Surrender To You (24 page)

When it came time to leave, I walked up to the casket and put one hand gently upon it while placing a pink carnation with the other.

“I’ll never forget you,” I whispered, kissing the tips of my fingers and pressing them down on the wood reverently. “You’ll always be my first love.”

A hand around my arm had me looking up, expecting to find Simon only to see Penny, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

“He knew,” she said quietly. “He wasn’t angry; he even told me that he was truly happy for you. That it had been a very long time since he’d seen you with such happiness in your eyes. He didn’t die angry with you. He said you had found your Conley, whatever that means.” She tilted her head to the side, a soft curious smile on her face.

My eyes filled, her words comforting me and shocking me all at once. I hadn’t realized he remembered his words to me about finding the perfect man, let alone that he’d mentioned it to someone else. “Thank you. It was a character in a story…” My voice choked and I shook my head.

She said no more, patting my arm. We stood there for a few more moments until others walked up. Penny tugged me away gently, escorting me back toward Simon. Reaching his side, she released my arm.

“We will all need to find peace and I knew that is something you’d need to know to find it. All he ever wanted was your happiness. We all do.”

I hugged her, the words she spoke so true, even though I hadn’t known I’d needed to hear them.

“Get some rest Penny.”

“You too.” She threw me one final smile and returned to her family.

“Let’s go home,” Simon suggested, grabbing my hand in his. “You need some rest yourself. You still look really tired.”

“Okay.” He wouldn’t get any argument from me about that.

I leaned against him as we walked, closing my eyes as he lead the way. I didn’t worry that I’d trip and fall, because even if I did, he’d be there to catch me. As a gentle breeze hit my face, I had the sudden urge to look back and I opened my eyes, looking over my shoulder.

Yvette sat on her knees next to the casket, her palms flat against the sides with her head bowed. Her shoulders shook as Richard stood over her, a helpless look on his face. Knowing she’d deny my comfort even if I went back to give it to her, I turned back around with the determination to do something, anything to ease her pain if at all possible.

And as an idea came to me, so did the first stirrings of peace.

It may not be enough, but I’d certainly do all I could for Yvette to give her some as well.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

It took a few weeks but finally, my plan fell into place.

I walked into Penny’s house, knowing she would be expecting me. Yvette wouldn’t be though, which is where she’d been staying since she’d graduated college. I knew if I asked her to meet me that she never would.

Entering the living room, Yvette didn’t see me at first. She sat in a chair facing away from the door while Penny lounged on the couch, both of them reading books. Penny had been shocked to discover Yvette’s feelings for Stefan, telling me she’d made it perfectly clear to Yvette that it didn’t make her any less of a sister. Really though, who didn’t like Penny? She was a kind and considerate woman and not for the first time, I wondered who her boyfriend was.

“Uh, hey,” I finally said after a few seconds. They were both so engrossed in their books that they jumped at the sound of my voice.

“What are
you
doing here?”

Of course Yvette was the first to speak. She slammed her book shut as Penny stood up.

“Elizabeth’s here at my invitation, Yvette. She’d like to talk to you.”

“And I want to talk to her because…?”

Penny rolled her eyes and walked toward me. Giving me a quick hug, she exited the room.

I walked over to the couch and sat down. Yvette didn’t automatically get up so I took that as a good sign. Instead she continued to stare down at the book, her posture stiff.

I decided to just jump right in and hope she listened.

“You were right. I did hurt Stefan twice, not just once.”

Her head snapped up, eyes full of surprise at my admission.

“However, he hurt me too. It’s not up for debate,” I held up a hand as she opened her mouth as if to say something. “The first time happened because I’d been hurt and so caught up in my own pain that I didn’t see the pain I caused him. He walked away because I pushed him, when if he had known the truth, he wouldn’t have. Then, I saw him again and part of me wanted so badly to be the person I used to be. To be happy and in love and with him, like I’d always wanted. He had a way of making me feel things nobody else ever had, but he could also piss me off too.”

She ducked her head, but not before I noticed the tears in her eyes.

