Something Like Fate (17 page)

“Okay,” I go.

Jason looks surprised. “Really?”

“Hurry up before I change my mind.”

It works. Jason pulls me along while I glide through the water for a few seconds, kicking behind me. We do it again and again until I’m not so scared anymore.

I’ve always hoped for this. When I would be strong enough to finally overcome my fear. When everything would begin to fall into place. My life finally has the chance to be everything I’ve always wanted it to be.

“Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant,
filled with odd waiters who bring you things
you never asked for and don’t always like.”

—Lemony Snicket

“The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected
is what changes our lives.”

—Meredith Grey

Sometimes things have
to get worse before they can get better. I just never imagined that things could get this bad.

If you told
me three months ago that Erin would ever think Jason is a loser, I would have been like no way. But here she is. Sitting on my front porch. Complaining about what a loser Jason is.

“Who breaks up with someone while they’re away at camp?” Erin rants. “Who
does
that? In a
letter
?”

She’s been home for two days. I haven’t told her yet. Jason’s the one who’s going to tell her. He feels responsible. He had to go away for some family Labor Day-weekend thing, so he won’t see Erin until school starts.

“Want more lemonade?” I ask.

“Totally,” Erin goes. “This humidity is ridiculous.”

I fill her glass with lemonade and add a twist of lime. I love adding a twist of lime. It’s very adult.

I was really hoping that Erin would still be swooning over her summer fling with Lee. It’s not like that, though. I’ve never seen her this angry. She’s been ranting about Jason since she got here. Plus, she ranted the whole time when I saw her yesterday. She’s nowhere near finished.

Facing reality is a major buzz kill.

“It would be one thing if I saw it coming,” Erin rants on. “Like if we were fighting or something. But everything was fine when I left. How could that have changed so quickly? I wasn’t even here!”

I nod sympathetically. Hiding the truth from her is killing me. Actually, her extreme anger is making me scared to tell her, so I’m kind of relieved that Jason’s doing it instead.

“What do you think happened?” she goes.

“Oh . . . um . . .”

“Where does he get off dumping me in a freaking letter? Who the eff does he think he is?!” Erin’s glass jerks. Lemonade sloshes onto the porch floor.

“Sorry,” she says.

“That’s okay.” Maybe this would be a good time to focus the conversation on Lee. I go, “Where’s Lee from again?”

“Somewhere down the shore.”

“Is he coming up?”

“Maybe.”

“That’s cool.”

A mourning dove hoos.

Erin doesn’t say anything else about Lee.

“I can’t believe I have to face everyone at school,” she says.

“Don’t worry. No one knows.”

“Oh, they will. The rumors will be rampant. What I am supposed to say when they ask why we aren’t together anymore? Everyone will find out that Jason dumped me.” Erin’s eyes get watery. “I’ve never been so humiliated in my life.”

“Don’t worry. No one has to know. It’s not like Jason’s going to tell anyone.”

“How do you know?”

“He’s not like that.”

“Good one,” Erin scoffs. “I didn’t think he would break up with me in a freaking letter, either. But there you go. Who knows what else that dumbass is capable of?”

As soon as she leaves, I call Jason. I tell him I can’t see him again until Erin knows about us. Being with him this summer when it was just the two of us was one thing. Now that Erin’s back, I can’t face her if I’m still hooking up with Jason. I feel like the most horrible person ever. It’s hard enough seeing her and acting like nothing’s changed. Like, what, Erin will come over after school and then I’ll go sneak around with Jason after?

What the hell was I
thinking
?

Jason’s like, “What are you saying?”

“It’s different now that she’s back. I can’t see you and then pretend like nothing’s going on. It’s not fair to her.”

“Are you saying we can’t see each other at all? Or just at school?”

“At all.”

“Until she knows.”

“Right.”

“What about after she knows?”

“Then we won’t have to hide it anymore.”

I grab Magic 8 Ball and shake it. I think my question:
Is Erin going to be okay?
Magic 8 Ball says, SIGNS POINT TO YES.

“Look.” I hear Jason switch the phone to his other ear. “You know I want to tell her in person. I can see if she’ll get together when I get home tomorrow.”

“Are you going over to her house?”

“I was thinking more like meeting her at The Fountain.”

I don’t say anything. How can he take her there? That’s our place.

“Lani?”

“I’m here.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Why do you have to go there?”

“We don’t have to go anywhere.”

“But you said you wanted to tell her in person.”

“I do. So where do you think we should go?”

It really shouldn’t matter. Jason can tell her at The Fountain if he wants. It’s just that I don’t want the image of Jason telling Erin that we’re together to be there every time I go in for some gelato.

Why am I being so crazy about this?

“No, it’s okay,” I tell him. “Go to The Fountain.”

“I haven’t even asked her to meet up yet. She might say no.”

“Then what?”

“Then I’ll have to tell her at school.”

“But that’s two whole days from now.”

“Okay, I’ll call and ask if she’ll meet tomorrow night.”

“Are you sure you’re okay with telling her? Because I can—”

“Yes. It has to be me.”

After we hang up, all these annoying What If questions come rushing in. What if Erin wants Jason back? And she tells him that? And he feels bad and gets back together with her? What if he can’t tell her the truth about us?

When the phone rings, I jump. It’s Jason already.

“That was fast,” I go.

“She hung up on me.”

“What?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t even ask her.”

“What did she say?”

“Nothing. When she heard it was me, she hung up.”

