Spirit's Chosen (13 page)

“Is that how long it took you?”

“Ah, well, that’s hard to say. First of all, many years have passed since I was that young man, and even if I did recall the exact number of days I took the road to the Ookami lands, my path there and back was not direct. I had no
purpose
, as you do. I was exploring the world, you see, stopping whenever I discovered something interesting, and enjoying my freedom.”

“Then you are only guessing when you say the journey takes about twelve days.”

“True. But as for what marks your trail on that journey …” He smiled. “
That
is something I know, and no guessing about it.”

I listened attentively as Lord Hideki spoke about all the details of his youthful expedition to the Ookami village and beyond. Sometimes I had him listen while I repeated what he’d said. I wanted to be certain I had it right.

We did not spend the whole time talking. Often we walked in silence, guarding our own thoughts. The farther I went from home, the more I became haunted by the bittersweet memory of my last night under our roof:

I had gone to Masa’s house to see how Mama was
doing. My sisters-in-law had done their best to make her feel welcome and comfortable, but her recent ordeal had made her retreat deep within herself. She was huddled in one corner of the house, wrapped in her bedroll like a caterpillar in a cocoon. Toyo glumly reported that she had not uttered a single sound since Masa brought her back from the interrupted judgment procedure.

“At least she eats and drinks what we give her,” Fusa chimed in. “And she keeps herself clean too, which is a
great
relief for us. She just won’t talk.”

I knelt in front of Mama and spoke to her tenderly. I was very happy when she looked up at the sound of my voice, but it was a short-lived joy. A momentary flicker of life touched her eyes and vanished, leaving her staring at me with a fish’s flat, expressionless gaze. I tried and
tried
to rekindle that first spark of attention—with words, with gentle touches, with melodies the two of us had sung while sharing housework—and I failed.

This might be a hidden blessing
, I thought as I bid Masa and his family good night.
If Mama doesn’t notice when I’m here, perhaps she won’t notice when I’m gone
. It was a feeble attempt at comforting myself, but I clung to it.

My dejection weighed my steps all the way home. I crossed our threshold and listlessly announced, “I’m back.”

“By wind and by fire,
another
miserable human?” Kaya sprang toward me on hands and knees, snarling and champing her teeth ferociously. “What gives you furless fools the nerve to invade my burrow and steal my treasure? I’ll bet you’ve come because
he
summoned you.” She made a scornful gesture at Takehiko, who stood holding a bundle of tall
dry grass in one fist and a strand of his mother’s beads in the other. “Badger-Slayer the Mighty Hero, he calls himself. Ho, ho, what sort of hero needs help? My magnificent fangs and claws will tear him to shreds!” She made a fake charge at Takehiko, who let out a squeal of pretended fear and scampered out of her reach.

“Don’t come near me, Lady Badger!” he shouted. “I’ve got a magic sword”—he waved the bunch of grass—“and if I hit you with it, you’ll become a frog.”

“A frog? Me, a frog? Never!” Lady Badger sprang toward him again and got a smack on the snout for it.

“Ow.” Kaya sat down abruptly, one hand covering her nose. “Not so hard, Takehiko. You’re stronger than you think.”

“Frogs don’t say ow,” my unrepentant little brother instructed her. “And I’m not Takehiko, I’m Badger-Slayer the Mighty Hero.”

“And
I’m
ready to feed you all,” Yukari announced from her place by the cooking pot. “Come help me. It seems I can prepare a meal with one hand, but serving it will be harder.”

Kaya and I both rushed to her aid, but before my friend could get off the floor, Takehiko shrieked a war cry and threw himself on top of her, slinging one leg over her back and proudly proclaiming that now he was to be called Badger-Rider the Undefeated, known and feared throughout the land.

“How can you call yourself Badger-Rider?” Kaya asked archly. “Aren’t you forgetting that you turned me into a frog?”

“No excuses, lazy badger! Go, go, go!” Takehiko cried gleefully, bouncing on her back.

“Ride her hard, Little Brother,” I said dryly while Kaya snorted and snarled. “It can be her punishment for not helping your mother with the chores.”

