TWENTY-ONE
After the party, Chancy and Don went back to his apartment for a private party of their own. He asked her to have a seat on the couch in the living room, and then ran to his room and brought back a bag filled with goodies. He set the bag beside him, got on his knees in front of her, and presented her with each of the special gifts, watching intently as she opened them.
She tore into each gift, and under the pink wrapping her surprises got progressively better and better. She was overwhelmed as she opened a gold clip with her sorority’s letters. She uncovered a matching T-shirt and boxers, a book bag, custom-embroidered warm-ups, a pink leather organizer with her sorority’s letters tastefully printed in the lower-right corner, and a watch. When she thought he was finished, he pulled out yet another box, stating that it was his personal favorite. She opened the box lined with Victoria’s Secret paper, and inside was a pink bra and panties set.
“I want you to try that on now,” he announced with a smile. “But first, tell me, did I do a good job? Do you like your gifts?”
They were special to her, and she could tell he put in a lot of time shopping. He had spent too much money, she thought.
He saw the concern on her face and assured her, “I got a good deal for purchasing so many items, and the lingerie was on sale. But, you know what, if I overspent, it’s because you’re worth every penny.”
Chancey forgot about his overspending and clung to his sincerity. She got on the floor with him and kissed her beautiful man wherever she could find bare skin. They touched, caressed, and then moved their celebration to Don’s room to complete the moment.
Chancey awoke to Don kissing her shoulder. I love this man, she thought.
“How’s my Diamond this morning?”
“Refreshed, relieved, replenished, and revived!”
“Did I do all of that?” he teased.
“And then some,” she responded, and reached over to hug him tightly. Their morning hugs were always passionate and filled with a feeling of closeness and oneness that neither had ever felt with anyone else. Before they untangled themselves, she kissed him on the forehead, knowing how much he loved it.
“Why don’t I make breakfast for my sexy Mandingo?” she joked.
“Why don’t we both cook?” he suggested. “Since you always burn the toast,” he joked.
In the kitchen they prepared bacon, eggs, grits, and biscuits. Don didn’t have any orange juice, so he poured two cups of Coke. They talked over breakfast and caught up on the important moments they had missed in the other’s life over the past several weeks. They laughed a lot and could barely eat, because they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
“You make me happier than anyone I’ve ever been with,” he expressed.
“I do?” her question was not for reassurance, but one leading to her real concern—his past.
“Yeah, you really do.”
“So, who have you been with?” Chancey asked, looking him in the eye. She knew he had been quite a womanizer, and also remembered that Malena said Shanika had a thing for him. Although she had never asked about the women in his past because she figured talking about it would be painful for him, she now needed to know.
“Why would you ask me a question like that?”
“Well, you know about my past relationships. I want to know about yours.”
“Since when, Chancey?”
“What do you mean, since when? Does it matter?”
“Oh, I see. Now that you’ve joined this sorority you need to know things that weren’t important to you before.” Donald seemed upset.
“So, do you have a problem with my joining a sorority? I thought you were happy for me.”
“I am happy for you, but I didn’t expect you to change.”
“Change? What are you talking about? I haven’t changed.”
“My past never bothered you before, but I bet your sorors have been filling your head with stories about the old me,” he argued, and got up from the table to look for something with which to relieve himself from the tension growing between them. He shook his head at their argument and walked to his room. She followed. He’s not going to get away that easily, she thought.
Don started hanging up clothes that were draped on a chair.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong, Donald. Nobody has said one bad thing about you. You expect everybody to see you as this bad person or something. I don’t get it.”
He didn’t respond, because he knew she was telling the truth. He did think the women on campus put him down whenever they had their female-to-female talks.
“Don, everybody knows you’re not the same person you used to be, and they applaud you. Nobody has ever dipped into your past—at least not in a negative way.”
“So, what was said?” he asked.
“Well, we were just talking about this girl, and somebody mentioned that she had a thing for you at one time. It made me curious to know who else may have had a thing for my man.”
“So who were they talking about?”
“Like you said before, it doesn’t matter. Right?”
“Why are you tripping?” he asked.
“Why are you tripping?” she retaliated.
“Are you gonna tell me, or what?” he asked, sitting on the chair that was now empty.
“Well, since you insist, her name is Shanika.”
“Shanika Williams?” He frowned.
“I don’t know her last name, but I guess that’s her.”
“The Shanika who lives in your dorm?”
“Yeah.”
“We never dated.”
“I never said you did. I said she had a thing for you. Was that the case?” she asked.
“Well, most women do,” he joked. “Just kidding.”
He grabbed her arm and sat her on his lap. He no longer wanted to be serious, and didn’t want to have what he thought was an absurd conversation. Chancey, on the other hand, was not amused.
“So, since you had to know who I was talking about, I want to know the story.”
