I tried to sit up. My head
felt woozy and my stomach was queasy, but I wasn’t about to tell anyone. “Too
much stress, I guess. Can we go home? I’m tired.”
Billy helped me down off
the gurney. “The doctor wants you to take it easy for a while. You need some
rest. He says you’re stressed out.”
“I can go along with that.”
I took Billy’s arm.
Mom walked up to me and
said, “I might have to stay in this hospital, but you don’t. I want you and
Billy to take Claire and the children, and go home. I don’t want to be stuck
here and have to worry about my family. There’s another storm coming and it’s
going to be real bad. The doctor says you need some rest. Go home.”
I was lost in a world that
was spinning out of control. Ten months ago, I was living the life of a
middle-aged, thirty-one year old nobody who had nothing going for herself. I
wasn’t really unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I existed. Now I have a real
life. I like myself and I like other people—which was a major step for someone
who suffers from anxiety and doesn’t do well in social circumstances. I have a
job I enjoy most of the time. I had a sensual, tingling love affair with
Cole—an experience I will always treasure—that led me to my true destiny...
Billy. He was the man that was going to change my life forever. No wonder I
fainted.
Claire followed us out of
the hospital parking lot, driving her Mercedes SUV, with both kids strapped
safely in the back seat. I was concerned about her ability to drive in this
storm, but she assured me she’d seen worse. Billy had confidence in her so who
was I to argue? I must admit I was impressed with her driving capability when
we reached the Rt. 29 turn off to Billy’s road. A foot of snow had accumulated
on the ground, it was dark outside, and the wind was blowing so hard that the
Jeep rocked back and forth. I thought for sure that we might fly off the road
at any minute. Despite the conditions, Claire held her own. Not once did she
swerve out of control. I was proud of her.
“Did you get anything out
of Cole after I had my little fainting spell?” I asked as we turned into the
long driveway to our house.
“We didn’t get a chance to
talk. I was too concerned about you.”
“He probably wouldn’t have
told you anything you didn’t already know. Cops never volunteer information.” I
looked straight ahead, occasionally glancing back at Claire’s vehicle.
“This storm sure is getting
ugly,” Billy said. “Don’t worry about Claire. I’ve been keeping my eye on her.
She’s a pretty good driver.”
Billy pulled up in front of
the house and parked. His truck was hidden under a mound of snow. The house was
dark and cold looking, nestled in the snow-covered woods. Swirls of glistening
powder pounded the scenery.
“We need to start leaving
the porch light on in weather like this,” I suggested. “I don’t want to try to
find my way in the dark.”
“I thought we did.”
I gave Billy a curious
look. “I don’t think so. It was daylight when we left. We wouldn’t leave the
light on in the daytime.”
He reached behind the seat,
removed a flashlight from one of his bags, and handed it to me. “Glad we
stopped at my apartment. I don’t imagine you would have a flashlight in your
car, would you?”
“I most certainly do!” I
lifted the lid to the center storage compartment between our seats, and
retrieved a flashlight. “See! I learn fast!”
“I’m proud of you,” Billy
said, smiling his sheepish smile. “For a city girl, you’ve come a long way.”
“Baby,” I finished his
sentence.
He shook his head. “You
watch way too much television.”
Once inside the house I
flicked the light switch but nothing happened. I flicked it again, and again,
and then yelled, “Billy the power’s off.” I swept the beam from my flashlight
around the room. The house was cold and quiet. Where was Athena and Thor?
Behind me, Claire shivered in the cold, hugging her kids close.
“It’s cold in here, Ant
Jess,” little Benny whined. “Feel my hands.”
“I know, honey. Ant Jess is
going to warm it up as fast as she can,” I promised, reaching down and taking
his hand. “Come on over by the fireplace and help me stir up some coals.”
Carrie squealed with delight
as she left her mother’s side to be with her big brother. They huddled together
beside me as I stirred the coals.