“Lady Badger doesn’t do chores,” Takehiko said gravely, dropping his “sword” and his “treasure” in order to wrap his arms around Kaya’s neck and press his cheek to hers. “She’s too busy digging criss-cross tunnels to trap her enemies. They all go in after her and get lost, and then she eats them right down to the
bones
. But she didn’t catch me, and you know why?” He went on chattering about what a clever hero he was. He was so caught up recounting his valiant exploits that he didn’t object when his badger steed delicately removed herself from his embrace and joined me in serving our modest dinner.

It was the image of my dear friend and my little brother playing together so happily and so carefree that returned to me now, as each step I took carried me farther and farther away from them, from the rest of my family, from all my kin, from everything I had ever known. Though I told myself repeatedly that I would return, an icy presence at the back of my mind persisted in whispering:
Will you? Will you even be able to reach the Ookami lands? Will you outwit the wolf chieftain in his own den? Will you ever again embrace the ones you love … or only watch them from your place among the spirits of the dead?

Only the gods know what will be
, I thought.
All
I
know is that I will try
.

Lord Hideki and I did not part ways until we left our clan’s fields well behind us and entered the shade of the pines. I began to worry that he had decided to make himself
my escort for my whole journey and was not going to tell me until I confronted him with it.

He would see it as a good deed
, I thought.
I’m sure he’s telling himself “I’ll stay with my old friend’s little girl, lead the way, protect her from harm, rescue her if she gets in trouble. The poor, weak creature could never hope to make such a trek by herself.” I had better say something about it
.

I took a deep breath, bracing myself for the argument that was sure to come. “Lord Hideki, isn’t it time for you to turn back?” I asked casually.

“Is it?” He raised one brow. “I was not aware you disliked my company so much, Lady Himiko.”

“It’s not that; it’s just—”

“There, there, I am only teasing you. You are quite right: it is time for me to leave you. All I wanted was to bring you this far.” He pointed to a thicket of ferns, newly uncurling after the winter’s hardships. “Unless my memory has turned to dust, those plants mark the banks of a brook.”

“Ah! The first landmark?”

“Just so.” He nodded. “I have not walked this way for many years, but I hope you will find it unchanged.”

“Ferns like water,” I replied confidently and quickened my pace until I was standing among the bright green fronds, looking down into the rushing water of the brook. “It is here, Lord Hideki,” I called back. “Just as you said it would be. Come see.”

The old noble made no move to join me on the bank. “Good, good. That means my memory of the journey is likely to be reliable. I can say farewell to you now and be
easy in my mind. That is”—he added after a moment’s hesitation—“as easy in mind as possible, thinking about how far you have to go.”

I rushed back to him and hugged him tightly. I didn’t care if he thought my gesture didn’t show the proper respect for his status as a clan elder and scolded me for my impudence. “Thank you for everything, Lord Hideki,” I whispered.

His arms were around me suddenly in a strong, protective embrace. “May the gods go with you, my dear child,” he said solemnly. “And may you return in safety and joy.”

We released each other and I walked back to begin following the brook upstream, according to what he had told me. I did not look back until I was certain he was well out of sight. Then I leaned my back against the rough black bark of a young pine and cried.

I felt better after a while and resumed my path. I had not walked through the forest alone for a long time. The last occasion had been my most recent journey to the Shika village. Kaya was with me on my return home, and as much as I appreciated my friend’s cheerful companionship, there was something about being by myself in the heart of the woods that filled my soul the way a bowl of rice filled my belly.

Every step I took was an invocation, a prayer to summon the presence of the spirits. Winter was slowly losing its grip on our village, drawing its dank fingertips over earth and air as it reluctantly gave way to spring, but here that chill, unfriendly season was long gone. Twigs grew red with rising sap. Moss sprang to green life on the stones. I
even saw a wink of brown and white hiding in the shelter of a great oak and knew that there would soon be mushrooms to gather.

Soon … if I’m lucky
, I thought. Early spring fed my heart with hope, but hope needed company in the cooking pot. My bag of supplies had a reassuring weight and held other things to eat in addition to Lord Hideki’s generous gift of rice, yet how long would it be before I was faced with an empty bag and an empty stomach?

