Summer I Found You (14 page)

“Are you um…?” I’m desperately trying to hold in my smile, because of course Shelton would want to know about Aidan. He’s always liked being

in on the details of people. “Dating that guy?” Kate’s mom glances at me and then walks from the room. She’s always been really awesome at giving us our privacy. My parents could totally learn a lesson or two from them. “
That guy
is Aidan. He’s Jen’s cousin, and—”

“I know who he is.” Shelton shakes his head in impatience. Right. I’m already annoyed.

“Oh. Sorry. So you called him
that guy
for a reason?” Shelton rolls his eyes like a parent. Like we both know what he’s talking about and I’m being juvenile. “We’ve gone out a few times.” I nod. “He’s not. I mean, he’s not the kind of guy I figured you’d go for.” I laugh. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? “Kate? Pizza’s here!” Aidan steps in the front door and almost runs into Shelton. His eyes go from me to Shelton and back to me a few times. This is all about as perfectly awkward as anyone would imagine, and I’m ready for it to be over.

“Thanks.” I step around Shelton while trying on my best sympathetic smile—the one he’s been giving me since Tamara. “We’ll see you later.”

The door closes behind us.

“You okay in there?” Aidan whispers.

“Totally fine, but I’m glad you stepped in anyway.” I wrap my arm around his waist and lean in and the beginnings of nervous anticipation about our night slide in.

Aidan kisses the side of my head, pulling me toward him. Okay. Aidan. I can do this. Whatever
this
is. Better. Much, much, better.

Toby and Jen forgot that we usually actually watch the first movie, and they’re all over each other on the other side of the enormous sectional. She wasn’t kidding when she said something about them being close to going all the way. Okay. So they are sort of watching the movie. But then he’ll kiss her or she’ll kiss him, and I’m trying not to look, but come
on
.

I’m not sure what to do. I mean, kissing Aidan is awesome, but I’m lying in the crook of his arm and that’s awesome too. Also, it suddenly feels too personal to kiss him like that in front of them. And it’s not that I never kissed Shelton in front of Toby and Jen, it’s that I never lost control while kissing Shelton, and I’m not certain I could kiss Aidan without losing control.

I have no idea what the movie’s about because I can’t pay attention with Jen and Toby making out on the end of the couch.

I’m leaning against Aidan, whose warmth is pushing into me and spinning my brain into a place I don’t remember it being before. One that makes me feel a bit like a guy because I’m thinking about him the way I think most guys think about girls.
What can I touch? How do we start? When can we kiss without it being forced or weird?

“You wanna go for a walk?” I whisper.

“Yes.” He breathes out this huge sigh of relief and immediately stands.

Jen starts and half jumps away from Toby, wiping her mouth. Hysterical.

“We’re going for a walk. You two have an hour. We’ll knock before we come in.” Aidan smirks as he holds the door open for me.

He takes my hand as we hit the bottom of the stairs.

“Hi.” I squeeze his hand in mine.

“Hi.” His smile is warm and complete.

“It’s just been…”

“Awkward?” he suggests.

“Yes. With Shelton asking about you, and Jen and Toby…”

“Good thing she’s not my sister or I’d have to kick his ass.” Aidan chuckles.

I look up at his straight jaw line and blue eyes, wanting to kiss him like I did when he held me at the parking lot of my school.

He glances over his shoulder. “I think we’re out of sight of the house, now.”

“Wha—”

But I don’t get to finish before his lips are on mine. Soft enough to turn me to mush and then hard enough to tighten my whole body in response.

His hand rests firmly on my lower back, holding us together. There’s a tingle of desperation in his kiss that makes my arms pull on him harder.

“Wow.” I breathe out as his lips leave mine.

“Yeah, wow.” He rests his arm over my shoulder, and I lean into him as we start walking again.

“Thanks for getting out of there.” It feels good to be alone with him.

“It’s hard. Only having one hand. Like I kiss you and I want to hold you and touch you, and I can’t. Like I can only touch you in one place at a time.”

“No.” I shake my head and stop. Aidan stops with me.

His arm slides down and I take his hand.