“Problem was, even when I’d come back here, I told him I wasn’t sure we’d ever have another relationship. I had hope but I had so much more doubt about everything. I spent all the time away just trying to put myself back together. I didn’t want to fall apart again. I promised him nothing in regards to being with me, only the opportunity to try. Unfortunately for him, he took too long in telling me something he should have told me from the very beginning. It may not have changed anything, but not telling me was the worst thing he could have done. It was dishonest and hurtful.”

“He planned to tell you,” she said without looking up. “He spent years talking about you, but he wasn’t naive. He knew you would be hurt. He just thought…”

“I know what he thought; he told me.” I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts. “The last time I saw him, we had a nasty fight, but even at the end, he just hugged me and told me he loved me, that he would always love me. I didn’t feel like I deserved it.”

“Why are you telling me this?” She whispered, her anguish obvious.

“Because I saw your pain. And I realized that it’s exactly how I made him feel and it made me feel absolutely terrible. I was all he ever wanted yet he couldn’t have me in the end.”

“It wasn’t fair!” She wailed, her tear filled eyes meeting mine. “I loved him, no matter what! Even when he found out Grace was pregnant, I still loved him. I supported him and all I ever wanted was him. We didn’t grow up together, we weren’t
really
siblings yet he always treated me that way. Even when—”

She cut off, covering her mouth with one hand as if she’d been about to reveal too much, but it was too late. “He knew how you felt?”

“Yes.” Her face flamed at the admission and she lifted her chin defiantly. “I…I tried to tell him how I felt once and I couldn’t. So instead, I kissed him.”

My mouth dropped open. “When?”

“Two years ago. We…we were all together at the house drinking. It was Christmas. That had been the first time he drank since right after you left and, well, you know. We’d gone to the kitchen to get more when we both tried to pass through the door and there it was, the mistletoe.” Her face grew soft, the look on it so wistful I hurt for her. “He leaned down and kissed my cheek, whispering ‘Merry Christmas, Yvette’. It was so sweet and I was sick of pretending I didn’t feel anything so before he could back away, I put my arms around his neck and just put my lips to his. He—he was so stunned at first he just stood there. Then, he pushed me away gently and shook his head. ‘No.’ That’s all he said. He walked away but he never treated me any differently. It was as if it never happened.”

Wow. I sat back, crossing my arms over my chest. “Maybe he didn’t bring it up because he didn’t want to embarrass you,” I offered.

“Yeah, maybe.” She didn’t sound convinced and I knew she’d always wonder why he didn’t say anything. It didn’t surprise me that he pretended it never happened though; he probably hadn’t wanted to hurt her by having to make it very clear he didn’t think of her that way.

“So,” I cleared my throat. “I didn’t only come here to talk to you. I came here to ask you something.”

She didn’t say anything, just lifted a brow as if to say ‘what’.

I held papers out to her and she blinked, as if only just realizing I’d been carrying them. Taking them from me, she looked down at them for several minutes, silent.

When she lifted her head, her face was full of confusion. “This is a lease…to the house. To mom’s house.”

“Yes it is. It is mine now, and I could even sell it if I wanted too. But I won’t. I believe Lyndsey should have the option to have the house when she grows up. However, you can lease it from me if you want. For free.
 
I don’t want or need your money; I’ve got plenty of my own that I saved.”

She blinked as if she didn’t believe I was offering her such a thing.

“I didn’t understand why you were mean to me for so long. It wasn’t right, but I understand now and I’m not mad. I can’t give you Stefan, but I can give you this, since he told me the home would have been his anyway. You can stay as long as you want.”

Her face crumpled, her shoulders shaking as she started sobbing, head in hands.

Penny came back into the room then. “What in the world?”

I swear that’s Penny’s favorite phrase and I smiled. “I think she’s overwhelmed.”

Yvette snorts. Concerned that she can’t breathe or something, I started to reach over until I realized that she was laughing at my comment through her sobs. She stood up abruptly and for a second, I feared she would flee the room without answering me. Instead, she leaned over and pulled me into a hug, shocking the shit out of me.

“I accept. Thank you so, so much!”

