Surrender: Keeping Her in the Dark Vol. 4 (16 page)

Just then Marcus poked his head in the room. “Hey guys, I’m gonna take a quick swim before dinner. Anyone want to join me?” we shook our heads. “Okie dokie,” he said.

I rolled my eyes and Norah looked back at me with a little smile on her face. “Ok, well most of the reminders are gone,” I kissed her again.

“Oh, stop.” She rolled her eyes. “He’s very sweet. He’s been a big help to me while you were gone.”

“Our problems are over. Now we can focus on us,” I kissed her one more time. She chuckled.

“Well we do have Marcus and Kelly living with us now, Will and Jane as our best friends, and two businesses that are probably falling apart. So I wouldn’t say we are completely out of the woods.”

We started out of the room and headed downstairs.

“Hey,” I pulled her hand. She stopped and looked back at me.

“I made a deal with myself and whatever God was listening to me while I was in Paris,” I paused and she turned to face me. “I vowed to make my life better, to be a better man, if I got out of there alive.” She nodded at me. “I’m serious Norah. I want to change things. I want to be better.”

The next morning I started up the stairs with breakfast for Norah. She hadn’t eaten well in the last few days. Neither of us had. I asked Rosa to scramble eggs, fry bacon, and make French toast.

But before my foot even hit the 4th step she came down and ran right passed me grabbing the orange juice.

“Oh this looks wonderful! But I can’t.” I turned to face her.

“Ah, where do you think you’re going?” I asked.

“I have an appointment,” she grabbed a piece of bacon and kissed my cheek. “I’ll see you later.” Then she was out the door before I had a chance to say anything else.

Norah

“Well everything looks fine, Norah,” Dr. Goldrum said. “There is some tearing and bruising, but everything is fine.”

I exhaled and closed my eyes. I had been dreading this appointment since I left Nick’s house. He had punched me around, pushed on me and jammed his fingers inside of me so much that I was worried.

I heard the tiny thumps and turned my head to look at the screen. I saw the little peanut and for just a moment I smiled.

“The heartbeat is good. Very strong.” She pushed some buttons on the machine and pulled the wand out of me.

“You’re 13 weeks today.” I leaned up and nodded at her. “Congratulations, you made it through the first trimester without morning sickness,” she smiled. I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks.

“You haven’t told him yet, have you?” she asked and I shook my head. “You have to tell him, Norah. He needs to know he is going to be a father.”

“Things have been a little crazy. We’ve had a lot on our minds and there hasn’t been time.” She nodded at me. “I’ll tell him this week,” I said. “I promise.” I knew I would have to tell him eventually. It just wasn’t the right time.

I made another appointment for July and went to my office. I tried to focus on work but my head was in a fog. I didn’t have to think about Liam being in trouble, or Nick trying to destroy us at every turn, but now I was going to be a mother. I was more scared now than I was the night I was kidnapped. As I stared off into the bookcase, Kelly walked in my office with her tablet. I was actually thankful, I needed the distraction.

“Ok, we have three birthday parties, two bridal showers and a book program at the library. Kim and Mina are working on the Langley wedding, Camy is working on the Bishop wedding and Tim and I are working on the Miller wedding.”

“You’re helping Tim with a wedding?” I asked.

“Yes. He said he needed help. I figured since you were still a little wonky I would help out,” she said. “Was that a tone I heard in your voice? Like, “You’re helping him’, emphasis on the ‘you’ and ‘him’.”

“No it wasn’t. You heard no tone. It sounds great,” I held up my hands. My stomach hurt and whatever I had managed to eat for lunch was about to make an anchor on my desk.

“You look hung over,” she said. “Are you drunk?” she barely got the question out before I was running to the bathroom. The contents of my lunch barely made it in the toilet. Despite feeling gross and having sweat on my forehead and my hair falling apart, I felt better. It amazed me how much better puking my guts up made me feel. I came out wiping my mouth.

“O.M.G,” she said looking at me like she knew.

“Please,” I held up my hand. “Don’t ask. I can’t talk about it. I don’t feel well, let’s leave it at that.” She started to say something again but I held my hand up again. “Don’t! I can’t lie. I don’t want to have to lie. I can’t talk about it with you! Don’t ask!” She had a huge smile on her face.

