Stepbrother Backstage (The Hawthorne Brothers Book 3) (14 page)

“Yes, dear,” Robin snaps at me, “I know. I have been living
in that house much longer than any of you. And since you
’
re
planning to move out to go ‘find yourself
’
, Anna, I
’
d soon be living there all alone. Or I would have been, if John
hadn
’
t offered—”

“Are you… Selling our house?” Maddie cuts in, eyes wide.

“I am planning to sell the house, yes,” Mom says, totally
detached.

I stare at her wordlessly, waiting for some kind of
explanation. Some kind of apology, or begging for forgiveness. She never once
discussed this plan with me. I’ve been assuming that I’d be able to live in our
family home for as long as I needed to. Or at least until I hit my fucking
twenties. That house is the one shred of stability that’s been left to me, and
now she’s just taking it away?

“But that
’
s—
you can’
t—were
you even going to talk to us about it?!” Sophie cries, as if voicing my own
distress.

“That
’
s what I
’
m
doing now,” Mom sighs, exasperated, “Not that I need your permission, but I
’
m taking my time weighing the decision to—”

“Really? Because it seems to me like you
’
ve
already made your choice,” Sophie spits, “We love that house, Mom. Our whole
childhoods, our entire lives with Dad were there. That place is all we have
left of him. We can
’
t lose
—”

“Don
’
t tell me about loss,” Mom shouts
back, her eyes bulging with menace. “I know all about loss, thank you. Your
father was the love of my life, from the time I was just a girl. You
’
ll never be able to feel the loss of him the way I have.”

“Christ, Mom…”
Maddie
breathes,
horrified, “Are you seriously making our grief into a pissing contest right
now?”

“Of course not,” Mom says with devastating curtness,
“Because it
’
s no contest whatsoever. Your father is a part
of your past. You can all move on and lead long, happy lives now. But he was my
future. My entire future. I
’
ve lost more than you can
possibly imagine, losing him.”

Maddie looks as though our mother just slapped her across
the face. Sophie’s face hardens into a mask of disappointment. But me? I can
already feel myself retreating from this moment, dissociating to keep myself
from feeling the pain of my mother’s betrayal. I swallow down my anger and
sorrow, feeling myself go numb. It’s an old defense mechanism, but a trusty
one. And right now, it’s all I have.

“What would you even know about what we
’
ve
all been going through since Dad died?”
Maddie
finally
says to Mom, her voice soft, “In the past three years, you haven
’
t
bothered to check in with any of us about how we were doing. Not once. You don
’
t know the first thing about how his death has changed our
lives.”

“Please,” Mom scoffs, “I think I know my own daughters—”

“Did you know I
’
ve been seriously
depressed for the last three years?”
Maddie
cuts her off,
voice rising, “Did you know that I barely made it through the first semester
back at school after he died? That I almost dropped out just before graduating?
I talked about being a literature professor like him for my entire life. Did
you ever wonder why I suddenly changed my mind and punted to marketing? It
’
s because reading the books he loved, following in his
footsteps, was too painful for me once he was gone. His death has changed my
entire life. My entire future. Not a day goes by that I don
’
t
think of him. And all that's to say nothing of your other two daughters.”

A dull ache wrings at my heart as Maddie divulges these secrets.
This is the real tragedy of our family’s separation—that we never got to be
there for each other the way we wanted. I feel Mom’s fiery gaze swing my way
and turn to meet it, amazed by my own sense of calm.

“Is this how you girls feel as well?” she asks me and
Sophie, “That I
’
ve been ‘negligent to your needs
’
since Archie passed away? Hmm?”

I level my gaze at Robin, whose entire body is vibrating
with contempt for us. In this moment, I feel as though I’m seeing her more
clearly than ever. As if she’s a total stranger I’m meeting for the first time.
And that, I think, is why it’s so easy to tell her the truth.

“
I don’
t know if you can say ‘
negligent
’,” I begin evenly, “Since you never considered our
needs in the first place. I
’
d say indifferent, if
anything.”

Maddie and Sophie whip around to face me, taken off guard by
my measured bluntness. They’re used to me mediating fights between our family,
not adding fuel to the fire. But I’m not speaking from maliciousness, I’m
simply saying what us girls have been thinking all along. Our mother has long
since given up acting like one. It isn’t our job to shield her from that truth
for another moment.

“That
’
s ridiculous!” Mom says heatedly.

“Why bother asking if you
’
re just going
to shoot us down?” I shoot back, more sure of myself than ever, “The truth is,
Mom, that we
’
ve been taking care of you since Dad died.”

“Especially Anna,” Sophie says in a rush, leaping to my
defense, “I got to run off to drama school and deal with shit on my own, but
she was left to pick up the pieces while you collapsed. We know that Dad
’
s passing was hard on you. Of course it was. But how can you
say that we didn
’
t feel it too? How can you know so little
about your own kids and not even care?”

“
Well,
” Mom says crisply, pulling
herself to standing, “If this is the way you feel, then I
’
d
think you
’
d be happy to be rid of me. I
’
ll
stay here with John, and take myself off your hands for good.”

“For good?” Sophie laughs incredulously, “Mom, be serious.
You
’
ve had plenty of flings since dad died. How is this
one any different? You
’
re putting our family, our home,
everything at stake for him. Please, just take a second to consider—”

“You
’
ve given me plenty to consider
tonight,” Mom cuts her off, “I
’
ve apparently failed you as
a mother, isn
’
t that right? You
’
d be
better off without me?”

“That
’
s not what we
’
re
saying at all, Mom,”
Maddie
says, her voice ragged with
impending tears, “What I
’
ve wanted more than anything else
since dad died was my mother. I
’
ve always wanted you to be
a part of my life. Please don
’
t make that impossible.”

