His hands trailed down my arms and a warm shiver erupted across my body. I had to make the choice. I didn't know much about him, but he wouldn't make this choice for me ever again. This was different from the other night. Todd was putting himself out there; he was taking the chance on me, on us. Todd's lips grazed my jaw as he moved down to my neck. I didn't think I could ever get used to how amazing his fingers felt against the flesh of my arms.
"We can stop this. It's your decision," he whispered before he pulled my earlobe between his teeth. I shuddered.
"I want this… I want us to work." I took a deep breath and the heaviness from early lifted. Todd's lips stilled, and he pulled back just enough to give me full eye contact. It was only a second, but his eyes told me everything I needed to know.
"Hell, yes." His grin was cocky, and I loved it.
He pulled me in, colliding his lips with mine. The kiss was violent, rough, hungry… perfect. Once the kiss slowed, I stepped back from him and lifted my hoodie over my head. I let it drop to the ground as I watched Todd drink me in like he was desperately thirsty. I ran my fingers under his sweater and lifted. He complied and lifted it off. Todd's sculpted chest and stomach pulled with the motion. I craved this — him — he was more than I could have ever wanted.
We watched each other for a quiet moment; the air was thick with need. All I could hear was our breathing, and it turned me on beyond anything I thought possible. I felt brave. I unhooked my bra, letting it slide slowly down my shoulders, and then dropped forward carefully letting the bra fall to the floor as I moved to slide my jeans and panties down. I heard Todd's intake of breath as I raised my eyes to meet his. I liked how his eyes swept over my naked form, how his jaw tightened with desire, how his control started to slowly slip. He moved toward me deliberately, as if he was afraid that I wasn't real. Never, not once in my whole life, had I felt this wanted. This was too much, too fast, but this moment with him… it was the chaos I needed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Todd
L
ILY WAS COMPLETELY BARE TO ME
as I lowered her body down onto my bed. The crème color of her skin and the small smattering of freckles across her body had me fucking captivated. I wanted to kiss each one. I couldn't wait for my lips to discover every part of her and taste that flawless skin. Kneeling at the side of the bed, I grabbed her waist and pulled her body toward mine. Lily's gasp at the sudden movement was quickly silenced as my hands moved down the sides of her hips to her thighs. I gently pushed her legs apart. I couldn't stop myself from smiling; she was all mine.
"What?" she asked breathlessly, leaning up to look at me on her elbows.
"You're fucking gorgeous, and I'm going to make this mine. Possess it. Take every bit you have to give, and give you everything I have." I didn't give a shit anymore that I hardly knew this girl — that she had me all mixed up. I was finally getting something I wanted. Finally, I was someone's choice. Leaning forward, my palm ran all the way down her body, starting between her full breasts, down her stomach, and across the curve of her pubic bone. She arched her back and moaned at my touch. I slid two fingers inside her and groaned at how ready she was for me. My arousal was painful, but she was so wet, and I had to know what she tasted like. There was nothing left to hold me back. My need could wait.
I spread her legs further apart and took her into my mouth. She bowed her back again as the sweet taste covered my tongue. Lily whimpered softly at first, but then she began to pull my hair. She cried out my name, begging me, as I licked lazy figure eights across her sensitive flesh. Lily's legs started to tremble, and I increased the pressure. My fingers moved deeply inside her as she came into my mouth. I savored every drop of her. I'd never had anything better, and I knew the minute my lips tasted her… she was going to be my new addiction.
"I want you inside me," she whispered softly. Her cheeks blushed. Lily had me feeling ready to combust. I stood and unbuckled my belt. She sat up and pulled my jeans down. It was my turn to be bare to her. "Todd." Her voice was faint and thick as she looked up at me; I grinned. The color of her eyes appeared to change again — they were a bright green and hooded with lust. I couldn't look away. I watched as she took me in her mouth; my head fell back, and I closed my eyes as her warm mouth took me in almost entirely. I took a deep breath and tried to maintain my control. I looked down at her again, and I almost lost it. I placed her face between my palms and gently pulled her up to my mouth. Our lips collided as I lay her back down on the bed. My lips trailed down her jaw, to her breast, and I took the peak into my mouth, reveled in her moans as my lips kissed her delicious skin. I felt the tip of my dick brush against her, and I couldn't wait to take her. I leaned over and grabbed a condom out of my bedside table and quickly rolled it on.
