Submission: Guilty Pleasures #3 (BBW Erotic Romance) (4 page)

“I thought being a submissive was
going to be the complicated part. That was the relationship I was having a hard
time wrapping my head around. Compared to what’s happening with me...with us
now...that was the easy part.”

Jake returned my smile, taking my
hand. I let him hold my fingers to his lips, let him kiss each one.

“What can I say? You can’t help
who you fall in love with. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw
you.”

His smiled deepened, reaching his
eyes, the sadness and pain retreating for a moment. “At the bar, the night we
first met. The minute you walked in, I was awestruck, frozen where I stood,
just looking at you. You took my breath away. And you almost got away before I
managed to get control of myself.

“It took me seeing you with Chase
to know the depth of that feeling, how much you meant to me. How much I loved
you. And how much I stood to lose. But it’s too late now, isn’t it? To get back
to that place?”

I shook my head. “Jake, I don’t
know. Truly. Everything inside of me is so confused, nothing makes any sense
some days. I love you, but...” I didn’t need to finish the thought; he knew I
meant Chase. Knew that Chase loved me and I’d fallen in love with Chase as
well.

“I do love you, Jake. We wouldn’t
be here if I didn’t. Everything just got out of control.”

My fear had receded. The Jake I
knew, warm, gentle Jake, was in front of me, his eyes searching my face. He
leaned down, kissing me softly.

The touch of his lips sent a
thrill through me. I wanted the comfort of his arms, the security I felt with
him. Even for a moment, even if it might be the last time.

I made a tiny noise, somewhere
between a whimper and a moan. Jake broke our kiss, standing, pulling me gently
up from the floor. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me against his chest.

“Stay with me tonight, Abby.
Please. I want you so badly, even if I’m...if this isn’t the relationship you
want. Let me have one more night with you...please.”

The need was evident in Jake’s
voice and in his eyes. And it was in me as well.

I pulled him to me, holding his
face in my hands.

“Yes. I’ll stay. For tonight.”

Jake took me upstairs to his
bedroom, where he’d first told me he loved me, where he’d first broken the
rules he’d established for our dominant submissive relationship.

He turned on a small lamp, casting
the room in a soft glow. He turned to me, pulling me against him again, his
kiss tentative, his lips seeking answers to questions I couldn’t provide.

My fingers found the buttons on
his shirt, undoing them slowly, my hands sliding beneath the soft material,
fingers on his skin. The warmth of his body, his scent...that deeply masculine
scent that belonged to him and him alone, washed over me. I closed my eyes,
breathing deeply, the familiar sense of security washing over me.

Jake held my face briefly, looking
down at me. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured. “You take my breath away...still.
Always. I love you, Abby.”

His kiss was passionate, urgent,
no longer questioning but claiming my mouth. I opened up to him, our tongues
meeting, dancing, exciting me, starting a fire deep within me.

Jake’s hands moved down my
shoulders, sliding slowly down to undo the buttons on my blouse. I broke our
kiss, watching as he slid the fabric away from my body, his hands moving over
my breasts. I moaned softly, an answering sound coming from Jake.

I met his eyes, the depths of his
passion reflecting mine. I wanted him then, desperately, wanted his strength,
his solidness like an anchor in this storm I’d put us all in.

“Jake...I love you, too.” It was
that simple. And in that moment, very clear.

Our hands worked feverishly then,
pulling at buttons and zippers, clothes dropping to the floor. I looked down,
watching Jake’s hands as they squeezed my breasts, sending waves of heat that
coalesced deep inside me, a resounding thump of arousal making me gasp with
pleasure.

“Oh, Jake...I’ve missed this.”

“I’ve missed this, too...and you, Abby.
It’s been so hard without you.” His mouth came down on mine again, all of our
pent up longing expressed in that kiss.

His body was pressed against mine,
his erection against my stomach, hard and insistent. I wrapped my fingers
around him, stroking him slowly as he thrust his hips forward against my hand.
I felt him moan against my mouth, the sound full of the longing I felt as well.

