“Twelve-fifty,” Malena answered.
“We are dead!” Cajen said, and sank down on a bench.
They made it to their destination at one-forty-five a.m. Once there, they began the completion of their final weekend as pledges.
NINETEEN
Deprived of sleep, the exhausted girls were barely able to get back to Stephanie’s apartment and dress in their black ceremonial outfits. They were told to take their white dresses with them. The pledges piled into the bedroom, bumping into each other as they dressed.
Dean Big Sister Nina instructed them to wear makeup, and to make sure their hair looked nice. Stephanie looked at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t had a facial in weeks, her hair had not been properly cared for, and she was tired. There was no way of camouflaging the bags under her eyes, and no amount of makeup was going to make her, or her line sisters, presentable for the ceremonies.
She turned away from the mirror and informed everyone that she was in a shitty mood, and if they valued their lives, they wouldn’t say a word to her. The whole pledging situation had finally gotten to her. She questioned what the big hype was all about. Her view of joining a sorority had changed. It all seemed so immature. Their big sisters were a bunch of attention-starved females, power-tripping because they were in the position to give out something the pledges wanted.
Tiara was cranky and irritated too, and didn’t want to continue. Earlier she tried to call her mother to check on things at home, but couldn’t get through because her mother’s phone had been disconnected. Although they were on the eve of their crossing, she lost her will to finish. She felt she should be spending time studying to make sure she graduated so she could take care of her family.
She was losing it. She wanted to walk out of Stephanie’s apartment and back to her dorm room. The only thing keeping her there was hearing Rhonda, in the back of her mind, saying, “Tiara, if you start something, especially something that really means a lot to you, you need to finish it.” So she had to stay.
Cajen and Chancey, on the other hand, were positive and beginning to feel relieved. They were tired, but managed to embrace the advice given them by their big sister Kim. She often told them that no situation, no matter how difficult it seems, lasts forever. Before you know it, it’s over. With all they’d experienced, surely they could hold out for one more day.
Malena was humming a show tune from an old movie she had seen years ago. “Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be . . .” She believed that, and was quite indifferent to their lack of sleep and the physical and mental challenges they endured. She embraced the “No pain, no gain” motto.
Her almost too pleasant attitude irked Stephanie. “Will you please stop humming that stupid song?” she snapped.
“Wait a minute. I can deal with you not wanting anybody saying anything to you, but that ‘stupid song’ keeps me calm,” Malena said. “Now, you do what works for you, and I’ll do what works for me.”
“Well, if you have to sing that song, why don’t you get dressed in the living room?” Stephanie snapped.
“I have no problem with that,” she said, rolling her eyes. She had on a bra, panties, and panty hose. She picked up her dress, shoes, and makeup case, and walked into the living room.
“Whew, there is too much tension in this room,” Cajen said, picking up her things as she walked out.
Tiara, who was disgusted with her line sisters as well as herself, didn’t say a word, because she knew that whatever she said would probably not be tactful. So she sat silently, curling her hair with the curling iron. She needed a relaxer, however, and it was tough trying to make her style look good.
“Does anybody else have a problem with the tension in the room?” Stephanie challenged.
Chancey didn’t say anything. She wanted to pick up her things and go to the living room, but she was too tired to move more than necessary.
The sisters continued dressing in silence. It was the most uncomfortable they’d been around each other since they first met. No one liked the mood, but there was no time to fix it.
Once she was dressed, Cajen looked at her watch. It was time to go, and she informed everyone that they needed to leave for their final ceremony.
Dressed in black from head to toe, they each carried garment bags containing white dresses and accessories. They walked out of Stephanie’s apartment, realizing it would be their last time in her place as pledges. Nobody expressed it, since the mood wasn’t quite right.
They put their garment bags in the trunk of Chancey’s car. Malena got into the passenger side because she didn’t want to be near Stephanie. Tiara sat by a window in the back, and Cajen sat in the middle—she had no choice. She only hoped Stephanie would not snap at her, because now she was in a bad mood.
The induction ceremony was private and beautiful. All of their big sisters, as well as several members of the graduate chapter, were there, and elegantly dressed in white. It was truly an enchanting sight.
After the ceremony, the five line sisters also wore white dresses, and their precious new sorority pins. Their big sisters were now their sorors, and they hugged and congratulated them and welcomed them to their exclusive sisterhood. It was like being in the twilight zone. The same ladies who were so condescending and nearly unapproachable were now reaching out to them. It would take some time for them to adjust to the change.
