A Slave to the Fantasy (8 page)

“Meet me at the hotel, room 340 this time. 2 hours.
No damn fucking excuses...”

click.

Chapter 10--Lisa

She entered the hotel room she had shared with him so
many times. It was always lust, now it was pure dread. She didn't
know how to stand up to Martinez. She feared he would one day
decide she was no longer worth it.

She would wake up at night sweating guessing if he
had decided it was over. She never contemplated he was with someone
else. Simple logic told you a man like that who didn't want to be
with her, didn't want to have a family, was out finding a new
conquest.

The frightening part of the addiction for Tanya
Carasco was she would have taken him back without question.

“The windows must have something different shade over
them. It shouldn't be this dark,” she thought to herself.

“Bendato?” she said hoping to hear basically anything
to destroy the mood of terror lingering in the room.

“You must do as I say if you want to see him again,”
came a man's voice.

She suddenly felt a numbing pain in her back and then
a stinging sensation. She staggered forward and fell to her right
side. Deftly she twisted her body and caught a glimpse of the man.
He was in the black shroud and full black outfit. Like a ninja. The
voice was familiar this time. She was sure it was Bendato
Martinez.

...

When she woke up the morning after her sex talk with
her American pen pal Samuel Roberts she felt desired. She also felt
relaxed, but she felt like she wanted more and more of what she
just had. She did something she almost never did.

This was her first day of work. It would take her
nearly 1 hour and 10 minutes to get from her poor little home in
the northern suburbs of Manila to the relative opulence of Makati
in the center of it all. She'd felt like such a peasant girl when
she was interviewed.

The things she witnessed were positively dizzying.
There were beautiful people everywhere, each with nicer clothes
than she'd ever imagined. Everyone looked healthier and even a
little bigger and taller.

Even though she wore a form-hugging black dress just
above the knees and a white blouse that revealed her mocha skin
just perfectly, she felt out of her league. The funny thing was she
didn't think one guy even so much as looked at her. She was taller
than most girls in her home area at her simple school and her
university. She had larger breasts and had darker skin (which made
her stand out a great deal). She also had almost perfectly straight
white teeth.

Like Roberts had seen in those initial pictures
online months before, Tanya Carasco was a stunning and exotic young
woman. But in Makati, she wasn't worth a second look. The men were
above her and they were looking for better women with better
breeding.

She soon realized she'd likely have to settle for
mistress type involvement with these men. This feeling of
hopelessness burned her deeply that day. She looked beautiful and
had put great effort into looking that way. After nearly 3 years of
being wrapped up in school and forced into the same old social
circles where she was under the constant surveillance of her
long-time boyfriend, she was free and about.

She had no way of knowing how drastically her life
would change later that night when she would jump online with
Samuel.

But the deal was: this was always her. That girl
rocking back and forth and moaning on that chair, heart beating
non-stop with the intensity like it might just stop for a while.
That girl was a sexy woman. A sexy woman who had no respectable way
of exploring this side of herself in a repressed culture dominated
by the Catholic church and under the watchful controlling eye of
her family and friends.

Despite the humble beginnings that day in Makati, she
now had entry into a whole new world. A connection she could
explore in her evolutions and maturation. Now she had some depth of
knowledge of what it took to be a woman that got a man and kept
him.

Her liquids were all over her towel and under sheets
and ran on to her pulsating oversized private parts, up onto her
trim pubic hair. But they actually washed her soul.

If Roberts were there, she would have begged him to
pull her hair, take her from behind in the heat, and steam so she
could feel it again. She now had the fever of deep longing. That
next morning, she stood in front of her mirror with her towel
loosened enough to allow her c cup breasts to burst out. The towel
wasn't even long enough to cover her vagina.

She could still feel herself trembling from last
night. She longed to get ravaged by a man right then.

“Come on hurry up dumb dumb!” Her annoying younger
but no longer brother Darren implored her. “And put some clothes on
this time. I don't want to see your gross naked body running around
the house.”

“If you don't like it, don't look,” Tanya
sneered.

Even though it was her first day of work, she wasn't
excited to be going. She wanted to stay home and find something to
help her get off again and again. She preferred to lay in bed and
fantasize about some big dominant man with power and money,
satisfying her every desire while she satisfied his. None of that
was in the cards in today's work journey into upscale Makati.

Just over two hours of commuting per day for a job
she knew you didn't actually need a college degree for.

It was such a letdown after last night. But it was
reality.

Still she had pride. In her core self-opinion. She
believed herself better than this situation. That's why she was
slowly telling her boyfriend it was over. That's why she told
Roberts of her desire to start her own business selling clothing.
That's why she got on Filipino Lover in the first place.

She was seeking something better, and deep down her
perception of Filipino men was that they were poor and her only
chance for a relationship was with a poor one. She knew she held no
chance with a rich man. She may have been beautiful in the eyes of
some, but like it mattered in relation to all those girls with
better breeding.

She was undiscovered in a country so loaded with cute
peasant girls that her picks were going to inevitably be from more
Filipino men. Men who were poorer. Men who would probably never
take her overseas for any sort of trip.

She wanted more, and even if she wasn't able to come
out and say it, she felt it. She, at least, was going to act on
it.