We moved together to the bed, not
letting go of each other. I felt the mattress against the backs of my legs, Jake
wrapping an arm around my back as he lowered me gently to the bed.

There was no hesitation between us
then. We moved together as one, our bodies melding, swirling together,
exploring each other as if for the first time, reveling in what seemed like
uncharted territory.

Finally Jake entered me, filling
me completely, sliding himself gently into my body. I accepted him the same
way, letting our bodies learn again what this coming together felt like.

He held himself still inside me,
both of us savoring the pleasure of just being together, of being connected
again. I watched his face, felt the emotion flowing between us, his eyes
mirrors of mine.

Jake began moving, slowly, the
delicious friction of him sliding against of me building to a rapid crescendo.
We were locked together, riding out the waves of passion and pleasure that
coursed through our bodies, coming together, sharing the experience until the
very end.

He held me then, wrapped in his
arms, against his chest. I fell deeply asleep listening to Jake breathing, to
the sound of his heartbeat, secure and safe.

I woke sometime during the night. Jake
was turned away from me, clutching a pillow to his chest. I watched him sleep,
the light from the moon casting silver shadows over his face.

Curled against his back, I felt
the gentle movement of his body in sleep. I slipped my arm around his chest,
sliding it beneath the pillow. In his sleep, he pushed the pillow away, holding
my hand, murmuring something that sounded like my name.

I drifted back to sleep, wondering
what I’d just done. I loved Jake. But was that enough.

––––––––

I
’d come back from a long-overdue
trip to the store late Saturday afternoon, laden with cat food and treats for
the Big Guy to try to quell the guilt I felt for ignoring the cat, to find a
message from Chase on my answering machine. He wanted to know how I was...and, as
usual, where I was...and would I call him.

I thought about it for a long
time. My skin still tingled from being with Jake, the memory of his body
against mine. My body’s response.

But there were things I needed to
know from Chase, questions I wanted answered. I felt like I was going into
battle. And I didn’t like that feeling.

The phone rang several times
before a breathless Chase answered.

“Did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Hell no, you could never catch me
at a bad time. Just got out of the shower. I’m naked, dripping water all over
the bedroom floor.”

In spite of myself, I pictured
Chase sans clothes, his skin glistening, hair damp. I closed my eyes, took a
deep breath and tried unsuccessfully to banish the image from my mind.

“I got your message.”  My
voice sounded breathy.

“I want to see you, but I wasn’t
sure if you wanted to see me. I’m trying to give you space here.” His voice was
low, that honeyed voice that did things to me.

“But I miss you, Abby. I miss you
very much.”

“I know.”

There was a pause and when Chase
spoke his voice had a different tone. There was an edge to it...the one that I’d
come to realize meant that he was angry.

“Stacy said you and she had a
little meeting. She wouldn’t tell me what you talked about, said she wasn’t
playing middle man in my affairs.” He made a sound that could have been a laugh
or sound of disgust.

“I’d like to know what you talked
about, if it concerns you and me.” His voice was tense.

“I want to see you, Chase. When?”
My voice was choked with emotion. I missed Chase, his warm smile, his arms
around me. I closed my eyes again, overcome with longing, and the confusion
that seemed a perpetual part of my life now.

 “You can come to the condo
right now. Stacy can handle the club tonight. You’re more important to me at
this point. You know that.”

––––––––

O
n the drive to Chase’s condo I
tried to get my emotions under control. I knew, if he touched me, all I’d want
to do would be to fall into that abyss with him, to try to forget the confusion
in my head and the pain in my heart by the sheer physical intensity of sex with
Chase.

Spending the night with Jake may
have been a mistake. I lost all objectivity, again, my emotions
tangled...cloudy...when sex got involved. It was so easy to forget one when I was
with the other. Each of them drew me, each in such vastly different ways, both
with a force I found hard to resist.

But I’m not cut out for this kind
of emotional tug of war. And neither man was willing to share me. Something had
to change; I had to make a decision.

Because deep down I knew neither
would wait forever for me to make my choice.

