As Jane walked away, Nadia handed me back the report. “What’s your take?”
“Don’t know.” I spun my orange juice between my hands. “There might be another body up there. Or not. Could be somebody killed Lane and ran.”
She paused, another piece of bread halfway to her mouth and said, “We should bring in a dog and search.” Then she popped the bit in her mouth and reached over for a handful of sugar packets.
“Was thinking the same thing.” Having done an investigation with her before, I weren’t too surprised that she and I thought along the same lines.
Tearing each packet open, one at a time, and dumping the contents in her coffee, Nadia added, “Just let me know and we’ll coordinate.”
I grinned and stood. “Appreciate it.” I folded the report up under my arm then fished my wallet out of my back pocket as I walked over to the counter. Knew pretty much what things cost so I slid enough to cover my food and Nadia’s coffee, plus a bit extra, under the edge of the cash register before I put my wallet away.
Nadia came up behind me and hit me with, “You need to do something about you and Kabe.”
Darn it all, I thought I was going to get away quick enough to avoid that topic. Turned around and smacked the report in my palm. “Like what, exactly?” I added one of my officer type glares even though I pretty much knew it wouldn’t faze her none.
She looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Go apologize to him.”
“For what?” I’da walked out, except I figured she’d dog me. “I didn’t do nothing wrong.” At least inside there weren’t nobody to overhear us. “It was my burden to bear, not his. It’s not my problem if he cain’t handle it.”
“Yes it is.” She sat down on one of the counter stools and crossed her arms over her chest. “And, by the way, it is your fault, Joe.”
I just stood there tapping the report against my thigh and feeling like I wanted to hit something. “What?”
“You shut him out of your life.” Nadia reached up and poked my chest. “You expect to know everything going on in Kabe’s life, but you won’t let him into yours. And when you took it all on your shoulders, that big old burden…guess what, he walked into a hornet’s nest. All of it, all of it, is laid at your feet.”
I didn’t like that Nadia thought she had a right all up in my business. “Even if it were, there ain’t nothing to be done about it now.” Knew she thought she was helping, but didn’t make it sit any easier. “The boy hates me. Told me as much last night.”
“That’s ‘cause he’s angry, Joe.” She sighed like my momma did when I was a kid and got my head wrapped sideways around something. “Hurt. And he’s hitting you where he thinks it’ll hurt back.”
Shook my head, denying it. “It don’t hurt me none.”
“Bullshit.” Nadia spat out the word. “You don’t even believe that crap spilling out of your mouth.”
I pulled one of the chairs from a table and spun it away. “What is it to you?” Then I propped my butt against the lip of the table and crossed my arms over my chest.
Her tone went soft. “I like you, Sugar. This big old country bear jamboree that’s happening up here is a nice thing.” A sad smile blew across her dark face. “It’s something I think you’ve needed for a long time. I’m old enough to be your momma. I got perspective you don’t right now, and you need to apologize.”
“And if I don’t want to?” There weren’t nothing I need to apologize for.
“Oh, get off that horse.” She kicked my knee with one of her boots. “So your big old pride is going to take a beating. Yank up your big boy shorts and get your ass over to him. You need him.”
“I don’t need nobody.” I would manage on my own, like I always had. “I didn’t need nobody before him, and I don’t need nobody now.”
Lesser men would have pissed themselves under her stare. “Yes you do. You can’t even admit to yourself how much you do. You just don’t want to deal with it, because it’s messy and emotional and, oh my God, takes work.”
I snorted. “I ain’t no gal, there ain’t no emotional stuff here.”
“True.” Her laugh was a little nastier than mine. “Right now you’re a big ol’ dick.”
That hit me between the eyes. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me right.” Nadia chided. “You’re being a dick about this whole thing. It hurts to admit you blew it.” She rolled her shoulders and screwed up her face. “It’s scary as all hell to let someone into your life. You have to trust him. You have to have faith that this thing between you will work. I know you, you believe that God tests people and you have to have faith that things are going according to His plan…”
“God is not in my bedroom.” That was just nine kinds of wrong.
“We’re not going there,” she snapped. “But, Joe, relationships get tested too. They take faith and commitment.” Rocking forward, her hands on her knees, Nadia added, “And sometimes you get all caught up in things and can’t see the forest for the trees and those times you have to believe that
together
you can make it work.”
