Summer I Found You (10 page)

And she is looking at it the way I hoped she would—like she’s impressed.

I sit back in the passenger’s seat and close the door. It’s actually nice being in the passenger’s seat because my missing arm is less noticeable from here. Not that either of us forgets; it’s just nice when it’s not completely out there. I look normal from her side anyway.

“I don’t get the big deal,” she says as she buckles in. “You’ve driven me before, and I’m always driving with one hand. I’m drinking a soda, eating a sandwich, texting…”

“You can’t text and drive.” I can’t take my eyes off of her. She’s pretty, funny, wants to be here with me, and it’s still sort of surprising.

“You can if you have two hands instead of one.” She gives me another smile, but her face sort of freezes like it does when she’s worried she’s gone too far.

“That was low.” I lean toward her, and my hand twitches thinking about touching her hair, or her tiny chin. I’m pathetic, and probably shouldn’t have accepted her invitation. At the same time I’m glad that Jen took her brother so Kate and I are alone.

She shakes her head. “Sorry. It’s like I’m missing that filter of—
hey, this is something you shouldn’t say
.”

“It’s cool. At least I’ll know where I stand with you.” I definitely need that.

“Yes. You probably will.” Only her face changes making me think she’s thinking something else.

She puts the key in the ignition and takes a quick look down. “I don’t know how to drive a stick.”

Perfect. “So, even with your two arms, you can’t drive a standard? I thought you could text and drive,” I tease.

“I can, but this…I mean, I’ll ruin your car. I don’t know what to do.” Her eyes are wide as she shakes her head. “I really should have put that together. I mean, it didn’t make any sense that you could drive your uncle’s car and not this one.”

“You’re smart. You can figure it out.” I taught Will. Surely I can teach her too. It’s not the same as driving it myself, but I put an ad on craigslist, and I want to take another drive in my car before it’s gone.

“I…What do I do?”

I start to explain about shifting, and the clutch and the gas when she gets out of the car.

“What?” I crack my door as she comes around to my side. The other cars are gone. I don’t want our night ruined, just because she’s afraid to drive my car. This is the kind of ridiculous girl thing I didn’t want to deal with.

“You’re driving. I’m not doing it.” Her eyes don’t find mine and she doesn’t slow as she comes to the passenger’s side door.

My frustration over not being able to drive my car turns to anger. “I can’t drive the damn thing!” I push to standing already breathing hard. “I’ve tried! The stick and the steering wheel are too far apart! I can’t even make a turn!”

She puts a hand on my chest, almost like she’s going to push me away. Not bothered at all by my yelling. “I’ll shift. You do the whole clutch, gas, steer thing.”

I open my mouth to argue, but I suddenly feel pretty dumb for not thinking about it earlier. And I’m completely distracted by how her hand feels on my chest. As her hand slides down, her eyes follow, and I want for her to have wanted to touch me way more than I should.

All I hear is my breathing and I’m still staring at her hand, which is now nearly to the top of my jeans.

She drops her arm, and steps around me leaving me feeling very on edge, and maybe a bit like I want her to touch me that way again. I go around the front of the car and climb into the driver’s seat—still feeling the heat from her touch. I have no idea if I’m thrilled or terrified that I said yes to going with her tonight. Kate isn’t like Georgia, my Air Force girl. It wouldn’t be a hook-up once in a while kind of thing. Nerves start to press in.

I settle into the seat, and the car takes over my thoughts. I love this car. I run my hand over the top of the steering wheel a few times.

“When you’re done fondling your vehicle, I need you to show me how to shift.”

I chuckle, and turn as sideways as I can, pushing the clutch in with my left foot.

“Put your hand on the shift.”

She does. Her hair falls over her face a bit as she looks down, but I can still make out her dark eyes staring in concentration.

“Now you just follow the map on the top, you’ll feel a bump and then you’re in neutral, pull it back farther and you’ll be in second.”

She pulls down and the shifter goes slack in neutral.

“Now what?” Her eyes are still focused on her hand.

“Pull back more and you’ll slide into second.”

She concentrates for a few moments, and jerks, but nothing happens. I scoot even farther sideways to put my left hand over hers. Our eyes catch. Okay. Breathe. This is just a girl. No big deal.