“I’m in AP Biology. Just by holding hands we’re touching in millions or trillions of tiny little places.” I step closer. Maybe that thought should creep me out, but it doesn’t—not when thinking about Aidan. Though, he might think I’m a total weirdo for bringing this up.

“And how about now?” He steps in until our stomach, chest, and legs all touch.

“Even more places.” But I’m breathless again, and his lips are soft, and then he chuckles.

“You. Kate. Are very distracting.”

And he is too. In such a good way. “You make this easy,” I say as we start to walk again.

“What?”

“Being with you is easy.” Which is exactly opposite of everything else I’m dealing with.

“Good. I mean, it is for me too, and I have a lot going on right now.”

“You must.” I really want to know more about him. I want to know about the way he grew up and why he joined the military and what he wants to do with his life.

Our eyes catch, and I know he knows I’m asking him without asking.

“Starting college, not having any idea what I want to do. My unit comes home from Afghanistan any day now, and I haven’t checked my email because I don’t want to know when they come home because I’m not sure I want to see them.”

“Why not?”

“Because they get to keep doing it.” His jaw flexes, highlighting everything I find sexy about his face, but it also sends a pang of sadness through me to see the frustration.

“You really wanted to be a soldier.” Everyone I know that signed up did it for the medical (pregnant girlfriend/wife) or for school, or because they had nothing else going for them. But Aidan really wanted it. It’s crushing really. Not only did he lose his arm but also his job.

He nods. Then he tells me about his dad dying so young, and about joining the military not long after his mom got married again. He talks about how crazy her life is with the kids and how lost he sometimes feels.

All of the surface stuff I’ve been feeling for him digs deeper, and this isn’t just flirtation and wanting to touch more of him. This is real. I open my mouth to say something about my diabetes, but I’m not ready to lose him as someone who doesn’t know.

“Sorry, I guess I dumped a lot on you.” A corner of his mouth pulls up, and I notice that as his hair’s gotten slightly longer, there’s also a small amount of curl in there. It’s more noticeable just above his ears. “I totally didn’t mean to.”

“No, it’s okay. Totally okay.” We stop in the street. “I like knowing you better.”

“And what about Kate?” He kisses my forehead.

“I…” And I almost do it. I almost talk to him about lying in the hospital after passing out in school not having any idea why I’d been so exhausted. How out of control of my life I feel, but how I can’t take control of it. But just because I loved hearing about him, doesn’t mean that he’d love hearing about me.

“Normal boring teenage stuff.” I shrug. “My sister is having a hard time with her pregnancy and my parents are over-protective, and I have no idea what I want to do in college.”
And I’m totally falling for you.

“Well, that makes two of us.” He smiles again and kisses me, and as his lips touch mine, I realize that one of the reasons it’s less scary to be close to him is that he’s done all of this before. He may fumble a bit because he’s not used to having one arm, but he’s been with girls before. Has to have. And he kisses and holds me with more confidence and wanting than anyone’s ever kissed me before.

His arm wraps around me tighter, and our kiss deepens making me push my body harder against him.

We could. I could. He wouldn’t even have to know it was my first time, and it wouldn’t be some huge deal, it would be him and me, and
wow
. I could actually do it. It’s a little scary, but doable. Going all the way didn’t feel like it was even in the realm of near future for me until now.

“I think their time’s up,” he whispers.

“Agreed.”

We don’t talk much on the way back. I lean into the warmth of him and we stop to kiss once in a while, but every time we do both of us get so caught up in each other that we’re out of breath by the time we get moving again.

We open the door to see Toby and Jen standing on the other side.

“I’m going to walk Toby home,” Jen says as she gives her shirt a tug.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” I let my eyes meet hers so she’ll maybe catch on that I’d rather not be disturbed, even though the thought of it sends these nervous flutters through me.

Her brows go up a bit. “See you in the morning.”

And then they leave. Us. Alone.

I don’t even wait for an awkward pause. I turn from the door and kiss Aidan with everything I have. He answers back, nearly picking me up off the ground as his arm wraps tightly around my lower back.

“Can we go to your room?” I can’t believe I said that.

He laughs. “Let me try something.”

Before I can react I’m over his shoulder, his arm holding me firmly in place.

