Somebody's Lover (14 page)

“You can tell me anything, Arthur.
I’ll always love you, no matter what.”

He turned to look at her, a tear
teetering on his eyelashes, a tremble on his lips. “I miss him so goddamn
much.”

“So do I.” Then she gave in to her
own tears.

Arthur held her and let her cry.
They held each other.

* * * * *

Taylor stood at the kitchen window.
The boys laughed in the family room. Brian had the markers out and was
decorating Jamey’s cast. There would be ink everywhere, but the stains would
serve as a reminder to her. She desperately wanted a shower, but she was afraid
to go where she couldn’t hear them.

Instead she’d made coffee.

And remembered the expression on
Evelyn’s face, the look in Arthur’s eyes. Horror. Disbelief. She’d been with
Jace.

At least she didn’t have to lie
anymore. She wouldn’t sneak out to meet him nor call him in the middle of the
night. He wouldn’t be coming around again, except to take the boys out. She
would never take him away from the boys. Nor would she indulge herself at their
expense. She was done pushing this family to their limits.

She wasn’t sure who to expect
first. Evelyn on her own? Evelyn and Arthur together? Connie? David? God
forbid. She’d paraded naked in front of him, and she hadn’t been able to meet
his gaze in the emergency room.

Jace was the first to arrive,
pulling into the driveway. Cutting the engine, he sat for long moments. With
the slant of the sun, she wasn’t sure he could see her in the window.

She didn’t have a clue what he
planned to say, but she couldn’t go on letting him try to fill Lou’s shoes. He
deserved more than that. He couldn’t go on taking care of his brother’s family
as if he were to blame for what happened to Lou.

Lord, she’d miss the way he touched
her, the way he made her feel. She’d ache when he would come over to play with
the boys or take them out or drop them off after Little League.

But he had his own life to live,
and she wouldn’t steal pieces of him anymore to assuage her own loneliness.

As he climbed from the truck and
tramped the front walk, she steeled herself to do what was best for everyone. But
Lord, it hurt.

* * * * *

Brian threw his marker on the table
when Jace opened the screen door. Jamey hopped up, holding his arm out. “See my
cast, Uncle Jace, isn’t it cool?”

He ruffled the boy’s hair, then
reached to ruffle Brian’s as well. “Better than cool, man.”

“Will you sign it? I want everyone
to sign it.” Jamey had to be in pain, but you’d never know it. Kids just seemed
to be like that. When they weren’t milking it for all it was worth.

“Sure, kiddo. Give me a pen.”

Brian babbled excitedly about what
he’d witnessed as Jace signed his name in bold red letters, then drew a skull
and cross bones. Jamey bounced up from the couch to show Taylor.

“Will you draw a skull on my arm,
Uncle Jace?” Brian didn’t want to be left out.

Taylor nodded and Brian handed Jace
a black marker.

Jamey tugged on her hand. “Mom, can
I go over and show Ernie? He’s never had a cast.”

“You need to rest, sweetie.”

“Aw, Mom,” both boys moaned in
unison.

Jace had never presumed to tell her
what to do with her kids, but he knew her fear, the same he’d felt, his heart
climbing into his throat. But she had to let it go or she’d end up smothering
them. The way he’d tried to smother her after Lou died.

“It’ll be okay, Taylor. Let them go
for a little while.”

Her indecision flashed across her
face, fear darkening her eyes. She didn’t want to let them out of the house,
out of earshot. Out of her protective reach. Then she said, “Half an hour. Then
I want you back to take a nap.”

They rushed out of the house like a
herd of elephants. She moved to the window to watch them stampede across the
street.

“You’d think nothing had happened,”
she said.

“Kids heal fast. We need to talk,
Taylor.”

“I know. You want coffee?”

“Thanks, but no.” He needed to say
what he had to say. Prepping the coffee was putting off the inevitable. “Sit
down.”

She lingered a moment longer at the
window, then moved to the couch, perching on the edge and clasping her hands in
her lap. “I’m going to say my piece first.”

She laid the words out like a law.
Perhaps if she got out her objections, he’d find a way to show her how wrong
she was.

