Sleep Peacefully (21 page)

“Hello,”
I shout into the darkness as I near the conservatory entrance. My heart hammers
loudly, echoing in my ears, as I try to make out the person I can see sitting
alone in the darkness.

“Lola,”
I say, surprised. The smell of smoke from her cigarette still clings heavily to
my nostrils. I’m not sure if it’s the smell or the fact that she has
effectively broken into my house that makes me feel a little sick.

“What
are you doing here?” I try to keep my voice steady, as though I know nothing
more than I ever had. She must have taken Ryan’s set of keys, the ones he keeps
for emergencies or to look after the house if we are away on holiday. I think
of Ryan now, probably tucked up in bed at Mum’s house, totally unaware that his
future wife has let herself into my house and is now sitting in my
conservatory, smoking.

“Oh,
hi Nat, I didn’t hear you come in.” She says the words as though I’m the
visitor to her house and she’s been waiting for my arrival. She follows my gaze
to her lit cigarette. “Oh shit, sorry, I forgot you guys don’t like smoking in
the house.” She stands and starts to make her way towards me. She looks like
Lola, sounds like Lola, but seems different, distant somehow.

I
step back away from the kitchen bench as she approaches and reaches past me to
turn on the tap at the sink. She quickly puts out the cigarette under its flow
and throws the butt into the pedal bin beside her. I watch her, staying silent,
as she turns back to me and leans on the bench behind her, propping herself up
on her elbows and fixing her stare on my face. Her sleek black fringe shines
with the light of the cooker hood, and her emerald green eyes sparkle.

“So,
you’ve met Adam?” she asks matter of factly.

She’s
obviously found out that I tracked him down somehow. I can't figure out how at
first. Then I remember the strange feeling of being watched on Christmas Day
when I first met Adam in the graveyard. I have no doubt in my mind that Lola
was there that day. It hadn’t been my imagination at all. She was worried that
Adam would tell me about their relationship.

“Yes,
I've met Adam,” I reply, not bothering to lie, trying to make it sound as
though it is no big deal. I don’t intend on concealing the truth in any way. I
don’t see why I should.

“Did
he tell you, about him and Jess?”

“Yes,
he told me they were married.”

Lola
eyes me suspiciously “What else did he tell you, Nat?” It is clear that she’s
testing me to see how much I know, how much Adam knows. I play along.

“He
told me that you were the only person who knew about it.”

“Yes,
I admit I did know they were once married, but Jess asked me not to say
anything.”

“Oh,
so that’s why you didn’t say anything.”

“Yes,
because I’m a good friend Nat. Jess knew she could trust me.”

I
can’t keep up the charade anymore, and burst out laughing mockingly in her
face. “He told me everything Lola,” I blurt out. “I found out tonight that you
two slept together and... that he thinks Liam’s his, so quit playing the good
girl act.”

Lola
stands bolt upright. The bangles on her wrist clink loudly against the kitchen
cupboard door as she pushes herself up straight. She looks shocked.

“How
did he find out? Have you told anyone?” she whispers.

My
heart rate accelerates. I can feel a hot nervous rash starting to creep across
my shoulders, then up my neck.
So it’s really true. Ryan isn’t Liam’s
father.
“He saw a picture of Josh and Liam on my phone, he put two and two
together and no, I haven’t told anyone.”

Lola
lowers her head, nodding towards the floor. She shrugs her shoulders. “Hardly
surprising. Liam is the double of Adam, always has been.”

“Why
didn’t you tell Ryan?”

“I
only found out a couple of weeks before Ryan and I started dating. I fell in
love with him from the first moment I met him, Nat and I knew that if I told
him I was carrying another man’s child he would run for the hills. I couldn’t
lose him.”

“So
you lied to him, you lied to Jess, you lied to all of us?” I can feel anger bubbling
inside me, and have to consciously remind myself to calm down. I’ve had enough
stress for one day.

Lola
lowers her head, “I couldn't lose him,” she repeats, “I
can't
lose him.”

“Look,
Lola I've had one hell of a night. All I want to do is go to bed. Can we talk
about this in the morning?” I ask, faking a yawn. To be honest, I just want her
out of my house. I can't take anymore lies, I’ve had more than my fair share
for one night.

“How
do I know you won’t call Ryan the second I’m out of the door?” she asks.

“Well
Lola, that’s just where you are going to have to trust me. In any case, if Ryan
does find this out, I think it should come from you. You’re engaged to be
married, after all. I think he deserves the truth.”

I
turn my back to her, and head to the front door, looking back to see if she is
following me; she is. But what I don’t see is Lola picking up the solid granite
chopping board from the kitchen bench as she passes and lowering it from my
view until we reach the hallway. I’m almost at the front door before I see she
has it.