“Did you try calling back?”

“So she could hang up on me again? I don’t think so.”

“So now what?”

“I could try texting her. But I doubt she’ll want to see me.”

“Just tell her you have to talk to her. Say it’s really important.”

“She’ll want to know why.”

“Then I guess we have to wait until school.”

This is so messed up. I just told Jason that we shouldn’t see each other until Erin knows. There’s no way I’m waiting two more days to see him again. Except there’s not much I can do about it. It’s not like I can tell Erin that Jason wants to talk. She’ll want to know what for. And I can’t tell her about us because Jason is insisting that it has to be him.

“Well . . .” Jason goes, “I guess I’ll see you at school.”

“Yeah. See you there.”

Two days is forever from now. I don’t know how I’m going to survive until then. All I can think about is how good it feels when we’re together. Just being with him and kissing him and knowing that nothing can get in the way of us.

Except maybe reality.

Today is the
worst first day of school ever.

Forget that Erin refused to talk to Jason when he went up to her. Forget that she still doesn’t know.

There’s a rumor going around that Blake is gay.

I never thought this would happen. I have no idea how it got started. If people were going to spread that around, wouldn’t it have been out there a long time ago? Who’s all of a sudden going to start a rumor like this senior year?

It’s not like Blake’s done anything different recently to make someone suddenly notice him. He was totally low-key all summer, spending most of his time at glassblowing.

Nothing about him has changed.

I’m the only person who knows he’s gay and there’s no way I would tell anyone. Blake knows he can trust me with—

Wait.

There was that day at the end of last year with Jason. When I blurted out about Blake being gay. Jason promised he wouldn’t tell anyone. And I believed him. I still do.

But if he didn’t tell anyone, who did?

Jason and I have physics together second period. We’re getting assigned seats tomorrow, but for today we can sit wherever we want. I snagged us two desks next to each other in the back. We need to talk.

When Jason comes in, I wave to him. He doesn’t smile when he sees me, like I thought he would. That’s okay, though. I’m not smiling, either.

Jason sits down. He goes, “Did you hear about Blake?”

“Of course. The whole school’s talking about it.” I’m trying not to be mad, but this is ridiculous. Jason is the only other person who knows about Blake. How else could this have gotten out?

The bell rings. Everyone shuts up. After our teacher hands out the class contract and starts going over it, I quietly pop my binder open. I take out a piece of paper.

I write:

I fold the note and pass it to Jason.

He writes back:

I glance over at Jason. I think he’s telling the truth. Why would he tell anyone anyway? That’s just not something he would do.

After class, Blake finds me in the hall. With all the first-day-back chaos, Blake’s able to pull me out the side doors without any adult types seeing.

He goes, “Did you tell someone?”

“No!”

Blake doesn’t look convinced. “Are you sure?”

“Why would I do that to you?”

“I don’t know, Lani. That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Then how does everyone know?”

I want to believe Jason. I mean, I do believe him. I just had to ask if he told. He was obviously offended that I didn’t completely trust him, but no one else freaking
knows
.

Blake puts his face really close to mine. “Swear to me on my life that you didn’t tell anyone.”

I can’t swear on his life. That would totally be challenging fate. If things are ever going to be okay, I have to tell the truth. Starting now.

“Promise you won’t get mad if I tell you,” I say.

“Tell me what?”

“Promise you won’t get mad first.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“I told Jason.”

“What the—”

“I didn’t mean to! It just came out!”

“How does something like that just come out? You promised me you’d never tell anyone!”

“He was saying that he thought you were my boyfriend and I—”

“So you told him I’m gay? You couldn’t just say we’re friends?”

“But he said—”

“It doesn’t matter what he said! My life is over! Do you even get that?”

I’ve never seen Blake this furious. Not even after the worst fights with his dad.

My eyes tear up. “I’m sorry. It just came out!”

Blake is disgusted with me. “I trusted you,” he says.

“You can still trust me. Just let me explain. He—”

“Save it,” Blake says. He turns away.

“Wait, let me—”

“Nothing you say can fix this. Everyone knows. Because of you.”

Blake storms off, away from school.

I chase after him across the lawn. Trying to keep up with Blake is hard. He’s way taller than me. He’s walking so fast that I have to run to keep up with him.

I try to explain again. “Please just—”

“How could you do this to me?”

“Jason said he wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“And look how well that turned out!”

“I don’t think he’s the one who told.”

“You told more people?!”

“No!”

“Then who else would tell, Lani? You’re the only one who knew!”

“I don’t know. But it wasn’t Jason. I just asked him about it in physics and I could tell it wasn’t him.”

He stops walking. “Okay, think. Where were you guys when you told him?”

“Here.”

“At
school?
”

“No one else was in the room with us—”

“You were in a classroom?”

I nod.

“Which one?”

“Um.” I can’t remember. It was cloudy. The room was dark. Jason—

“Which
one
?”

“The one next to guidance. One seventeen.”

“And no one else was in there with you?”

“No.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“Did you check everywhere?”

I didn’t. I mean, you go into an empty classroom, it’s dark, you don’t see anyone sitting there, you assume it’s empty.

“Whatever,” Blake says.

This time when he leaves, I let him go. If I were Blake, I’m sure I’d be leaving, too. Some of these kids can be brutal. I can’t believe that homophobia still exists. It should be an archaic concept by now. Why can’t everyone understand that we’re all human—different but the same?