Surrender: Keeping Her in the Dark Vol. 4 (17 page)

“Norah, is it really just Nick’s death that’s bothering you?” she asked.

“What do you mean?”

“You told me you were pregnant. In all of this mess you haven’t mentioned that once. Have you told Liam yet?” she paused. I didn’t say anything. “You haven’t told him?” she yelled.

“I’ve been a little busy,” I said in a lower voice. I didn’t want my staff to hear me.

“Norah, you are a skinny girl. I mean, you have curves but they are only going to hide a pregnancy for so long. You are going to have to tell him, you know that right?”

“Yes, I know that. I’m going to tell him. But I never feel like the time is right.”

“Norah?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about being pregnant?” I wasn’t prepared for the question. It was all I could think about but I still didn’t know how to answer her.

“Ahh, I don’t know,” I huffed.

“You don’t know?”

“I haven’t had time to think about it.” I stayed quiet and so did she. She knew I was lying. She waited. I waited.

“Fine! I thought about it. I don’t know what you want me to say. I feel like it’s too soon, I feel like I’m not ready. We, Liam and I are not ready for this. We just got married. I wanted to be married for at least 2 or 3 years before we started trying to have kids. I just feel like…..it’s too soon,” I paused.

“It’s going to change things. Liam isn’t going to be happy that he has to share me with a kid. Then to top it off my body is going to change. My boobs are going to get saggy, I’m going to get scratch marks….nothing will be as tight as it is now,” I paused again because Tiffany started laughing.

“It’s true Tiffany! Liam loves my body and having my complete attention. Now I am going to be saggy and have a baby to tend to,” I slapped my hand against my leg.

“Norah, please. Liam loves you. Yes, I think he will have some issues with sharing your attention. But the body thing, please…nothing on your body could ever be saggy. You’re being ridiculous. You are having his child. He’s going to be thrilled.”

“I just need to suck it up and tell him, don’t I?”

“Yes.”

I wasn’t so sure. I tried to focus on work and then headed home right around dinner time. When I came in the door I couldn’t smell any food. I didn’t hear anyone talking. It was weird. This house was usually very lively with at least a few people.

“Hello?” I called out. I looked around the dining room and walked over to Liam’s study. He was standing behind the desk.

“No, no, no. I can’t do that right now. I have to go. You’re going to have to handle this. I have to go to the hospital. Liam slammed down the phone and wrote something on a piece a paper.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Gerald had a heart attack. We have to go,” he rushed by me barely kissing me on the cheek and grabbing my hand.

We jumped in the car and Trig drove us to the hospital. I wanted to say something while we rode, but I knew this was not the time. His knees were shaking and he was sweating. I wanted to ask what had happened. But again, I knew this wasn’t a good time.

I would ask after we got to the hospital and found out Gerald was ok.

We rushed through the halls and finally made it to the waiting room. Rosa was surrounded by her family.

“Rosa, what’s going on?” he said.

“He wasn’t breathing. They aren’t sure for how long.” She hugged Liam and then I hugged her too. “He has a blockage and they have to do surgery,” she said.

The doctor came out and told us that Gerald was stable for now. He had three blockages. They had to do open heart surgery right away. As soon as Nathan gave his consent they would wheel him into surgery.

Nathan looked at Rosa, who looked at Liam.

“Of course, yes! Let’s do it!” he said. The doctor left the room. “Don’t worry about anything. I will make sure he gets the rest and therapy he needs after this. I will hire a round the clock nurse if I have to.”

We sat in the waiting room for hours. The surgery itself would take about 1 to 2 hours. The prep time could take 2 to 4 hours. It was urgent so they went straight to work. Another doctor came out and took Rosa, Liam and Nathan to another room to explain the entire process.

My heart did leaps and bounds when Nathan told the doctor that Rosa was his step mother and Liam was his step brother.

The rest of us just sat quietly in the waiting room and waited. I looked through three old US weekly magazines and two old Better Homes and Gardens. I crossed and uncrossed my legs several times. I stood up and walked around. I went to the window and looked outside. I even played with Josefina. Playing with her made me think of the baby inside me.

