Asha leaned into the table. “So…let’s be real for a second.”
“Ash, I don’t know anything about Bellamy’s love life, nor do I care to know.”
Asha clicked her teeth. “But you’re certain he’s neither gay nor is he married?”
“I’m certain that he’s neither of those.”
“Ever dabbled bisexually just because he was curious?”
“I don’t know. Why don’t you ask him?”
She hadn’t realized how close the boys were to the table before she’d made such a remark. Asha’s brown eyes lit up at the sight of them approaching, and such an alarming query simply fell off of her lips before she had a chance to stop them.
“So Bellamy, have you ever dabbled bisexually?”
The question didn’t make much sense in the stream of context, and the entire group stared at Asha.
Scotty raised his eyebrows as he took a seat at the table beside her. “Asha, what the hell is wrong with you?”
Natalie scrambled to make amends as Brandon took his place beside her. “Sorry about that. I guess that last mojito she had at the restaurant sent her over the edge. She’s not thinking clearly.”
Brandon laughed. “I don’t think any thought went into that question.”
But Bellamy was smiling, slicing through any particular awkwardness. The band struck its first chord. “Asha…would you like to dance now?”
The first song was strong, slow and familiar. Bellamy took Asha’s hand and led her to a small gathering of languid swayers in the center of the room.
And Natalie watched them.
Scotty shook his head. “Asha’s always been a sucker for a fat wallet…”
“I hate to break it to you,” Zuly replied. “But she seemed into him long before she caught wind of his wealth…”
“I agree,” Natalie replied.
“Well, what did she say about him?” Scotty pressed. “Couldn’t have been much. She only met the guy five minutes ago.”
“Calm down, Scott,” Natalie answered. “They’re just dancing. Would you like to dance with me?”
Natalie stood to her feet, prompting him. She reached for his hand, watching him soften beneath her touch.
“Fine,” he said, rising to his feet. “But just one song. Maybe two.”
Natalie turned to Brandon. “Be back, baby. Don’t miss me too much.”
“I’ll do my best,” he replied. “Zuly and I will just have more time to get to know each other.”
She led Scotty to an open area with enough distance from Bellamy and Asha. They were talking, staring at each other, and Bellamy was smiling. Natalie’s chest thumped.
It was the first time she’d seen him smile in weeks. The sight was startling. And she turned away again, as though it were an image she was not meant to see. The band started another song; Scotty and Natalie started to sway.
“You’re quiet tonight.”
She looked up at her friend. “Was it that obvious?”
“Want to talk about it?”
“I’m just tired.”
“Pregnant woman thing?”
She giggled. “If you want, Scotty.”
“You barely look pregnant. How far along are you now?”
“Six months.”
“Are you serious? Are you having half a baby?”
“You’re ridiculous.”
“You missed me, admit it.”
“I missed you a ridiculous amount. I just wish you would consider moving out here. There are so many opportunities for a guy like you.”
“And leave Ash behind? She would kill me.”
“What’s the deal with you two?”
“We had sex in the car on the way to the airport. And again while waiting for you to get off work. I petitioned for sex in the bathroom at the restaurant, but she refused. And now here we are.”
“A little too much information…”
“Oh, please. You and Brandon know our situation better than anyone.”
“Fair enough.”
“I mean, I’ve been having sex with her for almost eight years now and it’s still just as exciting as the time we did it by accident by the lake.”
“So it’s the sex that excites you.”
“Hell, I don’t know. That’s a huge generalization. I have this vision of my life in the future…and I never see myself not fitting Asha into the equation.”
“So…what are you saying?”
“I’m saying something you’ve known all along. I’ve been in love with Asha Castile since day one. And to see her dancing with that guy is killing me.”
“Well, I’ll tell you what you need to do. You go over to them, take Asha’s hand and you pull her into your arms. Girls want a man who fights for them. She’s just scared. What if I didn’t have Brandon fighting for us all of the time? Where would that lead me?”
“I hate it when you’re right.”
