Southern Seduction (37 page)

I had no direction. I grabbed a map, closed my eyes, and placed my finger on it. When I opened my eyes, I was surprised to see that I was heading to Colorado Springs, Colorado. I had always dreamed of living in the mountains No one cared where I went “after the incident.” My only goal was to get the hell out of Louisiana.

The landscape passes in a blur, and before I know it, I am pulling into the bustling metropolis of Leesville, Louisiana, with a population of just under seven thousand. It’s been seven years since I’ve been here and a lot has changed. There’s actually a Walmart now. Tookie’s is still standing. It was the go-to place after football games. It’s where Jackson asked me to date him so long ago.

A lot can happen in seven years. I moved to Colorado, went to college, and found a job. Dani and Sterling miraculously got stationed at Ft. Carson, Colorado. We spent four years living in the same apartment complex. It was just like old times, except that Jackson was missing. He had moved on and I haven’t really talked to him since our breakup.

The Super 8 is a new addition to Leesville. It’s probably one of the nicer hotels in town. Check-in was super quick and the front desk clerk was really nice. That’s one thing that I miss about the South—people, generally, are nice. They’re certainly polite.

I sit in the driveway of Dani’s house for what seems like an eternity. Three doors to the right of Dani’s house is my house. My childhood home is where we played Barbies and talked boys. It’s still the same white house with blue trim, a ceramic pot on the porch filled with fake flowers. The broken, rusted porch swing is missing and has been replaced with two plastic lounge chairs.

A knock on the window startles me. Standing beside my car is Sterling. “Hey, Savvy, are you coming in or what?”

I am stunned by his presence. Pissed off actually. He has no right to be here. He’s the reason Dani is dead. When I throw the car door open, Sterling is forced to step back or get hit.

“What are you doing here?” I scream.

“I am here to support the family of my wife, Savvy. What do you mean what am I doing here?” he bellows back.

“She’s not your wife, Sterling. You asked her for a divorce. Remember?”

How dare he play the victim. She’s dead because he killed her. He may as well have stuck a knife in her chest. What’s the difference between stabbing someone in the heart and squeezing their heart until it bursts? The results are the same.

“Oh come on, Savvy. Our divorce wasn’t final. I’m not a divorcee, I am a widower.” He gives me a look of sorrow, like somehow I’m supposed to feel bad for him. All I really want to do is punch him in the face. He’s such an ass.

“Move out of my way, Sterling, and stay the fuck away from me.”

“Come on, Savvy. Is that a way to treat an old friend? We go back a long way.”

“Sterling, I want you to listen to me. You and I don’t go back at all. Dani and I go back a long way. Dani was my friend. You were just the guy she married.”

A car pulls into the driveway behind us. The glare from the sun reflecting off of the windshield makes it impossible to see who is driving. The door opens and a pair of cowboy boots emerge. The long legs connected to the boots unfold and Jackson Moore steps out of the car. I can’t help but let out a groan. My life is going to hell in a handbasket.

“Jackson, my man! How are you? Long time no see,” Sterling says as he makes his way to where Jackson is standing.

Jackson has stepped back and looks back and forth between Sterling and me. I know he witnessed some of the exchange between us, but I have no idea how he is going to react. It’s not like we left on good terms.

“Sterling, sorry to hear about Dani. It must be an awful shock.”

I can’t stand this any longer, and I turn to leave, but not before letting out an exasperated groan. “I can’t believe this,” I say as I head to the front door and walk into Dani’s childhood home. There are people everywhere as I make my way to the heart of the home—the kitchen.

“Savannah Morgan Steele, is that you? I would recognize you anywhere, child. That black hair and those green eyes will always give you away!” Standing next to the sink is Dani’s mama. “Just look at you, all grown up. Turn around and let me see you,” she says. I twirl in a circle in front of her. “Dani sent pictures of the two of you when you were in Colorado together. You have grown into a beautiful woman, Savannah. Give me a hug, sweetheart.” Mrs. St. Clair wraps me in her arms and just about squeezes the life out of me.

“It’s nice to see you, Mrs. St. Clair. It’s been a very long time. I’m so sorry for your loss. She was my best friend and a wonderful girl. It hurts so much to lose her. I can’t imagine what it feels like to lose your daughter.”

“It was such a shock,” she says as she releases me. “I’m not feeling much of anything right now. I’ve been going through the motions. I don’t think it will hit me until next week when everyone is gone and my life is supposed to go back to normal. How do go back to normal when your baby dies?”

“I don’t know. I have no frame of reference for comparison. It makes no sense.”

“It’s been a tough few months. It was an adjustment when she moved back in with me, but I got used to her again, and now that she’s gone, I’m going to miss her so much.” The tears begin to pour from Dani’s mother’s eyes as she talks about the loss of her daughter. I pull her into my arms and hold her until I can’t contain my own tears.

Pulling away, I grab the Kleenex box on the counter, hand it to her, and bolt for the front door. What was I thinking? Did I really think I could come down here and not be flooded with memories? I feel like I’ve been thrown into the deep end and I can’t swim. I find a quiet place next to the big tree out front. Sliding to the ground, I put my head in my hands and cry.

I smell him before I see him. He always had good taste in cologne. Smelling the Polo aftershave is comforting; it makes me feel like maybe some things remained the same. I look up to see Jackson staring at me.

“Hey, Savvy, are you okay? I mean, I know you’re not okay. I just wanted to make sure that you were doing all right and see if you needed anything.”

“I’m good, Jackson. I’m just trying to come to terms with losing Dani and coming back home for the first time in seven years.”

“I understand. I haven’t been back in many years myself. There are too many memories here.”

“Do your parents still live here?” I ask.

“No. After the divorce, my dad moved to Texas. My mom relocated to New Orleans.”

