Starlet's Web (The Starlet Series, #1) (11 page)

I shrugged my shoulders. “The UARYs have changed me.” Manuel knew I talked about the movie awards season. He had an alternative for the acronym: Use Awards and Ruin Yourself.

“I'm so lonely—empty. And Byron has some power over me.” I felt compelled to kiss his chest.

“You were pretty focused on making love just now. Why?”

“Losing Evan cut me but losing you would kill me.”

“I'm not following you. Why would you lose me?”

I admitted, “Evan didn't think I loved him because I didn't want to sleep with him. I'm not going to let my dysfunctional body come between us. Elise says it only hurts for a minute. It seems like the price to pay to keep you as my boyfriend.”

“That's messed up, Marie. You actors think about suffering all wrong. You think that getting reamed is the price of fame. Isn't it enough that you work so hard so that people can enjoy your movies? I mean, do you think anyone could act? I couldn't do it. Byron can't. The director says “go” and you can just put who you are in a safe deposit box and start crying, screaming, pleading, or looking forlorn...”

I interrupted with a chuckle, “It's not a safe deposit box. We say “emotional safety box.” Mom calls it “compartmentalizing.”

“No. You put all of your treasures and the contracts that bind you into a safe deposit box. You pay fees to have some bank hold your box outside of yourself so you still have everything important to you after your house burns down. I've seen you act, and I'm your fee-free bank.”

I stared at him, surprised that he saw my life more clearly than I did.

He asked another question, “Why do you think people have a right to invade your privacy, too, just because you're paid well? Professional athletes have lives. Doctors and lawyers have lives. Hell, CEOs and Wall Street partners have great, anonymous lives and get paid more than any of you do. No one has the right to destroy you emotionally.”

He was right. I loved his insights. I needed to see life through his eyes. “You're so smart, my man. Thanks.” I smiled at him appreciatively. “So you'll stay, wait for me until I get off work?”

He put his hand on my cheek. “Liana Marie, I'm yours, forever. If you start it, I'm gonna want to and will be really mad if you're playing games. You have to understand, I could never forgive myself if I hurt you. Sure, I'm religious, but I have no problem justifying making love with the only girl I've always loved and want to marry.”

He got up and helped me off the bed. He shuddered and smiled when he glimpsed my body. “Wow. You're impossibly hot.”

“Thanks.”

He kissed my cheek. “I promise; I'm not going to bail on you if I don't get some.”

I melted into his honest eyes. “I love your values.”

“You have great values, too. You're a little confused, but I'll help you get back on track. You're so strong already.”

I kissed his perfect lips. Comforted, I relaxed for a minute.

 

* * * * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Spring in Santa Monica invigorated me. The weather was predictably warm and sunny, right before ‘June Gloom' set in, sometime in May. All the trees and flowers blossomed, filling the air with delightful fragrant blends and the landscape with striking color combinations. The bougainvillea was a rich fuchsia color against its deep green branches, and the trees along San Vicente Boulevard had bright orange blossoms. At night from my terrace overlooking the Pacific Ocean, I smelled the perfume from the purple wisteria on my patio and heard the waves hit the beach from a half-mile away.

I craved nature's power since I decided to decline renegotiating all of the existing industry contracts up for renewal. All actors were replaceable. Everyone who owned a piece of me liked to think that I was not. But if I didn't walk away, I'd be trapped working for the studio for another five years and doing three additional feature films. I'd have to promote those three films. I'd have to maintain my brand. I could no longer do that.

My seventh feature wrapped two months behind schedule. It was time to go home and enjoy being a high school student in love with her boyfriend. It was time to face my fear of speaking up.

Aware of the knot in my stomach, I texted Dad, “Pls call asap.”

Dad, Tom Durglo, also turned his back on the film industry before he and Mom divorced, and he lived through it. He thrived actually. Content living in Palo Alto, California with his wife, Celia, he tended to his horses and ran a large animal veterinary clinic in Woodside.

Dad met Mom when she was twenty years old, shooting
The Scent of a Rose
western in Montana, the sequel to
The Mountain Rose.
Rose frees a captured innocent Arapaho American Indian from the U.S. Cavalry. In the scene, Rose and the Indian look deeply into each other's eyes and share a look of compassion and thankfulness before the Indian escapes into the brush and Rose escapes undetected.  Dad took the part for fun without the intention of committing to the two sequels that followed. But the scene was so powerful in the theaters that Dad stumbled upon an acting career.