She leaned up to kiss the side of his face. “Do what I say.”
And he did. She watched as Asha initially attempted to protest. Scotty coddled her. Bellamy let her go willingly, and his smile faded. She thought to return to her husband, but through a break in the crowd, she could see he and Zuly laughing at something. She liked what she saw – she wouldn’t think of disturbing them.
She thought about getting some fresh air. She took a couple of steps.
“Dance with me.”
His voice. She closed her eyes. Where was his couth? Her husband was only feet away. Was his presence not enough of a hiccup?
She turned to face him. “No.”
He started toward her anyway.
“No. Don’t come.”
“Go to your husband, then.”
She didn’t move. His eyes.
He sauntered closer to her. She didn’t move an inch. Her heart pounded. The music did something to her. Her brain was screaming, pleading for relief. Impending plight, inexcusable submission was inevitable. His eyes.
He stopped just before her, extending a hand, placing it on her arm gingerly.
“Bellamy…”
His name rolled off of her tongue easily. She closed her eyes again. She could smell him. His warmth was near. It was alien, and her insides turned into a pool of something, coagulating with fear.
Damn it.
He snaked his fingers down her arm, tickling the tips of his fingers into the bed of her palm. She wanted it to be over quickly, but it lingered, evilly so, shooting up her veins, through her body like a disease.
She welcomed the poison.
He secured her hand in his, pulling her closer.
His touch was soft and attentive, agile. His gaze was careful and focused. She strayed away from meeting them. They began to sway slowly, tilting from one side to the next. All she could hear was the trailing keys of a piano and she began to ascend out of her body. His way with rhythm was astounding. She feared the image of his rhythm in other areas in addition.
“Her name was Gabriella.”
She looked at him. “What? Who?”
“I was nineteen. I was at Stanford and I was bored. I wanted to leave school that semester. There was nothing more they could offer me that I didn’t already know. My father was just wasting his money. I woke up one morning, determined to do it. It was really early, barely a student on campus. I was distracted, irritated and jaded, and the sun was bright that day. I didn’t see her coming. And I bumped into her. I bumped into Gabriella Wolfe.”
“Why are you telling me this Bellamy?”
“I yelled at her. I yelled at her for not looking where she was going. Mind you, I was still hung-over from the night before and I was running on two hours of sleep. I said some things that I still regret to this day. But I yelled at her and she ran off screaming down the sidewalk. For some reason, I went after her. Something told me to. And when I reached her, she slapped me. She slapped me hard. It hurt like hell. But I started laughing. And I said, ‘My name’s Bellamy. And I’m sorry.’ She replied, ‘Gabby. And I don’t take bullshit from rich guys like you’. Then she walked off.”
“Sounds like my kind of girl.”
“I searched through every ‘Gabby’ in the student directory. I even went by her dorm. I’d never put that much effort into anything my entire life. But I had to find her.”
“Did you?”
“Yes. The girl just happened to live in the same dorm as me. Go figure. She had this mousey dark brown hair…but her eyes. I’d never seen eyes like hers. They were big and round, hooded, and brown. Rimmed with specks of green. I wanted to always look into those eyes. I knocked on her door and her roommate answered. I told the roommate my name. ‘Oh yea’, she says. ‘She told me about you. She told me to tell you to go to hell’. So, I left. And I’m walking back to my room. And I see her, walking down my hall. And I stop her. ‘Hey’, I say. She slapped me again.”
“Good.”
“But then something weird happened. I felt compelled to kiss her, so I did. She didn’t stop me. And I say, ‘I wanted to do that the first time I laid eyes on you’. She busted out laughing. And I kissed her again. We were together for four years. I never told her that she’d saved me from quitting my life. I never told her a lot of things. I bet she has no idea that she was my very first love…”
“They make cards to explain everything you just told me. I’m sure she’d understand.”
“My point is…I never apologize to anyone. My actions are my actions. But I was genuinely sorry with her. And I’m genuinely sorry with you.”
“Bellamy…don’t.”
“No…I misused your trust. And I’m sorry.”
