Stranded On Christmas (22 page)

What
I read shocked me more than if she had written that she hated me and
never wanted to see me again.

I
jumped on my tractor and headed to the doctor's. I wanted him to
explain to me what was happening with my wife.

His
first words were:
'I'm so sorry, Gideon.'

That
meant that she honestly was going to die. The doctor would have said
it differently if he believed that Jessie had a chance.

I
went home and thought about what I needed to do.

I
had to find my wife. I would be there for her. It was my right as her
husband. She couldn't decide something important like that over my
head.

Jessie

I
checked into the place I had carefully picked out before I left
Chicago. It wasn't a real hospital, but one that took care of people
who were never going to leave again. I was given a room and a doctor
came by to check on me.

He
wasn't happy with the amount of medicine I had needed to take, so I
could pretend that nothing was happening to me. I had needed to fool
Gideon.

I
told the doctor I would slow down and take less.

The
next day I was got an appointment to see how big the tumor was. I
wanted to know how much it had grown.

On
hand from the growth they would know how long I still had to live. I
wanted to go quickly. I hoped it wouldn't get dragged out.

Gideon

Once
again I was on the way to Chicago. I understood that my wife wanted
to spare me, but my place was at her side, especially when she was in
pain and needed someone.

The
idea of strangers surrounding her as she left this world made me sick
to my stomach.

I
entered her office and everyone stopped what they were doing to stare
at me. I had seen the name Mandy Winters on the door, so I asked to
speak to her. I hoped that she would be able to tell me where my wife
was.

I
sat in the same room, at the same desk, on the same chair, and once
again had a cup of coffee in my hand. The difference was that I was
sitting across from a different woman.

“
Jessie
made a decision. I feel that you should respect that.” This woman
was giving me the feeling that she didn't agree with Jessie. She
wanted me to know where my Jessie was.

“
She's
my wife. I love her. I already had to go without her after she lost
the baby. She pushed me away then too. But she needed me. I let her
go because I thought it was the best thing for her. I was wrong. I
need to be there for my wife. No one should have to die alone.”

She
reached into her desk and got out a tissue. “I think you’re
right.” She gave me Jessie's new address.

Jessie
was in a hospice, waiting to die all by herself.

I
got into a cab and went right to Jessie . The hospice was glad that
she had a visitor. I was brought into her room. A nurse was with her
and Jessie was throwing up into a bowl.

What
I had thought had been morning sickness was really a symptom of a
brain tumor.

I
took hold of Jessie's hair and held it back. I kissed her shoulder
and waited for her to relax. The nurse wiped her mouth and took away
the bowl.

“
Why
did you come? I told you not to. I didn't want you to see me like
this.” She was frowning at me.

Jessie

“
Did
you honestly think that I was going to read your letter, shrug my
shoulders, and do nothing?” He was mad. Thankfully, I could see
nurses walking past my door. Otherwise, I would have worried about my
backside.

“
I
thought it would be best for you and for the animals.”

“
You're
worried about the cows?” His forehead wrinkled up in disbelief.

“
Aren't
you? Please, don't tell me you sold them.” I couldn’t imagine
Megan doing the milking. However, Gideon would have needed money to
come here, he might have sold them to be with me. I hadn’t wanted
to ruin his dream life as a farmer.

“
I
found a very satisfying solution.”

“
I'm
afraid to ask what it is.” I told him.

“
No,
you'll be proud of me. Everything fell into place.”

He
pulled up a chair and sat down like this was any other day, and we
were sitting at the kitchen table talking. It always amazed me how
quickly people adjusted to situations.

Real
life wasn't as exciting as what you saw on TV or read in books. Real
people were tough.

“
Megan's
guy proposed to her.”

“
But
she's too young,” I protested. I wanted her to finish school before
she did anything else.

“
She's
too young to get married, but not too young to wear an engagement
ring. Anyway, she is staying with Angela's family. Kevin is running
the farm for me. I told him he could build his house on our land. He
is planning on buying the land right next to our property. That means
that Megan is going to stay by us. I was so worried about losing
her.”

He
was grinning from ear to ear. There was only one thing that he was
forgetting. I wasn't going to be going home with him.

He
talked about his trip here and how he found me. He spoke of me coming
home. It was clear that he didn't want me to stay here.

“
Gideon,
I made arrangements to stay here until I – move on. Do you
understand? It's all paid for.”

“
I
don't care. You belong at home – with your family around you.”
His chin was quivering a little.

“
The
thing is – I'll get medicine here to help me deal with the pain. I
can't get that at home. I wanted to do this the easy way.”

Would
he think that I was a weak baby?

Gideon
sat down and buried his face in his hands. “Of course. I didn't
think of that.”

Gideon

When
Jessie was asleep, the nurse pulled me to the side and talked to me
about paying for my bed and food. It wasn’t expensive, but I had
spent the last of my money just to get here. Jessie needed me by her
side.

The
nurse told me that I had time to pay. They just needed the money at
the end of every week I stayed here.

The
word time had given me an idea. I looked at my watch. It was clear
what I had to do.