“Baby, it’s no big deal. She used to call me all the time and send me cards, and she always came to the games and waited afterward to talk to me. We went out to eat once, but I didn’t have sex with her. We didn’t even kiss. Plus, she’s not my type.”
“Oh, so where did you take her?”
“When?” he tried to play innocent, as if he didn’t know what she was talking about.
“When y’all went out on a date, that’s when.”
“It wasn’t a date. She called me one night and said she lost her ATM card and asked if I would take her to get something to eat. I wasn’t doing anything, so I said okay. Plus, I wasn’t seeing anybody, and at the time I didn’t even know you existed.”
“So, where did you take her?”
“Applebee’s”
“That sounds like a date place to me.”
“Now, that’s why I didn’t want to tell you, ’cause I knew you’d be tripping like this.”
“So did you kiss her?”
“See, there you go. I told you before that I didn’t.”
“Did you?” She looked him directly in the eyes. She wanted a straight answer.
“I didn’t, but she kissed me,” he said, and gently moved her off his lap. He walked over to the closet, as if he was looking for something to wear for the day.
“That’s bull!” she argued.
He sighed. “I dropped her off in front of her dorm, she thanked me for dinner and kissed me good night.”
“Was it a kiss or was it a
kiss
?”
“I’m not gonna answer that question, ’cause you’re starting something that has nothing to do with the here and now.”
“I know it doesn’t, that’s why you should answer me.”
“It was a regular good-bye friend kiss, Chancey. Are you happy now?”
“No, ’cause I don’t want nobody kissing all over my man.” Amused with his reaction, she continued the conversation, although she was satisfied when he first began to talk about it. She grinned because she really didn’t care anymore, walked over to him, and put her arms around his well-toned waist.
“Diamond, you were in high school then. You didn’t even know me. Plus, she don’t have nothin’ on you. She can’t touch you with a ten-foot pole.” He stopped flipping through hangers and walked her over to his bed, then got on his knees and put his arms around her waist. He liked to be level with her when he wanted her to know she had his undivided attention.
“You’re right, but you’re mine now. None of that stuff in your past really matters to me, but I’m gonna want to know some things from time to time.”
“I bet you will,” he said sarcastically.
“You’re right, I will. You know what I want to know now?” she asked. “I want to know how much you love me.”
“Oh, so you want to know how much I love you,” he joked.
“Yeah, I do.”
“I might incriminate myself if I tell you.”
“Well, that’s a chance you’re just gonna have to take.”
“Diamond, I love you more than life itself,” he said in a serious tone.
This man really loves me, she thought. She pulled him closer. He held her tighter and rested his head on her chest. The oneness was back.
“I love you too,” she responded. He stroked her cheek, and they kissed like it was the first time.
TWENTY-TWO
Cajen woke to the thumping of loud music. Her neighbor was probably cleaning her room, since loud music in the morning usually meant her neighbor was on a cleaning spree. Unable to drift back into a peaceful sleep, she went through the events of the previous night: the preparty, dinner, the party. And then she remembered the Jason incident and how Stephanie had stopped her from chasing after him and embarrassing herself further.
“I hate myself!” she said, as she got out of bed. “But I hate Jason even more. So why is my heart still aching?” She lay back on her pillow to wallow in her misery, but was interrupted by the telephone. She quickly reached over and picked it up, hoping it was Jason apologizing for being so disrespectful.
“Hi, beautiful.” It was Eric.
“Oh, hi, Eric,” she said in a dry tone.
“You don’t sound too good. Are you hungover?”
“No. You know I don’t drink. I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Well, I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Why don’t I take you to get something to eat? I know you’re hungry, and you can tell me what’s going on with you. You can even hit me in the chest to let out some of your frustration. You know I’ve been working out, so it won’t hurt me,” he teased.
“I don’t feel like getting out of bed,” she pouted.
“Okay, I’ll be over there in an hour. You don’t have to wear anything formal—jeans and a T-shirt will do just fine, so be ready,” he insisted.
“I guess I don’t have a choice.”
“No, you don’t. I’ll see you in about an hour . . . Bye.”
“All right, but I can’t promise I’ll be good company.”
“I’m not worried about that, because once you’re around me, you’ll be like a new woman. Now get dressed!” he said, and hung up the phone.
When she put the receiver on the base, the phone rang again. This time she wasn’t as hopeful that Jason would be on the other end.
“Hello!” she answered.
“Hey!” Stephanie said. “Just calling to check on you. So how are you doing this morning? You hanging in there?”
“I’m okay. Sorry about last night.” She felt bad for embarrassing her.
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Stephanie reassured her.
They recapped the incident and discussed how Cajen had felt when she saw Jason, concluding he wasn’t worth her ruining her reputation.
