Starlet's Web (The Starlet Series, #1) (10 page)

“You're not. I'm glad you didn't get messed up with anyone. Kate's clip of you kissing that girl really freaked me out.” He laughed. “Here you are a hot actress and a sweetheart. It seems impossible.”

“Hey, it was Kate's idea. She figured I should try since no guy turned me on. And that kiss only lasted a second. It's a bummer Kate and Alan got clips of the few stupid things I did.”

“We all do stupid stuff. It's just you kid actors who have to act so mature. The ones who don't protect themselves get messed up with drugs and parties.”

He stroked my hair and then stopped. I loved the feeling and didn't want him to stop.

“That Byron is a complete ass. But I think he's telling the truth that he loves you. I told him to leave you alone. If you want to date him, I don't think you burned a bridge. Is it because he's so good looking that you have a hard time dissing him?”

“Yeah, but it's not just that. Byron moves too fast for me. My mind can't keep up. He watches me and knows exactly what I'm thinking. Most people say they don't know what I'm thinking. He always knows. My mom knows. So do you.”

He disagreed. “No, I don't when we're together. Evan can read you; I can't. Maybe that's why Evan's such a great guy, because he's sensitive. You should date him again.” He moved my hair off of my arm. “Since we email and text most of the time, I have a pretty good idea of what you're thinking. But today, last night, I don't know.”

Manuel morphed into a stone. He gently pushed my head off his chest and got off the bed. I ignored my feelings of rejection. He urged, “I think it's probably time for you to eat breakfast. It's after six. When I talked to Byron, I saw that a lot of people are already up. He left your script.”

He went to the bathroom while I took my medicine and some painkillers for my headache. I was finishing my water at the kitchen sink when he reached around me to grab his shaving kit.  He smiled at me but blushed and went back into the bathroom to brush his teeth and shave.

Manuel announced, “I figured I'd leave tonight or late tomorrow morning. I can run with you before I go. I'm no five minute mile, like you, but can run the distance easily. I need to be at work at 4 pm tomorrow.” He stood by the trailer door and continued, “But you don't need me. So maybe I should drive home after we eat, ya know, when you go to makeup.”

I didn't want Manuel to leave. I asked, “You're tense. What's up with you?”

“I'm thinking that you are thinking something that I know you're not thinking.” Manuel scrunched his face, shook his head, and grumbled, “Forget about it. Let's eat.”

“What do you think I'm saying?” I demanded.

An intensity, almost hostility, emanated from him. “It's absurd and not what you're saying.” Manuel held his fists so tightly that he was white-knuckled. He crossed his arms. “Stop playing games, Marie. Tell me what you're thinking.”

I stared at him, feeling his irritation from two feet away. I was absolutely in love with my best friend and wanted to marry him. I wanted to push the subject so he could leave the trailer in shock, get back into my car, and drive out of my life. Franz was right. Manuel was the reason I couldn't love any other guy. I needed to tell him, get closure, and move on.

“I'll lose you if I tell you. But obviously, my life will continue to be a living hell until I tell you.” I stepped back from him and likewise folded my arms across my chest, ready to see him gather his things and bolt out of the door after I told him.

“I don't see you as my brother and never have. I was insanely jealous when you dated Kate and am disappointed that you've never asked me out.” I took in a breath and decided to tell the truth. “I'm in love with you. I want to marry you and live happily ever after.”

I gulped and shrugged my shoulders, bracing for the big rejection. Enormous regret for speaking up tore through my weakened body. I could not lose Manuel.

His jaw dropped. I blushed from the embarrassment of telling him how I truly felt, closed my eyes, exhaled, and wanted him to leave the trailer immediately. I took a deep breath and then opened my eyes. His stare turned into a smile.

“Marie, I've loved you always and will forever. But I didn't think you ever felt the same way. I'm just me and you're perfect, unattainable, completely out of my league.”

Shocked, my arms fell to my sides. My heart raced and tingled. I needed some clarification. “No, I mean, I love you, like, you know, I want to kiss you and have babies, a family, and grow old together. I love you that way.”

“Liana Marie, I love you that way, too.”

“Really? You mean it?” I squealed and smiled. “But you're wonderful, so honest and real. You're always there for me, and I'm this weak wreck of a thing—a puppet—that gets played every minute. You're strong while I'm so…so unsubstantial.”

I was stuck in my spot and couldn't move.

He smiled back. “I really love you and know who you are. You're so special.” He held out his hand and I took it. “I can't move, so come here,
mi cariño
.”

Manuel pulled me to him and we embraced. The tightness in my neck and shoulders subsided. We were in love, finally!

He kissed my forehead. “Marie, will you go to prom with me?”

“Yes, Manuel. Thank you, yes.” I cried, surprising myself that I had tears rather than a more appropriate desire to make out with him.

He kissed my forehead again and smiled at me. He gently cupped my cheeks in his hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs while we gazed lovingly at each other. Slowly, as if it were still impossible to be so close to each other, we united our lips. My lips tingled and warmed. Profound relief washed over me. Our kiss was brief but intense. I stepped back to regain my balance, giggled, and embraced him, nestling my cheek into his chest.

“Marie, that was an amazing kiss, electric, tingly.” He sighed. “I think I might need to take some baby steps or I might have a heart attack.”

I self-consciously put my hands around his strong neck, into his hair and gently pulled his lips down to mine again. The kiss transformed from awkward to perfect. I relaxed into the pleasure of kissing his lips. He picked me up effortlessly and leaned me into the wall while I continued to kiss him and felt his back, shoulders, and arms with my hands. The feeling I had with him wasn't sexual but not platonic either. It was joyful and easy, unconditional love.

I smiled, thrilled. “Wow! You're so strong, beautiful.” I took several slow, deep breaths. “You always smell incredible. Your natural scent is heaven.”

