Spirit's Chosen (7 page)

With the words of the first song of leave taking on my lips, I danced for my lost ones there, under a sky of iron, through a mist of tears.

My first teacher, Lady Yama, once told me that there are as many lessons in life as there are leaves in the forest. She was right; I could not count the number of things I learned in the cold days between my return home and the springtime. Some were pleasant surprises, some were enlightening, but one was this: terror is not gone just because you wish it so or because you fail to see it waiting in the shadows. The deer does not always know the hunter is there until he feels the shock of the arrow’s strike and sees the feathered shaft quivering between his ribs just before he dies.

I returned from the burial ground and tried to settle myself back into the life of our clan. It was not the same life I had left behind me when I’d run off to Kaya’s people. The day after my dance, the snow returned. It was a long winter for us all. Hunger made it so, although what we suffered was a far cry from starvation. The Ookami had not taken all of our food stores, not out of compassion, but cunning.
All of us Matsu were their slaves, whether we had been led away to their village or remained inside our own walls. They would take a share of all the crops we grew from now on, so it was in their best interests to leave us enough rice, beans, and millet to plant for them as well as barely enough to keep us healthy. Famished workers are weak and weak workers cannot raise good harvests for their masters.

Though the Ookami did not leave any of their men behind to oversee our labor, there was no doubt they would send a messenger from time to time to make certain we were behaving ourselves: a messenger, entering our gates boldly, or a spy, observing us secretly without our ever knowing he was near. If he saw any suspicious activity, any hint that we were plotting to throw the wolf clan’s foot off our neck, it would be reported and would cost the lives of our kin who were their hostages. We were powerless, and the aggravation of facing our weakness day after day was infuriating.

Since we could not strike out against our enemy, some of us struck out against each other. There were more quarrels among my kin than I recalled ever having seen, vicious spats over trifles. Some of us turned our fury inward so that it ate away at our hearts, leaving behind only resignation and despair. It was a blessing that the children ignored their elders’ bad choices. They did their chores and played their games as if little had changed, although sometimes they became the source of more frustration among the grown-ups. What could a mother or father do when their child pleaded with them for food that could not be spared? Frayed nerves kindled fresh disputes, and many
Matsu seemed to use their rage to keep themselves warm that winter.

The only people in our village who seemed immune from the plague of misdirected anger were Master Michio, Lord Hideki, Masa, and me. I did not have our shaman’s good nature, the old warrior’s steadiness, nor my brother’s meek willingness to let others win any fight as long as they left him alone afterward. If I kept clear of the countless small storms seething through my clan, I owed it to their influence, their help, and above all, to my friend Kaya.

She returned from her first hunt with a trio of pheasants and the news that she’d seen fresh boar tracks in the hills. The Ookami had driven off all of our pigs, so this was important. Kaya remained with us for five more days, going off to track game every morning, always coming home with something for the pot. On the sixth day, she announced that she was returning to her clan.

“I will miss you with all my heart,” I said, pressing my cheek to hers as we made our farewells at the gateway. “But I understand: you have to go back before the weather gets worse. You know, Masa volunteered to travel with you. He is still willing. Won’t you reconsider his offer?”

She gave a bark of laughter. “And then who will bring Masa back here? Your brother is a good man, but I know the ways of the forest better than he. He’s needed here, as a blacksmith and a peacemaker.”

I made a wry face. It seemed as if he spent as much time at home, settling arguments between his wife, Fusa, and his sister-in-law, Toyo, as he spent working at the forge. Always generous, he had opened his home to Shoichi’s
widow while forgetting how bossy and shrewish she could be. Once her grief faded, Toyo tried to take over the running of the house. Fusa would not stand for that, and the battle was on, with Masa trapped in the middle.

“You should still let him go with you,” I said. “He would welcome a few days of tranquility.”

“And supposing he loses his footing on the path home and falls off a cliff?” Kaya teased, making a gesture to avert just such a catastrophe actually happening to my brother.

I performed the same warding-off sign as I replied: “Well, what could be more tranquil than that?” We parted with laughter. I did not expect to see my friend’s face again until spring.

How surprised I was twelve days later when a clear, frosty morning brought Kaya back to our gates. She was carrying her faithful bow and arrows, but she also had a large, heavy-looking bag slung on her back beside the quiver. Her return attracted a crowd of curious onlookers. By the time I heard that my friend was back, it took me some effort to work my way through the crowd.

“Himiko!” Kaya called out cheerfully. “At least
you’re
glad to see me, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am, but”—I glanced at the faces ringing my friend. I saw many questioning expressions, but mostly suspicious looks and a few outright scowls—“I didn’t think I would see you again so soon.”

“Heh. The only reason I went home was to let my mother know I was going to be staying here for as long as I could be of help to you and these fine people.” She made a sweeping gesture that included the now-grumbling crowd.
“She told me that I could remain with you for as long as I like.”

“Isn’t
that
generous,” one of our women said scornfully. “One less mouth for her clan to feed this winter, one more for ours to fill, when we’ve got scarcely enough food for our own bellies.”

“Hush!” someone else chided her. “Lady Himiko’s friend is as highborn as she and a fine hunter. You didn’t complain about her presence before, when she showed up at your door with a nice pheasant!”

“And what if her luck doesn’t hold?” the first woman countered. “What if the game moves farther off, or vanishes? She’ll have no kills to share with us then, but we’ll still need to feed her.”