“You wanna get a bite to eat, and go to the mall? I feel like I haven’t been shopping in years. Maybe that’ll help get your mind off Jason.”
“Thank you, Steph, but Eric beat you to the punch. He’s gonna be here in a little while,” Cajen said. “By the way, I’m grateful that you care about my well-being and that you’re still speaking to me, even after the way I behaved last night.”
“You know I love you, girl. And here I was all worried about you . . . I know now you’re gonna be just fine,” she said. “I’ll talk to you later. Do have a good time.”
“I’m just going out with Eric,” Cajen said. “It’s not like I’m going on a real date.”
“Do you realize how fine that man is?” Stephanie squealed. “I saw you talking to him at the party. He’s who you should be interested in.”
“Eric?”
“Yes, Eric. Your true prince is right under your nose and you don’t even realize it.”
“Whatever. Listen, I gotta get dressed. You still gonna go shopping?”
“Well, there’s a friend I really need to visit. I was hoping to put it off, but I think I’d better deal with it today.”
“Sounds serious.”
“Not really. Just unfinished business. Nothing I’d feel like discussing right now.”
“If it gets messy, give me a call. I owe you one,” she said referring to last night’s episode.
“I’ll do that,” she joked.
“Talk to you later?”
“Of course.”
Eric met Cajen in the lobby of her dormitory. She walked down the stairs and he gave her a huge grin. She had on jeans and one of the new T-shirts she’d gotten at the party after crossing. Eric, who was in an exceptionally good mood, also had on jeans and a T-shirt. They gave each other a big bear hug and walked to his car. They didn’t say much during the drive. Cajen was glad, because although it felt good being in his company, she wasn’t in the mood for small talk.
“I hope you’re in the mood for roast beef,” Eric said, as they pulled into the parking lot of the fast food restaurant.
“You know I am.”
“Noooo?” he teased, appearing surprised. Eric felt he knew her better than she knew herself. He listened and remembered everything that had the slightest meaning to her. He knew she loved sunsets, and that she was a huge tennis fan. He also knew that she had a gentle heart.
Cajen ordered her usual: a roast beef sandwich with potato cakes, a side salad with Italian dressing, and tea. Eric ordered a beef and cheddar sandwich, large curly fries, and a large Coke. They took their seats, and Cajen immediately started digging in. She didn’t realize how hungry she was until she took the first bite. “Thank you, Eric. I really needed this.”
“You’re welcome,” he replied. “So, what could possibly be going wrong with you?” he asked. “I mean, you were accepted to your dream sorority, and you just attended a party thrown for you and your girls that was off the hook. What more could you want at this point in your life?”
“Everything is not always what it seems,” she said, not wanting to talk about her chaotic personal life.
“True . . . So what’s up?” he asked. He hated seeing her unhappy and wanted to help.
“Eric, why do you like hanging around me?” she asked. She didn’t think she’d get a satisfactory answer, but she wanted him to say something shallow so she’d have a reason to dislike him.
“That’s obvious, you’re a beautiful person.”
“So, my physical appearance is what keeps you hanging around?”
“No, I mean you’re beautiful inside and out. You have a wonderful personality, Cajen, and you are a good person with a good heart. That’s why I keep hanging around,” he answered. “I hope you’ll one day feel about me the way I do about you.”
He had never been so open about his feelings for her, and she didn’t know how to react. “So what are you trying to say, Eric? Do you want to have a serious relationship with me?” She had to be blunt with him because she wanted to know exactly how he felt, so she could change his mind. He deserves better, she thought.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. I know this might sound corny, but you are the lady of my dreams. You are everything I’ve ever wanted.”
“No, I’m not,” she said dryly. She couldn’t look him in the eye, so she stared back down at the food she could no longer stomach.
“How can you tell me how I feel about you?”
“Eric, there are things about me that you don’t know, which will make you change your mind about me if I ever told you.”
“I doubt if you could tell me anything that would change the way I feel. That seed was planted long ago and it’s going to take a lot, a whole lot, to change that. I doubt if anything could.”
“Oh?” She was stuck. She couldn’t think of how to change the subject, and she didn’t want to continue this conversation. She tried, instead, to appear indifferent and to be as short with her words as possible.
“But it doesn’t matter how I feel about you, because I know you’re not into me,” he said. Cajen didn’t respond. “See, I told you. I was prepared for rejection. It hurts, but I was prepared,” he joked. It was his way of dealing. He quickly changed the subject. “Back to the original discussion. What’s bothering you?”
“It’s no big deal. Let’s just finish our lunch,” she said, forcing a piece of potato cake into her mouth.
“Well, since you’re holding out, I want to give you your gift now.”
“Oh, I forgot about that.”
“It’s in the car,” he said, and quickly eased out of his seat.
