Starlet's Web (The Starlet Series, #1) (9 page)

“Okay, cab is on its way. ETA 5 min. It'll wait. You ok?”

“No. I messed up.”

“Txt when you're safe at home.”

“K. Thx.”

I washed my face and composed myself, taking up the few minutes. I opened the door to the bedroom and saw Byron smoking a cigarette as he smiled at me.

“Hey, babe…”

I stopped to explain, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be a tease. I don't want to sleep with you.”

“Marie, please come back to bed. I won't hurt you, babe. I promise.”

“I can't,” I responded as I stood there in the doorway. He shifted his body in the bed and looked like he was going to get up and walk toward me, naked. I ran out of the room, out of the condo, and into the cab. Yuck.

Byron called. I ignored it. He texted. I ignored it. He called again.

I texted him, “Sorry. It went too far. Not what I want. Talk tomorrow?”

Steve paid the driver and drove me in his security golf cart to my trailer. I lost it when I got inside.  My head pounded and vision blurred. I vomited. I immediately found my prescription bottle of Vicoden—desperate to relieve the pain from my instant migraine. I stared at it, fought the urge to take the pills, and threw the bottle at the wall. I crumpled to the floor and let my head throb.

I thought of Matthew. I was scared this time, too, but it was more than that.

There was something wrong with me. Hormones were supposed to be released in my body so that I could be ready. But I felt no desire for the most beautiful man on the planet. I wasn't turned on, just like when Evan and I tried to get me ready—nothing worked.

I was embarrassed that I overreacted and didn't communicate.

Perhaps true love in Hollywood was not a realistic ideal. Perhaps casual sex is as much a part of the cultural fabric as a prayer is to religion. But I didn't want it. I didn't want Byron, not him. Evan was perfect and I loved him, but not Evan either because I didn't see a future with him. I cared about companionship, trust, and reliability. I didn't need to love a lot of guys. I wanted the one who would love me and stay with me for the long-term.

Byron was excessively pushy but didn't do anything wrong. He was being his normal player self. It was me who should not have been there and should not have lost control. I needed to stay as far away from Byron as possible because I could not trust myself to do the right thing around him. There was no middle ground in Hollywood. I needed to stop being a tease.

 

A few hours later,
I woke up to Manuel's ringtone.

“Hey. Thanks for the cab,” I answered. “I messed up tonight, couldn't think straight. I shouldn't have texted you. Sorry.”

Manuel answered, “I'm here, at security.”

“What?” He was seventeen and had a provisional driver's license. Minors are not allowed to drive from 11 pm to 5 am in the State of California. It was after midnight. I was shocked that he broke a rule even though he had recently kissed his best friend's girlfriend, an action completely against his rules.

“Cool, okay.” I shot up out of bed and slid on my shoes. I was in my pajamas but just threw on a jacket and hat. I ran down to the security checkpoint. My heart leapt when I saw Manuel and tears swelled in my eyes.

Manuel was more white-looking than Latino. He was absolutely beautiful, not sexy or hot like my co-stars. He was too real, humble, and warm to be classified as a heartthrob. He had that geeky, intellectual nervousness when he talked that charmed me. It took away that stud factor he could have projected if he kept his mouth shut and replaced it with an instant ease that everyone felt from being around him.

I hugged him, instantly feeling relaxed and grateful to have my best friend alleviate the loneliness. I signed him in and held his hand while we walked to my trailer. After we were in the privacy of the trailer, he put his bag on the floor in the kitchen and hugged me again.

“Hi, Marie. It's okay. Ya know, I love you no matter what, all the time, no matter what happened.”

“Nothing happed. I just freaked out.” I started to explain but my eyes watered and my knees buckled, yet another overreaction to the situation. Manuel picked me up and carried me to the bed, grabbed a blanket, and put it on me.

He got a drink of water from the kitchen, used the bathroom, and reclined next to me on the bed. I cried because I felt like such an idiot again.

He soothed me, “It's okay. You can cry it out.”

I rolled on to his chest. I felt my drained battery recharge.

“Did he…force you?”

“No.” I admitted, “I must be beyond stressed because crying is so over-dramatic. I'm a fool. I participated until it happened so fast. He stopped before we did it. I'm just a total prude, an idiot. The poor guy is probably so confused right now. I was not turned on, whatsoever. There's something wrong with me, Manuel. I have absolutely no desire for the hottest guy in Hollywood. And not doing it with Evan was just completely mental. I know I love him. This stupid break-up is too much, and I miss him.”

“I'm so sorry, Marie.” Manuel continued to hold me. He asked, “Are you drunk?”

“No, I only had two beers, but that's one more than my maximum.”

“Well, that's awesome!” Manuel turned to face me, smiling. “You stopped at two? No way! I'm so proud of you!”

I grinned sideways and agreed. “Yeah, I guess I did. I also threw my Vicoden against the wall. That's pretty good. Way better than last time.”

He stretched out again on the bed and I put my arm across his chest. He patted my shoulder. “Yeah, that sucked. I'm sorry Kate was such a bitch about teasing you for dating Evan when you never saw each other. I still remember the look on your face when she told you to dump your phantom boyfriend and hook up with Matthew. I don't blame you for having a drink. I just wish I knew a way to make you stop drinking and smoking when you get like that.”

I was going to say something but my throat was too tight. I would fall apart if I spoke. We laid there for about thirty minutes. I fought memories about Evan, Matthew, and Byron. I fought the desire to tell Manuel that I was in love with him, that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. But I would ruin everything so I said nothing.

Manuel whispered, “Are you asleep?”

“No.”

“You should try to sleep. Let me tuck you in.” He got out of bed and pulled the sheets and comforter over me. Rejection overwhelmed me.

