Spirit's Chosen (5 page)

Yukari looked like a remorseful child. “It doesn’t matter; it’s true. I lay hidden under the pottery shards until nightfall, then coaxed Takehiko out of his refuge and carried him away to my aunt’s house. It’s very small and out of the way, so I thought it would be safe. I didn’t want the Ookami to know that Takehiko was a chieftain’s son.”

“That was very wise of you.”

“It was selfish too.”

“Yukari, you were
not—
”

She wouldn’t listen to me. “When the Ookami left, I went home. Your mother was the only one left. Our enemies had taken many slaves back to their village. They took Emi because she was our chieftain’s wife. They took Sanjirou and Noboru because they were his sons.”

“Not Masa?” I asked. “Not Mama?”

“They never guessed Masa was nobly born because he works as a blacksmith. As for your mother …” Yukari nibbled her lower lip nervously. “When I returned, she was—she was acting the same way you saw her last night. She threw herself at me, shrieking and clawing at Takehiko. My screams brought our nearest surviving neighbors and Master Michio. While he calmed her and cared for her, someone else told me what had happened while—”

“Himiko?” Mama’s plaintive cry came from across the room. “Himiko, where are you?
Where are you?
” Her voice rose sharply and turned shrill with panic.

I rushed to her side, taking her into my arms to reassure her. It was as if some wickedly playful spirit had cast a spell to turn me into the mother and her into the child. She was shaking badly, her fingers gripping me so tightly I yelped with pain. The sound startled her into letting go.

“Oh! What have I done to you, my precious one?” she exclaimed, gently cupping my face in her hands. “I’m sorry, I must have been suffering from a bad dream. You must be hungry. Let me make breakfast. It’s so good to have you home again!”

By the time Kaya awoke, yawning, both Mama and Yukari were busily at work preparing our morning meal.
My mother had countless questions for Kaya, and though our provisions were now limited, she saw to it that my friend was offered the best of what little we had to share. She behaved with the poise and dignity befitting a chieftain’s widow, and spoke briefly about how she had supervised the proper burial of Father, Aki, and Shoichi.

“It was not easy—we had many dead to bury and not enough able-bodied men to break the ground—but I led the women who helped complete that task. I will show you where they lie, Himiko, but not today. For some reason, I am very tired this morning, even though I had a restful night.” She folded her hands in her lap. “I always sleep well, knowing I have done my duty to my husband and my sons.”

Takehiko’s wide-eyed, fearful stare whenever he looked in Mama’s direction was the only sign that yesterday’s outburst had happened. Everything seemed normal, but a frozen pond can seem strong enough to walk on until the thin ice breaks and you plunge in.

After we finished eating, Kaya attempted to clean up, but Mama wouldn’t hear of it. “You are our guest and we owe you thanks for bringing Himiko back to us,” she said. “You are welcome in this house for as long as you like. I wish we could give you better hospitality, but you know our circumstances.”

“If you won’t let me clear away the dishes, maybe I can fill them for you,” Kaya said, a toss of her head indicating where she’d placed her bow and quiver. “I don’t know how much game you have around here at this time of year, but I think I can manage to bring down something.”

“We would appreciate that.” Mama smiled faintly. “The
Ookami have not left us many hunters, nor many weapons for them to use. If you do have good luck, I hope you will bring down enough game for us to share with a few of our neighbors. Some of them are in a much worse situation than we are.”

“I’ll pray that the spirits will favor me in the hunt,” Kaya said cheerfully.

“The spirits …” Mama’s face turned hard. “The spirits are for fools. The spirits are ashes and air.” She spoke with so much icy bitterness that I shivered to hear her.

Kaya looked at Mama uneasily. “Well, I should go,” she said. “The light doesn’t last long in this season. The longer I have to hunt, the better.”

“Go with her, Himiko,” Mama said. She was smiling again, but such an unnaturally taut, artificial grimace that it was more disturbing than her grim expression. “We won’t need your help for anything today.” She looked directly at Takehiko, who pressed himself against his mother.

A sudden inspiration struck me. “Little Brother, would you like to come with me?” I asked him mildly. “I’ve missed you.” With a small cry of relief, he rushed into my arms.