“I’ll get some crackers and ginger ale,” she smiled and she walked out of the room singing ‘hit me baby one more time’.

Dinner was quiet. I tried to eat and make chit chat, but I couldn’t look at Liam.

“So how was your appointment?” he asked. I could feel the sweat forming on my forehead.

“It was fine,” I paused. “Just a meeting about books. We’re having a book thing this month at the library, and I had to talk about it.” I knew I sounded like an idiot, but I hadn’t prepared myself for the question.

“Norah,” he touched my hand. “I think you need to talk to someone,” I looked at him.

“About what?”

“About everything. Whatever you’re feeling.”

“I feel fine,” I went back to eating.

“I mean about Nick. You killed a man, baby. You need to talk to someone.”

“I know I killed a man. Thank you. I don’t need to be reminded about it. And don’t baby me, please,” I stabbed my chicken with force. He grabbed my hand again and squeezed it a little.

“Norah, look at me,” his voice was serious so I complied. “You need to talk to someone who can help you. I will listen to whatever you have to say but I can’t help you deal with this.” I dropped the fork and took my hand away so I could wipe my mouth with a napkin.

“I need to talk to someone? Maybe you should talk to someone!” I yelled. “You saw a man tortured and killed right in front of you. Maybe you need to talk about your feelings to someone who can help you!” I slammed my hand on the table.

“I am,” he said.

“You are?” I gulped. I wasn’t expecting that answer.

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Since Monday.”

“Why?” I asked.

“Because I saw a man tortured and killed right in front of me. Not to mention my wife took on a lunatic rapist while I was gone to free another kidnapped girl. I needed someone to talk to,” he said. I looked away from him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Well of course you didn’t. I didn’t tell you.” I started tapping my fingers against the table.

“You think I should talk to someone?” I repeated.

“Yes.”

“Who?” I asked.

“Well I can recommend a doctor or maybe your doctor can recommend someone.” He leaned forward and touched my face. “Maybe talking to Tiffany or Jane would be enough for you, little one. I don’t know. But I think you need to talk about this.” I nodded.

“Fine. I’ll talk to my doctor tomorrow,” I went back to eating.

Chapter Twelve

Liam

“She needs to talk to someone. I don’t understand how she can’t see that.” I tapped my pen against the desk. Being back at work was very relaxing to me. I was trying very hard to make things relaxing and normal. Sitting in meetings, shuffling paperwork, and making calls actually made things seems fine. But I couldn’t get over Norah not wanting to get help. She went through something horrible.

“I just don’t get it. I’m a gay man. I can usually spot other gay men miles away. I’m never this attracted to straight men,” Marcus was rambling about something.

“I don’t know why she likes to keep things all bottled up inside. I can feel the tension in her body.” I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes.

“It’s the eyes, I think. Your eyes are so dynamic. Everyone can see it. You could make the planets a line with those eyes.”

I cleared my throat and Marcus popped out of his little fantasy world.

“Are you even listening to me?” I asked.

“Actually no,” he laughed. “I just can’t get over this,” he said.

“And we’ll want to get to the bottom of that,” I stood up. “But right now, we’re talking about me.”

“Look, therapy isn’t something you can force on someone. She has to want the help. If she doesn’t think she needs it then it won’t help her. She’ll go into it with a bad attitude and nothing will get done. Leave her alone for a bit. Let everything sink in. Let her get her life back to normal. She’s been here, but she’s been distracted and worried about you. Now the drama is gone. Let her take a breather. Then maybe she will see she needs help.”

I turned back around to face Marcus. He made a good point.

“You make a good point,” I repeated the thought in my head.

“I do?” he sounded surprised. I laughed a little.

“Yes, you do.”

“Well of course! That’s why you pay me the big bucks!” he stood up and made his way to door.

“How much do I pay you?” I asked.

“Oh that’s for me to know, and you to...not,” he winked and walked out.

I ordered lunch from Marcy’s favorite place and had Trig drop me by to pick it up before heading to see her.

I pulled up in front of Marcy’s flat with two large brown bags of food and rang the bell.

“Well, well, well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Marcy said with her hands on her hips.

