Sublime Wreckage (12 page)

"Please don't kill me. Death by eating utensil is a terrible way to die." That's it. I'm rolling on the floor laughing again. The look on his face was so serious I couldn't help but laugh. And that's when I decide to jump off the ledge instead of fall. It's my choice. No one else is making this decision for me. I decide who I let into my life. Right now, I choose him.

Before Vince drops me off at work I decide to check in with my mom. She usually wants me around as little as possible when she starts seeing someone. After talking to her briefly, it looks like I will be spending the night with Amanda again. I hide the excitement in my voice the best I can. She tells me to check in tomorrow before I come home. I hope the guy she just slept with keeps her busy tomorrow. I have the day off and I can't wait to spend more time with Vince. I inform him of the plans to which he gets a little too excited for a guy.

"What should we do?" He says while practically jumping up and down. Seriously? It makes me laugh to see him so excited.

"Can you please take me to the creek again? I fell in love with it and I can't think of a better way to spend my day." I put my hands together in front of my chest in true begging form and push my bottom lip out to pout while batting my eyes. "Please?"

"Sure Magnolia. Anything you want. How can I refuse such a pitiful look? But that means I will be picking you up at the same time. I could bring you some coffee if that would help."

I give him a great big huff. "I despise coffee. Almost as much as I despise mornings. But I love the creek so I will be up and ready."

Vince picks me up from work and drives me to Amanda's house. We end up staying up way too late talking about boys. She tells me all about her date with Mick or Matt or Mike. Whatever his name is she seems to like him. I tell her as much as I can about my day with Vince. I leave out the creek as well as the emotional conversation. I do tell her about the amazing food his mother made, his house, his business and how much I like him. If I'm going to admit it to myself I might as well admit it to her.

The next morning I get up with plenty of time to take a shower. I have to borrow a shirt from Amanda because I didn't pack enough of my own clothes. I decide the jean shorts aren't that dirty so I wear them again. I leave my hair down and apply a little bit of make-up. Vince is right on time. Amanda was a little bummed that I couldn't spend the day with her. We don't get much girl time now that she is working. Sunday is her only day off. I vow to spend the next Sunday with her doing girly stuff. That seems to pacify her enough to let me go with Vince.

We spend the entire morning at the creek. We don't talk as much as we did yesterday. I think each of us is soaking in the beauty of the moment rather than trying to fill it with words. Soon enough winter will be here and the creek will turn to ice. That makes me a little sad. It won't be the same when all the wildflowers are gone. It's as if Vince can sense my sadness.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just winter. How is comes along and ruins everything." He laughs a little at my dramatic conclusion.

"It's even more beautiful in the winter. Just wait, you'll see."

I smile over at him. He is sitting on the rock next to me, staring into my eyes. I could seriously get lost in those eyes. They are almost the deepest brown eyes I've ever seen. My fathers were just a tiny shade darker. I can't seem to look away. His look keeps getting more and more intense. It's like he wants to say something but decides not to. The loud grumbling of my stomach breaks the moment. Stupid stomach. Vince just laughs, grabs my hand again and walks us back to the truck.

After I devour more delicious food from his mother, he takes me home. I checked in with Patricia who gave me the all clear to head back. Vince drops me at the park and it feels like I'm leaving a part of myself with him. I feel complete when I'm around him. I don't have to pretend to be anyone but me. He doesn't even question my reason for not wanting to be taken directly to my house. He just does what I ask.

My mother is beyond ecstatic when I get home. All she wants to do is share every last detail about her new guy. I sit and listen with fake enthusiasm. If she knew me at all she would know it's not real. But what does she care. She just wants someone to listen to her ramble on about yet another guy. I can't complain because this will keep her busy.

The next two weeks fly by. Vince and I have gotten into a comfortable pattern. He picks me up after practice and after work. On the days I don't have to work we hang out. I'm also spending time with Amanda when our schedules line up. I even did an entire girls day with her last Sunday like I promised. I'm excited and a little bummed about this weekend. I get to see my Grandfather but that means I won't get to spend time with Vince. Balance. Life is about balance. I just have to find mine.