She put on her best looking business dress with a low
cut on the neckline and comfortable flats with a slight heel rise.
She wore no nylons to keep it airy with all the walking in the
intense July heat in Manila.

It was day one on her first job, but she could have
cared less.

…

She thought back to about a year earlier. The next
talk she had with Roberts after the first time she masturbated the
previous night, she made it plain: she had no experience.

This was striking to Roberts because he could never
find it in him to admit it himself. When he talked his sexy dark
skinned Pinay to orgasm the prior night, he was part of the
fantasy. He had a raging hard-on afterwards. He grabbed his
collection of her pictures he'd been collecting and pleasured
himself to completion. He was in love and he had to find a way to
be with Tanya for real.

Tanya’s mind was in other places. She thought about
the morning ahead and what she would tell her friends. She went on
this trip knowing the possibilities. She knew she could be alone
with Bendato. She knew that he knew that she wanted to fuck.

It would be her first, but it would be with a man she
desired deeply. She had barely kept in contact with Roberts the
last year. Just enough to keep her options open. Just enough to
keep that option open.

She wanted Bendato because he wanted her, but also
because was fine if she didn't want him back in that moment. He
just kept up the pursuit, but never seemed desperate. Samuel was
such a good man. It was clear. He'd sent her stuff on her birthday
each year. He'd sent her a gift card for Christmas. The year before
that, some nice clothing from America.

Bendato. He was a jerk really. But he was honest and
she knew he could have other women just by how he was. He looked
her in the eye and tempted her. He was fearless when he went for a
kiss.

He wasn't even that great looking. He had the ugliest
weirdest teeth she had maybe ever seen. But he was just sexy to
her. She thought about all the hours she had spent with her
long-time boyfriend (the nicest man she had ever met she told her
mom one day when her mom begged to know why it ended.)

Bendato didn't have money or any real ambition
towards any. She couldn't put her finger on it, but she wanted him
inside her. His skinny tight body was ripped but almost emaciated
looking. When he looked in her eye, she always blinked first. She
got wet once at work when he got in her face and whispered to her
that she was turning him on.

He said it so clearly, so authentically, with such
power, she couldn't help it.

Now here they were on a group vacation with others
from work. Her two friends and his three. In her mind, her goal was
clear. She and him had drinks and he made it clear to his friends
it was his time to get with Tanya. They spent the whole night
making love countless times.

She was on cloud 10. She was in love. For real. For
the first time.

…

“Mama, I am just not ready to go back to work,” Tanya
pleaded. “Lisa needs me.”

“You can't stay home forever.” Gladys, Tanya's mom
said. “That ex-boyfriend of yours is her dad. He isn't much of a
father. He's only showed up to one thing and he didn't stay long.
Probably had to go meet another girl. Oh Tanya, why didn't you use
protection. Your life is so much harder now. I am so sad. I love
little Lisa, but this is so bad.

“You aren't getting help from Bendato because you
think he'll want to get back with you. You are scared to piss him
off and push him away. You love who you want, but there are
costs.”

Tanya could only cry and think of how much she loved
Bendato. Same as always, maybe more.

She felt she must have done something wrong.

“I don't understand!” she screamed out loud. “I
thought this was what he wanted. Our love created this!”

Chapter 11--Justene

In the height of his dissatisfaction with his job and
his life, Samuel experienced something powerful. A feeling that
exists outside of a man but he can't live without. He met a beauty
that would prove to the most significant person he'd met to
date

The day started off poorly. He had a late start and
this made for added stress in the post 9-11 world. Roberts was
heading north to Chicago and home. This was a layover in the
airport in St Louis. It was really early in the morning still. Like
maybe 9. He'd been up since about 4:30.

He was groggy and wanting to get this over. Wishing
he'd paid some real money and got a direct flight instead of one of
all these stopovers. It was time to go find a magazine rack in one
of those airport “everything” stores.

He grabbed a scandal magazine like “US” or “Star” and
dug in to clear his mind. It's been one of those days. Women were
the last thing on his mind.

A pretty dark haired girl, looked Mexican, or Central
American came up next to him and started grabbing books.

“That's a good read,” he said to her after about a
minute of standing about 6 feet away from each other.

He was looking dead ahead immersed in his pop culture
mess reading.

“I don't know much about it. I have heard about it. I
have heard about the author,” she said smiling but acting like she
was very interested in the subject. Which she was.

“Usually a good looking woman doesn't read much
beyond what I am reading. I feel like we should trade,” Samuel said
smirking.

He couldn't help but notice that this girl had one of
the cutest roundest little butts he'd ever seen. She had the larger
fuller lips with the smooth olive skin that were hallmarks of much
of the latina beauty you'd see out and about with increasing
frequency, especially in the south of the United States.

She had perfect teeth which were always something he
found enchanting in a woman. That bubble gum colored tongue layered
with the pearly pearly whites. Thinking back to Andi and the time
he had the raging powerful sexual drive for her in that gym class,
white teeth were always the thing that tipped him.

What happened next that morning followed and flowed
from one simple way of being. He didn't care. He didn't care about
an outcome. He didn't care if the girl liked him or not. He just
didn't care and the thing was: he wasn't trying not to care.
Because trying not to care was actually phoney. It was actually a
form of caring.

“What's your name?” Roberts asked.

“Justene,” She said smiling.