“I see,” Mom replies coldly, looking around at her three
grown daughters, “Well, girls. Thank you for making this decision so easy for
me. Since I
’
m apparently incapable of being a good mother
to you, I
’
ll just go ahead and bow out. Seeing as I
’m impossible.
”

Her eyes dart my way, and a burst of righteous betrayal
flares in her gaze. I’m sure she expected me to be her ally. To defend her once
again, to take care of her. But after a lifetime of picking up the pieces in my
mother’s wake, I’m finally too exhausted to carry on. I meet her gaze without
passion, which only infuriates her further.

“Anna, you
’
re more than welcome to stay
at the Vermont house until it
’
s sold,” she says
vindictively, “Though I suggest finding other accommodations quickly. I
’
m sure that property will get snatched up quick.”

And just like that, she storms off into the house, letting
the screen door slam behind her.

“
I just
… I can
’
t
believe her,” Sophie says softly, looking at me with wide eyes.

“I can,” I reply, “
As far as I
’
m concerned, this is pretty in-character for good ol
’
Robin.”

“Do you think she
’
ll really stay here
with John?” Maddie says, on the verge of panic, “Maybe she
’
s just bluffing.
”

“Now she
’
ll stay, just to spite us,”
Sophie puts in, “Where do you think you got your competitive streak from,
Maddie? We
’
ve dared to challenge her. Now we
’
re
the ones who are going to pay.”

A long moment unfolds between us as we each struggle to make
sense of this twist in our fates. If Mom is really moving in with John, that
means I’ve been direly underestimating her commitment to him. There could be a
future for the two of them after all. But if that’s true…then what will become
of me and Finn? I watch the very same thought occur to Sophie.

“
Fuck her,
” my middle sister spits, “If
she cares that little about us, why don
’
t we just follow
her lead? What if we just took a stand and cut her out of our lives, right now?
If the three of us broke off from her, think of how much happier—”

“If any of us could stand to abandon her completely, we
would have already,”
Maddie
gently cuts in, “No matter how
badly she hurts us, she
’
s still family. That
’
s not something you can ever forget.”

Her words conjure up the way I felt the night of Finn’s
show. How easy it seemed to put our families out of mind at the time. All this
time, Finn and I have been justifying our relationship by refusing to think
that our parents could ever get serious. But if Robin and John keep going along
this trajectory, there’s only so much longer we’ll be able to ignore the
implications. The fact that we’re almost-siblings will be impossible to forget.

A roaring engine cuts off my train of thought, and two
yellow headlights slice across the darkened front lawn. My sisters and I snap
to attention as the Hawthorne family’s pickup truck lumbers up the driveway.
Cash and John sit in the front while Luke and Finn ride in the truck bed, among
leftover construction materials. They’re just returning home after a long day’s
work, with tired limbs and aching muscles. Little do they know that there’s a
whole other sort of pain waiting for them here at home.

Finn glances up from the back of the truck as it rolls to a
stop in the driveway. He catches my eye with a subtle, glowing smile. But that
glow is extinguished the second my gaze locks onto his. All of the pain that
I’ve tamped down this evening starts to churn tumultuously, twisting my core as
Finn takes me in. I know that if I linger here, under Finn’s empathetic gaze
for another second, I’ll lose it. And I won’t give anyone—his family or my
own—that satisfaction. Without a word, I turn and bolt into the cavernous
house.

My heart pounds riotously as I fly up the stairs to the second
floor. I can feel myself beginning to unravel as I duck into my room, gathering
my things in a rush. Whatever happens, I can’t fall to pieces here. It just
isn’t safe. Someway, somehow, I have to get out of this place. The plan was to
stay at the lake house for another week—but it already feels like an eternity
since my mother so callously pulled the rug out from under me and my sisters. I
think I’ve more than served my time here.

I look up sharply as my bedroom door swings open. Finn
stands on the threshold, his face unreadable. I gaze up at him from the center
of the floor where I kneel over my half-packed bag. My heart strains as I cast
my memory back over this past week, to all the times Finn has appeared on my
makeshift doorstep. I thought we had so much time left here together. Time to
sort out our needs, our wants, our plans. But now here we are, standing at the
edge of a precipice. Can I really expect him to take this next desperate leap
with me after barely a week together?

“I’m guessing you heard?” I say, struggling to make my mouth
form the words.

“Maddie just told us,” Finn replies, “I didn’t wait around
for Dad’s bullshit explanation.”

“Finn,” I breathe, sinking back on my heels, “What are we
going to do?”

“I’ll tell you what,” he says fiercely, kneeling down next
to me and placing two steadying hands on my shoulders, “I’m going to get you
the hell out of here.”

“How?” I press, “Where can we go? I can’t go back to
Vermont, knowing that we’re going to lose the house. I don’t have any other place
to call home, Finn.”

“But I do,” he says firmly, running his hands down my arms,
“And if you like, it can be yours, too.”

My eyes go wide as I start back at Finn. “Are you… Are you
suggesting…?”

“Come back to Portland with me,” he urges, holding me fast,
“I can’t send you back East, I can’t leave you here, and…Goddammit, I need you
Anna. I need you by my side, now more than ever.”

I reach for Finn’s hands, holding tight. We’re inching ever
closer to the cliff’s edge, peering over the side as we cling to each other.
Looks like I’ve got quite the leap to make, myself. This is no time for
hesitation.

“What do you say?” Finn asks urgently, laying a firm hand on
my cheek, “Will you come with me?”

“Of course,” I whisper, eyes stinging with sudden tears, “Of
course I will, Finn.”

He pulls me into his lap, bringing his mouth to mine as I
throw my arms around his shoulders. We kiss with urgency, with excitement, with
momentum. We have no idea what’s going to happen next, only that we have to
keep moving.