“It’s okay. You can order whatever you like.”
The waitress returned in a jiffy, and Nick paid on the spot, not bothering to open a tab.
“I don’t like it.” Lily took a taste of the amber liquid in the short glass and winced. “I’m only drinking it to get warm.”
“That’ll do the trick.”
“Want a sip?” She pushed it toward him.
“No, thanks.”
“You’ll put your tongue in my mouth, but you won’t drink from my glass. Go on, take a sip.”
He slid it back. “No. It’s not that at all. I’m…cutting back,” he said, treading carefully into the dark depths of his unflattering past.
Cutting him a suspicious look, she sipped her scotch in small medicinal increments, scrunching her face with every taste. “God, this stuff is gross. I dunno how people drink it for fun.”
“I know. I used to be a
big
drinker.” He cringed as he let the bones of one of his ugly skeletons out of the closet, waiting for her to bolt straight for the front door.
But, surprisingly, she stayed.
“So, you don’t drink any more—at all?” She sounded concerned.
Nick shook his head. “It was getting too hard to handle. I knew if I didn’t get hold of it, I’d be dead or a lifetime lush.” He sighed, liberated now that he released the big guilt-laden secret.
“Sorry, we can leave…”
“Don’t worry about me. I’m okay. Trust me. I’m over it. I know my limitations. I can be around drinkers and not wanna drink.” He exaggerated his willpower.
“You sure?”
“I wouldn’t have come in otherwise.”
She slammed what was left in the glass and said, “Well. I’m finished, so we can go.”
“Warm yet?”
“Yes. Hot, actually.”
“Takes the edge off, doesn’t it?”
“Sure does.” The sharpness in her glassy eyes seemed to melt away, her invisible protective armor fading fast.
“Enough to wanna talk?”
“If you don’t mind me having one more, I just might tell you anything you want to hear.”
Nick flagged the waitress. “Make it a double.”
“So, how do you want it?” She looked at him lopsided. “Quick and dirty? Or slow and painful?”
“Huh?” His head nearly exploded. “You changed gears without me—are you talking about?”
“Sex?” She giggled. “Nooo. I mean my story.”
He checked his wristwatch in jest. “Hmm, I have plenty of time. The only place I need to be is in line at Violet’s in nine hours.”
“You’re sure you really want to hear it?” Her softening gaze washed over him.
Nick felt the warmth in her eyes, but longed to know the heated history inside her head. Playing it cool, he swirled the straw in his tall glass while his knee riveted a mile a minute under the table.
“Yes. Of course.” He couldn’t avoid sounding eager.
“I don’t even know where to begin.” She blew out cheeks full of air, then chased a nip from the scotch with a sip from the straw floating in the soda.
“My mother, she was, um…an alcoholic.” Lily stumbled over the words as if speaking an alien language. Her eyes fell from his to her fingers laced around the scotch.
“She was sorta the infamous town drunk—well, not sorta. She
was
the town drunk. But she wasn’t always like that. She only started drinking outta control after my dad died in a fire, saving someone’s life. I was only four, so I don’t remember much, except…it changed everything.”
“I’m so sorry.” It didn’t begin to cover it, but it was the best he could do after being sideswiped by her words. Now he understood why she didn’t date firefighters. Why she refused to date him.
She gave a small, gracious nod. “Yeah, well, my mom—she never got over it. So, as you might imagine, my home life was pretty…erratic. And then there was Mark, Britney’s brother. We’d known each other since elementary school.”
Her voice grew small and her eyelashes moistened with hard memories.
“We dated on and off throughout high school, but…his family never approved of their only son dating the local drunk’s daughter. That didn’t stop him from seeing me. He never told his family about us. But my mom had known all about him. The two of them got along great, actually. She didn’t mind him staying over all the time. She joked about how nice it was to have a man around the house again. He mowed the lawn, took out the trash and stuff, and she bought him beer. Things seemed good for a while. Then, one night she was walking home from the bar. A car hit her.” Lily shrugged with a downhearted sigh.
“
Tsk
.” At the sight of her wounded eyes, Nick’s insides flinched although he kept his body stoic. Shaking his head in disbelief, he had no idea the girl lived through such tragedy. The night in the ER, when he asked about her next of kin, Maresca didn’t mention any of these painful details.
