Singing Heart (24 page)

She eyed him suspiciously not sure she wanted to know what it was. So far Sean Fenierre had a way of turning her whole world upside down. He had the decency to look away turning several shades of red.

“
There’s no room for a lady there. I sleep in the barn. He and his son Robert sleep in the house. It only has one room. It’s not too uncomfortable.” He hastily reassured her “I have a nice place up in the loft. But if you come we have to pretend we really are married. You’ll have to stay with me in the barn till I can get a better place for you to live in.”

She groaned in misery. Put her head in her hands dejectedly. It had gone from bad to worse. Not only did she have to leave what little comfort she had in her heartache without Jaskarra but now she had to continue this lie and live in a barn. The look in her eyes was so grim he felt like a heel. He was convinced he had done the right thing but felt guilty as hell that she would have to be uncomfortable because of it. Better a little suffering though for a short time and to stay alive than to die.

She didn’t say another word. Her expressions spoke volumes. She stood with ladylike dignity gathering her things and waited for him to pay for the coffee. Silently she strolled with him back to the boarding house with her tiny hand tucked in the muscular curve of his arm. He had changed a lot. Grown into a man not just physically this year. It was apparent in his attitude. He had always been her friend. She didn’t like having no control over what was happening but she knew that she had to trust him. Could only hope that he was as sure as he acted. One of them had to keep on the right track and frankly she wasn’t sure what that was anymore.

Chapter Nine

It was so late by the time they got out of town they had to camp only a few miles down the road because it grew too dark to see. Fortunately it was a mild night. It hadn’t been a problem to buy her wagon and horse back or to hire someone to help load her belongings. The hardest part was the betrayal she had seen in Mrs. Beasley’s eyes. She had wanted to confide the truth. To be believed and regain the woman’s trust but she knew if would have been futile to even try. No matter what she said the damage had been done and it was best to walk away with as much dignity as possible. It didn’t help that the other ladies shot looks of daggers at her also for stealing their man. Sean had won all of their hearts. Especially the damsel he had rescued in distress. If looks could kill Xzan would have been dead.

Sean had played the role of the besotted bridegroom to the hilt. Treating her like a fragile china doll who shouldn’t lift a feather. She glared at him on several occasions but her irritation only seemed to inspire his devotion even further. She felt empty. An emotion that was becoming too familiar. When the last box was loaded and she had closed the door to her room she felt as if she were walking into oblivion. Some of the women here might die of the fever that Sean was anxious about. There was nothing she could do to warn any of them. None of them had anywhere else to go.

She helped make camp silently. She had insisted on a list of supplies which she had paid for before leaving town. If the fever was going to hit Angel City like it did Sweetbriar there might not be a mercantile in a very short time. According to Sean the next nearest city from the farm was thirty miles in the opposite direction. She might have to live in a barn with the animals but she didn’t have to give up the few pleasures she had. Her coffee and sugar were paramount on the list. Xzan had bought enough to last a whole year if necessary. She had also purchased other staple items that might be needed with four hungry mouths to feed in the winter months and some perishable items such as cheese, bread and freshly churned butter and buttermilk which they ate for supper and would finish off at breakfast.

They shared a small feast in front of the blazing warmth of the campfire. It was so still. Except for the sounds of nature. The stars seemed to go on forever. Like heavy diamonds sprinkled liberally across a black velvet lambrequin.
She lay on her bedroll sated. Xzan stared in a dreamy haze at the constellations her eyes luminous with unspoken thoughts. Finally she turned her gaze to her huge companion.

“
Sean I don’t know if your hunch was right. If it was you saved my life. I want to thank you for that. I don’t have any options right now except to go with you. I will play the role of your wife in front of your family. Just don’t expect me to carry it over in to the times we’re alone together. I expect you to respect me no matter how close of quarters we ever share.”

Sean looked affronted. “I have always treated you with the utmost deference!”

She turned on her side her voice muffled. He could barely understand what she was saying.

“
I’ll find my own place as soon as I can. Have you thought about what your going to tell your family when I do leave someday? I’ve already just about had my reputation sullied as much as it can stand. It seem no matter what I do I just can’t win.”

Her voice drifted off heavy with exhaustion. He felt a pang of remorse for putting her in this position. He just didn’t see any other alternative. A single woman was defenseless in this savage territory. He didn’t ever want her to leave. He’d like for her to really be his wife someday. To protect her. Cherish her the way she deserved to be treated. But until he had time to prove to her that he was no longer the little boy she met was indeed a full-grown man he would have to do his best to take care of her even if it meant making her a little mad.

*******

She dreamed about him for the first time in weeks. Maybe it was because she had slept under the heavens and felt closer to him than usual. He was touching her the way he once had fanning flames inside that demanded to be cooled. She moaned in her sleep moving her body as if in pain. Sean woke from a deep sleep when she began whimpering like a small wounded animal. He had slept on the other side of the campfire to give her privacy. He wondered if she were having a nightmare about her husband. He hadn’t fully understood the things he’d heard his parents whispering about all those years ago. Had only fathomed she had been severely abused by a foul animal. Recollecting the things he had heard and now understood he knew what she had endured. It broke his heart that she was still haunted after all these years.

He rose quietly. Hesitating. Then sighing, picking up his bedroll, Sean placed it next to hers. Lying down he reached over to comfort her. Patting her delicate back like an infant and soothing her the best he could. He held her limp fingers squeezing them reassuringly. She stilled. Fell into a deeper more peaceful slumber. When he awoke a few hours later she was settled comfortably in the crook of his arm. He didn’t want her to wake up and accuse him of taking advantage of her in her sleep. So like he had many early mornings on the trail he disengaged his massive frame from her lithe form reluctantly. Moving his bedroll back to its original spot he fell asleep again almost instantly.

