I almost couldn’t answer. I knew I had to, but the effort made me darn near have to puke. “Yes I did.” Somehow I dredged up the balls to jump in and add, “And so we don’t have to go through the whole dance,” even though I couldn’t raise my eyes from the table I managed to spit it all out, “it’s full bore sex, not just touching and such.” Figured if I just got it all out at the beginning my hell would end that much sooner.
Another man asked. “On how many occasions?” I didn’t catch who since I was too busy studying the printed on wood-grain in front of me.
They were just gonna flay me open with a gutting knife with their questions. “I don’t rightly know.”
“How can you not know?” That time I caught the question coming from the Sheriff of Iron County. Should have recognized his voice since our departments butted up against each other and I’d been involved in investigations with his men. For the life of me though, I could not remember his name.
“We’ve been together since mid August, at least once a week since then.”
The head Trooper chimed in again. “You’re describing an ongoing relationship.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I nodded so hard I thought my head might just come off.
“Do you consider yourself to be in a relationship with Mr. Varghese?” Her questions prodded hotter than a fire poker.
“Yeah,” I caught myself, “yes, I do.”
Another little wound seared into my chest when she asked, “Romantic relationship?”
“That’d be apt.” Why that mattered, I didn’t know. Still, I had to answer what they asked. “I’m pretty sure I feel that way for him.”
The Deputy Chief coughed before asking, “Did you know he was on Probation when you began this relationship in mid August?”
“Yes.”
“Why did you do it then?” That came from the trooper again and the question didn’t ring as sour as the ones from the other Council members. “You knew the consequences.”
“I know.” I realized I’d been sitting there popping the joints in my fingers by pulling on each one in turn. “I guess it’s just, well the right person at the wrong time.” It took effort, but I managed to still my hands by placing them flat down on the table in front of me. Time seemed to slow like molasses as I tried to sort it all in my mind.
The whole room got quiet…not even nobody shifting in their seats or nothing. “I’ve never felt the way about anybody like I do him.” I hardly admitted that to myself before this, much less told anyone else about what was going on inside my head. “And maybe the first time I just figured I wouldn’t get caught.”
Lord, that sounded horrible. “Which I know ain’t right.” Explaining it out, I tried to recover from my verbal stumble, “But, I weren’t even thinking about this.” I grabbed up the front of my uniform shirt hopefully to help show what I meant. “See, I’ve been hiding who I was for so long and every guy I’ve ever been with has been this big ol’ secret.” If they didn’t pull my POST for my conduct they might just do it ‘cause I sounded crazier than a cat with its tail on fire. “I’m not so sure I could say one way or t’other whether it really even crossed my mind at that point that I was messing with somebody who would be considered in custody.”
“And when it did cross your mind,” we were back to the old man in his blue suit, “why did you continue with the relationship?”
That, actually, was an easier question. “Well I guess because it doesn’t make a whole lot of difference whether it was once or one hundred times, not so far as my POST goes.”
“That is true,” he agreed. “The punishment is largely the same. How did it come out?”
Tried to keep my face from going sour at the memory and I’m not certain I was all that successful. “Ramon Piestewa overheard some things, kinda made up in his mind what had happened and started shooting his mouth off about it.”
Another man in a suit, younger and balding, flipped through his papers. “That’s the gentleman you were engaged in an altercation with in Cedar City.” By his accent I’d peg him from somewhere back east. “Correct?” Figured that meant he was the one senior Fed officer that always sat the Council.
“Yeah.” The marbles in my gut just kept churning themselves around and around. “He jumped me because he don’t like my kind much, I guess.”
Iron County’s sheriff jumped back in. “And how did Sheriff Simple become aware?”
“Well, he said he’d heard some rumors and asked me were they true. And I basically said they were. He suspended me right then and there.”
“How long of a term?” I was losing track of who asked what.
“Right then?” I just tried to field the questions as they came. “Ah, it was actually kinda open ended. He said he just needed me out of uniform while he figured out how to handle it. Lasted about a week.”
“What other consequences were there?”