It's Friday but I have to work tonight. Things seems to be heating up between Patricia and her new boyfriend. I asked her about visiting my Grandpa this weekend to which she replied "do whatever the hell you want, I'm going to be getting some all weekend long." And by "get some" she means sex. How original. I guess I should be happy she didn't go into more graphic details. I decide it's best to stay over at Amanda's tonight and have my Grandfather pick me up from her house. He doesn't need to see some strange guy hanging around. Besides, I can tell she isn't ready to introduce us just yet. She likes to get her claws in as deep as she can before that happens. I have hardly seen her in the last two weeks. It's been awesome. That means I have been spending any and all free time with Vince. I've gotten so used to seeing him every day, it's going to be weird going almost three days without him. I don't know when it happened but it did. Vincent Moreno wiggled his way into my life and I couldn't be happier about it. At least I will get to see him tonight before I go out of town. That brings a smile to my face. It also makes me forget where I am.

"What are you so damn happy about?" My mother grunts to me on her way to the bathroom.

"Nothing mom. Just thinking about the weekend with Grandpa. I haven't seen him in forever."

"Oh Maggie, don't be so damn dramatic. You saw him right before school started." She doesn't understand. My Grandpa is the only living connection I have left to the one person I loved most. My father.

"I gotta go. I guess I will see you Sunday. I'm staying with Amanda tonight to give you privacy. Have fun with your boyfriend." I head out the door as fast as possible. I have my little suitcase on wheels with me, which is going to be a pain to carry around school all day. But I didn't want to risk coming home and running into my mother and some strange guy having sex. I've seen things I wish I hadn't. She really isn't modest and doesn't care where she has sex. The living room, the kitchen, I even caught her in my room once. It made me want to puke my guts out. I push those thoughts as far away as possible.

"What's up my little buttercup?" I say to Amanda with so much enthusiasm I make myself want to gag. When did I become such a cheery morning person? Maybe Vince is rubbing off on me.

"You know, ever since you met Vince you are like a different person. I think he is good for you. So when are the two of you going to stop playing games and start dating? You spend all your time together anyway."

"It's just not like that. We are just friends. I told you, I can't get involved with someone. In the fall I will be leaving for college. Why start something I can't finish?"

"Who says you can't finish it? People have long distant relationships all the time."

"I really don't want to talk about this. Can we please just drop it?"

"Fine. I'm just going to say one more thing and then I'll shut-up. Regardless of what you think Maggie, you are worth it. You are worth the time and effort this guy is putting into you and I think you would be amazing together. That's it. I'm shutting up now." She really gets under my skin. But she knows me so well. I guess there is a part of me that still wonders why Vince is investing his time in someone like me. I don't have anything to offer him except friendship. I shake it off.

"This is too deep for this early in the morning. What's up with you and what's his name?"

"Not much. We are going out tonight so you can have Vince drop you off after eleven at my house. I'm assuming by the suitcase you weren't planning on going home." She gives me a wink and a smile.

"Thanks! I do need to crash with you. I really don't want to see my mom having sex again." We both shutter at that thought.

"You know Amanda, you're worth it too. You deserve a guy who is going to treat you right, respect you and not use you for your body. I know we've had this conversation before many times but don't give in to these losers who just want sex. Once you sleep with them you dump them anyway. I want you to find a guy who wants you for you."

"Thanks for the lecture, Mom. But I got this covered. I don't want to sleep with this guy I'm seeing. I really don't. I really like him. I think this could actually last. He seems like a nice guy so I'm giving him a chance." That surprises me because I've never heard Amanda talk about a guy so seriously. Maybe I am finally rubbing off on her. Good.