For a brief moment I thought about wanting a girl. One who would have long brown hair like me. A little girl I could dress up and play tea party with. Maybe someone who would take over my business one day.

Or maybe a little boy that looked like Liam. One who had dynamic eyes just like his father. He could carry on the family name and maybe one day take over Liam’s business.

For just a moment I thought about Liam and I taking our child to the park, teaching him to ride a bike, and cleaning crayon marks off the walls. For just a moment, I thought about being a mother and I was happy.

Chapter Thirteen

Norah

He wouldn’t leave the hospital. I tried to get him to come home but he wouldn’t. Rosa even agreed to come home after 10pm, but not Liam. The nurses tried to argue with him but since there was a Hastings Medical Center in the right wing of the hospital, they quickly relented.

Gerald made it through surgery but was still attached to machines helping him breathe as well as keeping his heart beating. Liam made sure he was put in a private room and had the best heart doctor available. The nurses told him he could sleep in the next room because it was empty, but he didn’t want to leave him.

When I left he was sitting on the very uncomfortable love seat with his head in his hands. I told him I would bring him clean clothes and toiletries in the morning. He gave me a kiss.

“Norah, I’m so sorry. I hate to leave you right now, but I have to be here,” he kissed my forehead again.

“Liam, I understand. It’s fine. I’ll see you in the morning,” I kissed his hand and told him to call me if anything happened.

Nothing happened. Nothing happened for three days. Three days went by and Gerald didn’t improve.

They couldn’t take him off the machines because when they did his heart would stop and he would stop breathing. But Liam wouldn’t leave his side. He stayed right there with him the whole time.

Rosa came to the house every morning and gave the other girls instructions on house work, shopping and cooking. She would pick up the food in plastic containers that I had prepared for her and then she was gone. She stayed at the hospital the whole day as did Liam and Nathan. Everyone else popped in and out for a few hours, like myself and Sofia, Nathan’s wife.

Marcy had started working again from home because Marcus and the girls were going crazy without some sort of direction.

I dropped by in the morning, gave Liam a change of clothes and looked in on Gerald for a few minutes. I would listen to what the doctor would say, which never changed. Then I would go to work. I brought lunch but I couldn’t stay long in the afternoon. I was still trying to come back from my absence at work. There was so much to be done.

I wanted to have my hand in everything. I wasn’t trying to micromanage at all. I let Tim, Kelly and Brenda handle most things but I liked to be kept in the know. I wasn’t ready to head my own project yet and everyone knew it.

Thankfully my morning sickness held off until I got to work. I spent almost the entire hour from 9-10 on my knees with my face in the toilet.

On day four, Liam took over the room next to Gerald’s. He had his laptop, a phone and all kinds of papers. He paced the floor and talked to people, even the nurses and doctors thought he was CEO of the hospital.

“Someone has to know something!” I heard him yell as I made my way to the room.

“It’s been four days and he hasn’t gotten any better! I want to know what our next step is and you need to stop talking to me about final plans!” he yelled again.

I grabbed him by the arm and held up a finger to the doctor and apologized as I took him down the hall.

“You have to stop this,” I shouted in a whisper. “It’s been four days and he isn’t getting any better. All they can do is talk about quality of living and that kind of thing. If he can’t come off the machines then he can’t come off the machines. They told you there was a window. He passed the window of three and half days, three hours ago. They are doing everything they can, because they can’t do anything else! Get a grip. Yelling at them won’t make Gerald wake up.” I let his arm go and he grabbed my hand.

“Norah,” he had tears in his eyes. “This can’t be happening to me.” I hugged him tight.

The doctors had told us that they expected him to be on the machines for a few hours. But after three hours they were hoping to take him off and that he would be able to breath on his own, that his heart would beat on its own. That hadn’t happened. Three hours had turned into four days. We all knew this wasn’t good. The outcome didn’t look good.

