Summer I Found You (21 page)

I miss Kate. That really complicates things.

“Thanks for not leaving.” Melinda still blots around her eyes. “Sorry about this.” She fans her face a few times. “It’s been long enough that I know I won’t cry like this forever, but I still cry like this a lot.”

“I’m sorry. About everything. I…”

“Connelly.” Her hand touches my shoulder as we sit down. “It happened. I’m glad he was next to you. That he was working with someone he looked up to…”

I shake my head. “He was my sergeant, and I…”

“And he talked about you in almost every letter. How smart you were, how he couldn’t believe you weren’t a college guy, an officer. He was glad to have you.”

I don’t even know what to think about what she’s telling me. It doesn’t feel like something that’s real. It feels like something she came up with to make me feel better.

“So, what are you going to do with yourself ?” she asks.

“Going to college. I might be a teacher, I think.” It’s insane to hear myself say the words out loud, but the longer I carry the decision, the better it feels.

Her bright smile widens. “So, you’ll be a college boy after all then?”

“Guess so.”

“And you’re still in touch with the guys, right?” Her voice is quiet.

“Spent some time with Roberts, and we’re going to get together again soon.” We’ve at least talked since I walked away from him in the store.

“How’s life going aside from all your new decision making?”

“I’m alive, and it’s hard to be grateful for that one, simple thing when I feel like the wrong guy died.” I’ve never said this out loud before. I’ve thought it in a million different ways.

Melinda looks almost confused for a moment. She sucks in a few breaths, probably trying not to cry, and this is where I want to walk away, but my body won’t move.

“I could lie to you, and tell you I’m glad it was you who survived. But now that I see you here, and now that I know he’s gone. Really, really, gone. I’m so glad you survived it, Connelly. You’ll get to have the life he didn’t.” Her voice breaks again and a few tears escape.

“I’m sorry.”

“A lot of people are sorry.” She stares at her lap for a moment, and I’m sure I’m a jerk for wanting to take off and get out of here, but I don’t know how much more I can take.

I lean forward to rest my elbows on my knees, but I only have one elbow, so I sit back up.

“You have a girl?” she asks.

Everyone’s with the same question
s—How’s life with one arm? What are you doing with yourself? Got a girl?

“I…I don’t know.” But all I can see is Kate’s smile. Hear her making some random comment about my hand, instead of hands. Or how she helped me drive my car again before I sold it. And Kate, so sure of herself taking off her shirt. Taking off my pants. Her hands. Her crying face when I walked out of the hospital.

“You do have a girl.” Melinda pinches my cheek. “I’m glad.”

We sit in silence for a few more moments. I’m not sure how to leave, or if I should stay or what happens now.

“It’s a lot, isn’t it?” She doesn’t even have to explain that one.

“Yeah.” I stare at my legs. She’s doing the same.

“I don’t want you to stay away, okay? Even though I’ll probably cry again next time you come.”

“Okay.” I stand up. Good enough. That’s enough of an invitation for me to go. “Thanks, Connelly.” Her arms come around me. “Good to see you. Next time bring the girl.”

She doesn’t look at me again, just turns and walks back into her house.

I turn and make my way down to the car in front of the house I’ve driven by way too many times. Now I’ll be stopping in.

Like Melinda said, the sadness won’t last forever.

And that’s huge.

I
SIT IN THE EMPTY
hallway after school waiting for Jen—kind of a habit for a best friend of an overachiever. My last two days before I get my insulin pump. It feels like my last two days of freedom, even though my new doc assured me I’ll feel loads better, and I won’t be chained to my pharmaceutical bag.

Shelton appears next to me.

“Hey.” I look up.

“Can I sit?”

I shrug and he slides to sitting. “How are things?”

“Do I look that bad?”

“A little.” A corner of his mouth pulls up, and there’s enough of the friend there that I know we’ll talk. I’ll talk.

“Just. Sometimes everything falls apart at once, you know?” And I’m slowly putting it back together, but it’s taking a freaking eternity. Or maybe it feels like an eternity because I haven’t talked to Aidan in over a week.

“Sorry, Kate.” And he sounds it. It’s not his condescending adult voice, or an I-told-you-so kind of voice.

