Read Surprises According to Humphrey Online
Authors: Betty G. Birney
“Go, Aldo!” I shouted.
“¡Olé!”
he shouted.
“¡Olé-Olé-Olé!”
I chimed in.
I was so happy to have Aldo back, I forgot that Mrs. Brisbane might not come back at all.
At least for a minute, I forgot.
CONTRACT:
A piece of paper that you sign as a promise that you’ll do something, like teach school or pay your bills. Signing a contract is a very serious thing, and you should think carefully before you sign one. (Except for Mrs. Brisbane, who should sign that paper without thinking for one more second!)
Humphrey’s Dictionary of Wonderful Words
S
ome things are not surprises at all. Like the fact that as soon as we got in the car after school on Friday, Heidi asked her mother if Gail could come over to spend the night. Heidi and Gail are BEST-BEST-BEST friends and do just about everything together (except once when they had a
bad
argument).
I wasn’t surprised when Mrs. Hopper said “yes,” either, because she’s a very nice mom.
As soon as I was comfortably settled in Heidi’s room, Gail arrived with her backpack. It wasn’t long before the two girls were giggling.
“Let’s dress up!” said Heidi.
“Okay,” said Gail.
Heidi opened a big square box and the girls pulled out all kinds of hats and scarves and jewelry. “Let’s be princesses.”
Gail put on a firefighter’s hat. It was just like Jeff Herman’s hat, only this one was red. “Stop, drop, roll!” she shouted.
So I did. I dropped down in my bedding and rolled over three times. The girls didn’t notice.
“No, Gail. Find something fancy,” Heidi said. She had a shiny gold crown on her head.
Gail took off the firefighter’s hat and poked around in the box. Soon the girls had on all kinds of lacy, frilly things and sparkly jewelry.
After a while, Heidi took off her crown. “Let’s play a game.”
“Okay,” said Gail. “Let’s play—”
“Cards!” Heidi interrupted.
Soon the girls were playing a game where they slapped down playing cards really fast. They were having such a good time, I decided to take a little nap.
I woke up when Heidi said, “I’m tired of this. Let’s do something else.”
“I have an idea,” said Gail.
I never found out what Gail’s idea was because Heidi said, “Time for smoothies,” and raced out of the room. Gail sighed, but she followed her friend.
The girls returned a while later, with glasses full of something that was bright pink and looked delicious.
“Here, Humphrey. I brought you a treat,” Heidi said. And what a treat it was: a big, juicy strawberry!
“I brought a treat, too,” said Gail. She pushed a perfect little raspberry through the bars of my cage.
“THANKS-THANKS-THANKS!” I squeaked, which made both girls giggle.
“How about we draw pictures of Humphrey?” Gail suggested. I thought it was a very fine suggestion.
Heidi shook her head. “Not now. Let’s watch the princess movie.”
“Oh, I’ve seen that a million times,” Gail said.
Heidi grabbed Gail’s arm and pulled her toward the door. “So have I. It’ll be fun!”
The girls were out of the room for quite a while, which gave me time to think. They were having a lot of fun, but I’d noticed something odd. No matter what Gail suggested—or tried to suggest—Heidi interrupted her with her own idea. And they always ended up doing whatever Heidi said. I was sure that Heidi didn’t mean to be so bossy. In fact, I don’t think she even knew she did it. But I was starting to wish that Gail could get her way for once.
That’s when I came up with a Plan. I do like making Plans, so while I nibbled on the strawberry, I thought about what I could do to help Heidi see what she was doing.
I slipped my notebook out of its hiding place behind the mirror and turned to the page that said
A PLAN TO HELP HEIDI
1.
And I started to write.
Much later that night, my notebook was back in its hiding place and the girls were ready for bed. While they were in the bathroom, brushing their teeth, I opened the
lock-that-doesn’t-lock, quietly slipped out of my cage and hid under Heidi’s desk.
The girls were giggling when they came back in. “I’ll take the top,” said Heidi.
“Okay,” said Gail.
Heidi’s bed was very unusual, because it was really two beds, with one stacked on top of the other.
Gail was already climbing into the bottom bed when Heidi said, “We’d better tell Humphrey good night.”
Heidi leaned over my cage and said, “Good night, little Humphrey.”
What she saw was an empty cage with an open door.
“Humphrey?” she said in a much louder voice. “Humphrey, where are you?”
From my vantage point under the desk, I could see the look of panic on her face as she twirled in a circle, searching every corner of the room with her eyes.
Gail leaped up. “He’s not there?”
“No, look,” said Heidi. “He’s out of his cage.”
Gail looked frightened, too. “I’m sure the door was closed.”
“I know,” Heidi agreed. “But he’s not there! Oh, if anything happens to Humphrey, I’ll never forgive myself!”
Gail looked around. “He has to be in this room.”
Soon, the girls were crawling around the room on their hands and knees, calling my name. Finally, Gail spotted me. “There he is,” she told Heidi in a loud whisper.
“Whew,” said Heidi. “I’ll get him.” She crawled over to the desk and reached out to grab me, but I was way ahead of her. I skittered away to a spot I’d picked out under the bed.