“This is nice. Stay with me, please.” I begged him to stay in bed with me.

“You need to rest. I'm sure you'll be booked with talk shows this weekend to promote your Oscar.”

“No. Ira cancelled all my appearances. He's gonna work Matthew to the bone. I also don't have to do the Bafta, Spirit, or Kids' Choice awards since we're behind schedule. I've earned a rest.”

“Wow! That was nice of him…and shocking.” He pinched his forehead and stared at me. “Part of Matthew's punishment?”

“Yep. He knew the rules. Turns out it was in his contract that he agreed not to pursue me. I don't think he finds out until his March royalty statement.”

Manuel raised his eyebrows and nodded approvingly. “I'll use the couch. Is it okay if I take this extra blanket?”

I resigned. “Sure. It's a sleeper sofa. The sheets are in the coffee table next to it. Anyway, thanks for being here, Manuel. That was really nice of you to drive down.”

“
Claro.
You're my best friend and I love ya. You shouldn't have to deal with life trauma all by yourself. You were there for me with my breakups with Beth and then Kate. I'm here for you now.” He added, “I hope it's okay that I drove your car.”

I laughed. “Of course.” I added, “Sorry I ruined your date.”

He whispered, “No, it's fine. Trish's sweet but you're much, much more important to me. I forgot there'd be paparazzi. I'll have to explain the photos.”

He whispered a prayer as he pushed the hair off of my face and tucked the sheet under my chin again.

“You still pray?” I asked. “I mean, I know you pray when you play sports. We've all seen it, but do you, like, still believe in everything we learned at church, ya know?”

He whispered, “Yes, mostly.”

I wondered, “Why?”

“Praying helps me be a better person, humbles me. I'm not that great of a person if left to my own devices.”

“I don't know about that. We all have faults.”

“Yeah, but I doubt you want to pummel Alan just about every day. And want to...” he stopped abruptly and shook his head.

“You're human, Manuel. So am I.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I love you, Marie.”

I relaxed into my pillow. “I love you, too, more than words can say.” I lightened the mood. “Thanks for breaking the law to drive down,
Señor Self-righteous.
”

“
¡Claro!
I'm cutting school, too.” He turned at the doorway and switched off the light. “I'd break every rule for you, Liana Marie.
Buenos sueños.
”

 

The next morning, I woke up to the sound of Byron's motorcycle. I lurched out of bed, afraid to see him. I felt nauseous and ran to the toilet to throw up. Manuel was there in the doorway, watching my reaction.

“You okay?” Manuel asked as he put on his shirt. “Do you want to talk to him?”

“No.” I scanned him, hiding that I was impressed with his muscles, and raised my eyebrows. “But I have to. I work with him. I can't exactly act like it didn't happen.” I rinsed my mouth, took two Excedrins, put on my jacket and went outside.

“What the hell, Marie?” Byron demanded.

“I'm really sorry I freaked out but I didn't want to drink or do it. I was just helping you with the script.”

Byron shoved his hands in his pockets. “You weren't even turned on. That's never happened to me before.” He grumbled, “You don't love me at all?”

“I don't want to be one of your hundreds. I'm done partying. You're beginning it. Now, please, leave me alone for the rest of the project. Okay?”

“One of my hundreds?! This is bullshit, Marie!” He shook his head.

“Byron, I'm broken. Just forget about me.”

“No, Marie, you listen…”

“She's told you to back off for months.” Manuel interrupted from behind me. “Marie, you've said plenty. I'll take it from here. Byron, we need to talk.”

Byron objected, “Damn, Manny, how do you deal with her?”

I avoided eye contact with both guys and went inside. If I searched Manuel's eyes I would know exactly what he was thinking and I didn't want to know what he thought of me. If I looked at Byron, I'd feel sorry for him and guilty for being a tease.

I brushed my teeth and got dressed while I heard their muffled conversation. Byron didn't know what he did wrong. He loved me and wanted to show me. He could tell I wasn't ready so he was going to do more foreplay to help me. But I freaked out. He was worried that I was sexually shut down from some horrible experience and needed some help working through it.

Manuel explained that I told him to back off. Byron needed to respect my words and not push me all the time to give it up to him. He told Byron that I knew that the Hollywood party life was not what I wanted and I was trying so hard to reject alcohol, to stick with my ‘none or only one' drink mantra. Manuel asked him to stay away from me.

Manuel returned and sat next to me on the bed. “With your reaction, I thought the worst. Somehow, though, the stuff you've seen has traumatized you. Has anything happened to you?”

“Growing up in Hollywood happened to me. I just don't fit in this life whatsoever. Renee complained to me yesterday about me being a tease. I said I just wanted to kiss and hold hands with the guys I dated. She said there was no middle ground. I either hang out with girls or sleep with the boys. She said I can't be friends with men.”

“You're friends with me, Mitch, Franz, and Evan.”

I agreed. “Yeah, but you see me as your sister. Mitch is dating the love of your life.”

Manuel interrupted, “Beth's not the love of my life. Dating her was a nightmare.”

“Yeah, you guys still bicker all the time. But I see your connection. You're so protective of her so she can do her workouts without worrying about some guy trying to abduct her.” I asked, “But if she's not the love of your life, then why did you kiss her?”

He explained, “We got into a huge argument about me being late for our ride last month. I kissed her to prove something to her. It's complicated, and I don't want to explain. Mitch understands.”

I smiled and leaned into him. I continued, “Franz is gay. Evan lost patience.” He put his arm around me. “Except for Matthew, most guys are afraid to get near me with Martin representing me, but that safety net will be gone when I turn eighteen. It still bugs me that Matthew called me a tease.”