Slate (Breaking the Declan Brothers #2) (19 page)

“Yeah, they’re just not allowed to love ya back, right?”

“That’s right.” He nudges his chin, “Now get the fuck out of here.”

“I’m out,” I say, waving my hand at him as I head down the hall.

It takes me ten minutes to shower, a couple more to get dressed, and then I’m back in the bar, but Rayna is nowhere in sight. I see Jax and he walks over to me. “She knows,” he says.

My head jolts back as my defenses shoot up. “Knows what?”

“Rayna heard about Lady,” he sighs. “They were talking about dogs and shit at the bar, and someone mentioned about you and—”

“Fuck!”

“Sorry, Slate, I think she’s headed home.” Jax reaches into his pocket and pulls out his keys. “Here, take my truck.”

I look down at his hand. He never lets me drive his truck. He doesn't trust me with it. He hasn’t trusted me with anything in a long time. So, offering me his truck is a huge stepping-stone for us. Fuck, I almost wanna hug the big fucker, but instead, I take the keys. I have to find Rayna. I know her hearing the truth could pull her right away from me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

It’s as if all those years of holding back my tears and laughing instead have finally caught up to me, and I can’t stop crying. I can barely see in front of me; everything is blurry. It’s my fault. Just like Jamison, everything that’s happened to Slate is my fault. I caused all of his pain, and he turned to drugs because of it.

I make the left onto Dolphin Street, and it starts to rain. I’m almost home but what does it really matter? I’m drenched in tears already. How can I ever face Slate again? I can’t. I came back here to break him, but apparently, three years ago, I already did that. I broke him, and I managed to ruin his life, too.

Jax’s truck pulls up alongside the road. “Oh, great.” I throw my hands out. I don’t need Emmie, Jax, or anyone else chasing after me. I just want to be left alone. I walk faster.

“Hey,” I hear Slate’s voice and spin around. I freeze as he jogs over to me in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. He’s beautiful, perfect, caring, unselfish, and I’m falling in love with him. What do I say? What do I do? I try to open my mouth, but I can’t catch my breath and the tears just keep streaming down from my eyes.

“Oh, no, no, no, babe,” he says, pulling me against him. “Don’t do this.” He strokes my wet hair, squeezing me tighter to his muscular chest. I stand beneath his strong hold, shuddering from my persistent tears. “It’s okay.” He kisses me on the top of my head. “Monkey, I know what you’re thinking.” He palms my cheeks and forces me to look up at him. “But it wasn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it was.” I push him away from me. “You weren’t even in Grams’ store when it caught fire. You went into that burning building because of me.” He tries to move toward me. “No.” I hit him in the chest. “Dammit, Slate.” I hit him again, and he stands completely still and lets me have my meltdown. “I left her with you. How isn’t it my fault? If I hadn’t left, if Lady wasn’t your responsibility, you wouldn’t have gone running in Grams’ store to save her. You wouldn’t have been burned. You wouldn’t have been hooked on painkillers. It’s my fault!” I place my hands on the sides of my head. Oh, God! I can’t believe this is happening. I’m so angry, so hurt, so confused, and so guilty. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I knew that you’d think this, just like Jamison.” He takes a step toward me, and I move back. His hands fist at his sides. “Fuck! I knew you’d blame yourself for what I did.”

“You…” I take a shaky breath, pointing at him. “You should’ve waited for the fucking fire department. You...” I choke out with a cry, “you should’ve waited!”

“No, Rayna. I couldn’t do it. When Zeke and I got to Grams’ store that night, and I knew she was in there. Zeke tried, but nobody was going to stop me. Lady was my girl, too. I had to go in.”

“No.” I stomp my foot, wanting to hit him again. “No you didn’t!”

“Yes. I did. But it was my choice to go in after her, not yours. Just like it was Jamison’s choice to run that red light. Fuck, Rayna! You can’t do this to yourself. You can’t blame yourself for other people’s decisions. My rage is what hurt that kid, Joey, and it’s my fault that he’s crippled for life. Jamison’s love for you might’ve been why he was in the car, but running that red light was his decision. You gotta stop this shit.”