“Okay, first.” I move our hands into first. “Second.” I move our hands again. We go through all the gears a few times. My hand on hers. Me trying to keep my heart beating normal, trying to force my chest to relax. This is crazy. I’m just touching her hand.

“You ready?” I take mine back. Kate is not a good idea. At all. Nothing that makes me feel this much is a good idea.

“Sure.”

I push in the clutch and start the car. This engine doesn’t purr, it growls. I’m really going to miss this car. “Okay reverse…
now
,” I say as I push in the clutch.

Kate’s got it. Easy.

We back onto the roadway. “First…
now
.”

Again she has it perfect, and she smiles wide as the car moves forward. I hit the gas, hard, then clutch. “Second,
now
.” And we’re flying. Every time I let myself look over at her, shiny, short hair blowing in the wind, her grin fills her face. She’s loving this almost as much as I am. We’re weaving up through a canyon now, heading to a high school party I let myself get talked into. But I don’t care where we’re going because I’m in my car, which means I’m already right where I want to be.

We’re doing about seventy-five, and I’m loving every second of it.

“Get ready to shift down,” I say.

“But you’re going too fast.”

“Third,
now
.” I stuff my foot onto the clutch and she does as I asked. The car screeches around the corner.

Kate screams, but it’s followed by a laugh, and I realize she’s driving with a one-armed guy, through a narrow canyon, shifting without question. Not only is she a pretty cool girl, she also trusts me—I don’t know if I’ve ever had that with a girl before.

“It’s up here.” She points only briefly and then both her hands go back to the stick. “See the lights?”

And I can’t really miss it. The house has yard lights that glow off the hillside and trail down to the road. Kate shifts down for me a few times as I direct, completely unquestioning as we pull up the huge parking lot/driveway with a view of the river below.

The house looks like a massive log cabin. Massive. Two stories or more. Huge windows. Enormous logs.

“You’re here!” Jen waves, her eyes on me instead of on Kate. “Will’s puking his guts out in the backyard. Can you go check on him?”

My stomach sinks. I don’t want to play babysitter to my cousin. Not tonight.

Kate’s eyes find mine, but I swear something’s different. She’s looking at me different, really taking me in. The same way I’ve been taking her in since she showed up tonight.

“I’ll meet you inside. He’s your cousin, so you have that whole family obligation thing going on.” She winks, climbs out, and follows Jen in through the basement door.

Now I get to go find Will, although I have no idea how he got to puking drunk that fast.

I wander around the side of the large house, and see Will stumbling toward a small bench.

“You’re a pathetic specimen, man,” I tease as Will finally gets to sitting.

“I know,” he croaks. “It was the final two shots. They hit my stomach hard.” Will’s the perfect example of why I’ve never been much of a drinker. Probably he normally isn’t either—making his problems tonight even worse.

I half prop him up, his arm wrapped around a decorative rock, which he’s now clutching like his life depends on it. I sit and lean back on the bench in front of the log cabin/mansion and take in the view. The winding river is incredible from here. I can see miles down the canyon. Will’s breathing has steadied a bit, so I’m thinking he might be past the puking. Now I feel kind of bad because I came with Kate, and I’ve been sitting outside with my cousin for probably close to an hour.

But it shouldn’t matter. It’s not like we’re
together
, together. She’s just cool. Like making it so I could drive my own car. The porch is pretty full, but I scan the faces anyway. And there’s Kate. Wide, brown eyes right on me. It hits me hard, leaving an aftershock of tingling.

No one in my position should even be thinking about being with a girl. Not the way I’m thinking about her. The way that makes me want to have the warmth of her pressed against me, her lips on mine, and her mouth on my neck.

Okay. Deep breaths. I shouldn’t be doing this right now.

She gives me a small wave, and I stare. Like a moron. She spins around and walks back inside.

“You okay?” I ask Will, suddenly desperate to know what Kate’s thinking.

“Okay,” he whispers, readjusting his grip on the rock. “Jen and Toby are giving me a ride home. I’m good. I’m just going to stay out here…where it’s cool.”