While I showed Benny and
Carrie how to restart a fire, Billy brought in his stuff from his apartment and
then helped Claire with the mounds of kid supplies she said she carried all the
time.
“You’ll learn, Jesse, once
you have your own kids. I don’t leave the house without a week’s worth of
everything. You never know what’s going to happen. It’s a mother thing; you’ll
see.”
“Whoa!” I said. I grabbed
both the kids and stepped back. The fire had kicked in and the flames were
soaring.
Billy shut the front door.
“I guess that’s one way to clean the chimney.”
“All I did was add a couple
of fire bricks and throw on a log.”
“You used two?” Billy and Claire
asked in unison. They both laughed.
“Even I know better than to
use two,” Claire chuckled.
“Well,” Billy said, walking
over to me. “If we don’t have a chimney fire and burn down the house, it should
get good and warm in here. I think it’s pretty cozy.” He slipped his arm around
my waist and gave me a quick kiss as we stood in the warmth of the glow from
the fireplace.
“Yuck!” Benny slobbered.
“Kissing is gross.”
“Oh, you won’t think so
when you get older,” I leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “See, that
wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“That’s different. You’re
Ant Jess,” he giggled.
The sparkle in his eyes
against the shadow of the flames was a beautiful sight. It touched my heart.
Here was a little boy who obviously loved his Ant Jess. Had I not noticed that
little person until now?
“Your Ant Jess loves you
and your sister very much.” I hugged them both. “You’re very special.”
“I think I’m going to cry,”
Claire’s voice broke. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever seen you do, Jesse.
I like it when you take notice of the kids. It really makes them happy. They
love you so much.”
That’s my sister. Even when
she’s trying to be sincere, she can still say things the wrong way. I knew what
she meant. “I realize that I have been a little self-centered...” I tried to
say.
“No, I don’t think
self-centered is what I would call it. I think it’s a little more like
isolated. You never let anyone get close to you.”
“Claire, I don’t know where
this is coming from, but...”
“That’s enough,” Billy
spoke sternly. “We have two kids here that need some food and a warm place to
sleep. Save the chitchat for later, please. I’ll go check the electrical panel
and see about getting us some power. I might have to turn on the generator.”
Claire and I retreated.
What was it between us? We’d been so close until we moved to the mountains. We
had changed. I was finding myself while she was losing her identity. She had
been a wife and mother for a good part of her life and she didn’t know how to
be anything else. She was like a lost child.
I searched the rooms for
candles while Claire settled the kids in on the sofa by the fire. Once I got
the candles lit and scattered about, the house took on a soft glow. Billy
brought in firewood.
“The panel box is fine. The
power’s just out, and I’m having trouble getting the generator going. And I
can’t find the dogs,” he whispered in my ear. “I listened for their bark, but
the hills are silent. The land does not move from their weight. There are no
sounds, except the wind.”
When he talks like that, I
know trouble is ahead. It’s that Indian thing again. I think it’s his way of
calming himself.
“Where are my dogs, Billy?”
I asked, fearing the worst.
“They are not here.”
Claire walked over to the
kitchen table where we were standing, and began to place dishes on it.
“I’m sure everything’s
fine, Jesse. Dogs like to run off and make us crazy. Why don’t I fix us
something to eat?”
Was she senile or did she
actually think my dogs would just run off in a freezing blizzard? The only
conclusion I could come up with was that she was trying to calm me down. She
knows how hyper I can get. What other explanation could there be for her
ludicrous statement?
“Maybe they ran off into
the woods. I’m sure Billy can find them.”
“I will find them,” Billy
promised. He bundled up and went out the back door, flashlight in hand. “I’ll
be back as soon as I do.”
“That’s a fine man you have
there, Jesse,” Claire mumbled, scampering about the kitchen in the half-dark
room. “I wish I had a man like that to care about me. You’re lucky.”