She drew a shaky breath before continuing. “She was crushed between the bumper and a tree. Mark’s family was pissed because he came with me to her funeral rather than go to our graduation ceremony. I inherited the house. And the bills. Mark sorta just moved all his stuff in little by little. I wasn’t in the frame of mind for a serious commitment, but I didn’t want to live alone. Just because we were sleeping together, it didn’t mean I wanted to marry him. We’d known each other for so long, it seemed like my only option. I dreaded the idea of meeting anyone new. Unloading all this information on someone else—like I’m doing right now. I figured it would drive any decent guy away. Mark already knew everything about me…about my life. We never talked about being in-love. It wasn’t romantic, just convenient. I said yes because I didn’t know how to tell him no after sticking by me all that time.” She stopped to breathe then swiped her nose with the heel of her hand.
Nick wished he never made her recap this horror story. At least she trusted him enough to talk about it. If she gave him the chance, he’d fix things for her—or he’d die trying.
“Aww, Lil…” He took her hand. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“I know.” She studied his palm, tracing the lines. “There is nothing to say. That’s why I’m not a big drinker. I know how bad this stuff is for you. I’m only drinking now because…well, you have me so nervous.”
“I don’t want you to be nervous around me.”
“That came out wrong. I feel comfortable…I’m just nervous that someone will…” She dropped off with a sigh and flashed damp eyes to the ceiling like she was saying a silent prayer.
“See us together?”
“I don’t care what people think. I just worry about Bob and Sophia finding out I played sick to get outta their Thanksgiving invitation. I hate hurting their feelings. They’re like family. But…it’s not the same as
real
family.”
“You’ve known them a long time, huh?” He sounded like a therapist, and felt like one, too. But he didn’t mind. As long as it was helping her, he’d be whatever she needed.
She nodded. “My mom worked at the barbershop for years before I was born, before she even met my dad. Then I started when I was old enough to push a broom. I was already on a career path, so I never planned on college. I worked toward my beauty license, taking occupational classes in high school. Mark didn’t do much, but drink beer, play video games, and take up time and space. He didn’t want any part of his family’s diner because his sisters gave him grief about being with me. Eventually, I gave him an ultimatum—get a job or get out. He wound up working at the pizzeria and volunteering in the fire department. He planned on taking the New York City Firefighter’s exam despite my feelings…”
“At least he made an effort.”
“I know. That was why I couldn’t kick him out. I was hoping he’d go quietly, you know?” She strained to hold back the tears. “So, I accepted his engagement ring, even though I knew I shouldn’t. And things were okay for a few weeks after that. Then, one day, as he picked me up from work, he got called to a fire on the other side of town. I offered to walk home. But it was the middle of winter. He wanted to take me to the firehouse so I could drive his car. He was going too fast and swerved to avoid hitting a kid running across the road. We slipped on a patch of ice and hit a pole. The next thing I know, I’m in the hospital with a broken arm, cracked ribs, and a concussion. Mark was DOA. Brain hemorrhage. I was a mess after that. Felt guilty as hell for everything. Britney said her brother would be alive if he weren’t with me. I guess I sound like a real jinx, huh?”
Nick sat there stunned, thinking he could use a drink himself. He took the almost-empty scotch from her fingers. One more sip and she might start blubbering, as she rightly should, but not here, not now. Not in front of Britney who just sauntered in as the bartender announced, “Last call.”
“Hey, come on. I’m ready to get outta here.” He stood, helped put on her coat, and led her through the crowd.
Before they could make it out the door, Britney stepped in Nick’s path. “Hey, Captain Knight in shining armor. How about a drink?” she slurred with her breath reeking of wine. “Oh. My. Gawd. Who let
you
in here?” She sneered at Lily. “Isn’t it past your bedtime?”
Lily dodged Britney to reach the door.
“You better watch out.” Britney caught Nick by the elbow. “That girl’s an accident waiting to happen.”
Lily held the door open, letting in the chill. “Come on, Nick, please.”
The patrons complained in unison, “Shut the goddamn door.”
Every second Lily was alone outside, the further she could go, the harder she’d be to find.
