A Slave to the Fantasy

Rebecca Lee

Chapter 1--Shower, Power, Release

When Samuel got the call, it was very soon after
she'd gone. Even closer to the ultimate shock to his will.

When Tanya left she thought only of satisfaction from
the only man who could provide it.

What else did she know? What was her plan for the
American she left behind? She didn't make the plans. She only
carried them out.

She tangled with remorse but only a little because
the draw of her longtime lover dominated her mind because his way
of pleasure dominated her soul.

He suddenly felt deep sadness and great hurt. Then
instantly it became hate, then back again. His sense of duty to his
secret life had been wholly abandoned chasing what amounted to an
impossible dream. Peeling back the ego kept him from feeling
stupid. To want to love someone so much that you'd do anything for
the mere chance it to make it happen made him human.

Human's use bad judgment in the ways of the heart.
When the truth reveals itself in the behavior of our beloved, it is
often debilitating.

He suddenly felt cold. He sensed something. Grave
danger. It was all in this video. The whole puzzle. He knew it.

The girl he’d fantasized about for nearly 4 years of
his already middle-aged adult life was there. It seemed like
moments. Probably because by most measures used by normal everyday
people, it was.

An hour perhaps? A little under or a little over.
Fantastic. That's how he felt about the whole experience.

The power of again having that deep want fulfilled.
It was more potent than ever. Even more than the first time. At
this moment, all that he knew about wanting and a particular woman,
the dangers of living life that way. It beat him strongly over the
head. He knew better.

The feeling of discipline that he’d grown to embrace,
even love, had disappeared. In it’s place, a return to the same old
weaknesses that seemed to own him from puberty well into his
30s.

What now? What next? All the emotional resources of
one Samuel Roberts, age 39, American in the Philippines, were
spent.

His years of hopes dashed in the time it took to
receive and open a video file sent to his phone.

There she was. Her splendid brown skin glistening
with her own sweat and that of her small actually scary looking
lighter-skinned Filipino lover. The face was unmistakable. The
pleasure/pain being inflicted by this new man on her well
proportioned frame. The frame that was honed not by exercise, but
slight weight gain, and the process of nursing her secret
child.

When Roberts saw the video, his knees nearly gave
out. The same clothes she wore during their very recent lovemaking
were tucked neatly on top of a hotel chair in the foreground. “My
god!” he thought “She was banging this guy less than an hour after
we we're together tonight.”

There was no doubt. Same knee length jean skirt, tan
bra and red frilly panties with that t-back design he loved licking
and tickling during foreplay..

On the video, they were rabid and fast paced. You
could see on the transferred file how much more reckless and free
she seemed then when Roberts and her had sex multiple times
throughout a long night in his high rise suite.

Whether or not she knew the video was being made,
wasn’t of consequence. What was of consequence to Roberts is you
could clearly tell she couldn’t have cared either way. Her pleasure
was so ignited by this string bean of a little man. Odd teeth when
he smiled, almost chilling because they looked metallic and
fake.

He was doingTanya so hard it looked as though he was
going to catapult over her, head-first into the camera (presuming
it was mounted in the open and not hidden).

What crushed Roberts wasn’t just seeing this. What
crushed him soon after the shock wore off, is how much more
passionate she seemed then in their encounters. Her recent
declaration of her love and devotion, felt more like taunt
destroying him from within.

She cried loudly in Tagalog, her native language.
This physical bond and shared experience with this man in the video
was clearly more than they had, and likely would ever have.

This was the dangerous nature of total devotion
bordering on what most would have termed an obsession. Is feeling
into deep love, longing to be with someone and make their life
better, unhealthy?

This question haunted his learned mind from his first
rejection and betrayal as a late teen-ager, to the present.

How could it ever be wrong when it was plainly right
for so many he saw in everyday life? They were seemingly so loyally
devoted and happy together?

All those doubts were back amid the deep deep shock
and hurt.

This was his first trip to Manila to see her. She was
just a jobless peasant girl from the outskirts of the city. In
America they are called suburbs. Here they were nowhere near as
nice or new looking. Slums is how many would term them.

It took him nearly 4 years and constant cajoling
using email, sms messages, and whatever to get her to even agree to
a meeting. The connection became so tenuous, that Roberts got to
the point where he was feigning interest. Lying and claiming he was
there for other purposes and reasons.

During that time she’d gotten pregnant by some
Filipino who left her soon after she broke the news to him.

She was only 19 when Roberts met her on an
international dating site. He was immediately taken. Now that
history no longer mattered except for how stupid it all made him
feel. The interest and devotion he'd given out willingly made him
feel like a sucker.

It was obvious. He knew he had ignored all the signs
he had learned not to ignore from a woman.

The nature of the relationship changed over those 4
years, but the fundamental need to be with her in some way remained
solid.