Everything
happens so fast in the next few moments that I barely have time to register it
at all, never mind to try and defend myself. She lifts the heavy board high
above her head and brings it down, hitting my own. I let out a startled gasp as
the sharp edge makes contact with the side of my skull. I hit the floor hard,
landing in a helpless heap, and everything slips away into the shadows.

As
I open my eyes, I’m greeted by warm sunlight hitting the side of my cheek. I
put a hand to my head, waiting for the pain to hit, but it doesn’t come. I lift
myself off the floor, trying to pinpoint my location, It doesn’t take long for
me to know that I’m in my old bedroom at the lake house. I reach for the bed
and pull my body up from the floor, using its frame to steady myself, then put
up a hand to guard my eyes against the now blinding orange glow coming from the
window. That’s when I see her.

Jess
is standing at the window with her back to me. She is dressed in a long white
dress that glides over her narrow hips, stopping at her bare feet. Her long
hair is loose and tousled, her bare back is tanned, and her skin has a strong
shimmer to it that I’ve never noticed before.

“Hello
you,” she says, her voice so familiar after all this time. Tears fill my eyes
and start to roll uncontrollably down my cheeks. It’s so good to hear her
voice, it’s just as I remember. I remain silent, wanting to hear nothing more than
my sister’s words filling the room until it’s ready to burst.

She
smiles at my reaction. Her lips shimmer, showing the small freckle on the tip
of her lip, but she doesn’t move from the spot where she stands.

“We
have to be quick,” she continues, “I don’t have a lot of time.” She looks out
of the window at the lake, gazing into its immaculate sunset as if she is
expecting someone to arrive at any moment.

“What
is it, Jess?” I ask, understanding that she needs to tell me something. I can
feel the urgency coming from her as if it was my own. She moves towards me
slowly and puts her hand to my face, pressing her fingertips lightly to my
cheek. Her touch is unexpectedly warm. I tilt my head towards it. Her body is
surrounded by the sunlight that seems to be getting brighter, creating a
halo-like glow around her. My tears run faster as I nod at her slowly, now
understanding. I close my eyes, allowing her to show me what she needs me to
know.

Images
of her final night flash through my mind, and I see her last moments before she
fell from the cliff top through her own eyes. The images flash through my brain
all at once, so quickly that it’s difficult to take them all in, and I hear
every word that is spoken. When the flashbacks conclude, I finally understand
the truth of what happened the night Jess died. I now know what she has been
trying to show me all this time. I open my eyes and nod at her. She smiles back
at me, then slowly moves her hand to my ear and brushes my hair away from it.
She moves close and lowers her voice to a sweet whisper.

“Wakey,
Wakey sleepy head.”

I
regain consciousness, and try desperately to focus my eyes in the dim light of
the hallway. My eyesight is so blurred that I have double vision. My head aches
terribly, and my bad ankle has taken yet another injury. I can feel the pain
from it pulsating up my leg, all the way to the top of my thigh. I loop my hand
through the banister above me and use every ounce of strength that I possess to
haul myself into a standing position. I resist the urge to vomit from the sheer
pain, as I glance around.
Has Lola gone? Would she actually leave me for
dead?

My
own questions are answered as I hear her voice coming from the living room.
She’s talking to someone on the phone. She’s talking to Adam.

“You’re
having nothing to do with Liam, Adam,” she says. Her voice is full of hate;
hostile and poisonous. She sounds like another person altogether. “So, I
suggest you fuck off back to where you came from and let me get on with my
life.”

She
must have called Adam from my mobile. It’s not on the hallway table where I
know I’d left it after I’d read the text message that Dan had sent me earlier.

The
door to the living room is only open slightly. I can see the shadows of her
moving. If she stays on the phone, maybe I can get upstairs to Josh and get
outside to the car before she realises I’m awake. I know it’s a tall order, but
I need to do something. I put my hand to my head and bring it back to my eyes,
to see fresh blood glistening on my fingers. I’m going to have to get to a
hospital and get myself checked out. I put a hand on my stomach once again,
praying that my baby is safe.

I
can still hear Lola talking as I reach the foot of the stairs. I try to put my
weight onto one foot as I can hardly stand the pain shooting through the other.
I must have landed badly on it when I fell. As quietly as I can, I start to
pull myself up the stairs. I can still hear Lola’s voice, full of bitterness,
as she tells Adam that he is worthless, and that Liam will only ever have one
father. I try to block out her voice and concentrate on reaching the top of the
stairs. I need to be quick because as soon as she comes off the phone, she will
notice I’ve moved.

By
the time I reach Josh’s room, my breathing is so heavy I fear she will hear me.
Blood pounds in my ears and the sharp taste of acid from my stomach burns my
esophagus. I grimace in pain as in my hurry my injured ankle hits the side of
Josh’s toy chest at the foot of his bed. I tear back the bedclothes only to find
an empty space. I start to panic, looking around the dark room to see where
Josh is. He’s nowhere to be seen.
What has she done with him, where is my
son?