After individually welcoming each new soror, Nina walked to the front of the room. “To celebrate and welcome the neophytes into our sisterhood, we have planned a twofold celebration: dinner this evening and a party tonight. And, of course, because last year’s line, the Inevitable Seven, are no longer neophytes, we have to celebrate their graduation to prophytes,” Nina announced.
The sisters applauded, and the new prophytes were asked to stand.
Once they were seated, Nina continued. “Okay, everyone listen up, please. We rented out Bigelow Hall in the Student Center for the party. We’re gonna throw the phattest coming out party this campus has ever seen. We’ll all meet at my apartment for a private party where we’ll teach the neos all of our steps, and we’ll all learn a new one that I hear someone has made up,” she said, smiling. “We’ll have dinner at Ryan’s Family Steak House because it’s close to campus, and then we’ll go to my apartment and from there we’ll go to the party. First, we’ll go home and rest a little. We’ve got a long day ahead of us, and I’m sure we can all use some rest. We’ll meet up for the celebration dinner at about six-thirty.”
The excited sorority sisters talked nonstop on their way back to Stephanie’s apartment. Stephanie apologized for being a bitch earlier, and her line sisters forgave her. They joked about the discomfort they all felt before the ceremony. But now that they were sorors, they felt ecstatic and free. No more “Yes, big sister. No, big sister.” No more greeting, no more standing in line and keeping and protecting pledge property. They were official, pinned, and there was no turning back.
Now, if only they could get some rest, all would be good.
The sisters crashed at Stephanie’s apartment because they were too tired to drive back to campus. Sound asleep, no one heard the telephone ring except Cajen. Once she figured no one else was going to get it, she got out of the bed and answered.
“Hello,” Cajen said.
“Hey, Soror, this is Nina.”
“Oh, hi, Dean Big Sister Nina.” She stopped herself because she still felt obligated to greet her.
“Girl, chill with that Dean Big Sister stuff. I’m not big sister anymore. I’m your soror now.”
“My bad. I’m still programmed.”
“It took me a while too, after I crossed,” said Nina. They both laughed.
“I’m calling to ask you to do your last secretarial duty for the Phenomenal Five, if you don’t mind.”
“What’s that?” Cajen asked. Even though she knew it was all over, she still felt on line.
“We changed the preparty from my apartment to Room Two Hundred in the Student Center. Girl, everybody wants to come. Some of the grad sorors even have gifts for your line. It has gotten too big for my apartment, so we reserved a meeting room.”
“Really?”
“We’re still gonna meet for dinner at six-thirty, but pass the word and I’ll see you then. Oh, and Cajen, tell everybody to wear jeans,” she said, and did their sorority call. Cajen laughed and returned the call.
She fell back on the bed and did the call again, giggling to herself. She would share the information with her sands when they woke up.
There were only a few sorors at dinner—fifteen, including the neophytes. They had the hostess put several tables together so they could all sit and chat about their expectations of the party. The president of the chapter was there, and she informed them of upcoming projects they would be involved in. Although the year was nearly over, there would be an end-of-the-semester clothes drive for a homeless shelter, and they would host a finals study hall that would run twenty-four hours a day through finals week.
After dinner, they went to the Student Center. There were several sorors there already. Most were dressed in their best party gear, and the neophytes felt awkward and out of place wearing jeans. When they walked through the door, their sisters yelled out their sorority call and walked over to the neophytes and showered them with hugs. But no one mentioned or seemed to notice that they were all underdressed. This made the neophytes feel more relaxed.
The door opened, and in walked The Adjuster, whom they now called Sheila. She carried a box.
“Can we get this show on the road?” Sheila asked.
All the neophytes looked at Sheila in astonishment. They couldn’t believe she was excited to do something nice for them.
“Why are y’all looking at me like that?” Sheila asked. They continued to look at her in amazement. “What? Listen, the Big Sister Attitude Adjuster is no more. Hello, I’m Soror Sheila, and I’m cool people. I just wanted to make sure that every one of you earned these letters, ’cause I take my sorority seriously. I don’t have anything against any one of you. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna cook dinner for y’all when we can get our schedules coordinated.”
“Cool,” Tiara said. Everybody laughed.
Nina told the five to be seated in the chairs lined up against the wall. They took a seat in order of their line numbers. It was a habit that would take a while to break. Once the line sisters were seated, they were showered with so many gifts of paraphernalia that they wouldn’t have to go shopping for sorority attire and trinkets for a while. They were even given matching T-shirts, hats, and socks.