Liam had lost his father and his mother. There was nothing he could do about either. He had felt helpless and alone. He tried to keep people from getting close to him because he didn’t want to go through that kind of pain again. He couldn’t stand the thought of losing another person close to him.

“I love you,” I whispered. He pulled away from me. I took his head in my hands. “You guys can talk about those things when you’re ready,” I kissed his forehead and handed him the bag of clothes. “But stop yelling at the doctors,” I added. He smiled.

“I hate that this is taking me away from you, little one. I know we need to talk and…other things. But I just,” he paused. “I just have to be here,” he looked over at Gerald’s room.

“I know,” I looked down at the floor. He raised my chin and he had a little smile on his face.

“Thinking about making love to you again is the only thing that is holding me together right now,” he kissed my lips. I smiled too.

It had been such a long time since we had been together. When we first got back from our separate adventures neither of us were ready. Well maybe Liam was ready, Liam is always ready. But I was still in my head. His arms around me made me feel safe as they always did and safety was what I needed then. Nick was dead at my hand. I couldn’t stop seeing his eyes staring back at me after I stabbed him in the neck.

Now this was happening and we weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. I knew he missed me and I missed him too. With so much on our minds a little alone time was exactly what we needed right now. We both needed to just let ourselves go on each other. But there wasn’t time.

“We’ll have plenty of time for that when Gerald gets better,” I kissed him again.

Liam

It was late, after midnight. Everyone was gone. Rosa had stayed most of the day but she left around 8pm but only after Sofia and Nathan begged her to leave. She, like me, didn’t want to leave Gerald’s side. I told her if she would go home tonight, I would go home the next night. Although I wasn’t sure that would be true.

I paced the floor watching Gerald’s pale face. He had a tube in his nose, another in his throat and two other tubes in his arm. There was a machine with a pump inside that went up and down every time the other machine made him take a breath. His heart rate monitor beeped steadily and a clear liquid dripped in his veins.

Looking at Gerald laying in the bed brought back memories of when I lost my father. Memories I would rather forget. It was one of the more painful times in my life.

I moved the chair next to his bed and sat down. I ran my hands over my face and then lightly touched his chest and legs.

“I don’t know if I can do this again, old man,” I said out loud. “Losing my father was more than I could bare. I tried to make a deal with God after that. I told him I would do my best to be a good man and carry on my father’s legacy, if he could spare me that kind of pain again. And yet, just a few years later he took my mother too,” I paused and covered my face.

“You were there with me, right by my side during both of those occasions. I remember crying on your shoulder.”

“Since then I’ve tried so hard not to get close to anyone. I never wanted to lose anyone ever again. I think that is why I lived the life I have lived. I thought I was pushing people away, but apparently I was keeping the right people close. I tried to walk this world alone, but I have failed miserably,” I chuckled a little.

“I am now married to a woman I can’t imagine living without and I have made myself a make shift family.”

“You and Rosa have been parents to me. She gently nudges me in the right direction and constantly nags me about settling down.” I smiled and took Gerald’s hand in mine. Rosa had finally gotten her wish. Now she just moved on to nagging me about grandchildren.

“And you,” my voice broke and I could feel the tears start to fall down my face.

“Whenever I need support, guidance, to talk, or anything, really, you are always there. I moved you into my guest house for my benefit just as much as yours.”

“I leaned on you and came to expect that you would always be there for me. I know I have taken you for granted and I am so sorry for that.” I leaned my head down and wiped my tears.

“You let me get closer to you than my own father did to him. You have loved and supported me more than my father ever did. It is because of you that I was able to open my heart and my mind to let someone else inside.”

“I tried to deny it. I tried to make it less than what it was. It took my wife to point it out to me and even then I didn’t want to accept it.”

“Even my wife adopted you as her father. I was so honored and touched beyond belief when she asked you to give her away at our weddings.”

“I love you as if you were my own father.” I looked down at him.

“I cannot lose you too,” I laid my head against his legs and let it all out.