Some Hearts (16 page)

“Let’s talk about it now.”

I laughed at the ridiculousness of his statement but my laughter was full of tears that had just started to fall. “Do you really think I want to talk to you now? After what you just said? The only thing I have left to say is something that should be completely obvious after this conversation…We’re over.”

My finger hit the button that ended the call. It was like watching it happen in a bad dream, a nightmare. It felt as if I had no control over the actions of my body.

My chest hitched with the sound of my strangled breath.

How in the hell had this night gone so incredibly wrong?

***

I stared at my phone resting a
t the edge of my bed. I hadn’t meant to hang up on him. In the past, he would’ve called me back. I tossed around the idea of calling him back…but what was the point?

He had feelings for someone else. What was I supposed to say to that? Was I supposed to just forget he said it? Did he even
want
me to forget? Or did he want this break-up?

The silence of my phone told me that he did.

I needed to talk to someone. I called Riley, before remembering she was at work. I hung up before realizing I should’ve left a voicemail. A few minutes later, I called her back so I could leave a message.

Just in case she didn’t have time to check her messages, I decided to send a text. That was probably what I should’ve done in the first place.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, she called me back.

“Emory, sweetie, what’s wrong?”

I wasn’t usually so insistent in trying to get a hold of her.

“I told you, you didn’t need to call until your shift was over,” I said.

“I know but I kind of got the impression something is going on,” she said hurriedly. “I’ve just got a minute or two.”

I knew she’d be swamped on a Friday night. I never should’ve called. But now I had her on the phone and I knew she wasn’t going to let me go until I told her what was wrong.

“Tell me what happened,” she demanded.

I didn’t want to blurt it
out. But I had called her. Every second I wasted was more time I was taking her away from her job and her tips.

“Noah and I broke up.” There, like tearing off a Band-Aid. Only a million times more painful.

“Hang on just a second,” she told me. Then her muffled voice came across the line. “I know you’re swamped,” I heard her mutter to someone, “but if you could refill table five’s drinks and take table seven’s order, I’ll give you the tips from both.” There was some more muttering in the background and I felt guilty about the deal she’d just made.

“
What happened?” she demanded as her attention was redirected to me. “Is this because of that girl, Amanda? You have to know she’s just playing you. Did she do something? You can’t let her get away with this! Don’t let her come between you two!” She stopped her monologue and pulled in a breath.

“That’s not what happened. I mean, it is about Amanda. But more than that it’s
about Noah.”

“I’m listening,” she prodded. “But whatever happened, I’m sure you misunderstood. Girls like her…
,” She let out a little growl.

“Noah has feelings for her.” I was met with silence. “He said so.”

“He did not.”

I pulled in a pained breath. I wasn’t going to repeat myself.

“What the hell,” she muttered. “I can’t believe this. I’m so sorry. Let me see if I can get someone to cover for me. I wonder if Jenna would—”

“No,” I cut her off. “You don’t need to. I’ll be okay. I think I just needed
to tell someone.”

“Tomorrow then?” she demanded. “I’ll come over first thing.”

“Sure,” I agreed.

She was quiet for just a second. “I really am sorry, Emory. I hope it all works out.”

I thanked her and we disconnected.

This wasn’t just a misunderstanding or manipulation on Amanda’s part. He had feelings for her. How deep those feelings ran, I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
He said he’d been keeping his distance. But what did that mean for tonight? Had I just given him the green light to pursue her? I was pretty sure I had. I’d just cut him loose. He was hundreds of miles away. He was free to do whatever with whomever he wanted.

Was he already with her?

Agony flowed through me.

I couldn’t sit around in my room, locked up with my thoughts.

In seconds, I was bounding down the staircase. Tyler was in front of the TV playing a video game. Mom glanced up at me from her spot on the couch. One hand was tucked behind her bent knee. She was probably clutching a glass of wine.

At the moment, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

I shoved my feet into my shoes and grabbed my keys.

I left without saying a word.

“Noah and I broke up,” I said without preamble when Caleb opened his door.

He gaped at me in silence. Yeah, it was a bit shocking. I knew how he felt.

Wordlessly, he stepped back, allowing me in.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” he finally said. “You doing okay?”

“Just peachy,” I mumbled.

“You’re right. That was a stupid as shit question.”

I stopped mid-step when I realized a pair of strange eyes were gazing up at me from Caleb’s couch. He had company. I noted a few beer bottles on the coffee table and
a race of some sort on the TV.

I took a step back. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve called first. Of course you’re busy.”

I really needed to stop dropping in on Caleb. Just because I never witnessed his life outside of Ty and me, didn’t mean he didn’t have one. Of course he did.

“I’m Paul,” the guy on the couch said. “Come on in, have a seat.”

I gave him a halfhearted wave. He smirked back, his gaze raking over me.

“Yeah. No,” Caleb said firmly as he snapped his fingers in front of Paul’s face. “Eyes up here, buddy.”

Paul huffed out a laugh.

Caleb nodded toward the door. “Why don’t you head out? Maybe I’ll catch up to you later.”