The girls changed into the matching T-shirts, which were gifts from the entire chapter. Then the prophytes put on some music and began to teach the neos the steps for the party. Tiara, Malena, and Cajen picked up the steps quickly, but Chancey and Stephanie had a tougher time.
They had a good time learning the steps and trying to stay in sync. Once they picked up the moves, their sisters joined them, and they walked in line and stepped around the room. After they learned five different steps, they rested.
Then everybody cleaned the meeting room and headed to Bigelow Hall. Because this was their coming out party, the neos didn’t have to work the door admitting people. They were told to just enjoy themselves and let the prophytes do the work for a change. Before the crowd came, some of the “old head” sorors, as they called anyone who had been in the sorority more than two years, worked with them more on all the new steps that they’d learned earlier.
PART
THREE
Bless me to be a feminine woman;
the kind of woman who is virtuous and
who takes responsibility for her own actions.
TWENTY
By eleven p.m. Bigelow Hall was jam-packed. This was definitely not a party to be missed. All of the fraternities and sororities were “walking” (as they called stepping and dancing in line) around the party. The Phenomenal Five were in line with their sorority sisters and kept up as if they had been walking for years. Deejay Mel spun the most current hits, and the dance floor was crowded.
“Whew, this is one of the most exciting nights of my life,” Tiara yelled in Cajen’s ear as they left the floor.
“This has to be the party of the year,” Cajen responded, while she attempted to catch her breath from dancing and sheer excitement.
“I can’t believe the number of people who’ve congratulated me tonight. I don’t even know most of them.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“But what set the night off was Ben asking me to save him a slow dance.”
“Go, girl!” Cajen replied. She was happy for her soror, but wondered why Jason wasn’t at the party. “Have you seen Jason?” she asked.
“Who?” Tiara couldn’t hear Cajen, because a popular song came on and the crowd was going wild.
“Jason!” she yelled.
“Oh, no, I haven’t. But he’s probably around here somewhere,” answered Tiara. “This party is so phat you might just be missing him.” Then she noticed her friends that she hadn’t talked to since rush several weeks ago. “Oh, there are my girls Gina and Sandra. I’ll catch up with you in a sec.”
“All right. I’ll catch ya later,” Cajen said.
As Tiara went to talk with her friends, Cajen saw Stephanie standing by the floor, dancing. She was moving to the music and looking around like she was trying to find somebody, so Cajen walked toward her, but was stopped by Eric.
“Hey, Cajen, congratulations. You did it,” he said, and stretched his arms out for a hug.
“Hey, honey!” she yelled. “Oh, and thank you. I can’t believe it myself,” she said as she reached to hug him.
“It seems like a year since I saw you last.” He spoke in her ear so that she could hear him over the music.
“I know what you mean,” she responded.
“Listen, I got a gift for you. If you’re not too busy tomorrow, I’ll bring it by your room,” Eric said.
“Thank you, but you really didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did. You wouldn’t let me live it down if I didn’t,” he teased. “But I saw that you were on your way to talk to your girl, so I’m not gonna hold you. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”
“Okay, but call me before you come.”
“Don’t I always?” he asked, walking away. Cajen proceeded toward Stephanie.
“Hey, Steph, I’m going to the ladies’ room, you want to go?” Cajen asked.
“Okay,” she said.
“Hey . . .” Cajen tapped her on the shoulder. “Look around on the way and let me know if you see Jason.”
“All right,” she said, and rolled her eyes, then walked ahead of Cajen because she was taller and could see better. There was no sign of Jason on the way to the ladies’ room. Inside, Cajen and Stephanie checked themselves out in the mirror to make sure their hairstyles and makeup were holding up.
“Doing our sorority walk has really caused me to perspire. I have never perspired this much at a party. But then again, I have never danced this much at a party,” Stephanie said.
“But it’s fun, huh?”
“It sure is. I’m already looking forward to the next party!”
“Yeah, me too.” Cajen took a lipstick from her jeans pocket and freshened her lips. She asked Stephanie if she was ready to go back. She was anxious to get back out to the party to see if she could spot Jason.
“Give me a sec,” Stephanie said, attempting to freshen her sweaty hair. “The party’ll be over at one, right? What time is it now?”
“Twelve-thirty.”
“Oh. So where are the rest of the neos?” Stephanie asked. “I want to walk some more.”
“When I saw you, Tiara was talking with two of her friends. Malena and Ray were trying to outdance each other on the floor. I saw Chancey and Don. They snuck out about thirty minutes ago. You were dancing, and they didn’t want to interrupt you, so she told me to tell you bye,” she explained. “Girl, you look good. Now let’s go!”