“I’ve been handling things on my own just fine.” I reminded her and myself, again.
“Maybe.” She conceded without really giving up any ground. “But, if something were bothering Kabe, would you have wanted to know? Say they were looking at revoking his probation or something, you’d want to know, right?”
“I’d be there for him.” Whatever he needed, I’d help him with. “He knows he could lean on me. I’d be right there for him.”
“And don’t you think he wanted to be there for you.” She held up a hand to keep me from spitting out my denials. “Stop with the, ‘it’s my problem’ bullshit and think. Say you’re out climbing, wouldn’t you want someone to advise you on if the weather was going to get bad.”
She’d switched gears too fast on me. “What are you on about?”
“Even if you didn’t think he’d have to testify, you should have warned him of that storm up on the horizon.” Gal should have been a preacher with how her voice sounded… so reasonable and sure. “You let him walk into it without knowing the risks and pitfalls or even what was happening. You’d never do that to someone you were about to go up a mountain with.” She stared at me and I shrugged in response. “That hearing,” she pointed right between my eyes, “was your mountain, and whether you wanted it or not, someone else decided he’d be on that rope with you. By not telling him, you let him fall.”
“Alright, I guess.” Maybe Nadia had something there. “But it don’t make no difference now.”
“Sure it does.” She stood, stepped over to me and squeezed my arm. “‘Cause unlike a fall that kills you, he’s just sore. Take the first step. Tell him you’re sorry.”
Couldn’t quite look at her right then. “What if that don’t fix it?” To lay it all out for him and still get shot down…didn’t know if I could face that.
“It’s not going to fix it.” She squeezed again. When I looked up at her she smiled. “It’s going to
start
fixing it, but that takes a lot of work.” She patted my arm before walking away. Just before she hit the door, Nadia turned and added, “You’ve done some damage that’s going to take a while to patch up.”
I looked up when I heard my name. Up by the front counter, on the other side of the bullet-resistant glass, this scrawny kid in a hand-me-down parka talked through the partition with Jess Garts. I stood on up, walked over and dropped my hand on Jess’ shoulder to let him know I was there. Leaned up on the counter and spoke through the set off section of the divider. “Can I help you?” The powers that be, when they built the justice complex, said the setup was for officer safety. Always made me feel like a bank teller when I came up to the front desk.
“You’re Deputy Peterson?” I don’t know if he could have been more nervous, chewing on his bottom lip and shifting his weight on his feet. “They said you were the one looking into Lane Walker’s death, that you’d be working today.”
I nodded at Jess to let him know I had it and he headed off. “That’d be me. What can I do for you…?” I let the end of that hang there to prompt him for his name.
“I’m Austin, Austin Wright.” He swallowed. “I heard about Lane’s death. And that you’re still looking for Chris.”
The name Austin name didn’t ring any bells for me. Still, couldn’t hurt to hear the kid out. “Come on back, we’ll talk.” You never knew who had that little scrap of something you needed to put a case together. I motioned for him to come ‘round behind the counter as I hit the buzzer for the door. “Did you know Lane and Chris?” I asked as he walked through.
He shrugged. “You could say that.” The coat almost swallowed his head when he did that.
Ushered him over to my workspace and sat him down. Then I perched on the edge of the desk. “I didn’t see your name in the original file.”
“I don’t know why.” He answered like he thought I would expect him to have a clue what the file contained. “Nobody seemed to want to talk to me back then.” He rubbed his hands along his thighs, bunching the jacket up over his face again. “I kept expecting it, but no one came by.” Then he slid down into the chair and parka a skosh more. “And my mom said if you guys really needed me, you’d call.” This pair of haunted brown eyes stared up at me from what shelter the fabric seemed to offer. “Told me not to worry about it and put Escalante behind me.”
Figured I should clarify if that’s what he meant. “You don’t live in Escalante no more?” I decided to take away a little of the intimidation factor that my physical size and my position gave me. Like I just needed a stretch I stood, rolled my shoulders a bit and plunked my butt down into my own chair.
“No.” Austin jammed his hands into the jacket pockets. “I moved to Colorado the week after Thanksgiving ‘cause of all the stuff I had to deal with here.” Brought the barrier around his face down a bit with the shift.