I was surprised when Paul didn’t argue. Instead, he got up, gave Caleb a wink and slapped him on the back. “I get it. You want some privacy.”

“Dude,”
Caleb growled. “That’s Evan’s sister.”

Paul’s grin fell from his face as he looked at me again. This time, all I saw was sympathy. I found myself wishing Caleb hadn’t pointed that out.

“Oh, sorry,” he mumbled. “Evan was a great guy. We all miss him a lot.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled back because I felt I had to say something.

“So, hey, you know where we’ll be if you want to catch up with us,” Paul said to Caleb.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll see you later,” Caleb replied.

He ushered Paul out of the living room. I heard them talking but couldn’t make out what they were saying. A few moments later the door opened and closed.

“You should go with him,” I said when he came back into the living room. “You obviously have plans.”

“Nothing major. We were just waiting for Brad to get off work,
and then we were going to hit a few bars. It’s nothing I can’t do any other night of the week.”

I slumped back into his cushions, guilt and relief warring through me.

“You and Noah,” he prompted. “So, uh, can I ask what happened?”

I shrugged. “I guess it was a mutual decision.” Kind of. “The distance…it’s just not working. For either one of us.
Plus, he’s into another girl.” I kept my tone light and forced a smile. What was wrong with me? I felt as though my heart had been shredded. Yet, here I sat. After the initial deluge of tears had run its course, I’d felt nothing but numbness.

Numbness, these days, almost felt like my body’s default setting. I had become adept at shutting of
f my emotions, blocking out my pain.

Caleb’s expression became stormy. “Did that little shit cheat on you?”

I quickly shook my head. “No.”

Caleb nodded once,
and then settled onto the couch.

“Sorry to just show up here. Riley’s work
ing and Mom’s…,” I shook my head. “She’s working her way into a drunken stupor.”

He sheepishly raised the beer he was holding. “
I’m not going to lie. I’m not doing much better here,” he admitted. He motioned to the bottles on the coffee table. “Most of these are mine. It was Paul’s night to be the DD. The only plans I had for tonight were to get blitzed. I think I’m about halfway there already. But if you want, I can get rid of this. I know it bothers you.”

He made a move, as if to stand. He was willing to dump out his beer for me. I found the thought oddly sweet.

“Nah,” I said as I plucked it out of his hand. I took a swig and he didn’t stop me. “I don’t have a problem with drinking. I have a problem with drinking yourself senseless night after night. I have a problem with not being able to take care of yourself. I have a problem with not being able to take care of your child when he
needs
you.”

“Hey,” Caleb said as he put a hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay. Where’s Ty right now?”

“He was playing a video game. Mom will probably send him to bed soon so she can drink in peace.” At least she hadn’t been passed out yet. That was something, I thought sarcastically.

“So, this break-up, it just happened?”

I nodded. “Yes, but I didn’t come here to talk about Noah.”

“Fair enough,” he said as he pulled his beer out of my hands. He took another sip. “So why did you come here?”

Wasn’t that just the four million dollar question?

I shrugged and honesty spilled from my mouth. “I guess because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Riley’s working and she’s the only friend I have, other than you, that didn’t leave town. But you’re right. I really have no business being here.” I moved to get to my feet but Caleb’s fingers circled my wrist. He pulled me back down.

“I didn’t say that at all. I was just wondering. You can han
g out here as long as you want,” he said.

Was this a bad idea? Maybe I shouldn’t have come here.

“I should probably go.”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Where?”

Another good question.

“Home, maybe.”

He made a knowing face at me and took another sip of his beer. Home was one of the last places I wanted to be right now. He knew me well enough to know that.

“I could call Casey, she’s Riley’s roommate. She invited me out tonight with her and some friends.” I shrugged.
“I could catch up with them.”

“But you won’t,” Caleb said knowingly.

He was right.

“You know, if he has feelings for someone else, that’s his loss. You’re a great girl,” Caleb said.

I smiled but there was no warmth behind it. “If he has feelings for someone else, it’s my fault.” Caleb’s expression clouded over but I hurried on to explain myself. “I’ve been pushing him away. I wanted to deal with Mom’s issue on my own. Not only have I
not
done that, but I’ve destroyed Noah and me in the process. The irony is that I was going to tell him next weekend. That’s why I called, to ask if I could visit him. But before we got that far…the conversation got completely out of hand.”

“I think you should still talk to him. Call him up and tell him you still want to see him next weekend. You two have been together for too long for him to not hear you out.”

I rolled my bottom lip through my teeth. The hurt of losing Noah began to ebb through me once again. I ignored it by pushing it away. I shrugged. “There’s no point. It’s not just about that anymore. He admitted that he has feelings for this girl, Amanda. I waited too long. I can’t open up to him now, not when I know how he feels about her. Besides,” I said as I blinked away a few stubborn tears, “knowing Noah like I do, he’d want to be there for me. How would I ever know if it’s because he loves me, or if it’s because he feels like it’s the honorable thing to do?”

“So that’s it” Caleb asked. “It’s just over?”