"You ready?" I grabbed her hips drawing her close, leaning over her, holding my weight with my forearms. I needed to make sure one more time that she really wanted me because I was already hooked, but I needed to know if she was still on board.
"Yes, I need to feel you." She lifted her hips, pressing against me, and I inhaled a sharp breath. I was ready to fucking burst. She took my face in her hands and kissed me deeply as I pushed gradually into her. She gasped, and I swallowed the small sound. I wanted to own every sound, every moment, every second of her. Lily wrapped her legs around my waist, pushing me deeper still. I held myself up with one arm, and I grabbed the headboard behind her with the other. I pulled out just enough to tease her before I thrust myself hard inside of her again. She rocked her hips at the same time, arms above her head; she braced her palms against the wood of the bed causing her body to tense, making it difficult for me to last much longer.
"Hold on, baby." I leaned down and kissed her intensely as I drove myself inside her. I could feel her legs starting to shake. Sweat trickled down my back as I pushed and pulled, hard and then soft. The muscles in my arm flexed as I held tight to the headboard. She started to contract around me, milking my release. I leaned my forehead against hers. Our eyes locked as I continued to press inside her. I ground my hips down into hers, and she shuddered while pulling her teeth across the skin of my shoulder, letting a loud moan escape as we came together. Her name roared from my lips as the aftershock of her spread through me. I stilled and let the feeling of sweet relief pour down my spine.
I took a deep breath and gazed back into her endless eyes. My body relaxed as I gently broke our connection. I leaned down and kissed her with lazy lips, and then I eased down next to her, our overheated bodies tangled in the best way.
"You okay?" I asked. I needed to make sure I hadn't been too aggressive with her.
"I'm perfectly perfect." She smiled as she traced the artwork on my chest. "You okay? You're not regretting this, are you?" She looked at me, her brows pulled inward with concern.
"I'll never regret this." I kissed her forehead. I could never regret her… this… us, but I couldn't promise myself, or Lily for that matter, that I wouldn't one day regret trusting her. I may have made her mine today here in this bed. She was everything. But I had no control once we were out in the real world. I had no real control over how she would eventually feel about me. I exhaled a shaky breath.
"Good, because I don't think I could ever regret this day." She kissed me sweetly on the cheek.
I hoped that was the truth, because I didn't think I could make it through one more day of regret. I'd had enough of it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Lily
I
MEANT EVERY WORD.
I
'D NEVER
regret this day, not the sore feeling between my legs, the burn from his kiss, or the feeling like I was free falling. Todd was exactly what I needed now; he took me higher with each moment I got to spend with him. The wall I'd built wanted desperately to stay crumbled, even if it was just for today. Todd placed my hair gently behind my ears as he watched me intensely. This was such a heavy silence, I could feel the weight of it in my bones, but I wasn't frightened by it — it comforted me. He had the slightest smile on his lips, making the butterflies in my stomach take flight. The mask he wore all the time was gone, I saw who he really was, and for once, I wanted to tell someone every insignificant thing about myself. I wanted to trust him, and I wanted someone to really know me.
"God, baby, you're amazing." Todd's smile made the amber color of his eyes shimmer.
I couldn't stop the giggle that erupted from my lips. "Thank you. You're pretty freaking incredible, too." I placed a quick kiss on his lips.
"Do you ever take this off?" He took my father's ring between his fingers and smiled at me. I hadn't realized it was still on.
"When I go to sleep… I can't believe I forgot to take it off." I turned my eyes to meet his, and I decided to give him a small piece of me. I wanted him to own this part of me too. "Can I tell you something?" My voice was thick, the lump in my throat choking me.
"Yeah, anything." Todd's smile faltered, and I watched as the worry darkened his eyes.