“Aidan!” I laugh and hit his back.

“Your idea, Kate.”

He’s still grinning when he sets me down, but now we’re in
his room
. The only light filters through the white blinds.

I suck in a breath because everything’s different but the same because it’s still him and it’s still me. Whatever movie’s playing filters in, but I can’t make out words. Its just noise that doesn’t matter.

“You’re amazing. You feel amazing.” He leans in slowly, and kisses my cheek.

I’m holding my breath. “I’m totally average. I’m always just trying to keep up or catch up or something.”

“Kate.” His lips nearly touch mine as he talks. “There is nothing,
nothing
average about you.”

It’s simple, but probably one of the best compliments I’ve gotten in my life. I move my hands up his chest and around his neck, but then I slide them down, unsure if I should run my hand over where his arm used to be. Is that okay? Would it make him uncomfortable? Would it hurt?

“Can I see your arm?” I ask.

Instead of answering, he pulls his T-shirt over his head and drops it to the floor, and I forget to look at where his arm used to be. I’m looking at his chest, his tight abs, his back, and whoa, wow. Shelton’s toned, sort of. He’s thin, but Aidan’s built like…I guess he’s built like a man. Different. Nervous tingles hit me in the pit of my stomach. A man. Older, more experience in life, I’m sure in love, in everything.

“That bad?” he asks.

“I wasn’t looking at your arm.” Stupid,
stupid
lack of filter!

“Are you checking me out, Kate?” he teases.

But I don’t have it in me to tease. Not right now. I run my hand over his chest, down his stomach and even have the guts to slide my fingertips into the front of his jeans.

“Hmm.” The deepness of his voice vibrates through me.

I tug on his waistband as I back up. When I sit on his bed, he sits next to me. Close enough that the warmth of his body hits me in millions and billions of little places.

His shoulder is covered in welted red scars, but doesn’t look as strange as I thought it would. There are tiny marks down his side to the top of his jeans, and also up his neck and under his ear.

I can feel his pulse quicken, and his eyes are almost wary as he watches me. Maybe he’s worried about what I’ll think. What I see.

“Is it…?” He shakes his head once, and I’m realizing that Aidan does head-shakes like my dad does breathe-outs. This one makes him seem uncertain. “Is my arm weird? I mean. Is it—?”

“It’s fine. Good.” I’m not making sense, and I don’t mean to, but my fingers are on him, tracing the scarring, wondering what it would be like to be part of something so insane. So real.

“How did it happen?” The words just come out.

“Walking on perimeter patrol. Doing nothing. They hid it well. Pilot took the worst of it.” His voice is quieter than a whisper.

“What happened to him?” And again, once the words are out I realize how stupid I am for asking him.

“Torn apart. They couldn’t put him back together. He was my sergeant.”

I don’t know what it means for Pilot to be his sergeant, but it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that he was next to someone who died. I rest my two hands on his bare shoulder and see the sadness—though that word doesn’t begin to describe what’s on his face. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” His fingers start to trace around on my shoulder and arm, sending shivers through me.

I lean forward and kiss his shoulder, as close to the scarring as I dare because I’m part uncomfortable, and I think he is too. My lips touch the red marks on his collarbone, and then his neck, and then without thinking I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. It should be dark enough to hide any tiny bits of bruising from my shots.

Now I’m sitting here. Bra. No shirt. In front of Aidan, and I’m not nervous at all. Okay. I’m terrified, but I want it way more than I’m scared. He seems a lot more exposed than I feel—the stump of his arm so visible. His experiences hanging between us.

His eyes are on mine. “Are you sure you—?”

“I felt overdressed.” I try to make my voice teasing, but this is all too close for that, and I’m sure made me sound weird.

“Maybe I’ll drop my pants next.” His voice is uncertain, but there’s a hint of question.

“Maybe I’ll drop mine,” I say completely breathless. Okay, so there are definitely nerves, but I trust him. I think about what he shared with me on our walk, and how I feel when we touch. Now I’m thinking how much better this is because we didn’t plan it or anything. We’re here, and I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen.

His hand cups my face and he gently brings our foreheads together. “The second you say pause, we pause or we stop.”