They reached the farm by mid-day. Her first sight of the place was breathtakingly lovely. A clear rippling stream sat in the middle of acres of plush green land with rich dark soil. There was a huge red barn and a weathered but newly whitewashed shanty shack. There weren’t many trees but the few they had were old and huge adorned by dark green leaves. She could visualize a swing hanging from one of those branches. Laughing children running around it’s base and folding their arms over their happy faces calling out “Hide!”

Her heart twisted with a momentary jab of pain when she saw Sean’s Uncle. Jeb was the splitting image of his older brother Robert Fenierre. A big, burly, bearded, dark-headed man with eyes so vividly blue she could see the color at a distance. However as she would soon discover physical appearance was the only thing the brothers had shared in common. Jeb didn’t have much use for people. The love of his life was the land. He took the news that his nephew had returned with a bride in stride. Nodded his head in response. His son Robert named after his deceased brother and his dead wife’s father came running exuberantly to greet his cousin. He eyed Xzan curiously polite awaiting introductions. He would undoubtedly have a million questions to ask out of her presence. But for now he took off his hat respectfully when the announcement was made.

“
I’m pleased to meet you ma’am. Welcome to the family. Can you cook?"

Sean burst out laughing. Xzan stared at both men in confusion. He explained cheerfully.

“
They nearly starve to death when I’m gone. Don’t know how they survived before I came. Aunt Maggie had been dead may she rest in peace over six years now. Both of them could burn water. You’d better watch out. You know the best way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. If they ever taste your cooking they might try to steal you away from me.”

She giggled with the compliment. She didn’t really believe it was that bad. After six years of fending for themselves they were bound to have learned a few things. Robert’s namesake reminded her poignantly of his cousin Richard. The little boy would have looked a lot like him as an adult. His hair was flaming red a thick mass of riotous curls. Yellowish orange freckles splattered across the bridge of his nose giving him an eternally boyish demeanor only the bright blue eyes belying his years. He was at least 25 if he was a day. He lacked the hulking frame of the other Fenierre men. Was indeed only a few inches taller than his new cousin-in-law. Gaunt. She knew he was probably strong as a mule despite his bony appearance. She’s seen scrawnier men on the trail lift a wagon by themselves when a wheel broke. Working on a farm he undoubtedly had tremendous stamina. He didn’t look ill.

The barn was mammoth in proportions. Sean hadn’t lied when he said he had made himself a comfortable little nest in it. She climbed up into the hayloft to look around and was pleasantly surprised to see he had cleared a space about ten feet square. There was a feather mattress on the floor covered with several quilts and two pillows. A small wooden crate sat next to the bed with a lantern perched precariously on top to read by.

On the other side was a trunk that undoubtedly held his clothing. There was plenty of space to stack her belongings. Even a place for her rocker which she had been loath to part with since she’d first arrived in the house in Sweetbriar. Her copper tub was heavy but she was sure the men could find a way to heave it up the short ladder to the loft. Her baths were of major importance and she needed her privacy to enjoy them.

This wasn’t where she wanted to spend the rest of her life but she had slept in worst places. Living off the land in a teepee or on the hard ground during the trail drive had been more excruciating than this would be. She smiled sweetly at Sean. “It’s livable.”

He looked so relieved it melted away her last trace of anger at him. She reached out her left hand. Being Sean he went for the whole works. Grabbing her by the waist he swept her into a bear hug happily. Xzan laughed pummeling his shoulders ineffectually pleading with him to put her down. She gave him a genuine hug in return when he complied obediently. Then she went to explore the rest of the farm.

The only cooking facilities were inside Jeb’s cabin. Sean opened the door apologetically wrinkling his nose in disgust.

“
They spend all their time in the fields, don’t do a lot of cleaning. I’m sorry it’s so dirty but maybe you can clean a work space and ignore the rest.”

She walked in and back out, instantly gagging, nearly knocking him down in the process, pinching her nose in revulsion. The cabin smelled like rotting meat, filthy socks and soured milk. She hadn’t even looked in the odor was so overpowering but she could imagine what really did accommodate the stench. She glared accusingly at Jeb and his son who were a few feet away talking about a broken fence. Both men seemed to tune in to her at the same time. Robert turned a bright red. Jeb was totally unimpressed. Hands on hips she demanded.

“
Well are you going to stand there gawking or find the broom and scrub brush? Start bringing in buckets of water!”

Jeb strode away snorting unconcernedly. Robert and Sean bowed their heads like whipped puppies and began searching for the required items. It was way almost nightfall by the time the cabin was scoured spotlessly clean. It didn’t even look the same. She’d found a glass jar and filled it with wild flowers sitting it in the window over the sink. The wooden floors had been so deeply embedded with dirt it taken all of them working together to lift the last traces of residue. Their dirty clothes were outside the door in a burlap bag awaiting a new day. In the center of the mantle over the fireplace ticking away for the first time in six years was Maggie’s cherished cuckoo clock. Xzan had ecstatically found a key to wind it. The little bird’s head wobbled and he squeaked every hour when the long hand struck twelve.

She and Sean agreed to store all of their goods inside a pantry that she had discovered hidden behind a dusty old dresser. That aperture was beyond repair, the drawers falling to pieces used as a catch all for every dirty dish or piece of clothing in the house. She had them tote it out clearing the space and opening the door to a room the size of a large closet that had been long forgotten. Inside on the dusty shelves were canned preserves no longer edible, bulging in their jars. What looked like pickled okra had become green slime. She had the men bury the old food knowing it was highly toxic and not wanting an animal to get poisoned from it.