“But I ruined you,” I whisper. “I left her with you, and you, the sweet, kind, caring guy who you are, ran in after her, and look what happened. You...you,” I sniffle, running the back of hand across my eyes. “No.” I shake my head. “It’s my fault.”

“That’s enough.” He grabs me and pulls me against him. “I told you, every choice that I make, I own. And I know that I fucked up but—”

“No, Slate. I did. I’m so sorry.” I sway back and gaze into his glistening eyes. “I shouldn’t have left you. I shouldn’t have believed that you cheated on me. How could I ever think that? I loved you.”

“Now we’re getting somewhere,” he says with a small smile, pushing the hair back from my face. “Yes. You did love me. And I’m going to do everything in my power to get that love back. I fucked up. I let myself go, got lost to the drugs. I liked getting high; that’s why I did it. It was easy.” His smile softens as his thumb gently strokes the tears from my cheek. “I forgot what it felt like to be in love. But you coming back here reminded me of what it means to care about someone, the sacrifices and rewards that come with it. I’m not sayin’ staying clean is going to be easy. Every minute of every day, it’s going to be a fight. But I’m ready, babe. And you don’t need to worry, whether you’re here or not, I will do it.”

“I know you will.” I stop to absorb him and the feel of him around me. “But, Slate, I’m not leaving you.”

“No?”

“No,” I say, trying to break past my tears with a small smile.

“You sure?”

“Yes,” I say, knowing in my heart that I can’t walk away from him again. This is where I belong, right here with him. Slate and me—it’s always only been us.

“All right, but first, I need to hear you say it. Tell me that you know what happened wasn’t your fault.”

“Slate,” I groan, leaning into him.

“Now, come on.” He nudges me with his chest. “How am I to believe that you’re not staying with me out of guilt?”

“I’m not,” I try to argue. “I’m staying because I care about you.”

“Then prove it. Say it.” Shit, he’s just as persistent now as he was when he made me agree to that ridiculous deal down in the den. Just like then, I know that I’ll agree to just about anything to be with him.

“Fine. It wasn’t my fault.”

“That’s right, babe. The only thing you can blame yourself for,” he says with a grin, “is giving your heart to me.”

“Huh, and to think, I came back here to break yours.” I laugh.

“Really?” His eyebrow arches. “Well, it’s yours, Rayna. You can keep it, but if you don’t want it, I can assure you that you will break it. But whatever you decide, it’s your choice.”

“I own it, right?”

“Yep, you own it, and you’ll have to live with that decision.”

“Then I think that I’m just going to keep your heart, Slate Declan, because that’s the only decision that I can live with.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

I click my cell phone off and toss it on Slate’s dresser as he walks into his bedroom carrying two bottles of water. I glance up and the bright specks of blue, green, and gray in his eyes beam down upon me awakening those butterflies in my belly. He smiles, and it still amazes me what that does to those pretty eyes, making them that much more beautiful. I love him. I don’t think that I ever stopped, but I know now that I never will.

“Here.” He hands me the bottled water. I take it, and he sits down beside me on the bed.

“I just talked to Mrs. Boman, that social worker.”

“Yeah,” he says, halting the sip he was about to take of his water.

“She said that your tip paid off. When she went to that Gathie girl’s apartment for a home visit on Saturday, she brought the cops with her. They must’ve just picked up their supply. The drugs were right there out in the open. They arrested her and her boyfriend. Sofie, that’s the baby’s name, will be going to stay with her grandmother in Tennessee. I guess her and Sofie’s mom were estranged. Mrs. Boman said not to worry though, she checked her out. The grandmother’s a retired nurse, and Sofie will be going to a safe environment.”

“Good.” Slate nods, staring down at the floor. “Sofie, that’s a nice name.”

“Yes.” I place my hand on his thigh. “It is,” I say, knowing that Slate Declan has found his heart, again. He might have changed a little, but he helped that baby and that’s the Slate I remember.

“I’m glad she’s going to stay with her grandmother. Gathie could’ve really messed her up. Shit like that fucks up a kid, ya know? I think that’s what happened to Zeke.”

“Zeke?”

Slate looks up at me. “Oh, yeah. I don’t think that I ever told you what happened to him the night my parents were murdered.”

“No. You didn’t. What happened...?”