"So… you know my dad died, right?" I took a deep breath and readied myself to continue. Todd nodded and sat up on his elbow in order to give me his complete attention. The small gesture gave me the strength I needed to continue, "Well, I know…I know it's not really my fault, but I feel like it is." Once the words actually left my tongue, there was no holding back the tears. I'd been carrying that around with me for so long. I hadn't spoken about it out loud, and the feeling of having it out in the open was suffocating. Before I had a chance to tamp down the emotion, a sob broke free and I felt like a crazy person.
"Lily." Todd pulled me to his chest and let me cry as his fingertips drew up and down my spine, making me feel so safe. "You know though… right… I mean how could you think it was your fault?" He lightly grasped my chin in his hand. "Tell me."
I drew in all the air I could into my lungs and continued, "The day he died, I was so angry with him. I had this amazing music scholarship to this really awesome private college in Tampa. The school called me that day to tell me I had to forfeit the scholarship because as it stated in the terms, I couldn't have any family members in the business. The scholarship was for graduate students not from
'musical homes.'
I felt like my whole world was crumbling down. I had worked so hard at getting my bachelor's in Music, getting straight A's, never really taking time for me.
"To make things worse, he decided to tell me as I was getting ready for work that day that he had seen my boyfriend Derrick and my best friend Becca at the bar he played a gig at the night prior, and he told me they were all over each other. I was so pissed about losing my dream scholarship, in my mind because of him, that I called him a liar. I told him I hated him." My throat swelled, and the tears started pouring from my eyes.
"Shh, baby, you don't have to tell me." Todd regarded me with such sadness, my heart felt as if it was breaking.
What kind of person did he think I was?
"It's okay, sweetheart, we all say things in anger. We don't really mean them, you didn't really mean it."
"What if I did?" Our eyes met, and his brows dipped with confusion. "What if I'd hated him in that moment, what if I'm being punished? He was such a good dad. He did everything he could for me. My mom left us, and he stepped up to the plate. He did a fantastic job raising me, and I told him I hated him. What kind of person does that?" I tried desperately to control my breathing.
"Someone who can't see beyond her own anger, someone who is human and makes mistakes, and someone who will regret it till the day she dies. Trust me; I've done some things in my life I'm not proud of. Things that I'll take to the grave and be judged for. Lily, it wasn't your fault. Baby, you have to know that." Todd sat up. He took my hand in his and drew me up into a sitting position. It didn't escape me that we were both still totally naked, but it was fitting as I exposed a part of my soul to him; I wouldn't want it any other way. Todd's heated palm wrapped around the back of my neck, cradling my face with his other hand as he said, "Look at me, Lily. I know I never met your dad, but I guarantee you he knew that you worshipped the ground he walked on—" A loud sob burst from my trembling lips. "This is why you want to sing, isn't it? To make music, to be something in this industry, to prove your love for him?"
I nodded my head. Todd's face was hazy through the salt water that emptied from my eyes. "I made him a promise ages ago that I would make something of myself. He was so sick of singing for crap wages, he always told me to take the gift God gave me in my voice. He said I should take it right to the top because I deserved nothing less." My eyes stared down in shame, how could I deserve anything with how I'd treated him? "Todd, I told him I hated him. I slapped him across the face and called him a liar. I ran out of the house like a raving bitch. That night…" I gulped down the acid that started to burn its way up my throat. "…That night my boyfriend, Becca, and some friends had come to the club where I worked to celebrate a birthday. As I was leaving to come home, I headed out the back stairwell and heard what I thought was someone in distress. I ran down the stairs to see if I could help and… sure enough, Derrick was screwing Becca against the wall. The sight… it… destroyed me." My fists gripped around the navy blue comforter that covered Todd's bed.
"He's an asshole that never deserved you." Todd's jaw compressed, and I almost smiled because he was truly just as irate as I was. He wanted to protect me; I'd never had that before. "Are you smiling?" His lips curled up in a lopsided smirk. "You're smiling, what the hell?" He chuckled.
"I like how angry you got just now. I think if Derrick were here, you would have punched him in the jaw." I laughed and wiped away my remaining tears.