It wasn't until the next film,
Rose Blush
, that Dad and Mom became a couple. They married right before the premiere of
Rose Blush
, and the critics and fans loved the film.  Dad was a heartthrob and Mom was critically acclaimed. Then she got pregnant with me. Oops.

Of course, they were both contractually obligated to do the fourth film,
A Single Rose
, the same name as the TV series.  In it, Rose is pregnant, the U.S. Cavalry kills Dad's character, the community sorts out the injustice, compassion rules, and Rose has the baby. End of movie. The TV series focused on the obstacles Rose faced raising her bi-racial son in Southern Montana and taught compassion and thankfulness to all who witnessed her inner and outer beauty.

But Dad was done. He didn't want to be an actor. He wanted to be with his wife and have kids, teach them to ride horses and go fishing. Mom was in contract for several more years. Acting was her life, and she was very good at it. They were at an impasse.

Mom's series ran eight seasons and was getting stale. Instead of walking away from Hollywood, she agreed to co-produce a drama in which she would star as the adult victim of child rape in a small town where I would play the child victim in the flash-back scenes. She thought the drama would be riveting enough to get her back on the A-list.  I went along for the ride. And Dad fumed!

It took me a second to realize that I still had the cell phone in my hand when I heard Dad's ringtone. “Hey Dad, I'm a mess.” I gulped.

“You and Manny?” he worried.

“Nope. We're in love.” I giggled. “Listen, Dad. I'm not renewing my contracts. This is my chance to get out—not of everything, but of so much. Mom will be beyond mad; everyone will. She emailed me today that she and Martin are on the final draft of the contract. I only have to do another five-year commitment with three feature films and four supporting roles but that will be tons of interviews, promotions, maintaining my brand, plus doing Muse. She's so happy with herself because it's for $60 million. Royalties are as gross points. Martin thinks it could easily be worth double now that I have an Oscar, even with a flop. They're all ready for me to sign it. I'll probably get sued. Can you help me? I'm so done.”

I exhaled. My chest was ready to explode out from my ribs. I told him what I wanted and felt the disappointment from hundreds of people. Hundreds of people won when I won. I was a known, proven commodity. Thanks to Evan's sacrifice, I had a huge fickle fan base but strong, established brand. The social media swing to the positive was so powerful that I was now being called things like heroic and inspirational. I ignored it all, knowing it could change in an instant. But, like Mom, I rattled off the script perfectly, expressed the non-verbals, and looked the part. I was a reliable, consistent product.

“I will always support you, Lia Durglo. I will always love you no matter what you decide.”

Hearing my real name hit me. My legal, real name is Liana Marie Durglo, but I was known as Marie Michael and had been since middle school, after the divorce. Only Manuel and the Durglo side of the family called me Liana. Mom joked once to Dad to call me “Marie” because she buried the name “Lia.” None of us really took it as a joke. We knew she claimed me as hers when she created my stage name.

Dad obstinately refused to use the name Marie.  I always kept the names separate in my mind. Liana was the Montana girl, part Salish American Indian who was caring and wise. Marie was a high school student, the child of a Hollywood star. I was also a child actor who was guarded and mature. I was both Liana and Marie, but at that moment, I felt buried.

I was almost eighteen and thought I had my whole life in front of me. My head spun with the guilt of letting everyone down. Why couldn't I just play out my career, take what would be about $60 million from only five years of work, and walk away when the critics and fans tired of me?

But Mom was still in the business. She still had to work out every morning, eat six carefully prepared meals each day, refrain from any indulgences, manage her time with precision, live in a trailer for months at a time, and work very hard to perform with perfection.

“Dad,” I whispered, “I don't want to be loveless at 40. I want to marry Manuel, have three kids, and go shopping at the mall with my teenagers without anyone recognizing me. I want to have a happy, full life, not as an actor portraying the lives of characters whose lines are written by a team of writers.”

“Screw the industry leeches. They all want their hand in the pot of gold from your new deal. You'll only end up with half of the $60 million and then give half of it to the government in taxes. So you'll only add about $15 million to your net worth, which is already about $25 million. You're set for life, filly.”

“No, Dad. The new deal is just like the Muse deal. It's gross points on the royalties. Mom thinks it will add about $30 million to my net worth, after taxes and everyone's cut.  Even though
Romeo & Juliet
and Muse were both blockbusters, she said I've brought in about $8 million from R&J and about $30 million from Muse so far before taxes. She said the difference was because of how the studios handled the gross points. She was mad that I wasn't more enthusiastic and thought I didn't understand the deal.”