Stephanie inspected herself one last time and followed Cajen out to the hall. As they were walking toward the dance floor they ran into Malena and Ray.
“I’ve had a blast, but we’re gonna call it a night,” Malena said.
“One last time around the floor,” Cajen said, trying to convince her to stay.
“Girl, I’ve overextended myself as it is. I’m gonna give it up to you single ladies.”
“Couldn’t hang, huh? I can’t stand happy couples,” Stephanie joked.
“But we love you,” Malena responded, and hugged Stephanie and Cajen.
“Have fun, you lovebirds,” Cajen teased. The party atmosphere was upbeat, but seeing Malena and Ray together made it tough to keep her spirits up. She couldn’t believe Jason didn’t make it to her coming out party, and although it wasn’t mentioned on the party flyers, everybody on campus knew this party was to introduce them to the campus. Their sorors made sure to drop hints.
An up-tempo song came on, and Tiara ran over to her line sisters. “Ooh, this is my song! Let’s walk.”
“Cool,” Stephanie said, as she grabbed Cajen’s arm and pulled her onto the floor. They joined in line with six of their sorors who had already started.
When the party was over, Tiara said good-bye to her two sands and other sorors, who were engaged in a deep conversation about the differences between men who commit and those who were naturally dogs. The sisters were waiting to make sure that campus security locked up everything properly.
“Are you sure you don’t want to wait for us?” Stephanie asked her. “We’ll walk back to Cajen’s dorm, where I’m parked, and then I’ll drive you to your dorm.”
“Girl, I thought you knew. Ben is waiting right outside the door for me. He’s going to walk me to my dorm.”
“Oh, really?” Cajen asked. “That’s so sweet!” she said somewhat insincerely. She had tuned out their conversation because the discussion that her sorors, who were waiting for the security guards, were having caught her attention. One of the girls made a point that committed men were proud to be in public with their ladies, but true dogs avoided publicly showing intimacy or any proof of being linked to one particular woman. Their words went right into her heart. She knew she’d never have with Jason what Chancey and Malena had with Don and Ray.
“That’s not sweet,” Stephanie corrected her. “He’s just trying to get his groove on. Tiara, you’d better watch out for him. And don’t you move too fast. A man loves a challenge, you know?” Stephanie said.
“Okay, Momma Stephanie. But you should know me better than that. I’m still fond of my virgin status. And I’m in no hurry to change it.”
“You’d better not be!”
“I’ll talk to you later, Mommy. Bye, Cajen, I’m sorry Jason didn’t show up,” Tiara said apologetically. She tried to think of something to say to make her feel better. “Maybe something came up.”
“Maybe . . .” Cajen sighed. “Bye. Have fun.”
“I will,” Tiara said, and walked out the door to meet Ben.
“Are they finished locking up?” Cajen asked Stephanie.
“I hope so,” Stephanie replied.
Just then Tracy and another one of their sorors, Missy, came around the corner with a security officer.
“The building’s all secure. You ladies can go now,” the security officer said. They thanked him and walked to the door.
“Does anybody need a ride?” Tracy asked her sorors. “I can take y’all over to the dorm.”
“We’ll take a ride,” Cajen and Stephanie responded. Their other sorors, who were still discussing men, declined. They said quick good-byes, hugged, and continued their conversation outside the building, pausing only to yell out their sorority call to the three as they walked to Tracy’s car. Their sorors responded with the same.
Tracy pulled up to Cajen’s dorm, hugged the neos good-bye, and pulled off. They knew she was going be a cool person to get to know.
“Cajen, can I use your phone to check my messages?” Stephanie asked.
“Yeah, but you’re on your way home now, right?”
“Yeah, but I want to know now. Plus, I’m not quite ready to go to my empty apartment just yet. I already miss the pitter-patter of pledges’ feet.” she joked.
“We knew you would miss us!” Cajen teased. They laughed. “But I know exactly what you mean. I’m not getting to my answering machine fast enough either.”
They saw a black truck with flashing hazard lights parked in front of the dormitory. “I know that’s not Jason’s truck!” Cajen said. But she knew it was. Who else had dark tint on the windows of a compact black truck, and a vanity plate that read “Shaky”?
“Oh, I wonder if he’s looking for me,” she said, trying give him the benefit of the doubt.
“I hope so, because if not, he has to answer to me personally,” Stephanie said, turning up her nose. She did not like Jason and was honest about it.