“I must be your match.”

I agreed. “You
are
my match. So, about the next steps…”

He interrupted, “Well, given that you just had a traumatic event, we'll just kiss and hold hands. Don't worry about doing it and I won't either. Marie, I'm thrilled to be able to kiss you.” He smiled and patted my shoulder. Then he walked to the fridge and opened a bottled water.

Confused, I watched him, feeling rejected but also grateful that he loved me. “Shouldn't you, like, kiss me again?”

“Marie, I don't know how to act.” He turned around and leaned against the sink. “That week after Christmas at your house was pure torture. I thought you saw me as your brother.”

“Yes, it was for me, too.” I walked to him and put my arms around him. “I wanted to invite you into my room every night.” I took his water and put it on the counter. I put my hands under his shirt, hoping to make him crazy so we could get past the sexual stuff and relax together. He pulled my arms away and kissed my hands.

“Marie, you're turning me on. Let's get breakfast,” Manuel suggested with a smile.

“No,” I stammered, afraid to let go. “I mean, not yet. How can this feel so wonderful and awkward at the same time?”

I kissed him again while I unzipped his pants. He shuddered and put his hand on mine to stop. I moved my hand onto his toned stomach, feeling his creamy skin.

“What are you doing?”

“You don't want to?”

“Want to? Yes. Choose to? Undecided. You're the girl I was waiting for, that I've always wanted.  So I can tell that my rules don't apply to you. I more than want you. But there's a question of ‘should?' Which is a ‘no.' You've been through a lot.” He loosened his grip on my hand and hugged me into his soothing chest. “Love you? Always.”

I whispered, “I want you,” while I pulled off his shirt and kissed his very strong chest. I felt the contours of his muscles and noticed how much he had grown since Christmas. I closed my eyes to ignore his tattoo and kissed his chest again. I pushed down his pants and moved my hand over his underwear. I heard him stop breathing. I assured him, “It's okay, Manuel. I love you.”

“I love you so entirely,” he mumbled and then exploded into action. He had my sun dress off in an instant and roamed my body. I welcomed the touch, thrilled to feel his body. He kissed my neck and carried me to my bed. I wrapped my legs around him and then stretched out my torso to center myself.

“This is surreal.” He whispered, “I can't believe I get to kiss you, your beautiful body.” He kissed my stomach and then rolled my back against his chest as we got under the sheets. He ran his hand along the contours of my stomach and bra while he kissed the nape of my neck. A tingle ran from my pelvis to my toes. Then in another burst of energy, he pushed my back against the bed and rolled on top of me.

“I love you with all my heart,” I confirmed. I breathed in his essence and relaxed. We smiled at each other. “I feel a tingle. That's a first.”

He closed his eyes and then kissed my lips while he thrust his body against mine. I worried that it was going to happen. I wanted more tingles first. He rolled us together to our sides, kissed my neck, pulled my top leg over his hip and slid his hand under my panties. I blushed from the embarrassment. He stopped abruptly and opened his eyes.

“You're not turned on.” He groaned and moved me. “Are you sure, Marie?”

I felt his eyes on me. I nodded even though I was afraid to speak and afraid he'd remove our underwear. 

He exhaled and demanded, “This is confusing. You push me to make love but you look scared. I can't do this, like this. I hoped it would be different with me, but it's the same old problem, isn't it?” He pushed me away. “Why are you playing with me?  Because you know I'm your faithful little puppy?”

Panic that he'd leave replaced worry that he was angry with me. I explained my actions, “I'm broken. I love you and am supposed to, so I'm not a tease.”

“You don't love me. You're…so… full of it!” He sat on the side of the bed, his body stiff with his back facing me, emitting hostile energy.

“Beth's right. I'm such a weakling around you. I break all my rules just because you smile at me. I need to get out of here, take a walk.”

I desperately wrapped my arms around his tense body. “Please don't leave me,” I begged.

The anger that flowed from his pores subsided, replaced by his signature calm glow.

He slouched while he picked up the photo of us that was on my nightstand. I realized that for all this time, Manuel contained his passion. It was physical and emotional for him. When he released his tension, he surrendered to me again.

I viewed the photo, too.

It pictured us and our dads in front of the Rainbow Bridge National Monument. Both of our dads are gorgeous men with ethnicity that's not immediately obvious. Carlos, his dad, is the son of a German Jew and Argentinian Catholic. My dad is Bitterroot Salish Native American. In the photo, Manuel and I were fourteen and did a ‘vision quest' the night before. We talked and held hands when we slept outside in our sleeping bags after hiking fifteen miles on Navajo tribal lands. I enjoyed the warmth from his hand and breathed in his body's comforting aroma. That night I first hoped that Manuel would someday be my husband.

He turned to me and studied my face. “I'm sorry. Marie, you're my best friend. I was mad but not anymore.” He relaxed completely. “I need to understand what's going on in your mind. You never said you were scared with Evan, just that you guys got frustrated. But to me and Byron you said you're broken.”

He turned into the bed and covered both of us with the sheets. He asked, “What happened with Matthew?”

Relieved that he understood me, I closed my eyes. “I told you. He would have raped me if Sashi wasn't there. If I made it public, I'd be skewered in the media and he'd barely suffer. So we punished him by taking away his millions in royalties and dumping his contract. I feel betrayed but also responsible for kissing him when I knew I shouldn't have. But I hate him. I hate the look he had in his eyes. I hate that he called me a tease.”

I put my hand in his. “You know what hurts, not as intensely, but thoroughly? Ira and Richard would sue me if I quit. Mom won't support me quitting, either. I can barely breathe when I think about it.”

“You've learned to shut up and take it. Please unlearn that—you need to speak up.” He caressed my arm. “Why did you mess around with Bryon so soon?”