“For my job?” For whatever reason, spelling out my punishment was far easier than recounting what led up to it. “He told me he was going to drop me a grade in pay and seniority, and that I’d be riding a desk for a while.” Probably ‘cause that was just fact and didn’t have my emotions all rolled up into it.
“And you were okay with that?”
“Considering he could have fired me?” I shrugged, since I didn’t quite see the point of that question. “Yeah, I told him anything he saw fit to do, I’d go along with it. I screwed up.” What did it matter what I thought about it? That’s what Sheriff Simple seen fit to do. “I needed to take my medicine.”
“And even with having been disciplined,” the head Trooper jumped back into the interrogation, “you continued to, I guess, date Mr. Varghese?”
“Yes I did. Once we were together and all, I couldn’t see a life not being with him. Like I said, the right person at the wrong time.”
“Because he’s on probation.”
“Pretty much.” My face was so hot I thought it might just burn away. “My heart decided to go and I didn’t have much choice but to follow.”
They let that all settle in for a moment, before the Deputy Chief asked if they had more questions for me. When nobody seemed to, the Federal Agent announced he’d like to question Sheriff Simple about some matters. Once that was agreed to, they swore the Sheriff in with a similar oath to mine and churned through the basics of how he came to find out about Kabe and I.
“And,” The agent—somewhere in the middle of this I learned his name was McCreedy—seemed the only one interested in asking my boss questions, “you put him under disciplinary action?” I’m guessing most of Utah’s top ranking officers felt a little uncomfortable grilling one of their own. They could all likely imagine themselves in his shoes.
“Yes, I did.” Sheriff Simple seemed so much more calm than I had been. Yeah, he weren’t facing discipline, but he was answering to a body of his peers. “Joe and I discussed the matter.” They all stood in judgment of my Sheriff’s decisions about disciplining me; whether they thought he acted properly under the circumstances. “He understood he did wrong. He accepted my imposition of a suspension. He agreed to a drop in pay and grade. I’ve had him working cold cases and riding a desk for several months.”
McCreedy barely looked up from his notes. “How long was the suspension?”
“A few days.”
“And you think that’s appropriate,” his tone indicated that McCreedy didn’t think it appropriate, “that he’s back to work already?”
“I’ve only got seven officers in my jurisdiction.” Sheriff Simple chewed on his lip for a moment. “It’s hard enough having one off patrol. At least I can have him processing paperwork, serving summons and reviewing the few old unsolved matters we have, taking phone reports of thefts and such…and he has his EMT duties.” It all sounded so reasonable as he said it.
“So you turned in a bare bones POST report and wanted us to rubber stamp what you’d done?” Looked like McCreedy weren’t swallowing that hook.
My boss shifted uncomfortably in his seat and kneaded the back of his neck with his left hand. “That makes it sound much worse than what it was.”
“Yeah, I meant it to.” My gut froze at McCreedy’s toothy grimace. “Explain your reasoning behind the disciplinary action you imposed.”
Sheriff Simple mulled on the request for a bit before answering. “I had to have him out of uniform while I figured out what to do, so I suspended him without pay.” It came out all matter of fact, almost like he’d either practiced it or had explained it to a hundred different folks. “The desk job, well, he screwed up and he needed to know it and I needed the other deputies to understand it. I guess,” like he might be unsure about the rest, the strength of his voice wavered a bit, “the best I can explain the other part is, well, if I dropped him a grade it’s as though he lost a year. Pulled a year of seniority out from under him. But I don’t lose one of my best that way.”
“Why would you
lose
him? Your tone indicates you’re talking about a permanent loss, not just a temporary suspension.”
“Two things.” Sheriff Simple ticked them off on his fingers. “First off, you take an officer off duty for a year then they can’t do their forty hours of continuing education. You miss your CE for the year then you got to go back to the academy to re-certify. By then that officer’s job is long gone. So you pull someone’s POST for a year you might as well take it away completely.” There weren’t no truth in law enforcement as cold as that one. Get suspended for a year and you ought to just go sell used cars.
The sheriff palmed his face. “The other thing is the county supervisors have been on my back to get rid of Joe, well, ever since they found out he was gay. I flat out asked them if they just wanted to pay him a million now or pay it to the lawyers when he files his lawsuit.”