I
went to a fine jewelry store and sold my precious watch.

I
was thankful that I had something of worth that could help me stay
with my wife. She had been the one to give it to me.

I
went back to her and cared for her.

Jessie

After
that first day, Gideon sat. Whenever I woke up or needed him, he was
there. He stayed by my side and helped me with everything that I
needed. When I was sick, he held the bowl under my mouth, and when I
was too weak to get up, he slipped a bedpan under me. He would go on
about this being nothing when you clean up after cows and chickens
every day.

I
thanked him for the comparison and made him laugh.

The
doctors took all kinds of tests. At the moment, I wasn't getting
worse. The past month things had stayed the same. My tumor had
stopped growing. I wished that I would hurry up and die, so Gideon
could go on with his life.

He
spoke of me going home for a visit. It was clear that he hadn't
accepted the fact that I was going to pass on. He was a positive
thinker.

Every
once in a while I would see the fear, he was trying so hard to hide
in his eyes. Yesterday had been one of those moments. A nurse had
come in and told us she needed a blood sample and a urine sample. The
look on her face scared both of us.

Waiting
for the results was killing us. Gideon paced up and down the room as
we waited. He reminded me of a caged animal.

Someone
like him wasn't meant to be inside all day, much less confined to one
room. He was even sleeping in here on a cot that they brought in for
him.

This
was an especially good hospice. I was glad I found it.

Two
doctors entered the room. They looked like they had grave news for
us. I already knew that I was dying. What could they tell me that was
worse?

“
Mrs.
Thompson we got your lab results back. I'm not sure how to say this,
so I’m simply going to come out and say it.” That sounded bad.

Gideon
took hold of my hand and held it tightly. I was bracing myself for
the bad news too. I couldn't have much longer.

“
You're
pregnant,” he blurted out.

“
Pregnant?”
Both Gideon and I repeated the doctor's words. I looked at both of
the doctors to see if this was some kind of joke.

“
Yes.
We need to know what you want to do about that.”

“
Do
about it?” Gideon asked. He sounded mad.

“
In
this special case an abortion is allowed,” the other doctor
informed Gideon.

My
jaw dropped. I looked at Gideon and shook my head. That wasn't an
option.

“
And
if, we decide to keep the baby?” Gideon asked.

“
Your
wife will have passed on before she can deliver the baby. This baby
won't live one way or the other.”

“
I
want to keep it. There is a chance that I could live a few more
months. Maybe the baby will make it them. I'll stop taking my
medicine. I want the baby to be healthy.”

Gideon
exhaled and shook his head. He was at war with himself. He didn’t
like the thought of me suffering. “Whatever you want, baby.”

“
I
think it's worth the try. It could work out. Would you mind raising
the child all by yourself?”

“
I
won't mind. I would have a piece of you.” Gideon leaned over me and
kissed me tenderly. “Congratulations, Mrs. Thompson,” he wished
in my ear.

“
Congratulations,
Mr. Thompson.” I loved him so much.

The
doctors tried to talk me out of it, but the more I thought about it,
the more I felt that I could do it. The tumor wasn't growing at the
moment. That meant that this was worth the endeavor. I only had to
deal with the pain, which didn't seem so bad at the moment.

My
mind was concentrated on my child.

The
next days were filled with all kinds of talks. I could tell that the
doctors hated our idea of trying to stay alive long enough to give
the baby a fighting chance, and they weren't hiding that fact.

Most
of my usual tests couldn't be done because of the pregnancy. It would
be harder to know how much longer I had.

Gideon
supported my decision completely. The doctors had even asked him to
speak with them alone in the hallway. I heard them telling Gideon
that I was in pain and suffering unnecessarily.

“
She
looks happy to me. We have already lost a child. The pain she felt
after that was a lot worse than what I'm seeing now. We will play
this by ear. She's the boss. Whatever she says goes. Right now she
wants to keep the baby, and she is happy. What could be wrong with
that?”

They
came back saying that the baby might be handicapped because of the
medicine I was taking before we knew.

“
So?
It would still be my child!” Gideon came back into the room and
took hold of my hand. He was pretending that the whole scene outside
of the door hadn't happened. “Have you been thinking about a name?”
he asked me.

“
Umm
– yes, I have. I have a feeling that the baby will be a girl this
time. I want her to have a beautiful name.”

“
Should
I get us a book of names with their meanings?”

“
Yes,
I'd like that. And maybe you could get me some knitting things.”

He
frowned a little as he nodded at me.

“
Gideon,
I know that things are hard for you financially. But I really want to
give the baby something that I made for her. Please take the money
out of my account and help me make my last days
a
little happier. Please, swallow your pride and take what I'm offering
you.”

This
was a talk that we had a couple of times before I left the farm.
Gideon was too prideful.

“
I
told you that I have enough money. Don’t worry about that. I want
you to know that you are giving the baby a lot. She owes you her
life. You don’t have to worry about anything else.”

“
Still,
I want to help pick out her pretty little dresses and her toys.” I
felt tears running down the side of my face. I needed to do for her
what I could now because I wouldn’t be here later.