Nick tugged free from Britney’s tight fingers, pushed through the door, and caught up with Lily across the street in front of the post office.
“I wish…” she panted, pacing, “I wish I could just get far from this place. Far from her!”
“Relax, will ya. Who cares what she says?”
“I can’t relax.” She tripped in the wrong direction.
“We’re parked this way.” Nick grabbed Lily’s hand, guiding her to the truck, then opened the passenger side and helped her climb in. But before he could shut the door, she started weeping into her hands. “Easy. Take it easy. It’s okay.”
He offered his hand to squeeze, but she swiveled in the seat, grabbed his neck and wrapped her legs around him while she cried against his leather collar.
The wind beating on his back did nothing to cool the hot blood surging to his groin. He hoped she couldn’t feel his swelling arousal.
“Shh…everything’s okay.” It damn well wasn’t okay. But he’d fix this. He just needed to know what was going on.
The sobbing soon tapered off to sniffling. “I’m okay.”
No doubt, the alcohol had something to do with her breakdown. It probably played a part in her suckling his neck. Her hot breath moistened his skin as her lips moved across his ear, nibbling the lobe before rubbing her tear-soaked cheek to his. “I’m okay. But I know how you can make me feel better.”
As guilty as he felt about enjoying her booze-induced affection, he didn’t stop her. He felt like Superman with her in his arms, as if he could save her from anything.
“Kiss me, Nick. Kiss me
hard
.”
He should have pried her off, but her words were a command he couldn’t refuse.
Enveloped by her limbs, he grabbed her bottom; she was light enough to carry. He pulled the tailgate down one-handed and set her on the edge. Then darted back inside to dig through the gear for the fire blanket, itchy but good enough for a makeshift cocoon.
He unzipped his jacket so she could nuzzle against his sweater rather than the stiff, cold leather. Her palm skimmed over his nipples, down his abs, until she cupped his groin with feather-light fingers.
Yes.
His eyes rolled back, and he stifled a moan. But her earlier words echoed in his mind.
Not ready.
Not here. Not now.
She deserved better. He didn’t want her regretting anything, ever, so he grabbed her hand, brought it to his lips, and kissed her knuckles.
“Dontcha wanna finish your story? Maybe if you talk about what happened, you can put it behind you, and it won’t hurt so much. Maybe I can help you.”
“No! I can’t. I know if I do, you’ll hate me.”
“Trust me, I could never hate you.” He wanted to tell her he loved her but it was too early to use such definitive terms. “Whatever happened can’t be that bad.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.” Glossy eyes screamed her desire for him to know everything, but her lips refused to budge.
He figured she just needed a little push in the right direction.
“Lily, whatever it is, I think you’ll feel better once you put it out in the open. Otherwise, it’ll never stop hurting. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me. Look how easily Britney pushed you over the edge. Why give her the power to hurt you? I’m giving you the power to let it go. I’m not gonna judge you if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No!” She shrank against the wall of the truck bed.
“Listen, you need to tell me, otherwise…” He sighed heavyhearted. “Otherwise, I don’t think this will work out between us. Whatever it is that bothers you so much, it won’t go away, and it’ll always be a big question mark in my mind. I’m not gonna be able to stop thinking about it until I know what hurts you so much.”
“It’s time for me to go home.” She shoved him away and leapt over the tailgate like an escaping animal. “I’ll walk if you don’t want to drive me.”
“Lily! Lily, wait. Of course I’ll drive you home.” He shouldn’t have pressed so hard, but how could he fix the situation without knowing the whole story?
He parked in the driveway, and before he could come around to open the passenger door, Lily jumped out and ran into the house without even saying goodbye.
Chapter Nine
It was a quiet day at the barbershop. Lily spent most it leaning her forehead on the cold glass door, hoping to spot Nick cruising by in his silver pickup or tooling around in the red SUV. Propped in this position for nearly two weeks now, she needed to get out of the pathetic funk before Sophia dragged her to the doctor.
She hadn’t heard from him since the Thanksgiving debacle and doubted she ever would again. Not unless she sucked it up and apologized.
Apologize for what?
Remembering how he pushed her to the point of tears with his need-to-know nonsense started a new wave of disgust. She didn’t want a therapist, although she could use one.