I
rush out onto the landing, fear raging through me. I can’t hear Lola talking
any more. Rain lashes against the window, its tapping is getting louder as I
run into my bedroom where relief washes over me. Josh is standing at the side
of the bed. He looks up at me as I enter the room, confused, still in a sleepy
state.

“Mummy
can I sleep with you tonight? I don’t like it when it rains,” he says. I would
love nothing more than to pull him into my arms and jump under the bed covers,
all safe and warm, as I usually did on nights like this when the weather turned
and he was scared. Tonight, however, I need to get him as far away from here as
I can.

“Josh,”
I say softly, as I near him, “Mummy tripped over. She fell and hurt her head so
we need to get to the hospital for some medicine, okay?”

Josh
looks at me, confused. “Mummy, you’re bleeding.”

I
look down at the front of my pale pink vest top, which is now patched heavily
in red blood from the cut on my head. I hadn’t noticed it before, and only now
can feel it dripping down my neck, making my hair wet and sticky.

Josh’s
lower lip begins to quiver. I hate that he has to see me like this.

“Where’s
Daddy?” he asks, looking at the space in the bed where Dan would usually sleep.

“He’s
at the hospital already, darling. He’s meeting us there,” I lie. Josh accepts
this instantly.

“Okay,”
he says, as his blue eyes fill with tears. I crouch down to pick him up, but as
I do, a shadow crosses the wall opposite the bedroom door, causing my heart to
jump, and I know I’m too late. I’ve missed my opportunity. She’s coming up the
stairs.

“Josh,
go and play in your room while Mum gets ready to go to the hospital, and she
speaks to Auntie Lola,” I say. Quickly, I shove him out of the door and along
the hall, just in time for Lola to reach the top of the stairs. I hear the
sound of his bedroom door click shut and breathe a sigh of relief as Lola
focuses her attention straight onto me.

“Where
you off to, Nat?” she asks casually. She leans against the door frame to the
bedroom with her arms and legs crossed. I notice her lips have a fresh coat of
bright red gloss to them, which she must have just applied, it wasn’t there
when we were downstairs.
This girl really is a whack job.

“I
need to get to the hospital,” I say quietly, my voice quivering more than I want
it to. I don’t want her to know I’m scared. I hope that my plea will somehow
tap into her humane side; that is, if she still possesses one. My head is
bleeding heavily now, flowing freely down my neck and I’m more aware than ever
of how quickly I need to get some medical attention.

Lola
drums her painted fingernails against the wood of the door frame. The sound of
the fake acrylic plastic from them bounces back, then she stops and holds her
hand out in front of her, as if admiring them.

“I
don’t know if I can let you do that,” she says, as she glances around the
bedroom. She looks into the mirror in the corner of the room and pulls her hair
back into a small ponytail, then she lets it fall to frame her face again. She
smooths her long jumper down over her hips before moving her attention back to
me.

I
summon up all the bravery I have left within me. I need to catch her off guard,
I need to scare her. If I can, then maybe I can push past her and make a run
for it. I take a deep breath, calming my nerves to try and sound as
intimidating as I can. “What are you going to do to me, Lola?” I take a pause
before I continue, hoping for a more dramatic effect “Kill me, like you killed
my sister?”

Lola’s
face drops, as she moves further into the room. Her eyes are wide and I know
I’ve shocked her in the way I’d intended, and hit the nerve I was hoping to.

“How
do...”

“How
do I know?” I ask, finishing her sentence for her in a self-assured tone.
“Well, you see, all these dreams I've been having haven’t been the bullshit
that you all thought they were. In fact, they’ve been messages—from Jess. She
wanted everyone to know that she was murdered... and that you were the one who
killed her.”

Lola’s
mouth falls open. She slumps back against the wall, as if I’d just pulled a gun
and shot her in the chest. I move slowly until I come to a dead halt directly
in front of her.

“You
heard the message that she left Matt, telling him that she was at Milton Point,
so you went there. You killed her, Lola. You pushed her off the cliffs that night
to protect your own dirty little secret.”

I
look up to her, setting my eyes firmly on hers, then lean in so my mouth
brushes her ear. “You knew that Adam was in England and that Jess was back in
contact with him. It was only a matter of time before Adam found out he had a
son and the truth came out.”

I
lower my voice, so it is a quiet whisper. “You’re a murderer.”

“No!”
she screams, quickly starting to take on the hysterical state I had seen in
Jess’s images. There’s a flash in her eyes as she turns away from me. When she
turns back, she doesn’t even look like the same girl I’ve known for years. The
sweet, innocent, quirky little Lola now looks like nothing less than a monster.

“She
jumped,” she barks back at me.