“Actually, I was hoping this would help,” Kaya said, letting the sack she was carrying fall to the ground. She opened it to show the precious contents to the crowd: “Rice. I’m sorry, but that was all I could carry on this trip. If the weather allows, I’ll go back and see about bringing more.”

The woman’s attitude changed radically at the sight of Kaya’s gift. “You did this for us? We aren’t even your kin!”

“Do you want me to take the rice back, then?” Kaya asked, grinning. The woman goggled at her a moment, then realized she was being teased. The two of them burst into laughter.

No one questioned Kaya’s presence after that. She was made to feel as much a member of the Matsu as her mother, Lady Ikumi, made me feel a member of the Shika. It didn’t hurt matters that Kaya’s luck in the hunt remained good.
Some of our remaining men recovered from their wounds enough to join her on the trail. Her talent as a tracker and an archer left them no room to question whether a girl belonged in a hunting party. Lady Badger’s position was unassailable!

As I watched her come back from a successful hunt, laughing and joking with her companions, I couldn’t avoid a pang of envy.
That was the life I wanted for myself, when I was small
, I thought.
Now I cannot imagine being anything but a shaman and a healer. Did the spirits guide me to this path, or was it always within me, dreaming, waiting for the right moment to awaken?
I shook my head.
Never mind that. I am no hunter, but I am also necessary to my people. Let that be enough for me
.

It was true: I
was
necessary to the Matsu clan. After that first awkward day after my return home, I woke up early and went straight to Master Michio. I found our shaman already up, preparing for his work. He was startled to see me awaiting him just beyond his threshold.

“Himiko? What brings you here? Is it your mother?” He had the look of a man bracing himself for bad news.

“She is well, Master Michio,” I said, setting his mind at ease as quickly as possible. “She was her old self all day yesterday.”

“I hope that will be the way of things from now on. Your return may be just the medicine her spirit craves in order to be healed.” He cocked his head at me. “So, why
are
you here?”

He was carrying a basket filled with salves and other supplies. I took it from him and balanced it on one hip.
“I’m going to help you. We have so many wounded here that you have no time to look after any of our clanfolk with other troubles. The first thing I want to do is make a potion to help Lord Hideki’s cousin breathe easier.”

“Ah!” Master Michio wore an embarrassed smile. “I heard she wasn’t well, but I haven’t had the chance to see her yet.”

“Of course not,” I said. “One healer alone can’t take care of everyone, but if there were two …”

“ ‘If’?” He beamed at me. “There
are
two, Himiko. As far as I’m concerned, this clan has been blessed with two healers for quite some time.”

That first day, I accompanied Master Michio as he went from house to house, looking after the wounded. In the first home we entered, our patient was too weak to notice my presence, but his wives were both deeply shocked to see me. While they stood dumbstruck, my teacher turned to me and said, “I think you can handle this, Lady Himiko.”

“With the help of the spirits, I can,” I replied. I knelt beside the ailing warrior and raised a chant to invoke healing, then examined the man’s bandages, changed one that was too worn for my liking, cleaned the wound, applied salve and a new dressing, and rose to my feet once more. The two women stared at me in silence for a moment, then started chattering so many questions that they made my head whirl. They had watched me grow up, but I wager they never expected to see me grow up to be a shaman!

“Enough, good ladies, enough!” Master Michio stepped in front of me and raised his hands. “Lady Himiko will be
caring for your husband from now on. How fortunate you are to have her aid! And what an honor for you, that a Matsu princess will restore your beloved partner to health!”

The women heard him out, exchanged a look, and immediately began overwhelming me with thanks. As we departed, I turned to Master Michio and whispered, “Why did you have to make such a great deal out of my being a princess? That has nothing to do with my ability to heal!”

“No, but it might help some of our people accept your new status more easily,” he replied. “Even in these sorrowful times, people remain people. The harmless little victories they score over one another give them pleasure. Those women might object to an untried
girl
attempting to heal their husband, but a
princess
? Wait until they tell the neighbors!”

“Won’t I be helping their neighbors too?”

“I should hope so,” he said serenely. “Starting now.” He led me to the next house and the next, until every family that needed a shaman’s help knew that none would be neglected.

Once they saw that I knew what I was doing, our people accepted my new role with remarkable ease. With two healers to tend to them, the wounded received better treatment and recovered more quickly. Those who suffered from other ills no longer felt shunted aside. Most important, my family had no trouble acknowledging what I had become.

Yukari was the first to confide her feelings: “Takehiko and I can rest easier knowing you have the power to heal, dear Himiko. Your mother has been much better since your return, yet who knows if it will last? Ah, but with a
shaman right here, at our own hearth—! I’ll finally be able to sleep nights without keeping one ear alert and one eye open for any trouble.”

Mama
was
doing better. When she heard about how I was working with Master Michio, she said, “I understood why your father was so opposed to this, but that doesn’t mean I agreed with him. You are my daughter too, and I know you are no Lady Tsuki! May the gods witness the truth—I think the only reason she has the biggest monument in our burial ground is to make sure she
stays
there!” We shared a laugh, and in that moment I dared to imagine our home had found peace once more.

It was a wonderful pleasure to be able to practice my arts openly. What joy is there in singing a song in a whisper? Lady Tsuki’s twisted nature had left Father with a bone-deep suspicion of all shamans and forced me to spend my time of training in secrecy, but that was over. I was free to be my true self.

If only it could have happened in some other way! If only Father could have lived and been able to share my happiness!
These were the thoughts that haunted me more than any ghost.