She only stared at him. “Well…maybe you should tell Gabriella the same thing. I’m sure she would love to hear it.”
“I can’t. She’s dead.”
“Bellamy…”
“Car accident. She was rushing home to get changed for a dinner I invited her to. The cops said it was instant. She didn’t suffer. I’m glad. I haven’t said her name in over five years. Please accept my apology. I won’t stop until you do.”
TOUCH
“ONE OF US SHOULD WALK AWAY FROM THIS”.
She whispered it quietly, and Bellamy studied her lips. He didn’t speak.
She sighed. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“You first.”
“You asked me to dance.”
“That’s not very fair, now is it?”
“None of this is...”
He grumbled something that she couldn’t decipher as the song changed.
She gazed back at him with furrowed brows. “Stop staring at me.”
“I’m not...”
“Yes, you are. Stop it.”
He scoffed. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Tell me what you’re thinking.”
“No.”
“Damn it, Bellamy.”
“Natalie...if you knew what I was thinking. I mean, every sick morsel of my thoughts, you’d never want to speak to me again. And I can’t afford to let that happen.”
Something inside of her sank, deeply, weighing her, inevitably causing her to grapple him tighter.
She murmured his name in her head, but she kept it from fruition on her lips.
He still studied her lips.
She was a fool.
“Looks like a serious conversation going on over here.”
The sound of her husband’s voice caused her to blink and step away smartly. Bellamy was grinning. She could’ve vomited right then and there. And would it have been understood? Socially acceptable? Awkward?
Hell yes.
But it would have made her feel better -- it would have been a direct sign that she felt remotely guilty about how she’d just acted. It would have indicated a strong, unbending love for Brandon, in the cosmic sense.
Contrarily, she was fucked. Something had happened. Something had changed.
Bellamy didn’t stop grinning.
“Pay us no mind,” Bellamy said, congenially slapping her husband on the back. “We were discussing one of my father’s surgeries. Nothing more.”
Brandon reached for his wife. He squeezed life into her. “Very well...baby are you ready to head out? It’s getting late and I have an early morning.”
“Sure...”
And as quickly as they’d arrived, they exited, hopping into Brandon’s truck as if nothing had occurred.
The silent ride home was deafening. She was screaming, reprimanding her heart, shaking at the thought of it all. She tried to quell it all as Brandon snaked his hand across the console to find solace in hers. She was too weak to reciprocate. She tried to dull the aching, but it only grew, spreading the length of her body, squeezing at her, debilitating her.
Damn it.
They came home, set up Scotty and Asha for the night, and he helped her to bed. Then, he silently lay down beside her, running the trails of his fingers up and down her body, poking at her navel, creating invisible infinity symbols around her breasts, tracing illegible words along her thighs and between them.
When a tear slid down her cheek, he didn’t seem to notice. He neared himself to her, pressing his lips into her neck, up to her chin, downward to her collarbone.
Then, he groaned. “You smell so good...”
She didn’t stop him. And another tear fell. He peeled away her nightgown.
This body was his. He knew it.
He created length between her thighs and claimed the space between them.
It was then that he paused and gazed down at her. “Are you okay?”
“Yes...”
“Are you sure? I feel like I’m all alone in this. Like I’m molesting you or something.”
“I’m just tired, that’s all...”
“Want me to stop?”
“No. Please. Never stop.”
Then, she allowed him to. She felt his hesitancy.
IN AN HOUR, he was naked and fast asleep, lapped over her body shamelessly, breathing life into her skin.
Looking out the window, she forced herself to breathe. The skies were clear, and there was silence. Distressing silence. Distrait silence. Daunting periwinkle skies. And silence.
It thumped against her ears, rattling her body, keeping her wide awake. The sound of Brandon’s even breathing should have soothed her. She even paused every once in awhile to gaze over at him. He’d always been so comfortable lying beside her, carelessly dreaming, milking the night.
She was more in love with him when he was miles away from her.
She’d never have the gaul to admit it to him, though.