“There you go again, Momma Steph. Don’t you say a word either way. Let me handle it.”
They got to the door of the dorm and ran right into Jason, who was also walking toward the door with his arm around Shanika, the girl who had paid sixty-one dollars to buy him at the auction. She had on Daisy Duke short shorts and a bra top that showed more than it covered. He whispered something in her ear, and she giggled and nodded her head. He looked ahead to find Cajen and Stephanie standing in front of him. Stephanie did everything she could to keep her mouth shut; she was trying to honor Cajen’s wish.
“Hey, Cajen, congrats on crossing!” he said in his usual cool voice. “Oh, hi, Stephanie. Congratulations to you too.” He couldn’t look either of them in the eye, because he knew that if looks could kill, he would be dead instantly.
“Where are you going?” Cajen asked Jason.
“Well,” he struggled.
“Well, actually . . . we’re going to get a late-night snack!” Shanika butted in with a high-pitched, annoying voice. She wanted it clear to Cajen that Jason was with her. She grabbed Jason’s arm to further prove her point.
“Is that so, Jason?” Cajen asked, barely acknowledging Shanika.
“Well.”
“Jason, I’m hungry. Let’s go,” Shanika whined, while tugging at his arm.
“Here, Shanika, take the keys to my truck, and I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay, but don’t keep me waiting too long. You know how I get when I don’t get my way,” she pouted, and grabbed the keys out of his hand. Cajen’s blood boiled. She could not believe what she had just witnessed.
“Who the hell is she?” Cajen asked.
“Nah, nah, it’s not what you think, so don’t be getting all upset until you hear my side.”
“You must think I’m some kind of fool, huh?”
“Nah, baby, listen. I’m just taking Shanika to get something to eat, then I’m bringing her right back and going back to my dorm, alone.”
“So why didn’t you come to the party? Didn’t you even care?” Cajen asked.
“Baby, I got a big test on Monday, and I’ve been studying all weekend, so the party thing was out for me.”
“Oh, but you can stop your studying for Queen Shanika.”
“Listen to how you’re sounding, Cajen. I’m not gonna stand here and take your nagging. If you don’t trust me, how can we say we have anything?” he said, and started heading for the door.
“Jason, why are you doing this to me?” Cajen pleaded. She ran behind him and grabbed his arm as he jerked away. “I need you, Jason. Please don’t leave!” she cried.
He put his hands on her arms. “I gotta go. Shanika is waiting.”
“Don’t you love me?” Cajen asked. He didn’t say anything. He just gave her a blank look and jerked his arm away.
Stephanie couldn’t bear to watch any more of this. “Cajen, fuck his trifling ass!” she said, as she grabbed Cajen’s hand and tried to lead her to the elevator.
“No. Jason, answer my question,” she demanded.
“Stephanie, why don’t you take your friend upstairs, because she’s causing a scene for no reason. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Cajen. Maybe by then you won’t be so outta control,” he said in a cool tone, and opened the door.
“Don’t bother calling her tomorrow, and don’t you ever say another word to her again . . . I mean it. Just stay out of her life, because she doesn’t need anybody like you,” Stephanie said.
“Answer me, Jason,” Cajen yelled. But Jason didn’t answer, and didn’t bother to turn around as he walked out the door.
“See what you did!” Cajen turned to Stephanie. “You let him leave. I need to talk to him. I need to tell him to come back so we can finish talking,” Cajen began to cry as she walked toward the door.
Stephanie grabbed her, put her arms around her, and said, “Let him go . . . it’s over.”
Cajen knew Stephanie was right. Jason would never love her the way she wanted and deserved to be loved. He didn’t care about her, and if anything, he briefly felt guilty for what he had done to her, but not even that could make him care for or love her. She knew she couldn’t make him respect her, because he didn’t even respect himself. She accepted it and stopped crying, but she was still hurting inside and couldn’t move. She stood at the door and watched Jason pull off with Shanika as if nothing had happened.
“Cajen, it’s late and you need to get upstairs before somebody sees you down here like this.”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “You’re right. I guess I’m lucky the lobby is empty, because I really did cause a scene.”
“Yeah, you did,” Stephanie said, nodding her head.
Stephanie walked Cajen to her room and stayed with her while she got all of her feelings about him off her chest. She went from needing Jason to wanting to kill him. Stephanie listened to Cajen cry, scream, cuss, and fuss her poor little self right to sleep. Once she was sure that Cajen was sound asleep, she tiptoed out the door.