“Thanks.” I push out a breath. “I’m going to try out the insulin pump for a while.”

“Big deal for you.”

“I’m kind of sick just thinking about it.” I clutch my stomach.

“Really?”

“You know how I am about needles.” I roll my eyes.

He does this weird little half-snort, half-chuckle. “Yeah. I know. But it’s not really a needle, it’s a—”

“I know.” And I don’t want to think about that either.

“And you won’t be pricking your finger all the time and giving yourself shots. I bet it’ll be good once you give it a chance.”

He’s just being so normal and nice.

“Sorry I was snotty after our breakup.”

“Sorry I wasn’t smarter about the way I did it.” His dark eyes are on me. “And Jen told me what happened with Aidan. As weird as it was, I’m sorry about that too.”

“Thanks.”

We sit in silence for a minute, and Shelton’s right. We’re friends. There’s no fiery tingling when he sits next to me. He’s just comfortable.

“Tamara and I split.”

“I saw her crying.”

He closes his eyes. “In the long run, I knew we’d end up being friends instead of being together. I could feel us heading there, and I was okay with that. But once we split, I didn’t like the idea of being alone. I knew she liked me. It really wasn’t fair to her.”

“So, not the best reason to start dating someone else.” And part of me would love to hear Shelton agree with me. Tell me I’m right.

“Well, you jumped right into a relationship.”

Yeah, it was a long shot to think he’d admit to being wrong. He also makes an annoyingly good point.

“Because Aidan gets me.” And Shelton doesn’t, but I leave that out. And my words hit me again.
He gets me
.

“Sorry, Kate.” He lets out a breath—resignation. “We’ll stay in touch right? And it won’t be weird?”

“I’ll watch you conquer the world after you graduate college,” I tease with narrowed eyes.

He kisses my head, and chuckles. “We’ll see.”

We’ll see…we’ll see…right now that seems to be the mantra for my entire life.

“Kate. You’re all hooked up.” My new doc grins wide.

Deena was right. Dr. Morris, the awesome ER doctor from the hospital, works in my regular doctor’s office a day or two a week. I chose her and it feels great.

“Don’t smile.” I try to frown. “I may not be sticking myself with needles, but I think I deserve the break after that huge one you just used.”

“Only to get your cannula in.” She shakes her head. “Your frown is not going to bother me, Kate.”

There’s a flat, round band-aid holding the small cannula in my skin. It’s weird, having this tiny box sort of connected to me.

“Your pump is wired with Bluetooth so we can monitor you.”

“I know.” I push out a breath—the irritated kind.

Mom and Dad are thrilled.

“You still need to eat like you’re counting carbs and insulin amounts and all that.” Her voice is smooth and doesn’t sound like a parent lecture. This is the biggest improvement from my last doctor.

I’m still staring at the small pink box. Did someone think a girl would suddenly think it’s cool because it’s pink? Or is it just to lessen the blow?

I’m embarrassed to admit that the pink does make me smile. A little.

“And we’ll talk about the flex one if this works out. But this one you can detach when you need to.”

“But you’ll know.” My eyes meet hers. The Bluetooth thing and all that.

“We’ll know. But I’m not your parent. And I’m not your principal. I can only help you be healthy if you work toward being healthy.”

And the rest is up to me. No one has to say it. “Thanks.”

“Yep.” She shakes my hand. “I know your parents still want to be involved here, so here’s your stack of paperwork and information they’ll want to have, okay?” She hands over a large envelope.

“Okay.” And it might be difficult of me, but it feels good to be the only one in the room with my doctor. I came in and did this on my own.

“Kate!” Mom jumps to standing when I step into the waiting room.

Okay. So there was no keeping them at
home
, but still. Baby steps for all of us I guess.

“That’s not so bad.” Dad points to the small pink box clipped onto my jeans.

“It could be worse.” And that’s as far as I’m willing to go right now.

And it still hits me.

Forever.

It doesn’t seem so overwhelming anymore. I think it’s because I’m taking control. I have my own doctor and my own notebook for my food journal. There are still some things my body’s going to have a hard time adjusting to, so I’m looking out for those. But the point is that I’m doing it.