It wasn’t the thrill of the chase because the first
time they slept together, he knew he wanted more and more. That
night when they were together, she gave as good as she got.

Immediately she began tonguing him down there base to
shaft and laughing that seductive laugh. She was no novice. She was
enthusiastic and unbelievably tempting. She exceeded his
expectations in every way. No easy feat because his mind had made
them impossibly high. Her body more tight but feminine, her breasts
larger and fuller, her love hole tighter and more perfectly
manicured on the fringes than even his fantasies could have
imagined.

He was slave to the fantasy, but the reality was even
more seductive. She was as intelligent as she was vivacious. She
was vulnerable as she was confident. The confidence was readily
apparent in everything she did to satisfy him. 7 out of 9 nights
they spent together exploring their passions.

He was addicted to her taste. The way she giggled
happily and naughtily when he pinned her to the wall during one
session and ate her throbbing cookie while she ran her sweet syrup
all over his rabid loving tongue. Even more addicted than when he
fantasized about her for literally years since they first met
online.

He never felt more empowered than when she’d give
herself to him. He never felt more fulfilled, focused, and free in
the moment. Their last time ended in the shower. Him eating her
from behind and aggressively taking her the same way. Their skin
was pruned they spent so much time in there together.

God she was breathtaking. Her dark black hair
scattered messily soaking wet over her shoulders and in her eyes.
She begged him and taunted him to pound her with his massive
girth.

“Be a man,” she cried again and again.

He was sure he’d be the only man who could satisfy
her ever again in that way. The ghost of the father of her young
son had vanished amid the torrid almost otherworldly sessions and
the final climax. His meat felt like it was about to come undone he
was so full of cum. She said she loved him. It was only them now.
At least in his mind.

The phone rang at his hotel. The Manila Police on
their way up. He was warned. From the inside. A body with a blunt
scrap car part was found covered in blood and Robert’s passport was
there too.

The murder of the man voraciously sexxing his great
love in the video. At least that is what he was told. Roberts knew
not to trust anyone. His dark feelings of pending troubles were
coming to life.

His first move. Pour himself a cold San Miguel from
the refrigerator in his suite. And hide his passport. Passport?
What nonsense, but he would play the game because the other side of
Samuel Roberts. The other side of Samuel Roberts was the ultimate
gamesman.

Could it have been? It was him. He blacked out and he
was enraged. If that was what happened His life had come undone.
He’d lost time.

Roberts honestly didn’t know. But this was his movie.
In his mind, that's all it was.

It was all happening too fast to do anything but
enjoy the sweet brown cold nectar.

…

Tanya wondered the dank alleys outside the hotel
wishing everything was different. Her body chilled from her scant
dress and her deep emotional pain of being loved for moments. Loved
nowhere but the night.

Her powerful devotion to this sexy gorgeous man who
fathered her baby would never be requited. She knew that every time
they parted. But she gambled

She felt herself being followed. She ducked behind a
mountain of garbage piled to twice her height. She wanted to see if
she could spot her follower. The musty air held an eery quiet. Her
phone buzzed and startled her like a gun shot. The caller was
readily identifiable. He was the diabolical cunning person who gave
her everything but took away more. Her benefactor.

Her father.

She picked up the phone and listened. Her heart began
to beat ferociously

The stakes were going higher. The danger more
imminent. She was trapped. Even as she clung to safety of the
solitude behind that swell of grotesque garbage, she knew nothing
of safety or freedom.

She only knew servitude. Life as the center of the
fantasy.

Chapter 2-- Shame

Forever in his mind. Stuck in the wounds of the past.
Running from them. Laughing at them. Justifying them. Smothering
them. Living hard and fast to avoid the thought of them. This was
his life.

Samuel Roberts gave himself up with no denials or
sense of fear. It wasn't an act. He knew things they didn't. He
knew he wwasn't capable of such violence. He wouldn't know the man
if he saw him standing next to him.

Like any man who wanted the love of a woman who
wouldn't give it back to him he was jealous.

All those years ago, the deep embarrassment about
being a man, he still thought of those vulnerable vulnerable times
as a child. Haunting him. So real in his memory they were happening
right now for him.

What was worse than reliving it: reliving talking
about it to a woman he desired.

“Sammy's got a girlfriend!” “Sammy's got a
girlfriend!” “Sammy's got a girlfriend!”

The deep fear only a child can know, always flows
directly to the adult power structure there at the moment of the
most helpless embarrassment. Too often that power structure fails
to act.

The total breakdown of empathy is what Samuel Roberts
experienced on that playground decades ago.

“I felt nothing but shame for liking a girl and her
liking me back,” Roberts explained to Jennifer.

Jennifer was hired to examine him and come to the
source of his soul, but only if that source helped. She was older,
married, and judging by the ring on her finger (and like many
beautiful women in Robert's past), up-front about her devotion to
another man.