climbed under the covers with him and lent him her body heat needing his nearness so they could both recover. He remained unconscious for two more days. She forced water and broth down his resisting lips continuing to fight the fever and changing the poultices and bandages. She sang to him. Talked about anything and nothing as if he were awake. Tried to get inside his head disappointed when all seemed to remain blank. She wondered if he had suffered brain damage somehow. Only the steady beating of his heart reassured her that there was still life inside. Those were two of the longest days she ever spent. When she was beginning to believe he would never wake up he opened his eyes. Watched her as she squatted by the fire making rabbit stew.

“
Hmmm…smells good…”he offered weakly.

“
Gray Wolf!” she cried out happily in his language. She momentarily lost her balance and almost capsized into the burning embers in her rush to his side. She chattered non-stop visibly relieved that he was awake. He smiled patiently knowing she must have been lonely and so worried about him. He didn’t know how he had made it back to camp but he was glad she had been there to care for him.

“
How long was I asleep?”

“
I found you two days ago. I don’t know how long you lay there before then. You were gone for two days before I went searching. I kept thinking you would be back at any moment.”

He frowned. “I told you not to go out. You disobeyed me little woman. You could have died.”

She arched an eyebrow. “If I hadn’t we wouldn’t be having this conversation now. Don’t you dare get on to me. I would rather be dead than to have left you out there to die alone.”

The memory of what had actually happened flooded his memories overriding his agitation that she had risked her life for his. He grimaced, “I thought I was dead.”

He recounted the grizzly scene sparing her the more lurid details. He had been stalking a deer when out of nowhere a black Giant attacked him. He didn’t even have time to defend himself. The bear had already been injured was undoubtedly startled by his sudden appearance and felt compelled to defend itself. They both puzzled over why the Grizzly hadn’t devoured him. Decided it had either already feasted, maybe that was where it’s wound came from, or it was in too much pain.

Jaskarra solemnly stated, “The Great Spirit has another use for me… he has protected me.”

Despite his nonchalant attitude he was very shaken by his brush with death. Not only for himself but Singing Heart. He could move to the safety of his village but while they would be safer there from nature she would be in great danger from the people that he knew disapproved of her. It was then he began plotting to take her back to her original destination. At least there she could be around her own people. When he thought about what might have happened to her he had died it made him sick. His own people might have butchered her after torturing her first. Or a pack of wolves might have torn her shreds. He couldn’t risk that again. He would regain his strength and by the time the weather turned warm enough to put his plan into action he would tell her of his decision. For now he couldn’t even hold up his own head to eat the broth she was spooning in his mouth.

Against his will, he suspected he had taught her a little too much about herbs, he slept again deeply filled with dreams he couldn’t control. He relived the attack over and over again only this time she was with him and he had been trying to protect her too. He awoke sweating profusely horrified when he had to watch her being mauled before his eyes as he fought helplessly against an invincible foe. It didn’t occur to him until his mind was cleared and he was strong enough to sit propped up to ask how she had gotten him home. He was humbled and proud of her sacrifice. She made light of using her cloak but undoubtedly she had suffered the intense temperatures and hurt herself pulling his weight. She was such a slight thing he was in awe that she had found the might to transport him.

It was then that he noticed she wasn’t able to use the fingers on her left hand. She waved away his concerns. “Their all right. I’ll learn to use them again.” They both knew she wouldn’t. He took the dainty hand kissing her fingertips honoring each one sincerely.

“
You saved my life. I owe you mine.” He vowed quietly.

She shook her head in protest. “Nonsense. I’m fine! You don’t owe me anything. I have no regrets. You have always been there for me when I needed you. That’s what we do best for each other.”

It wasn’t as bad as he made it out to be. You’d think she had cut off her hand for him the way he carried on. It was only the tips of the last three fingertips. She could still use her hand. She was learning how to compensate for the areas that were numb. The only thing she couldn’t do again would be to play her cherished piano. But out here in the middle of nowhere he didn’t have much hope of ever doing that again anyway. No matter how much she missed her family this was her home now. She wouldn’t return to England. She had spent a lifetime being pulled by this man to this time and place and she would abide here with him till they both perished. She looked into Jaskarra’s dark eyes her heart shining in her pale features. Gently touching his hairless chin with a trembling hand tears stung her eyes.