She went over and opened
the refrigerator door, pulled out some food and threw together a meal of tuna
fish sandwiches, chips and pickles. The kids were overjoyed.
I was worried about Billy.
It had been thirty minutes since he had left the house. With the kind of
temperatures we were up against, that could be devastating. Where was he? In
the distance I heard a bark.
“They’re back!” I jumped up
from the table. “Billy has found Athena and Thor! They’ve come home.”
Loud barks and the oncoming
rush of two dogs finding their way home blasted into the house. Athena jumped
up on the kitchen table and knocked off most of the food while Thor sat
underneath, eating everything in sight that fell, his tail just a wagging.
The kids yelped in delight.
They obviously thought it was so neat to have a big, hairy dog lick out of
their plates, because they clapped and cheered on Athena. Thor couldn’t lick
their faces fast enough. It was truly nasty. But everybody had a good laugh. I
was just glad to have them home.
By
nine o’clock
, everyone’s belly
was full. We were satisfied, and the dogs lay bloated by the fire. The house
was warm as a hot camp fire on an even hotter summer’s night. Billy had secured
the doors. We were locked down for the evening. Claire read bedtime stories to
her kids by the light of the fire and the shadows of the candles. But as hard
as I tried, I couldn’t shake the bad feeling that I had.
“Where did you find the
dogs?” I asked Billy. I undressed and threw on my usual
T-shirt-over-my-underwear garb. “Something’s not right. I know it. What
happened out there?”
“I found the dogs in an old
shed way back on the property. They were locked in from the outside. It was a
deliberate act by someone.”
“How could that be? Who
would do something like that? It was surely not anyone in your family, unless
it was by accident.”
“No, they wouldn’t, not
even by accident. They are much too careful. ” He looked at me with a frown on
his face. “If any one of them had a problem with the dogs, they’d come to us.
They wouldn’t do something like this. But someone has been here, again.”
“I’m just glad you found
them. They could have frozen to death locked in that shed.” I pulled the covers
back on the bed and jumped between the sheets. “Are you coming to bed?”
The last few days had yielded
a total change in our relationship. Billy and I had gone from friends to
lovers. It had happened so fast, yet it felt so right. I wanted to crawl in bed
and just lay in the comfort of his arms and sleep next to him. In less than a
month we would be getting married, and I was still trying to adjust to the idea
of us being together. I really had jumped the gun this time. This can’t work. A
week ago I was in love with Cole and now Billy and I were going to tie the
knot. Where was my mind? Anxiety and uncertainty clouded my head. I had just
slipped back into my world of doubt and fear. No! Not anymore. I was not going
to let my insecurities rule my life. Billy and I had found something together,
and no matter how strange it might seem, I was not going to let that slip away.
“I don’t know, Jesse,”
Billy hesitated, standing beside the bed. “Maybe we shouldn’t sleep together
with the kids here. We’re not married and it might set a bad example. I know
they’re young, but kids pick up stuff.”
You had to love this man!
He was always thinking of others. I’ve been so busy spending my life thinking
of myself, that I haven’t had time to think about other people. I guess Claire
was right about me... I had isolated myself. But I was going to change all
that.
I crawled out of bed and
walked over to Billy. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and stared into the
endless depth of his eyes. I saw the heart of this man. He did love me. It was
there in his eyes. I kissed him lightly on the lips.
“You’re an honorable man,
Billy Blackhawk.”
“That’s why all the women
love me,” he said. He thrust out his chest.
“My heart be still,” I
said, making a hand-fluttering gesture.
Billy gently stroked the
side of my face, brushing back my hair.
“You are so beautiful and I
would love to stay, but I must leave you. I have things to attend to.” He
turned to leave the room. “Claire lies on a pallet by the fire, keeping guard
over her young ones on the couch. I will sleep upstairs. But first I will try
to bring light back to our home.” His lips touched mine. “You must rest while I
take care of my family.”