“Where are you taking my sweet boy, Himiko?” Mama asked, her words trembling on the chill air. “You shouldn’t go. You should stay here, where your father told us to wait. It’s not safe out there. The enemy is coming!”

Yukari touched my mother’s shoulder. “The enemy is gone. It’s over. Let the children go.” I had never heard her sound so old.

“Gone?” Mama looked momentarily lost. She blinked rapidly, then nodded. “Ah, yes. They are. I forgot. Well, go,
then. Go.” She rose to her feet and began gathering up the breakfast dishes. Kaya and I exchanged an uncertain look, but Yukari made urgent shooing motions, so we left, my half brother clinging to my neck all the way out of the house and down the ladder. When I set him down, he latched on to my hand with an astonishing grip and walked as fast as he could, putting distance between us and home.

In the morning light the remains of our sacred pine tree stood as a painful reminder of what had happened to my village. It made my heart ache to see it, even in passing. The ghost of the towering tree rippled before my eyes. I had climbed his branches when I was small, trying to prove to my adored big brother, Aki, that I was worthy to be taught the hunter’s way. Just when my moment of triumph seemed assured, I lost my hold on the high limbs and plummeted toward the ground. All that saved me was a pair of curving branches like outstretched arms that interrupted my fall.

You saved me, Grandfather Pine
, I thought.
I wish I could have saved you
. Silently I made a promise to dance for the pine tree’s spirit, since that was all that I could do for him now.

“That was strange,” Kaya remarked as we walked to the ruined gate. Her words jolted me out of my musings.

“What was—?”

“Back there. In your house.” She looked at me over the top of Takehiko’s head and mouthed:
Your mother
.

“I know. One moment she seemed perfectly normal, and the next—” I winced. Takehiko was holding my hand so tightly that it hurt. “Little Brother, you’re going to break my fingers.”

“Sorry,” he muttered. “Don’t take me back. I’ll be good.”

I picked him up and bounced him on my hip, smiling. “We’re not going back until it’s time to eat again, I promise. I do want to spend some time with you.”

“Thank you, Himiko,” he said, and buried his cold little nose against my neck.

“Are you two going to come on the hunt with me?” Kaya asked.

I shook my head. “We’d scare off all the game. Besides, I still have much to find out about what happened here, and things that I need to do.”
Like visiting graves
, I thought sadly.
Though I doubt I can do that while I have Takehiko with me
.

We saw Kaya off at the gateway. My little brother regained enough courage to raise his head from my shoulder and wave to her as she strode away. He even called out “Good hunting!” in his reedy voice.

“Well done, Takehiko!” My praise made him beam with pride, and soon he was fidgeting in my arms, eager to be set down so that he could run about on his own. He was giggling and frolicking in ever-widening circles around me as I made my way to the blacksmith’s forge. I had some questions for my remaining older brother, Masa.

As Takehiko and I walked through our village, I saw my clanfolk hard at the day’s work. Many were diligently engaged in mending the houses that had not been completely destroyed. Others were heading out the gateway, some probably in search of material for those repairs, more of them likely on their way to gather whatever wild edibles the fields and forests would yield. If we Matsu were to survive the approaching hunger of winter, we would need to find whatever foods we could to replace our stolen rice.

I greeted everyone, but was surprised and hurt when their responses were cool at best, silent at worst. Why was everyone scowling at me? What had I done? I decided to seek out Master Michio, to see if he might have some explanation for everyone’s odd behavior.

“He’s probably not at home,” I murmured to myself. “He’d be out, looking after the wounded, but if I find him, perhaps I could help—”

“What did you say, Big Sister?” Takehiko asked.

I stooped to his level. “I said that since I’m back, I can help Master Michio take care of people. Would you like to do that too?”

“Maybe …” Takehiko looked ill at ease.

“What’s the matter, Little Brother?”

“I—I don’t know if I can be—be near Master Michio. He’s our sha-shaman. He talks to the spirits. Papa’s a spirit now. What if I do something wrong and Master Michio tells Papa and Papa comes back and yells at me? What if Papa looks diff-different? Like—like an oni?” He shuddered when he mentioned the mountain ogre whose terrifying appearance—horned, tusked, towering, grotesque, and brutish—haunted children’s bad dreams.