Before I could do or say anything back, she released me and sat back down, wiping the tears from her face with a swipe of the back of her hand.

“You’re welcome. You can move in in two weeks.”

I planned to move in with Simon. I’d told him my plan and he seemed quite happy at the idea of me coming to live with him. I can admit I was pretty damn excited myself.

“Okay, so I just have to sign?”

I handed her a pen with a nod. She took it and quickly signed every place before handing one copy back to me.

With a smile, I stood up, sighing. “I hate to run, but Simon’s planned dinner and I can’t be late!”

“I…I’m really happy for you Elizabeth. Simon’s a nice guy.”

Yvette’s kind words surprised me but I didn’t let it show. I just grinned wider, feeling better than I had in a really long time. “Thanks, he is.”

Penny walked me to the door. Opening it, she turned and gave me a hug.

“Tell Simon I said hi and that he better treat you right!”

I laughed, squeezing her back. “Will do.”

Just then, the highly irritating smell of skunk reached us and as Penny wrinkled her nose, a strong wave of nausea had me getting sick in her bushes.

Penny cracked up. “That’s a bit of a strong reaction to a common smell around here, Elizabeth. What are you, pregnant?”

I heard the humor in her voice, yet suddenly, I wasn’t laughing.

I must have gone pale because Penny grabbed my arm as I straightened up. “Geez, Elizabeth, I was just kidding. You don’t have to look so freaked out.”

“Oh, shit!”

Her mouth dropped open as I wracked my brain.

How was this possible?

When was my last period? Crap, too many weeks ago! Did I miss my pill? When did I miss it? Then it dawned on me.

Stefan’s funeral.

“Oh, fuck! Shit, shit, shit!” I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself even as my chest tightened with anxiety.

“Okaaaaaaaay,” Penny said with a laugh, dragging me back inside. “Good thing I keep a test ‘just in case’ I start to get freaked out myself. Let’s go.”

Once in her bathroom, she handed me the test and then closed the door, leaving me inside as I stared down at the test with a mixture of terror and hope.

Did I want a baby? With Simon?

Yes, yes I did.

Now I was afraid the test would say no and it would just turn out to be all the stress getting to me.

I did as the instructions said, then sat the test on the counter.

After a few moments, I picked it up to look at the results, and promptly burst into tears.

~*~

“Elle?”

I looked at Simon across the table, his brows furrowed in concern. “Are you all right?”

No, no I wasn’t. I felt sick.

“I’m…um, I’m not really hungry right now.”

“Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no.” I shook my head and stood up. “I’m gonna go lay down, okay?”

I didn’t wait for him to reply.

Stupid.

I scolded myself all the way up the steps and into the bathroom.

Through brushing my teeth. And changing for bed.

Then, lying in bed with the curtains closed and the light out.

I knew it wouldn’t be long before he came in wanting to know what was wrong.

It didn’t.

Soon, the bed tipped as he climbed in. Like every other night, he wrapped me in his arms, his left leg thrown over mine as he pulled me close to snuggle. This wasn’t like every other night though. Tonight would be the night everything changed, if he wasn’t ready for the things I was.

He didn’t say anything. Just caressed me softly with one hand on my leg, my side, my stomach. Then, a trail of kisses that started off on the back of my neck and went down my shoulder. I’d been lying there rather stiff and slowly, I softened, his touch comforting.

The room was silent except for our breathing.

Yet it still had never seemed so loud.

“Elle? Talk to me.” His voice was hushed, consoling. “I wanted to talk to you myself, but you left the table before I could.”

My mouth went dry, my heart speeding up. “About what?”

“Turn over.”

He moved enough to let me do so and thanks to the hallway light he’d left on, I could see him perfectly. He looked so relaxed and happy. He leaned in and kissed me, automatically seeking entrance. Too soon, he pulled back.

“There. You look less serious.”

I smiled even as my nose tingled with tears I wasn’t sure I could hold back much longer.

“You see,” he said with a wink. “I brought you a present home. Do you want it?”

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak at this point.

He reached down and into his pocket, pulling out a box.