McCreedy rocked back in his seat and crossed his arms over his chest. Took him a bit before he asked his next question. “Of course you realize that Utah doesn’t recognize protection for sexual identity?”
“I know, doesn’t mean they wouldn’t have to fight the battle. And we got some diversity issues in the department that they really don’t want going public.” Simple snorted out a dry laugh. “It’s so white-bread we should call it Wonder. The only thing keeping the place from being completely testosterone driven is one full-time female officer and she has put up with a lot of stuff from the boys. I come down on what I see, but I know there’s lots she won’t tell me about.” Simple braced his elbows the table and spread his hands wide. “So, it’d be a nasty fight digging up all sorts of dirty laundry. And, frankly, if Joe loses his POST even for six months, the county’s going to tell me to fire him, because we can barely operate with seven officers there’s no way we could make it with six on active duty and keep a job in limbo for the seventh. They’d sing ‘Hallelujah’ and ‘Praise the Lord’ as they signed off on his termination.”
Once they got through a few more questions that didn’t add nothing, Salt Lake City’s Deputy Chief announced. “We need to call in Mr. Varghese.”
That caught me up. “Why?” Figured by this time they knew it all. “I mean, I admit I did it.” What could he add? “You just got to figure out whether what the sheriff did is a fit punishment.” They couldn’t bring Kabe into this. I didn’t want him to see this whole mess.
McCreedy turned his stone cold stare on me. “And one of the ways we do that is to see how your conduct has impacted the victim.”
I almost crawled out of my seat onto the table. “I can tell you…”
“I’m sure you think you can.” He cut me off. “But we want to hear it from Mr. Varghese himself.”
The shakes began in my hands and legs as the Deputy Chief fetched Kabe on into the room. They sat him down midway along the center table, between us and the rest of the council, then swore him in like a witness in a regular court. Kabe kept looking over at me as if to ask what the heck was going on. I couldn’t say nothing. The council would get on me if I did.
After he’d promised to be truthful, the lady State Trooper started in with questions. “Do you know why you’re here today?”
“Sort of.” Kabe sounded a little annoyed. “Joe said it was a disciplinary hearing, but that I probably wouldn’t have to say anything.” Whether me or the situation irritated him more, I couldn’t tell. “It was just kinda a formality going over the stuff that happened this year.”
I earned a steely set of glares for that. Swallowing down the bile burning up through my throat, I forced myself not to run as McCreedy growled out, “It’s not a formality and as the
victim
…”
“Whoa!” Kabe almost shot out of his chair at that. “Whoa, whoa!” Sputtering it out, he glared at me. Then he turned to the Council. “What victim?”
“You, Mr. Varghese.”
Kabe’s eyes went wide and his face slack. “Is this like, I don’t know, like a set up on some TV show?” ‘Bout that point is when I really just wanted to dig myself a hole, climb in and pull the dirt over my body.
“No.” The old man tapped the table again. My heart didn’t even dare beat between the thumps. “This is an administrative law hearing to determine the status of Deputy Joseph Price Peterson’s Peace Officer Standards and Training qualification.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Kabe asked, “For what?” Then he leaned back in his chair, tipped his chin up and stared with narrowed eyes at the man.
Dry, like he didn’t notice or didn’t care about Kabe’s attitude, he explained, “For violations of the prohibitions against Custodial Sexual Misconduct with a person in custody.”
“I have no idea what you are talking about.” The roll of his shoulders matched the roll of Kabe’s eyes. “What custody and what misconduct?”
“Let’s start with the basics.” McCreedy took control of the situation. “Your name is Kabe Varghese, is that correct?”
Kabe seemed to relax a hair. “Yeah.” I guessed ‘cause this seemed like more routine questions.
“Are you currently under custodial supervision?”
“I don’t understand.” He hadn’t uncrossed his arms, but Kabe’s voice didn’t have the defensive tone it carried a moment ago.
“Obviously you’re not in prison. So are you currently on Parole or Probation?”
After a moment of hesitation, Kabe answered, “Probation.”
“Have you and Deputy Peterson engaged in any sexual contact?”
“What?” This time Kabe did stand. “What the fu…why do you care?”