“Where is that beautiful little boy?” I shouted.

“Shhhh!” she said. “He’s asleep! And if you wake him up, Liam Hastings I will kill you!” she hit my chest. “That better be food in those bags,” she said.

“It is. I went by Nancy’s deli. I got you that avocado, tomato, basil salad thing that you like so much.” I kissed her cheek and walked inside.

“He’s beautiful,” I said again as I looked in on the little guy sleeping. He looked so peaceful.

“Thank you,” she said. She took all the food out of the bags and started putting things out on the table. “When are you two going to start trying?” she asked. I walked over to the table.

“I don’t know. I always imagined myself having kids one day, but honestly I didn’t think I would ever be lucky enough to meet someone I wanted to have kids with.” I pulled out the chair and took my plate from her.

“And now?” she prompted.

“And now, I can definitely see Norah and I having children. I just don’t think she’s ready. I don’t even know if I’m ready. We haven’t been married for a year yet. I don’t think she’s even ready to talk about it.” I took a bite of my sandwich and tried to focus on my food.

Marcy took my mind off the real world. She talked about feedings, diaper changing and being awake all the time. I told her I would leave so she could nap, but she insisted I stay.

“I need people too,” she laughed. “I might be exhausted, but being alone with a baby all day can make you crazy.” She gave me the double chocolate chip cookie I bought her, which I was hoping for. It was also why I didn’t buy myself one.

“So how is Norah?” she asked.

“How do you mean?” I said a little too panicked.

“Which word didn’t you understand?”

“Oh, you just mean, how she’s doing?” I knew I sounded like an idiot.

“Yeeesss,” she slowly nodded at me.

“Well she’s ok. I mean, I know she’s struggling with killing someone, but she won’t talk to me. I mean, she talks to me, but about work or sits and listens to me talk about work, but she won’t really talk to me. It’s like there’s this wall between us. And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“I remember another time when you were worried about her. You tried to get her to leave you and go home to her family so she would feel safe again.” I nodded because I remember that time too.

“That worked out. She worked it out in her own head and with you. She became herself again. No matter what this guy did to her, she still took a life. That has to be hard to live with.” She touched my hand.

“Liam, Norah has been through a lot and she always comes out on top. I think that’s why you and she belong together. She’s strong and she’s a fighter. She’ll fight back.”

We spent the next two hours going over things at the office, how many phone calls she gets from Marcus a day and how she is looking forward to returning to work.

“How long is this maternity leave thing going to last?” I asked as she was kicking me out.

“I have six more weeks,” she said.

“What are you going to do with him when you do come back?” I added.

“You mean I can’t bring him to work with me?” she laughed. My face stilled.

“I’m just kidding, don’t freak out,” she said. “My mother and mother in law are going to keep him while I’m at work.”

“Marcy, listen, I wasn’t trying to,” I paused, “If you ever needed to bring him to work, you know you can,” I paused again. “Maybe I will buy a daycare center,” I joked.

I gave her a kiss and told her to keep in touch. I assured her I would be keeping in touch because I couldn’t run the office without her. I also told her to be on the lookout for a shipment from ‘Rock a bye baby’, a very posh baby store in downtown London. Norah and I had bought just about everything in the store that looked boyish and had it wrapped and sent to her. Little Gregory would be covered until he was three years old.

“He’s already starting to look like me, ya know,” I laughed. “We are going to have to tell Jeff the truth soon,” I gave her another kiss.

“Oh, you’re so funny.”

Norah

“He thinks I should talk to someone. He thinks I’m having a hard time dealing with killing Nick. So that’s that. The mighty Liam has spoken. He thinks I should talk to someone, so here I am talking to someone!” I shouted in the phone.

“Ok, but yelling at me on the phone isn’t what he had in mind. Or at least I hope not anyway,” Tiffany laughed.

“Yes, it bothers me that I killed a man. It bothers me that it came to that. That isn’t what I wanted at all! I had a plan and it didn’t work! I over estimated Nick’s feelings for me. I made a huge mistake! When Liam and I were first figuring out our relationship, even though he acted like a dominate asshole most of the time, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. I mean really hurt me. I thought Nick was the same way, but I guess I pushed him too far.” I took a breath.