We part ways once we hit school grounds. She goes one direction and I go the other. I'm sitting in study hall trying to concentrate. It's only been three weeks since school started and I'm already struggling with calculus. I really hate math. My tutor, Suzy Welch, is helping as much as she can but for some reason I'm still not getting it. I finally give up and move onto something less depressing. Suzy seems relieved to be taking a break too. We were given a poetry assignment in English today. We can write about anything we want it just has to be descriptive. I have to admit, poetry isn't the easiest thing to write. I prefer short stories. But that is the assignment. Maybe I will find inspiration with my Grandfather this weekend.

After practice Vince gives me a ride to the video store. This is our usual routine. Sometimes we don't even talk. We just sit back and listen to music. We have become so comfortable with one another. I don't feel any pressure to fill the silence between us with meaningless conversation. After I get off work we decide to go back to his house and hang out until Amanda gets back from her date. We pull up in his driveway a little after ten o'clock. I wish we had a little more time together tonight.

"So what do you want to do?" Vincent asks me as we open the front door. I see Tommy sitting on the couch and give him a quick wave. He really is one of the nicest guys. I have gotten to know him a little better over the past couple of weeks. Especially since we usually hang out at Vince's house. I don't let him take me on dates so it doesn't leave us many options since I'm so broke all the time. When we have time we go to the creek but mostly we end up here.

"I actually need to work on calculus some more. I know that sounds super exciting but I'm really struggling."

"Vince can help with that. He's a whiz when it comes to math." Tommy shouts at us from the living room.

"He's right. I'm pretty good at math. I can take a look. Let's head back to my room. You want anything to eat?" Vince has started stocking his pantry with all my favorite junk food since I'm here so much. He knows how much I like to eat.

"Sure. Are there any Doritos left?"

"Dorito breath, really Maggie? That's super attractive to your boyfriend." Tommy likes to tease both of us as much as possible. He glances over in our direction waiting for our response.

"WE AREN'T DATING!" Vince and I say in unison for the hundredth time to Tommy. He just shrugs his shoulders and goes back to watching his game. Vince grabs the chips and two sodas as we head back to his room.

We sit on the bed together because there isn't enough room at the desk for both of us. I get out my calculus book and sigh. I don't have much hope that Vince is going to be able to help me. I mean, he did drop out his senior year. I don't even think he got to calculus. I get all my notes and spread them over the bed. Vince picks them up studying each line before starting to go over things with me.

"Wait, you know calculus?"

"Of course. Doesn't everyone?" He gives me one of his famous smirks and continues his lesson. I'm shocked. I never would have guessed. He is way smarter than he gives himself credit for. He is actually able to explain this garbage to me in a way that I understand. I think I could pull off an A with his help. I might have to start studying with Vince instead of Suzy.

"Thanks so much for helping me. I know you have to be bored out of your mind right now."

"Not at all. This is helping me. I'm studying for my GED and your notes are very clear. It's good review before I take the test." That also takes me by surprise. This is the first time he has mentioned furthering his education.

"That's awesome. When are you taking the test?"

"The next available time is right before Christmas. But I'm not sure I will be ready."

"What do you need help with? Maybe we can study together?"

"That would be great. Obviously I don't have trouble with math." He gives a little chuckle under his breath which causes me to grab a pillow and hit him in the head. Jackass. "But I do need help with the Social Studies and Language Arts sections. I have some study guides I've been using."

"No problem. I will make sure you are ready to pass by December! Then we can celebrate!" He gives me the biggest smile. It's so hard sitting this close to him when he looks at me like that. There isn't a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about kissing him. But I stop myself each and every time. Promising myself not to get attached to him in that way. We have already become such good friends in such a short amount of time. I don't know what it would do to me to open my heart up fully to him.

It's just after eleven when we finish up. I put the half eaten Dorito bag back in the pantry. I notice my favorite cookies staring back at me. I can't resist so I grab a couple of Oreos for the road. It's amazing the things Vince already knows about me. He pays so much attention to the littlest detail. That is one of my favorite characteristics about him. He is so aware of everyone around him and their needs.