Trying to keep any hint of suspicion out of my voice, I prompted, “What kinda stuff?”
“Just,” he shrugged again, “you know, stuff.”
It didn’t seem I was going to get a better answer than that, at least not quite yet. “So you came on in to Panguitch just to come talk with me?”
“Yeah. Sort of. I’m in from Grand Junction, visiting my grandparents for Christmas in Hanksville. I was just gonna call, but then I thought I really should come in person.”
Austin seemed way too young to be in high school, much less hanging with Trey’s pack. “How old are you?”
“Fourteen.” Boy barely looked twelve.
His answer confirmed my suspicion, but gave me another question. “How’d you get here?”
“My cousin drove me. He wanted to visit some of his friends from around here.” Austin’s tone told me he didn’t think much of anyone who lived in the area. “Day after Christmas and all, they decided to get together and eat leftover pie.”
Had to wonder what was all fired important that this kid needed to come and talk to me face to face. “Okay. I’m listening.” Since this wasn’t a formal interview, just a boy in with
maybe
some information, I figured I didn’t have to go through the whole song and dance of pulling in an advocate. Least ways, not yet.
“I heard that Lane and Chris were last seen the day after Thanksgiving.” He forced his hands deeper in his pockets and stretched some. “My mom told me that.” Least it pulled the jacket away from his face. “This weekend I overheard my relatives talking about how Lane was found dead, so I hit the ‘net, to find the story.”
“Yep.” I nodded. “That Friday’s the last time anyone can say for sure they saw either boy alive.”
“I saw them both that day,” he rushed it out like he thought I might shut him down, “the day after Thanksgiving, I mean. All of them.”
Alright, maybe he might have something really good to tell me. “All of them?”
Suddenly, maybe realizing how hot the station was, Austin stood and unzipped his jacket. “Trey, Lane, Chris…the whole gang of them.” He took it off and hung it, all careful like, on the back of the chair. “Up around Mount Dutton where they found Lane.” Then he crossed his arms over his chest and jammed his fists into his pits. The elbows of his shirt were almost see-through they were so worn.
Too much energy wound through that boy’s frame. “Why didn’t you talk to anyone back when they disappeared?” If I tried to set him down in the chair, I bet he’d spring back up like a jackrabbit.
“I don’t know.” Austin shifted his weight from one worn out sneaker to the other. “I was kinda wrapped up in my own problems around then. And I figured that if it was important the police would come talk to me. But nobody did, so it didn’t seem like what I saw was important.”
“How would we know it was important if you didn’t come forward?”
“Well, I mean,” he sat down heavy in the chair, “Trey and all them would have told you about that day, so you had my name and all.” Took him a moment of chewing on his bottom lip for Austin to realize what was going on. “They didn’t tell you I was there that day?”
“No.” Confirmed it with a shake of my head. “No, they didn’t.”
“Crap.” He hissed. “I kept telling my mom that I should say something and she kept saying if it was important you’d all come find me.” Picking on the bottom of his shirt, he added, “Not like you couldn’t just ask for me at my folks’ place. Sorry, I’m not making sense, huh?”
“That’s okay.” I reassured Austin. I’m sure his folks were just protecting him from what they likely saw as a bad situation. “Whatever the reasons, now’s the time to set it right. Go ahead and tell me.”
“It’s kinda long.” Sounded like Austin was having some second thoughts about his little trip.
Managed to smile. “I got time.”
“Okay, I moved because Escalante was Hell for me… Mostly because of Trey and those jerks.” He huffed. “They made my life suck. Didn’t help that I got skipped two grades in elementary, so I’m like way younger than everyone else.” Austin’s tone reeked of bitter. “In school they pushed me into lockers and stole my shorts for gym.” Boy in hand-me-downs, too smart for his own good and small for his age…he’d walked into high school with a target painted on his back. “Constantly emailing me and texting and crap telling me I was gay.” Staring off across the squad room, Austin seemed to drift for a bit in his own thoughts. Then he shook his head like he banished a bunch of dark memories. “They got the girls all in on it so they’d tape pictures of half naked guys on my locker with notes about my ‘boyfriends’ on ‘em…it sucked.”