“Don't worry about the money. It's your life, Lia. Not theirs.”

“I know, but I feel bad, trapped. These are good people that depend on me. I like my agent. Leonard and Sage are like family. I'll let them down, everyone down. Think of David, the AV tech; he's a wonderful person, loves his wife and kids. He watches out for me. They know they'll get paid, feed their families. Is there any way I can do this without being bound, stuck to do more projects?”

“If you want to be able to walk away, you can't renew your agreements with your agent or the studio. You need to change your relationship with Martin. You probably will need your publicist and Sage for the interim.  You'll be eighteen years old, an adult who can make her own choices.  You're very talented, honey. If you decide to tell them you want to take a break, then do it.”

He hesitated to see if I would object to taking a break. The money I'd get for just five more years of work weighed on him, too.

I didn't feel like talking. I mumbled the words as if I were completely exhausted or hit by a lineman playing football and was flat on my back after getting the wind knocked out of me. “No. Not a break. I'm seriously done, Dad.”

“I don't want to belittle my beautiful, amazing girl, but I've seen that Hollywood barely misses a beat. Actors come and go, the projects get made, and the show goes on. Yes, many people are attached to your success but they will move on. No one even noticed a month after I quit acting. Now with all this online stuff, things move even faster. The public eye won't notice you five years from now. Your mom will forgive you. I'll handle her screaming, be there to take her angry phone calls. Please, filly, do what is right for you.”

I dropped to the floor. It hurt to be replaceable. It seared to know that the only one tying me to contracts that I knew I could get out of was me. The realization that I was really quitting hit me. Was this what I truly wanted? That was the whole point: something had to give or I'd be broken into too many pieces. I managed to get a few words out, “So what do I do tonight?”

“Are you still going to prom with Manny tomorrow?” he asked.

“Yep.” I laughed. I just finished shooting a major motion picture in San Diego, was going to the wrap party tonight, then bailing on the party to rest up for prom. Most of the kids in high school aspired to be a star. I wanted to throw it all away so I could be a high school student.

His voice was reassuring, confident. “Where's your car?”

“Here.”

“Ok.” He laughed, too. “You'll get off the floor—I presume that's where you are. Take a shower. Put yourself together.”

Whenever I got overwhelmed, my knees buckled and I fell to the floor. I never did this when acting in a scene, but did it often in my personal life. I always wondered how I could be so physically weak as Lia, but so strong emotionally as Marie.

Dad continued, “I'll call your assistant on set and have him pack your stuff while you're at the party so be sure to pull out what you're going to wear in the car. Say thanks and bye to the people you love and then just leave. You don't need to tell anyone what you've decided right now.”

I interrupted, “I don't have to tell anyone? They won't be mad that I didn't tell them in person? Everyone is going to think I'm mental when they learn I rejected a $60 million contract. I do have to work with these people for a few more years.”

“Does it matter, Lia? Remember, your decision to bail on the contract you have with the studio affects the projects you do for the studio. It affects your agent. It affects your publicist and the spaces she gets your brand into. It doesn't affect the Muse projects anyway since they were run through your mom's production studio.”

He paused. I listened in silence while he found the words he wanted to express. “I'm proud of you, my filly. I don't think I could have walked away from that kind of money at your age. Now go have fun. Eat a dessert. You deserve it, Lia. I love you.”

“Thanks, Dad. Love you, too.” I pressed end and held the phone in my hand as I continued to hug myself… soothe myself. I had been alone so often in the last four years that I found that just hugging myself was surprisingly comforting and made me stronger.

It sounded simple enough. And he was right. I could do what was right for me.

I would be eighteen in a month.  I was stressed from finishing up
Constantine's Muse
and stressed from the pile of contracts waiting for me to sign at home. I was tempted to take that money for another five years of hell. But I was in love and done with the isolation and confusion from being a product. I would leave tonight to get some sleep before my senior prom the next night.

I wanted to live a more simple life.

 

I heard a knock on the door to my trailer while I was in the shower but ignored it. I could hear everything outside of the trailer so I knew people could hear every noise inside the trailer, too. The joke on set was that Byron's trailer was very
noisy
.

I turned off the water and heard the knock on the door again.

“Marie? I heard the water stop. Marie, I need to talk to you.”

I knew the voice. It was Byron. I put on my robe and towel dried my hair. I was in no hurry to get the door.

“Marie!” Byron persisted. “Please let me talk to you. This is our last night here, and I have to talk to you.”

I didn't even raise my voice. “Byron, I have nothing to say. Go away.”