Stranded On Christmas (19 page)

It
took awhile for Pumpkin to settle down. He laid down right on my feet
when he did. He didn't want me to leave.

Jessie
had a pained look on her face as she watched him. I hoped that she
didn't think that he loved me more. That wasn't true. She was so
lovable, and she even took Pumpkin with her to work and kept him in a
basket under her desk. That was the most precious thing I had ever
heard.

“
I
read through the papers about the divorce. The way I understand it
things will go quickly if I sign them because you don't want
anything. If I wanted to drag it out, you win in the end anyway, but
I have to get a lawyer of my own.”

“
Yes,
I guess that's how it works. Did you want to negotiate about dividing
up what I have?”

“
Of
course not. I would never take money from you.” I had said that a
bit too bitter. She was leaning away from me, and she was bracing
herself by gripping onto the sides of her chair.

“
What
I meant to say was that I think you worked hard to build all of this
up, and you should keep it. I'll sign the papers like you want me
to.”

There
was a knock at the door. She turned to look to see who was there. It
was one of her smiling employees.

“
Hi,
I only wanted to ask if I could get you two anything. Coffee maybe?”

“
Would
you like anything, Gideon?” Jessie looked back at me.

“
A
cup of coffee would be nice.”

“
Could
you bring my husband a cup of black coffee with a shot of whole milk
in it and a cup of tea for me?”

The
woman's eyes widened before she took off, closing the door again.

Jessie
hadn't told anyone that she was married. She was kind of wincing now.
She shook her head slightly and looked back at me, her husband.

Jessie
hadn't wanted to marry me anyway.

Looking
back what I did was simply stupid. A woman's wedding should be a
special event and give her a nice memory. Jessie probably winced when
she thought about that too.

It
had started out so nice. My hand moved to cover up my watch. Three
thousand dollars for saving her life, and I had wanted more, so much
more. I had gone to a jeweler’s to have it appraised. I wanted to
know what she had given me. The word vintage had been bouncing around
in my head since she said it. If I had known, I wouldn’t have worn
it, but Jessie had wanted it to be worn.

I
was staring in her eyes. I loved her so much that my heart was aching
to hold her close.

“
You
said you would sign the papers?”

“
Of
course. If that’s what you really want?” Please say that you
still want me, I willed her to say.

“
Yes,
it is.” Of course she didn't want me when she could have all of
this.

“
I
have the papers with me. They are at my hotel.”

“
You’re
staying overnight? Who is taking care of our animals?” Our animals,
she had said. She was worried about our home. Did she really want a
divorce?

“
Angela's
father said he would keep things running for us. I was thinking that
I would give you the papers this evening over a nice supper.” I was
trying to charm her, and she was trying not to fall for it.

The
door opened, and the woman backed in with a tray in her hands. We
both quietly watched her set up for us. “Coffee for you, sir. And
tea for you, Jessica. Is there anything else I could do for you two?”

“
No,
but thank you very much,” Jessie told her. The woman beamed at us
and then she left.

“
I
don't think that it would be a good idea to see each other again, and
you don't have to give me the papers. They go to the lawyer – and
then everything is over with. There aren't any hassles that way.”
She was very nervous, and her hand shook as she lifted the cup to her
lips. I was kind of impressed that she managed to take a sip without
spilling anything. She set the cup back on the saucer clattering them
against each other.

“
I
just wanted to part on good terms with you. I would really like to
have a good last memory of you. Please. I promise that I won't try to
kidnap you or anything like that. I'll sign the papers with you
watching and then bring them over to your lawyer's office tomorrow
morning before I leave the city. You don't ever have to see me again
after that, but that is the condition to me signing. I need to see
for myself that you’re doing well before I can walk away from you.”
This was my wife, the woman that I was completely honest with. Giving
that up was a lot to ask of anybody.

“
You
promise that this isn't some sort of trap?” She looked scared now.
I had already seen that she was doing well. I could leave, but I was
too selfish for that.

“
I
promise, baby. I need a bit of closure,” I said gently.

“
Don't
call me baby,” she snapped. Her whole face twisted up in pain.

Maybe
she wasn't okay? The word alone had set her off.

“
Fine,
of course I’ll join you for supper at your hotel.” Jessie said
that to cover up what she had said before. She wanted me to go. She
was prepared to do whatever she had to so I would leave.

“
Fine,
I’ll pick you up at six.” I stood and finished my coffee, burning
my mouth, before she could change her mind.

“
I
won't be home by six. How about seven thirty?”

“
You
work that late?”

“
No,
but I have to shower and change into something nice beforehand.”

“
That's
right, honey. We are going to have a nice evening. I'll wear my
Sunday suit and you a pretty dress. I would like that. I'll see you
then.” I left then.

A
person had to know to quit when they were ahead.

Jessie

I
looked at myself in the mirror. I had left work early, wanting to
look good for my date.

Would
he honestly show up at my door and pick me up – and bring me back
home afterwards?

What
would I do if he barged in and started demanding that I pack and go
home with him?

What
should I do?

I
was chickening out. I could pretend that I wasn't home, but he would
probably camp out in front of my door. Maybe I should hire a
bodyguard. Someone who would make sure that I slept in my own bed
tonight. That was actually my husband's job, but things hadn't worked
out with us. He had hurt me time and time again.