I can’t believe that he brought up the divorce. Is he trying to make me suffer even more? His parents’ divorce ruined my life.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you get to see them often?” I really am interested. It’s important to me that Jackson mended fences with his parents. The divorce was really tough on him. It was tough on us both.

“I see my mom more than my dad. He’s remarried and has another family. My mom is running an art gallery in the French Quarter. I try to get over to see her at least twice a year. She never remarried.”

“Oh…I’m sorry. I really am, Jackson. I wish we could turn back the clock and make things different.” I feel awful about his parents. He had the perfect family life, and then he didn’t. I stare straight in front of me, not knowing what else to say.

“Can I sit with you, Savvy?” He slides down the tree next to me. Our bodies are touching from shoulder to thigh. It’s incredibly hot and humid today, and the feel of his body next to mine isn’t helping at all.

“Where are you living now, Jackson? How was college? Tell me what’s happened in your life.” I rattle off several questions in a row. I tend to do that when I’m nervous.

“I currently live in Phoenix. It’s hotter than hell most of the year, but there is no humidity. You can wear shorts and sandals all year round.

“College was good. I tore my ACL in my junior year; which all but ended my football career. The injury didn’t heal right for me to play my senior year, so I sat on the bench. The team kept me on the roster so I could finish school on scholarship, which was generous of them. I majored in computer science.

“I work in telecommuting for a consultant company, which has been great. What about you?”

Wringing my hands together, I take a deep breath before I respond. “I ended up in Colorado Springs, Colorado. I went to college. It took me six years to finish my business management degree. I work as an executive assistant at a large law firm.”

“Didn’t Dani and Sterling end up in Colorado Springs?” he asks.

“Yes, they did. In fact, it was his first official assignment. They lived in the same apartment building as I did—or do, because I still live there. They were there four years. It was like nothing had changed. Dani lived just down the hall from me, and we saw each other daily. Sterling was gone a lot, so Dani and I were connected at the hip. I swear he volunteered for deployments. He was home for a few months and then gone for a year, and that pattern continued until she died.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised they even made it that long. They married the weekend after graduation and they stayed married until now. That’s pretty amazing.”

“Obviously you don’t know the whole story, Jackson. Dani and Sterling’s divorce would have been final this coming Tuesday, but she passed away before it could be finalized.”

“I had no idea. My brother called me when she died. That’s how I found out. I got to know Dani really well because of you. I’m so sorry, Savvy. It must be awful.” Jackson puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him. It would be so easy to fall back into his arms. I can’t let myself be weak where Jackson is concerned, so I pull away and stand up.

“We should go inside and see if anyone needs anything. I really came to help Dani’s mom and say goodbye to my friend.”

Turning away from Jackson, I walk into the house and into hell. Sterling is everywhere. It’s like he’s trying to drum up sympathy by playing the suffering widower. He moves from room to room, telling whoever will listen how heartbroken he is over Dani’s passing. I wonder if anyone knows what was really going on.

“Savannah honey, come over here and meet Dani’s uncle Derek,” Mrs. St. Clair says.

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” I respond. He’s a tall, skinny man with thinning hair and a bulbous nose. I don’t see any resemblance to Dani at all. In fact, her whole family looks nothing like her. I swear she was switched at birth. The thought makes me smile.

“You can call me Derek. Dottie tells me that you and Dani have been friends for her whole life.”

Did he just say Dottie? I never knew Dani’s mom’s name. What’s with all the D names? There’s Dani, Dottie, Derek and we can’t forget Dani’s sister, Donna. What the hell is wrong with these people?

“Yes, sir. We have been friends since kindergarten. I lived just three doors down almost my entire life.”

“Savannah, have you stopped in to see your mama yet? I am sure she would love to see you. How long has it been?” Dottie asks.

“No, ma’am. I have not been to see her. It’s been seven years. I didn’t come to see my mama, Mrs. St. Clair. I came to say goodbye to Dani.”

“Don’t let the past get in the way of your future, Savannah. I wish I had another opportunity to see my baby. Remember, it takes two. Your mama wasn’t alone in what happened. She’s suffered enough. You suffered enough,” she says.

“Yes, ma’am. Is there something that I can do for you? I would really like to be of help.”

I look around the room, trying to see if there are dishes to be done or food to be put away. When Southerners lose a loved one, they don’t lose their appetite. Every good Southern woman has a casserole ready to go just in case someone dies unexpectedly. A good Southern house has a deep freeze full of them just in case the plague runs through town. As I look around the kitchen at the various offerings, I can see Jackson off in the corner, watching me like a hawk.

“No, sweetie. I think we are good for now. Please eat some of this food. Everyone we know has been here. There’s enough fried chicken, sweet potato pie, and casserole to feed an army.” With Ft. Polk nearby, we might need to enlist the Army in order to get rid of some of this food. The Leesville community has really outdone itself.

I walk away, thinking about my mama and what she’s been up to these last seven years. Does she look the same? Does she still drive that little white Toyota?

“Hey, Savvy, I know you don’t want to talk to me, but we need to settle this thing between us. Dani was my wife, and although we were ending our relationship, I did love her and care about her.”

My fists are balled up next to my sides. I am trying so hard to control them.
Count to ten, Savvy,
I mentally tell myself. I will not be held responsible for what happens if he keeps baiting me. “Bullshit, Sterling. If you loved your wife, you would have been around more often. You would have seen that she was depressed. You would have known that she wasn’t taking care of herself. If you loved your wife, you wouldn’t have been sticking your cock into every girl that came along. You certainly wouldn’t have called her from Afghanistan and told her you didn’t love her anymore, and hadn’t for many years. What was her name? Sherry? I think that’s what Dani told me when she nearly had a nervous breakdown. Fuck off, Sterling!”