It would help if I knew exactly how far I have to go. Then I could portion out what I’ve got, but as things are …
I sighed. Lord Hideki had told me the road to the Ookami lands took twelve days to cover, but had been quick to add that he was not sure about that number. I knew all too well how easily a journey could take on a will of its own, like a child.

Hadn’t I experienced this very thing firsthand years ago, when I’d gone by myself to visit a grove of blooming cherry trees less than a day’s walk from our village? It was a simple outing, but one that became an unsought adventure because I lost my way home. Though that was the journey which guided me to Kaya’s people and to my first encounter with the spirit world, I could not afford such a detour now.

This is no time for timidity
, I told myself.
I am not the child I was then, the girl who nearly starved in the forest. Now I know more about the hidden treasures of the wild lands. There will be no useless fretting over whether I have enough to eat. Either I provide for myself or I go hungry, but I will not rely on what I carry and I do not depend on anyone but me
.

My first day traveling was unremarkable. The path was
clear, the weather was cool but not uncomfortable, and I did not encounter any dangers.
O gods, if it could only be such easy going all the way to the wolf clan lands!
I thought with longing. There was no harm in wishing for impossible things.

When daylight began to fade, I made camp within a grove of camphor trees, their crowns bright with clusters of white flowers. The brook I had been following was wider now, and as I lay in the shelter of the fragrant branches, the sweet sound of rushing water lulled me to sleep.

The next two days passed in much the same way. The weather favored me, as did the land. According to the directions that Lord Hideki had given me, I had a few days to travel before I had to face a steeper trail into the hills, and I was able to cover that unchallenging terrain at a fast pace that did not put a strain on my less-than-perfect leg. At the end of the second day I found the next landmark Lord Hideki had described: an ancient oak tree whose roots had grown up over the top of a great boulder like the fingers of a gnarled hand clutching a stone.

Wonderful!
I thought, grinning ear to ear.
I’m on the right road. Better still, this means Lord Hideki’s memory is true, even after so many years
. I patted one massive curved root.
And through all of those seasons, you waited here to meet me, Lord Oak. No wildfire touched you, no insects or illness ate a way into your heartwood, no flood weakened your hold on the earth, no quaking shift of the dragon’s spine uprooted you from your home
. Laying my cheek to the cool flank of the boulder I added:
And you, Lady Stone, thank you for sustaining your husband all this time, for the strength you give him to stand firm, for the unending bond between you. May the gods renew your spirits, may your embrace endure for ages
.

I continued on my way, my heart light. Birdsong filled the branches above my head. Darting wings delighted my eyes with sudden flashes of color. When I stopped to drink from the brook, an old frog on the bank gave me a severe stare. Clusters of soon-to-hatch eggs glistened in the water below his sun-warmed seat, and I heard his spirit reprimand me with a rumbling,
Be off! Be off! Begone before my children see you, monstrous creature!
A squirrel scolded me from her perch; tall, tufted ears flicking in my direction while her fringed tail trembled with indignation. I laughed and begged her pardon for invading her home and promised that I would not linger. I walked with determination to cover as much ground as possible by sunset, but also with a gentle tread. Life was dancing all around me and I could not bear the thought of a blundering step on my part disturbing the dancers.

That night I ate well thanks to finding a thick growth of new ferns thriving in the damp earth beside the running water. I was so hungry that I did not go to the bother of building a cookfire but ate the tightly coiled green shoots raw. They filled my stomach, yet left me unsatisfied. I wanted the taste of meat—only a little! Though I carried some preserved strips of wild boar, the prize from one of Kaya’s successful hunting parties, I held myself back from eating so much as one bite. I might come to a point in my travels when that dried meat would be the only thing between me and
real
hunger. It would be foolish to eat it now, just to indulge my yearnings.

I went to sleep in a bad mood, made worse by a teasing wisp of scent that reached my nostrils just as I was about
to drop into dreams. It was the unmistakable smell of meat cooking over an open fire, the savory droplets of melting fat sizzling when they hit the flames. My mouth watered beyond my control. I couldn’t help wondering whether it would be a good idea to get up and follow the tantalizing aroma to its source and see if the unknown cook would be willing to share.