None of it’s perfect, but it’s all huge steps in the right direction. Now I have to find a way to get Aidan close enough so we can talk. I really want us to be talking, especially when I’m getting the rest of my life together.

T
HIS TIME AROUND,
I’m going to be extra careful and do things right. I’ve been in the waiting room of Kate’s dad’s office for an hour. Dr. Walker. It feels a bit foreign, but good. Like I’m doing a good thing. Except now I have to find the words to apologize to her dad because not only did I yell at his daughter while she was in the hospital, but I’m sure a let a few f-bombs slip, and then I disappeared.

Kate’s calls should have been enough of a sign that I needed to talk to her, but over the last couple weeks, I feel like I’ve finally gotten on top of everything, and that’s huge.

“You can come on back.” The nurse waves and I leap to standing, following her through the door.

“Aidan.” Kate’s dad steps back as he opens his office door.

“I’d like a minute, if you have it.” I resist the urge to stuff my hand in my pocket and don’t fidget.

“I’m finished for the day.” He gestures for me to step in.

“I know. I waited.” I sit in a small chair as he walks around his desk and sits in his large leather chair.

“What can I do for you?” he asks.

“Well…uh, this seemed like a really good idea a few minutes ago.” I chuckle. “I just wanted to apologize.”

“For?”

“I sorta lost it at the hospital. I didn’t mean to yell like that. I was scared. She didn’t tell me, you know, about her diabetes, and she passed out, and I didn’t know what was going on…”

He holds his hand up between us. “I wanted to wring your neck at the time, but that night was a big turning point for her.”

“Oh.” He’s not attacking me, or telling me to keep the hell away from his daughter, so this is already going a little better than I expected.

“And I think I owe you a thank-you for helping to drill into her what we’ve been trying to get her to see for over a year.” He leans his elbows on the desk between us.

Not at all what I was expecting. “Oh.”

“I wish it would have come about in a different way, but she’s going to be okay. Healthy. Because she’s finally working toward it.” Dr. Walker’s eyes are the same brown as his daughters’, and the similarities in their features make me miss her more.

I sit silent for a moment.

He lets out an odd sort of breath like he’s trying to decide what to say. “I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever you two have or don’t have going on, but it would be really nice if you could take the time to call her.”

“So, that’s what I should be here to apologize for.”

“You didn’t need to come at all, but I’m glad you did.”

“I really like her. A lot.” I can’t believe this is coming out of my mouth. It’s like rule number one:
Don’t tell the dad you’re falling for his daughter. She’ll never be able to leave the house.
But I can’t help it. “I guess I want you to know where I stand. There was a lot of stuff I had to sort out, and I did. I’m going to school to be a high school teacher. I start this fall. It’s something I’m excited about, and it took me a while to find that.” Each time I say it out loud, it becomes a little more real, and like something I’m actually going to do.

He nods.

“I’d like to come by tonight or tomorrow to see her, if that’s okay with you.”

He smiles and leans toward me over the desk. “I have another idea.”

“K
ATE!” DAD CALLS DOWN
the hallway. “We have to leave in ten!”

“I’ll be there in a minute!” It’s my eighteenth birthday. I
have
to look good. Deena and I always have a party with friends at some point in time, but Mom and Dad have always done the dinner out thing. Always. No friends. Just family.

There were years when I didn’t like it so much, and years like this year where I can’t wait.

After Deena’s letter to Lane, he drove straight here. They’ve been attached ever since. And because they’re married, he gets to come to dinner. It’s cool. Deena needs him close right now anyway.

I strut down the hall in my new black dress and heels feeling amazing. My insulin pump is practically flat against me in a tiny pocket Deena sewed in, and no one not looking for it would ever notice. No checking before we go. No double-checking for insulin and shots in my bag.

“You look so grown up.” Mom’s chin gets all frowny as I hit the living room.

“You’re funny, Mom.” I kiss her cheek, kiss the cheek of my very stunned dad, and grin at Deena who gives me a thumb’s up.

I pick up my tiny clutch, instead of my monster purse, when there’s a knock at the door.

“Would you get that, Kate?” Dad asks.