But I needed to see Chase, if for
no other reason than to see him one last time. I owed him that much.

Chase met me at the door, dressed
in jeans and a black t-shirt, his hair still damp. I longed to run my fingers
through his hair, feel his arms around me. He reached for me, but I moved away.

“No, Chase. Not yet.”

“Why? Can’t I even kiss you?” He
frowned at me.

“What the hell, Abby? Am I suddenly
a pariah?” He turned away, running his hands through his hair. He strode across
the living room, pacing in front of the windows, the lights of the city spread
out behind him.

I followed him hesitantly, aching
for his touch. Instead, I sat on one of the big cream sofas.

“Chase, please. Sit with me. I
want to talk.”

He stood for a moment, facing the
windows before sitting down next to me. He blew out a breath, turning to face
me.

“So it’s like this now? We’re
going to have a civilized conversation, you’re going to tell me we’re through
but we can still be friends?”

“Yes...I mean, no. Yes, we’re going
to have a civilized conversation; no, I didn’t come here to tell you we’re
through.” I shook my head.
Did I come here to tell him that?

“Please don’t make this harder
than it needs to be. I want to ask you a question and I want an honest answer.”

Chase raised an eyebrow. “I’ve
been honest with you. Ask anything you want; I’ve got nothing left to hide.”

I took a deep breath. “Have you
been seeing other women while you were with me? I mean, after the first time at
the club?”

Chase’s mouth was a thin, tight
line. I knew he was angry but there was no stopping me now.

“Stacy said you’d have a different
woman at the club every night.”

“It’s interesting what Stacy decides
to say these days.” He passed a hand over his eyes.

“Yes, Abby. There have been other
women. There were others after you came to the club with Jake, after you came
back by yourself...there have been a lot of women.”

His eyes were intense, focused on
mine. “But not since the weekend we went to Paradise Ranch...not since the night
I told you I wanted you with me.”

He spread his hands on his thighs.
“You think I’ve been cheating on you? Is that where this is headed?”

“I don’t know, Chase. I’m trying
to find answers. I’m so confused. And it’s hard.”

I took a deep breath. “You didn’t
think I should know? Or you just didn’t want to tell me?”

His sudden laughter caught me off
guard. “Abby, I’m trying real hard to be patient here. But considering the
situation, you’re going to cross a line with me.”

Chase stood, pacing again. “You
were seeing Jake while you were seeing me, remember? I don’t think there’s
really any difference in our situations, do you?”

I frowned up at him, a tiny flame
of anger blossoming in my chest. “Yes, I do. I wasn’t in a relationship with Jake,
he is...
was
...my Dom. You knew that. And that’s different. But you called me
...just like you’d have called any other woman who caught your eye at the club.
Isn’t that how it happens?”

He shook his head. “Don’t
attribute thoughts to me that I didn’t have. Don’t think for me, Abby, ever.

“I called you for one reason. I
was...fascinated...obsessed, I guess, with you, from the moment I saw you. And what
happened between us during that session at the club, well, if it was intense
for you, think what it was like for me.”

I frowned. Chase had told me in
great detail how intense it had been for him, binding me in the soft white
ropes, tying the intricate knots, how much he had enjoyed that part of our
session. But he’d never told me anything beyond that, about how the session
ended, about having sex. And that night, I had been so focused on Jake after
the session, and so exhausted, I hadn’t registered anything else.

He stopped pacing, standing in
front of me. I looked up at him, saw he was breathing hard.

“Abby, do you know what it was
like, being there with you, knowing that I was the one who made it possible for
you to experience all that? I don’t say that to brag, but I do say it as the
humble guy who seemed to get it all right for you, to send you someplace I
wished I could have followed. As a Dom, it was the most intense session I’d
ever had. It’s what that type of relationship is all about...giving someone so
much in return for what they give me.”

Chase crouched down in from of me,
taking my hands.

“As a man, experiencing that with
a beautiful woman...with you, Abby, it was beyond description. From that moment,
I knew I wanted you.”