“Master Michio is too kind and patient to do such a thing to you, dear one,” I comforted him. “And your papa would never let you see him as a monster. He loved you very much, and his spirit will protect you always.”

Takehiko seemed reluctant to accept that. “How do you know?” he challenged me. “Can you talk to the spirits?”

I took his hands in mine. “Yes, I can.”

He gaped at me, then yanked his hands away and
snorted with all the skepticism a small boy could muster. “You
cannot
!”

“Yes, I can,” I repeated. “I’m a shaman like Master Michio, and I have spoken with the spirits. Not with our papa’s spirit,” I hastened to add. “I don’t know if I can do that until I try, but I have spoken with others.”

My little brother frowned. “Oh, you
liar
,” he declared. His fear was gone, burned away by indignation. “I’m telling my mama, and she’ll tell
your
mama, and then you’ll be in trouble!”

He was a small ball of fury, buzzing at me like a wet wasp. I forced myself not to laugh, though I did smile at him. “Will you believe me if Master Michio says the same thing?” I offered him my hand.

He pursed his lips and took it. “Maybe.”

“Then let’s go and talk to him right now. I was going to go see our brother Masa first, but I think that can wait.”

“Yes.” Takehiko nodded. “Master Michio’s house smells better than Masa’s forge. It’s scary, but it’s not as hot and noisy. Good.”

We walked toward the shaman’s house, passing more of our clanfolk. No one greeted me unless I spoke first until we encountered one of Father’s old friends, Lord Hideki. One of the gray-haired noble’s arms was thickly bandaged and swung limp at his side, but he still had the powerful stride of a much younger man and moved purposefully to intercept us. Planting himself in our path, he narrowed his eyes at me and glared.

“May the gods forgive me for doubting my neighbors, it’s true,” he snarled.

“Lord Hideki?” I wavered, so taken aback by his barefaced ill will that I neglected to greet him with the proper deference. Even though I was a chieftain’s daughter, I owed this man some show of reverence for his age and position in our clan.

“Look at you.” His scornful gaze swept over me. “Traipsing along as if nothing happened, no more heart in you than in an empty eggshell, not a single sign of respect for your father and brothers! Did their deaths really mean so little? Or do you fancy that you’re too good to share in our mourning?”

I gasped, suddenly aware of what this man’s words meant. I had been so tired from my trip home and so shocked by my mother’s affliction that I had not exchanged my ordinary clothing for the hemp garments we wore to honor the spirits of our beloved dead. Glancing to either side, I only then noticed that everyone in our village was wearing hemp, even little Takehiko.

“My clothes!” I cried, clutching the front of my dress. “Oh, Lord Hideki, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—! I wasn’t—!” Without another word I fell to my knees and pressed my forehead to the dirt, consumed with shame.

As I huddled there, I heard my little brother begin to whimper, but I was too mortified to stir. A mean-souled burst of laughter came from somewhere, but Lord Hideki barked a command that silenced whoever was enjoying my humiliation.

I heard a woman’s persuasive voice say, “Lord Hideki, could it be that she isn’t properly dressed because … because of how things are in her house, these days? There
was another incident last night, over this little boy again. After such a homecoming—”

“All right, all right, never mind.” Lord Hideki sounded impatient and irritable. Strong hands touched my bent back. “Get up, Lady Himiko,” he said gruffly.

I lifted my head slowly, my vision blurry with tears. Takehiko was also weeping. “Lord Hideki, I apologize with all my heart for—”

“No.” He looked embarrassed. “No apology, none, unless it is mine. I have known you since your birth. I should have also known that you would never act with such disregard for the spirits of your father and brothers, especially Aki. Everyone in our clan saw the bond between you two. I am a short-tempered old man who should learn to hold his tongue.”

I rose to my feet and beckoned Takehiko to my side. With one arm sheltering my little brother, I replied, “You were one of my father’s closest friends and most valued counselors. Right or wrong, you were angry at me for his sake. I can understand that. I will go home at once and put on more appropriate clothes.”

The older man gave me a stern but approving look. “Your father was right to cherish you, Lady Himiko. Please let me atone for my outburst. Your house might not have any hempen garments to fit you, but I still have my late wife’s clothing, including her mourning dress. Will you accept it as a token of friendship between us?”