“I’m listening.” He didn’t know
whether to stand or sit, though he was sure touching her would be a mistake. He
stayed where he was, miles too far from her.

“It’s best that we end...what was
going on between us.” She sucked in her breath as if voicing the thought had
been hard for her, even as she sliced him in two. “You’ve been good to us since
Lou died. The boys and I wouldn’t have made it without you. Everything you’ve
done around the house, it’s meant a lot.”

“It meant—”

She held up her hand. “Let me
finish while I can.” She took another deep breath. “I crossed the line when you
found me at the bar that night. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. What
happened after that wasn’t your fault.”

“Taylor.”

She looked at him, silenced him. He
didn’t want to hear, but he would listen, for her.

“I’ve been feeling pretty weird
lately, and that was all a culmination. But I’m better now. I’m sorry I took
advantage of your generosity.”

Shit. Generosity? He was crazy for
her. Couldn’t she see that? He shut his mouth on the words.

She rolled her lips between her
teeth, worried them, then finally spoke. “I know you’ve always felt responsible
for what happened to Lou. And you’ve tried to make it up to us. What you did
for the boys. You went out of your way to help me even after the way I threw
myself at you that night.” She swallowed, her chest swelled with her breath.

Jesus. Is that how she’d viewed
what they’d done? That he was selflessly helping her? He’d laugh if it wasn’t
so damn sad.

He wanted her to finish, so he
could prove her wrong.

“I shouldn’t have taken all you
gave without telling you that I never thought what happened to Lou was your
fault. Never, Jace. Lou was...Lou.” She shrugged. “He liked things his way, and
he probably thought he was teaching you a lesson by starting without you. He
should never have done it.”

Her words washed over him in a
gentle wave. Cleansing him at last.

“It was so hard to talk about.
Nobody talked about it.”

No, they hadn’t. They’d all let it
fester. Even Lou wouldn’t have wanted that.

He looked at her after that long
silence. “Are you done?”

She twisted her hands. “I don’t
want you to think it’s because I didn’t enjoy what we did. It was wonderful. I
mean that. But we both knew it was a...” She wriggled her brow, trying to find
the right word for what they’d done. “Thing,” she finally came up with.

He moved then, swiping the markers
off the coffee table and tossing them back in their box. He shoved with his
foot until there was enough room for him to sit in front of her.

“Is it my turn now?”

He wanted her to state every
objection. He wanted to know every thought in her head, so he had an answer for
it.

“Umm, yes.”

What should he tackle first? “I
have felt responsible for what happened to Lou.” He bent his head, touched his
lips to the back of her hand. “And I don’t think I can ever make you see how
badly I needed you to forgive me.”

“Oh, Jace, there’s never been—”

He put two fingers to her lips. “My
turn. I’ve done a thousand and more things to show you how sorry I was. But I
love the boys, and I never used them to get you to forgive me. I did it because
they needed me. For that, I’m the one who’s grateful. I needed
them
.” He
searched her eyes for a sign that she believed him. He couldn’t read a thing.
“Fixing stuff for you kept me busy, kept me from thinking too hard. But Taylor,
I didn’t touch you because I was trying to atone in some weird way. I touched
you because I’ve always wanted to touch you. Always.”

Finally, a reaction. She frowned,
tipping her head.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve loved you since the day Lou
brought you home. I hated myself, but I couldn’t stop the way I felt. I never
would have touched you, I never would have told you. But when you kissed me that
night, you suddenly handed me everything I’d ever wanted.”

He let her absorb his meaning. He
couldn’t know how she’d react, but on the way here, he’d sworn to give her the
whole truth. His guilty obsession with her was the most damning part.

“Always, Jace?”

“From the beginning.”

“But I never even noticed.”

He laughed, though his throat
ached. “I know. You loved Lou. And I would never have tried to take you away
from him.” He’d dreamed about it, yes, but he’d never acted, never would have
acted, if she hadn’t begged him to see her as a woman.

“You were always a woman to me,
Taylor. But you were also Lou’s wife. Brian and Jamey’s mother. My
sister-in-law.”

She didn’t say anything, staring at
her hands. Would she revile him for the lie he’d lived with for half of his
life?