“It’s just over,” I agreed. The words echoed in my head.

“You know what Evan would do if he were here?” Caleb asked.

I looked at him and shook my head.

“Hang on. I’ll be right back.”

I watched as he disappeared into his kitchen. I heard the fridge open. Caleb reappeared and handed me a bottle of beer. He had a full one in his other hand. He held up a finger, letting me know I needed to wait a second.

I took a sip and watched as he went to his entertainment center. He opened the door and rummaged around. He came back to me with a stack of movies.

“I hope you don’t mind that I kept these,” he said sheepishly.

I glanced at the titles. They were a stack of Evan’s favorites.

“Are they Evan’s?”

He nodded. “Sometimes we’d hang out here and watch them. This one,” he said as he
held it out to me, was his favorite. It’s hard to stay in a shitty mood when you watch it. Should I put it in?”

This brought the first legitimate smile to my mouth in days. “
Old School
? Yeah, put it in.”

***

I never knew if talking about Evan would make me feel better or worse. Sometimes, it was like tearing off an old
, deep scab. Other times, it was like a salve.

Tonight, it was the latter.

Caleb told me stories about their young, rowdy days. He had me smiling and then even laughing over their antics. That’s the way I wanted to remember Evan, a little bit wild and a whole lot of fun.

I told Caleb stories from when Evan and I were kids. My favorite memory was of Evan teaching me to ride my bike. Mom was always busy wor
king back then, getting her business up and running and Dad simply hadn’t had the patience. So it was Evan who taught me to ride my bike, tie my shoes, and it was Evan who taught me to drive a stick-shift. He never lost his calm, not even when I repeatedly ground the gears.

Two movies, a couple of beers and endless stories about Evan later, I’d managed to edge Noah almost completely out of my mind.

“I wonder what Evan would think about this,” I said. I let out a sigh. Talking about Evan with Caleb, learning new things about him, it made me feel closer to him. It almost made me feel peaceful inside. “He’d be so surprised that I was hanging out here.”

“Nah,” Caleb said as he tugged on a lock of my hair. “He wouldn’t be surprised at all. I always told him I was going to ask you out one day. Even if I haven’t gotten around to it yet, I
was getting there. I’ve just been waiting for you to be free to accept.”

His words were so completely unexpected that my mind temporarily stopped working. I had lifted my almost empty bottle to my mouth. It missed my lips and bumped off the side of my cheek.

Caleb laughed. “Oh, come on. Like you didn’t know.” I gave him a wary look, which only seemed to amuse him more. “When Evan used to live at home, it about killed me when you’d lie out in your backyard in your bikini. Or walk through your house in those little pajama shorts of yours. That day at the river, with Tyler? Why in the hell do you think I needed to get in the water so fast after you stripped down?

“You might be Evan’s little sister, but I’ve always thought of you as more than that. You’re a gorgeous girl. You’re devoted to your family.
You’re fun to be around.” He shrugged, like what he said was no big deal.

If that’s what he thought, he was wrong. It was a big deal to me.
 

“You told Evan you were going to ask me out?” He nodded. “But you never did because of…,” I faded off. Because of Noah. I didn’t want to say his name. I didn’t want to ruin the moment, even though I wasn’t exactly sure what this moment was.

Caleb simply nodded. He leaned over and plucked the nearly empty bottle out of my hand. I didn’t protest. He was probably right. I’d had enough. I wasn’t a big drinker and I was definitely feeling the effects.

The hazy feeling made me feel bold, unafraid to ask questions and unafraid of hearing Caleb’s answers.
In this haze, I felt like nothing could hurt me, like nothing could go wrong.

“Can I ask you
something?” I wondered.

“Ask away.”

“The other night…when you kissed me…did you mean to do that?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t think. I just acted. But if you’re asking if I
wanted to kiss you, yeah. I did,” he admitted. “I’ve wanted it for a long time. But I shouldn’t have done it then. It was impulsive and under the circumstances, it was really wrong of me. Shit, Emory. I’ve had a thing for you for years. Evan used to give me hell for it all the time. Used to say he’d pound the shit out of me if I touched you.”

My eyebrows shot up. It was the only response I could muster. He had to be joking.

He laughed at my response. “Now, I like to think he didn’t really mean that. He just liked to talk tough, play the part of protective big brother. I mean, it was never really an issue. First because you were too young, and then because you weren’t available. I would like to think that if he were here, he’d give me his blessing.”

“His blessing for what?” I pushed.

Caleb shook his head at me. “I don’t think you really want to know the answer to that. Not tonight. Not when you’re not thinking straight and you’re head is all wrapped up in someone else.”

“I haven’t thought about
anyone else
pretty much since I sat down on this couch.” As hurt as I was that Noah had admitted he had feelings for someone else, I realized I was being a hypocrite. He wasn’t the only one who had feelings for someone else. Then night Caleb had kissed me, I realized I felt something for him.

I hadn’t been sure what that kiss mean, or if it had even meant anything. I’d convinced myself he’d been caught up in an emotional night.