Heidi looked pretty frustrated. “Humphrey! Why did you do that?”
I wanted to squeak up and say, “To help you,” but I stayed quiet.
Gail closed the door to the room. “I have an idea.”
Heidi jumped up. “I’ll chase him out into the open and you catch him.” She was already crawling to the bed.
“Come on out, Humphrey,” she said.
She swung her arm under the bed. I came out, all right, and dashed under the dresser.
“Humphrey!” Heidi sounded irritated. “Come here!”
“He’s not going to come to you,” said Gail. “Listen…”
But Heidi didn’t listen. “I’ll get a cup and catch him in that. Keep an eye on him.”
She raced out of the room. Gail sighed and stared at me. Heidi was back in a flash with a large plastic cup in her hand. “You chase him out into the open and I’ll put the cup over him.”
We played that game for quite a while. Gail chased me out from under the dresser. Heidi tried hard to put that cup over me, but I was too quick and too smart. Each time she thought she was going to be successful, I changed directions. I felt a little sorry for the girls. After
all, it was time for bed. But I was determined to carry out my Plan.
Finally, Heidi stomped her foot. “This isn’t working.”
“No,” said Gail. “But maybe…”
Heidi suddenly brightened up. “Wait—I know! We’re doing it all wrong. We should move really slowly and tiptoe up to him so he doesn’t even notice us and then we’ll get him in the cup.”
“I don’t know.” Gail sounded doubtful.
“Try it.” Heidi was already tiptoeing. “We can’t talk at all.”
It was funny to watch the girls tiptoe around the room, trying so hard not to make a sound. To make it even more fun, I came out in the open so they’d think they could really catch me. Of course, the second Heidi started to lower the cup over me, I darted across the room and under the desk again.
“Bad Humphrey!” Heidi said. I actually felt like a bad little hamster, but I wasn’t giving up on my Plan yet.
Heidi flopped down in a chair. “I give up. Don’t
you
have any ideas?”
“Yes,” said Gail. “I have a very good idea. Come with me.”
Gail left the room and Heidi followed.
When they came back, without a word, Heidi moved my cage to the middle of the room. She opened the door and fiddled with it. Gail leaned down, opened her closed fist and placed something orange on the floor.
I stared out at the floor, trying to figure out what was happening. Then I saw it: a luscious, juicy, beautiful little carrot wiggling and waggling across the floor. I’d never seen a vegetable dance around like that before. I shuddered to think it might be an alien carrot until I noticed that the carrot was attached to a string!
This was my chance. I was longing to get back to the comfort and safety of my cage. Gail and her carrot gave me the perfect excuse to go back home.
I waited a few seconds before I ventured out from under the desk.
“There he is!” Heidi announced in a rather loud voice.
“Sssh!” Gail reminded her.
I stopped in my tracks, then headed straight for the carrot.
Gail pulled on the string, drawing the carrot closer to my open cage door.
She wiggled it and I skittered toward the carrot. She kept pulling the string and I dutifully followed.
At last, the carrot was at the cage door. She jerked the string and the carrot crossed over the threshold of the open cage door. I followed it and was back home again at last.
“Close it,” Gail said, but Heidi was ahead of her. Bam! The door closed firmly behind me.
“We did it!” Heidi hopped up and down. Gail jumped up, too, and the girls hugged.
“I wish you’d thought of that a lot sooner,” Heidi told Gail.
“I did,” said Gail. “You just wouldn’t listen to me.”
Heidi stopped hopping and stared at Gail. “Yes, I would have.”
“I tried about a million times,” Gail explained. It was an exaggeration, but I understood how she felt.
“Heidi, you’re my best friend and I have fun with you,” Gail continued. “But every time I have an idea, you interrupt me and never give me a chance to talk.”
Gail was following my Plan even better than I expected. It was all up to Heidi now.
“I do?” said Heidi.
“Sometimes,” Gail answered. “A lot of times.”
“I don’t mean to,” Heidi said. “These ideas just pop in my head and I say them. I’m sorry.”
Gail gave Heidi another hug. “You’re still my best friend.”
“And you’re mine,” Heidi agreed.
Mrs. Hopper knocked on the door and said it was time for the girls to go to sleep. Soon, they were tucked into their beds and the lights were out.
“Tomorrow, let’s practice being rock stars,” Heidi said.
“I have an idea,” said Gail.
I held my breath, waiting for Heidi’s response. “What is it?” she asked.
“We could make up a hamster dance,” Gail suggested.
Heidi was quiet for a few seconds. “That’s a great idea,” she said.
I was so happy that Heidi had listened, I did a little hamster dance of my own.
“Quiet, Humphrey,” said Heidi.
And I was.
BEST FRIEND:
A SPECIAL-SPECIAL-SPECIAL friend that you want to spend a lot of time with. A true best friend is someone who will tell you the truth (gently) and help you solve your problems. A true best friend isn’t necessarily a human. A hamster can do the job very well.
Humphrey’s Dictionary of Wonderful Words