Before she knew it, Eric was back.
“For you!” He handed her a long jewelry box. “I’m not that great at wrapping, so I didn’t.”
“Eric, I told you that you didn’t have to.”
“Just open it.”
She opened the box and inside was a watch with a black leather band. The face had her sorority’s shield in the middle, and it was trimmed in gold.
“Thank you. It’s beautiful.” Her eyes widened, and she froze. She couldn’t believe he had gotten her such a nice gift. She figured he would get her a hat or stationery, but never something as precious as a watch.
“A beautiful gift for a beautiful person,” he said.
She looked into Eric’s eyes, which was a mistake, because his sincerity caused her to cry. She couldn’t handle the kindness he showed her. She was angry and disappointed with herself because she knew he had always cared about her, but instead she fell for a jerk like Jason, and look where that got her.
“Can we leave?” she asked.
“But we haven’t finished eating . . . Cajen, why are you crying?” He looked confused. “I thought the gift would brighten your day.”
“Let’s go, please!” she insisted.
“Okay . . . but I don’t understand,” he said.
Before he could finish, she got up from the booth. He followed. Once outside, he asked her again why she was crying.
“You shouldn’t be so nice to me.”
“If it’s gonna make you react like this, I’ll definitely stop,” Eric said.
“You don’t understand. I’m not worth it.”
“Cajen, why are you doing this to yourself?”
“Because, Eric, I’m not the Ms. Perfect you think I am.”
“I never said you were—nobody is perfect.”
“Well, I don’t want to have a relationship with you.”
“So, you’re gonna say that without even giving it a chance?”
“A chance?” she asked.
“Yeah—I deserve at least that.”
Cajen couldn’t speak.
“I do, don’t I?” He softened his voice.
She still didn’t answer.
“Well, in that case, you are right. I don’t know you,” he said. He wondered aloud, “Is this what happens when people join groups—do they lose their identity and forget about the people who truly care?” He had a cold, hard look on his face. “Let’s go,” he said.
It frightened her. She didn’t want to lose his friendship just because she was afraid to tell him she had herpes.
“Not yet . . .” she managed.
Angry and confused, Eric became defensive. “What is it now? You want to give the watch back too?”
“No,” she replied. “I need to be honest with you about something.”
Eric let out a long sigh, crossed his arms, and leaned against the car.
“I need to tell you something about me that’s difficult to talk about.”
“What is it?” His coldness started to melt.
She swallowed hard, took a deep breath, bowed her head in anticipation of how he might respond, and let it go. “I have . . . herpes,” she said.
He crossed his left arm around his waist and propped his right hand on his chin, but that was all. He didn’t speak, and the silence was torture for her. She couldn’t determine what was going through his mind, so she looked up at him. They locked eyes, and the silence continued.
“What?” he finally responded in almost a whisper. “But how, Cajen?” he asked. “When did it happen? You didn’t always have it, did you?”
“No, of course not.”
“You just pledged, right? So who gave it to you, and when?”
“Before I pledged, I had sex with this guy.”
“Who?” Eric appeared stunned.
“I’m not saying who, but he gave it to me, and now he’s no longer interested.” She laughed—if she had to tell this story one more time she was absolutely going to lose her mind.
“Why are you trying to protect the jerk? Who is he?”
Eric was angry, and Cajen knew it, but there was no way she was going to start a feud between Jason and his fraternity brothers and a solo Eric. “Because it doesn’t matter. Will you just take me back to my room now?”
“Wait a minute. I guess you think it’s over just like that. You lay this on me and then you run. Cajen, be a woman and let’s talk this out.”
“What is there to discuss? I’m telling you so you’ll know and leave me alone. Now please, just take me home.”
“Is that really what you want me to do? Leave you alone?”
“You’re not listening to me. I’ll walk if you don’t take me, it’s not that far.” She began to walk away from the car. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She didn’t want to be Eric’s new charity case.
“Cajen, why are you running from me? I didn’t do anything to you! That stupid idiot that you’re trying to protect is the one you should be running from.”
She stopped. He was right—she was running from him. But she didn’t want to force herself on him. She knew he cared about her and didn’t want him to feel obligated.
“I know more about herpes than you think. I have a good friend who has it,” he explained. “We’ve been friends since high school. Believe it or not, she got it when she was in the ninth grade. Cajen, I know that it comes and goes, and when it’s not there you’re just as normal as anybody else. And as you deal with it, you’ll see it’s not as bad as it seems to you right now. Cajen, you are still beautiful to me, inside and out,” he said, and grabbed her hand. Sensing she had calmed down, he reached over and hugged her. It was a close, emotion-filled hug—just what she needed for her damaged spirit. With the understanding he showed her, she knew that whether or not they decided to be a couple everything was going to be all right between them.