“I never fucked you. I made love to
you. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell you that.” He waited, his chest
aching, his heart pumping overtime. “Say something.”

She looked up, her eyes wet and
shimmering. “I don’t think I can say this, Jace.”

He died, a hundred times over, but
he would take it. “You can tell me anything, Taylor. I love you. Whatever you
have to say, it’ll be okay.”

I love you.

Taylor bent her head to her hands,
pulling in air as if that would give her courage. What would Jace think when
she told him the real truth? Everything she’d learned about herself over the
past few days. Yet Jace had confessed his greatest sins to her, she could do no
less for him.

She sat up, rubbed her fingers over
her eyes, then met his gaze. “I loved Lou. He’s the father of my boys. He was a
good man. I’ve always loved you, as Lou’s brother. But God help me, sometimes I
looked at you when you were wearing a nice tight pair of jeans, and I
had...thoughts.” Oh Lord, this was so hard. “Small ones, Jace. Nothing
explicit. But I did have thoughts.” The number grew in her mind as she
remembered. She’d had a lot of thoughts about Jace, and oddly, hadn’t even felt
guilty at the time. Because she would never have
done
anything. Never,
not while Lou was alive. “But once I’d kissed you, I couldn’t stop. I didn’t
want to stop.”

“You didn’t betray Lou, if that’s
what you’re thinking.”

“Yes, I did.” She bit down on the
inside of her cheek. “In the bathroom at work, when you made me look in the
mirror, I betrayed him then.” And understood a lot of painful things.

“He’s dead, Taylor. You’re not.”

She shook her head. “You don’t
understand what I’m saying. I loved Lou, but I wasn’t
in
love with him.
I don’t think I ever was. I wanted to be a part of your family, and Lou was a
way to get there.” It sounded so much worse when she said it aloud.

He took her hand. “You were a good
wife. The best. A wonderful mother. In you, Lou got everything he’d ever
wanted.”

“But I...” She dropped her eyes to
her lap and tried to pull her hand from his.

He wouldn’t let her go. “Say it.
Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it.”

Say it. He made it sound so easy.

“He never made me feel that way,”
she whispered. “He never touched me and set me on fire. I loved him, and I miss
him, but the bed wasn’t empty because Lou was gone. It was empty because I
wanted someone to touch me. Anyone.” Even Bubba at the Saddle-n-Spurs would
have done. Until she touched Jace. “Then it was you, and now there’ll never be
anyone else. It was never like that with Lou.”

He went down on his knees in front
of her. “If you think I’m going to say I’m sorry that I make you feel that way
and he didn’t, you’re wrong. If you think I’m going to let you feel guilty
about it, you’re crazier than me. I love you. I’ve waited fifteen years to hear
you say that. And I’m not going to let you take it all back. Now look at me.”

In the end, he lifted her chin.
“I’ll never replace Lou. I don’t want to. I love you, and I want to marry you.
I want to give you everything Lou never did, make you feel everything he
didn’t. I want to be a father to Jamey and Brian. I want you. Tell me you want
what I want.”

She scanned his face. He loved her.
God help her, she loved him, too. More than she thought she could ever love any
man. Jamey and Brian needed a daddy again. Jace would be more than they could
ever have hoped for. But... “What about your family? What will they say?”

The clock ticked on the wall.
Outside, the automatic sprinklers turned on. The timer was wrong. They should
have come on early this morning.

Jace made a mental note to fix it.
Then he gave Taylor the only other lie he ever would.

“If Mom and Dad can’t see how right
this is, then I don’t give a damn. And I don’t give a damn what David says
either.”

They’d already given their
blessing. But if he told Taylor, she’d never be sure of herself. She’d always
doubt, always think she made the choice for the wrong reasons. He couldn’t let
her do that.

“You have to decide, Taylor.”

She took long moments, in which his
blood thundered through his veins like a runaway train.

Then she put her hand to his cheek.
“I don’t want to be just somebody’s lover, Jace. I want to be
your
lover. And
your
wife. And I think maybe your parents will understand.”

He stroked a finger down her face.
“I know they will.”

After living in hell for the last
three years, he finally got his taste of heaven. And he’d never let it go. He’d
never let
her
go.