Right. Good. I jog to the downstairs door and go inside. If I thought the music was loud from the backyard, it’s nothing compared to how it is now. Not even good music either, some hip-hop or pop or whatever. Not my thing. I scan for Kate and try not to notice if or how anyone’s looking at me. I side step around a pool table that’s hovered around by a pretty big group. Pool is another thing I can’t do anymore. Or, at least I haven’t figured out how to yet. When I hit the top of the stairs, she’s not up here either.

“Where’s Shelton?” Toby asks someone in the kitchen.

Right. The other reason I need to leave Kate alone.

Whoever’s standing in front of the fridge laughs. “He and Tamara went in search of a room…”

Okay then. Maybe that’s why Kate’s not around. Half of me feels bad for her and the other half wants to scream that she could do so much better.

What, like you?

I don’t even want to be involved with anyone, I tell myself.

Not even Kate?

Especially not Kate. I like her too much to bring her into my mess.

“Did you come here with Kate?” Shelton folds his arms over his chest trying to look tougher than he is I’d guess.

“Yeah.” But how do I play this? I mean, I like Kate, but I’m pretty sure she still likes him. “I’m Jen’s cousin.”

His eyes float to where my arm should be—everyone’s do—and he continues to look at me. “Are you two…” he trails off, hoping maybe that I’ll pick up and answer his question without him having to ask.

“Am I correct in that
you
dumped
her
?” I smile a little, hoping that’ll diffuse some of the tension in my voice.

“Well—”

“And a guy would have to be a moron not to like Kate.” I figure this shows where I stand without giving too much away.

“Shelton?” A too-skinny blond comes around the corner in the hallway.

“Gotta run. Nice meeting you.” And then I spin around purposefully leaving out my name. This way he’ll have to ask her about me if he wants to know. Or maybe he’ll be sneaky and ask Jen. And
this
is why I should not be involved with a high school girl. I’ve already stooped to playing games.

After spending another ten minutes or so wandering the house of obnoxious people, and no luck finding Kate, I decide to get some air.

The second I hit the driveway I see the top of her head, in the backseat of my car, staring at the sky. I stand and watch her for a minute. Easily prettier than any girl I’ve ever been with. She comes from this smart, good family. I still don’t know how to be with a girl only having one arm—and maybe she’s more bothered by my loss of an arm than she seems to be. Maybe she really thinks of us as just friends, so this worrying is for nothing.

Okay, Aidan. This is where you go back inside, and pretend you didn’t see her out here.

But I’m walking toward her anyway—like I’m being pulled. I climb in and sit next to her in the backseat.

“Hey,” she says, letting her wide eyes find mine.

“Hey.” I slide down until our faces are level—both of us slouched.

“I just…I don’t know. It’s loud, and I know those people. I mean, they’re my friends, but…”

I want to ask her about Shelton. Really want to ask her. But it might fall under things you just don’t ask people. Though she asks me that stuff all the time.

“Are you out here because of Shelton?”

She giggles. “No. I mean, I don’t know. At this point I’m more disappointed in him than anything else. And did you see what he was wearing? It’s like he was headed to some political rally or something filled with over-achieving college students, not AJ’s yearly birthday party.”

“Yeah.” I slide lower and now our faces are close. Way too close.
Not a good idea. Not a good idea
. My eyes float down her face. Down her high cheekbones, pink lips. And I want her closer, but I don’t get Kate. Shouldn’t want Kate. We’re both in a weird place right now. Me because I lost my career and her…well, she just lost her boyfriend. Maybe none of it is worth worrying about.

She lets out a little sigh that sounds more like contentment than anything else.

I stop thinking and lean toward her until our lips are together. It’s been too long. Way too long. Her lips are warm and soft, and all it does is make me want more. Crave it.

She kisses me back, opening her mouth, deepening our kiss. I’m shocked she does it, but it feels good to feel wanted like this. Way better than I was thinking.

“Wow,” she whispers. “I wanted to kiss you.”

I chuckle, because what else am I supposed to do when a girl says something like that. “Well,
that’s
good.” I think. Maybe I should have wished for her to not want to kiss me. Maybe this is going to be too much. Maybe she’ll expect something from me that I have no idea how to do. Maybe I’m just really, really over-thinking this pretty ideal situation of being in the backseat of my car with a hot girl.