“Don't
give me that shit, Lola. You pushed her, you wanted her to fall. You wanted
Jess dead. My sister didn’t kill herself, she had no intention of it. You
killed her. Then you called the police pretending to be a witness to her
looking suicidal, didn’t you?”

It
hadn’t been hard to figure out. Deep down, I knew all along that Jess hadn’t
killed herself. I knew she wasn’t capable of it. I just wish that I’d trusted
my instincts more. Lola wanted us to turn against her, allowing us to believe
that she had killed herself to make it seem as though she wasn’t strong enough
to cope. She had expected Ryan and Mum to tell everyone. But Jess would never
have taken that way out. She was a strong person, she always had been.

Lola
doesn’t deny it. “She was going to tell Ryan everything,” she says as though
that justifies her actions. “I saw a woman walking a dog. She passed me as I
was on my way up to the cliffs, and it gave me the idea. I called the police
from a pay phone.” She smiles, as if pleased with her sick, warped mind.

“Actually,”
I continue, purposefully ignoring her pathetic excuses and totally screwed up
way of thinking. I still sound incredibly calm. I feel anything but. “I've been
seeing Jess too. She’s been coming to me in visions as well as in dreams.” I
scrunch up my face and shrug my shoulders. “I suppose you could say I’ve been
seeing her ghost,” I add casually.

Lola’s
breathing quickens and her chest starts to move at super fast speed. Her face
turns pale. She looks as though she’s going to hyperventilate. I can't help but
feel some satisfaction from this.

“She’s
here now, Lola.” I lie, raising my voice. I move closer to her. She smells like
cigarette smoke and it pains me when I recognise the perfume she is wearing is
the same as the one Jess used to use. I swallow hard and raise my mouth to her
ear again, lowering my voice to a hushed whisper. “She’s watching your every
move, Lola.”

Lola
looks around the room, her head snapping quickly from left to right, scanning
it as if she’s expecting Jess’s ghost to materialise in front of us. She looks terrified.
I use the chance to make a run for it. I lunge at her full force, using all of
my weight, ignoring the burning pain that has now taken over my whole body. I
throw her head back as hard as I can and it hits the wall with a thud. She
falls to the floor, hitting her face on the corner of the bedside cabinet as
she does. I dart past her and reach the door of Josh’s room. I pause outside
and put my ear to the door. He’s quiet and I assume he’s probably fallen back
to sleep, even with all the noise and commotion. That kid could sleep standing
up if he wanted.

I
can’t believe that I thought either Matt or Adam could have had anything to do
with Jess’s death. They would never have hurt her. Then again, a couple of
hours ago I would have thought the same about Lola. It was so obvious now. The
reason Lola had never said a word about Jess and Adams relationship wasn’t
because she was such a good friend and wanted to help Jess. It had been because
she was happy for Adam’s name never to be mentioned again in case he ever found
out about Liam.

And
Matt had not told anyone the reason he and Jess had argued the day she died
because he didn’t want anyone to think she had deceived them. He didn’t want
the memory of his wife blackened in any way, even if it meant keeping her
secret life bottled up. It must have been so difficult when he still was so
close to her family. It shows how much he loved her.

I
don’t make it into Josh’s room. Lola is now on my tail, crawling on her knees
along the landing. Her face is red with fury and already starting to bruise
from the blow. She snarls at me like some sort of wild dog, then grabs at my
bad ankle. I yelp out in pain as she makes contact and fall backwards towards
the top of the stairs. I regain my balance and back away from her, until I feel
my foot clip the edge of the top stair. I can’t go any further. Lola pulls
herself up so that she is eye level with me. She takes hold of my shoulder,
gripping the thin fabric of my top in her hands. Her fingernails dig into my
skin roughly; the force of them feels like small daggers.

“Get
off me, you psychotic bitch!” I scream, but that only makes her tighten her
hold.

“You
can’t tell anyone, no one can know,” she pleads. Her voice has taken on a
strange sound, as though she has been possessed by another person. But I know
now that this is the person she has always been, only none of us knew it.
This
is what Jess wanted me to know
.

I’m
losing my balance and wobble further backwards. I move my arms, looking for
something to grab, but there is nothing but empty air in my grasp.

I
prepare myself for what I know is coming, bracing my body for the fall, but I
don’t take my eyes off Lola’s. I won't give her the satisfaction of knowing
she’s won. She has developed a strange look on her face which resembles some
form of pleasure as she starts to push me back off the top step.

I’m
not too sure what happens in the next few seconds. I look into Lola’s eyes, now
knowing that this is the last person Jess ever saw. Her so-called ‘best
friend.’ My mind flashes back to the vision Jess had shown me earlier that
night, and I focus all my attention on it. I see the night she died clearly,
the starry sky above, the loud crashing of the waves below and Lola’s amused
look staring back at me as I prepare to fall to my death.