I
looked at myself in the mirror. The lines around my eyes weren't
laugh lines. I looked so sad and alone. I needed someone who would be
good to me. I didn't want to be alone.

Gideon
had been good to me after Aaron passed away.

No,
I had needed to move out. This was something that I was doing for
myself that would leave me stronger.

Still,
I was lonely. There was a hole there that not even Pumpkin could
fill.

Maybe
I could find someone else and settle down. Perhaps I could have a
family and not lose the baby this time. I could feel happy and safe.

There
was a knock at the door. I looked at myself in the mirror again. My
eyes looked like they had back then, dead. I turned away from my
mirror image and went to the door.

I
felt like I did when I knew he was going to punish me. His presence
was punishing me now. I felt very sad.

I
opened the door. Gideon was standing there with a bunch of roses. He
was grinning from ear to ear. “These are for you.” He held the
flowers out to me.

He
brought me flowers when I was sick in bed, and even afterwards.

“
Thank
you.” I took them and smelt them. They smelt good, like the ones
that grew in my garden back home.

But
it hadn't been my home. It had been where he had held me captive. He
was a sick man who had been brainwashed into thinking that a wife
wasn't a real person who had a free will.

Inside,
I nodded at myself and patted myself on the back. That was exactly
the kind of pep talk I needed.

“
I'll
just put them in some water.”

“
Hey.
Are you all right, honey?” He reached out and moved my hair behind
my shoulder. It was a moment that was so familiar that it hurt. We
could have made a great pair if circumstances had been different.

“
I'm
fine. Don't worry about me.” I stepped away from him.

“
It's
still my job to worry until tomorrow morning.” He looked
disappointed, but he was trying to make light of it. He liked to
worry about me.

I
went to my kitchen and got out a vase. He had followed me in. He was
standing in the living room looking around. What did he think? Was it
too much? What did he think about me?

“
You
look especially lovely. That's a nice dress.”

I
placed the flowers in the center of the table and looked down at my
dress. It was summer and hot, even in the evening. My dress was a
simple pale blue one with tiny shoulder straps. It looked sweet and
innocent, but the skirt fell above my knees. He would have sorted it
out given half the chance.

My
hands glided down the dress smoothing it out in an attempt to make it
a bit longer. “Thank you. You look very nice, too.”

“
Go
grab a sweater and then we are off.” He sounded so peppy.

I
picked up my purse and the sweater I had waiting. I knew that he
would insist on one. That was simply how he was. He liked to worry
about me.

He
held out his elbow to me and off we went.

“
Do
you want a dessert, sweetheart?” he asked me. He had been perfectly
pleasant the entire evening. He called for and paid for the cab.

Gideon
had escorted me into the restaurant and introduced us as Mr. and Mrs.
Thompson. He had pulled out my chair and lovingly pushed it back in
for me. I felt like every eye in the room was on us, especially all
the female ones.

I
thought back to when we had first met. I had been in awe with his
looks too. I couldn't believe that he wanted to be with me, but
things had changed so suddenly. It had quickly become too much. He
had truthfully wanted me, but he wanted to hold me down tightly, and
I hadn't been able to breathe.

“
I
always wanted to know what Panna Cotta is. I'll order that.” He
closed his menu and laid it to the side still smiling.

“
It's
cooked cream. You'll like it. I'll have the same.” I was being too
quiet. I tried to sound cheerier, but I missed him a little too. I
hadn't wanted to get married, and now I didn't want to be a divorcee.
“I wish that things had gone differently. We might have had a
chance that way.”

“
Jessie,
I already signed the papers, but if you have changed your mind, I'll
be glad to rip them up. We don't have to be over. I can change and
things could be different.”

“
You
couldn't change, and I wouldn't ask you to. I was just reminiscing a
little. My place is here. You saw. I'm responsible for all of those
people.”

“
You
do things very well there, and it means a lot to you, but if you ever
want to come home, you can. The door will always be open for you. Do
you understand that?” He sounded so strict again.

All
the muscles in my body tightened up as I thought about what that tone
usually meant.
'Jessie bring me the belt'
he would say, and I
had to do it. “I understand. That's really kind of you, but if you
were to meet someone new, I would understand that as well.”

“
That
isn't going to happen. You know I don't believe in divorce. In my
heart I will remain married
to you, and I
will be faithful to you. You don't have to worry about that.”

That
didn't make sense. “Why did you sign the papers then?” I asked
him.

“
I
want what is best for you. Since the baby died, you haven't been
okay. I see that you are here. I want that for you. Only the very
best is good enough for you.” He said that like he meant it.

I
knew he loved me, but I couldn't return to that house. The house that
had offered me shelter when I would have died and the house that had
held me prisoner for long and witnessed Aaron's death. The stairs had
even caused it. I didn't want to go back I wasn't safe there, not
from Gideon and not from others. A chill went down my spine.

“
It's
getting a little cool. Put on your sweater, honey.” He reached
over, patted my hand and then he withdrew his hand to show me that he
wanted me to move now. He honestly did care, but I couldn't tolerate
his kind of care.